More Than You Know (28 page)

Kelvin started to play, Julia started to sing, and Dane sat back and enjoyed it.

When the set was over, Dane decided to go talk to her on her break. He couldn't wait until after the second set. Just to ask if she'd see him after the whole show was over, so they'd have time to talk at length. He shifted off his stool and made his way through the crowd, trying to ignore the knot of tension in his chest.

She had to hear him out. He had to tell her how he felt. He couldn't hold it back anymore, and the more he'd thought about it all day, the more he'd realized he didn't want to. He wanted her to know he loved her . . . that he wanted to build something with her, that the no-strings rule had been broken and discarded long ago. That he cared. His heart thumped in his ribs as he approached the back of the lounge.

As he got to the hallway that led to the dressing room, most of the noise of the crowd became muffled. The quiet of the hallway was almost strange. But he'd only taken two steps when he saw a dark-haired man in a light blue button down and jeans standing in front of the dressing room door. Not doing anything . . . just standing there, staring at the door.

Alarms went off in Dane's head. Another admirer? Or another admirer intending to harm Julia, like Liam? With stealth, he moved to stand right behind the man and said in a hard tone, “Do you have business here?”

The man jumped in surprise and whirled around to face Dane. It wasn't a man; it was a very young man. A kid. Maybe twenty-one, if that. His eyes flew wide, as if caught doing something he shouldn't have. “I—well, not exactly.” His voice wavered a bit. “I was—I wanted to talk to Julia Shay.”

“Do you have an appointment with her?” Dane asked. He had two or three inches on the stranger, and stared him down with the steeliest glare he could muster.

“No.”

“Then you need to make one. She doesn't receive surprise visits.”

“How do you know?” the young man challenged.

Dane's jaw tightened. “Because I'm her boss. You can send her a message through me, if you like.”

“I just wanted to talk to her,” the guy said. “And I really do think she'd want to talk to me.”

“You do, huh?” Dane eyed the kid. He could take him easily if he had to. “Does she even know you?”

The young man's expression turned strange. Something like discomfort swept across his features. “Yes . . . well . . . not exactly, but yes.”

“I see.” Dane didn't like it. Something was off. His gut was humming like crazy. “Tell you what. Leave me your information, and I'll make sure she gets it. And then you can leave.”

“Since when is a boss so involved in his employee's personal life?” the young