More Than Scars (19 page)

Chapter 10 Sunday

              I didn’t know quite what to expect when I awoke the next morning. I stayed under the covers for a bit and contemplated just staying right there all day! I knew I couldn’t. I had a job! The girls would need dressed and fed.

             
My heart skittered as I remembered last night. I had been so close to him! And he was going to kiss me! I knew he had been about to kiss me! He said my name! I got to utter his…and he had liked it! He had asked me to say it again and that had pleased me to no end. It sent a shiver up my spine now. His name on my lips had pleased him!

             
And then Brianne had been terrified once more and the whole thing evaporated. We had to comfort her back to sleep. The second time had been easier and she slipped quietly back into slumber.

He whispered goodnight and left without another word. There was no mention of what had happened in the moment before. It was gone…the feeling…the connection and now today was another day.

              Sundays tended to be a little less hectic in this home too. I would get them dressed and fed and then they would go to spend some time with their father. Stewart had told me they have their own kind of church together. Liam had been brought up well and wanted to share the same with his daughters. He was limited since they did not leave the premises and felt it tacky to hire their own pastor. He felt he could teach what he had learned and that should be sufficient. It sounded quite lovely to me. And watching the girls these weeks…he had done a fine job!

             
Their little alone time suited me just fine too. I could spend my own church time as I saw fit. I had long ago set church behind me. Every time they found out my past it was like they set out to fix me. I just wanted to be a part of something…to feel normal in it. I didn’t want to be treated like a victim or a wounded thing. I could not escape the past nor convince those people I was truly not in need of their concern; so it was easier to stay away.

             
Summoning up my courage now, I threw the covers back. I had to face the day…and the girls…and Liam Byrnes chest. Wish I had to see him face to face…maybe one day!

             
I pulled on a warm sweater and corduroys, twisted my hair into an easy ponytail and applied a little makeup. After making my bed, I headed down the stairs for my usual kitchen duty with Mary. I had been told many times I didn’t have to, but I would always want to. I don’t think I ever wanted anyone else making Liam’s coffee again…ever. I felt quite territorial over that mug of coffee!

             
He always ate early. It was usually after he got back from his ride on Zosimo…after his workout…after his shower. Sundays he skipped his workout, but never his ride. I peered out the kitchen window, toward the stables. Maybe I would take a ride today! I’d have time before the girls were once again my responsibility! I would need time to clear my head before I figured a way to deal with Brianne today. There was so much I had not known about the little one…so much I had not known about Liam. The two of them had some deep hurt. Liam’s were very visual…Brianne’s had been more hidden under dark curls and blue eyes.

             
“Good morning Nerissa!”

             
Mary broke into my thoughts. I gave her a smile.

             
“He’s already back,” she teased.

             
“Wasn’t trying to catch him,” I growled, softening it with a smile. “If I was trying to sneak a peek…I have had a lot better opportunities than this!”

             
Stewart chuckled from behind his newspaper. He knew that to be true.

             
“What’s for breakfast?” I peered over her shoulder. I saw the evidence of waffles!

             
“Mr. Byrne asked that we set breakfast in the dining room for him and the girls. He stopped in the kitchen on his way out this morning.” She looked pleased. He usually passed his words through Stewart, so a visit was a blessing. “I think he is planning on spending the day with them.”

             
I bit my lip. I hadn’t been informed yet. I glanced over at Stewart, who was setting his newspaper aside.

             
“Well, you know it was a rough night last night,” Stewart said softly.

             
I nodded.

             
“After nights like that…he usually spends the entire day with the girls. Brianne will need it.”

             
I gave another nod. “That makes sense.” Liam’s ability to comfort her terror was miraculous! I still got chills thinking of his voice. “So what is my part in all of this?”

             
Stewart stood to his feet and started arranging the silverware he would be taking to the dining room. “Get the girls ready for breakfast. I am sure I will hear more from Mr. Byrne.” His kind eyes lifted to mine. “Why don’t you make him a cup of coffee? I will take it to him now while he is in his office…before breakfast. You can go see to the girls and I will talk to him.”

             
I smiled and reached for his cup, taking care to make it just right. I wanted to take it myself but I knew I would never survive the nerves. I wasn’t so sure he would want to see me either.

             
I looked over my shoulder at Mary as I held the coffee out to Stewart.

             
“Go dress the girls,” she insisted. “I have managed all these years to make breakfast without you.” Her tone was gruff with teasing. “Don’t worry…Sundays are mine.” She always did Sunday duty alone. The other girls got it off…since Liam’s only meal request was breakfast for this day. The remainder we made food like the rest of the World. He gave most of the staff Sundays off…it was his way.

             
I patted her shoulder as I hurried past and up to wake the girls.

             
Amelia leapt from the bed ready to take on the day. She was easy to bed and easy to wake…always. Brianne was her opposite. And after the night before…even more so. I sat down and gently sat the six year old up.

             
“You will miss out on Mary’s waffles,” I said softly. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

             
Brianne sighed. “Rissa you can have mine,” she mumbled.

             
I laughed and rubbed her back. “But you get to have breakfast in the dining room with your Daddy,” I announced. “You don’t want to miss that!”

             
Amelia began dancing around the room, removing her pajamas. She gave me a smile and twirled. “Breakfast with Daddy?”

             
“Yes Amelia Bedelia! Now put those clothes on I set out…right there on your chair. Do you need help?”

             
Amelia nodded, tossing more clothes off. She certainly had no problem losing the clothes! I smiled and started to get up, but Brianne held fast to my waist. I looked down on her and saw her little face. It melted me.

             
“Last night was scary huh?”

             
She nodded, closing her eyes and burying her head against me.

             
“I’m just glad you stayed,” she whispered.

             
I blinked in surprise. “Why would I leave Bri?”

             
She swallowed hard. “Cause I am a big baby.”

             
My heart broke for her. “You are not a baby. I have cried just like you some nights,” I whispered. “Many nights.”

             
“Daddy said I wasn’t to tell you. He said you lost your Daddy like I lost my Mommy.”

             
I shivered. I knew he had meant well, but what a secret to force a child to keep! “I already knew you had lost your Mommy,” I admitted. “And yes, I did lose my Daddy from someone very bad. But you never have to keep a secret like that from me ever! I think your Daddy knows that now. He was trying to be nice to me by having you not say. But I am a big girl and I can handle it. I didn’t know you had witnessed it though.” I sat back and tilted her face. There were tears in the blue eyes and it almost did me in. “I went through what you went through too Bri. We can help each other.” I pushed the curls from her eyes. “Whenever you are sad and missing your Mommy you just have to ask for a hug. We will talk about it. And when I miss my Daddy…”

             
“You can give my Daddy a hug,” Amelia cut in. She was smiling ear to ear and nodding as if she were a genius.

             
I laughed and reached and arm for her, so I now held the both of them. “No, I think I will just hug you two instead!” I squeezed them tight.

             
“My Daddy gives good hugs,” Amelia argued.

             
Oh, I knew!

             
“Let’s get dressed, okay?”

             
“You are staying?” Brianne asked softly, still holding me.

             
“You couldn’t chase me away,” I assured her. “Now come on, your Daddy has a time planned with you guys!”

             
“I want to spend the day with you Nerissa,” Brianne whispered.

             
“Maybe this evening. I think it is important you spend some time with him. You guys have to talk about last night. There are things I don’t yet know and I think it should be up to your Dad to tell me.”

             
Brianne nodded.

             
“Can we go on the wagon tonight?” Amelia was falling over trying to pull her pants on. I went to her rescue.

             
“That is up to your Dad.”

             
I dressed them, brushed their hair and got them into their shoes and socks. I was just ushering them out the door when we ran into Stewart. I gave him a nervous smile.

             
“Girls, your Dad is in the dining room waiting for you. Go meet him there.” He gave them both a smile. “And no running,” he threw after them as they stumbled over one another to be the first to get there.

             
Stewart turned back to me and smiled.

             
“So…”

             
“You have today off Miss Nerissa. Mr. Byrne is spending the entire day with the girls and he said you are free to do as you choose as long as you are back by this evening.”

             
I felt a little disappointed that I would not be involved at all but the prospect of a day to myself sounded pretty good to me. “Is he okay? Did he say anything about last night?” I knew my cheeks were on fire.

             
Stewart cleared his throat. “Miss, there is very little that he hides from me but he trusts me with unfailing trust. This is because I do not share what is said behind closed doors…not what is important! He did tell me what transpired between the two of you.”

             
My head lowered and my heart tripped a bit.

             
“Do not be surprised if he distances himself from you for a while Nerissa but do not take it personally. It’s self-preservation,” he said softly. He began to chuckle. “The ability to distance himself may be limited by those girls though. They love you…and they love you and him together even more!” His hand touched my shoulder. “Use that time to allow him to soften to the idea of you. He needs you.”

             
I shook my head. “I am not trying to weasel my way in with him.”

             
Stewart squeezed my shoulder now. “He needs you Nerissa…so weasel,” he chuckled softly. “I have this feeling you sort of need him too.”

             
My tummy did a twirl…much like Amelia had been doing earlier. I wanted him…did that equal need too?

             
“Are you coming to the kitchen for breakfast?”

             
I shook my head. I needed time for myself.

             
“I will bring something up,” Stewart said kindly.

             
I protested, but he quickly cut me off. “You need to eat.” And with that he was gone and back again with a lovely breakfast tray. I felt bad that I could not eat much but my heart really was not into it.

             
I called my Mom. I needed some time with Mom.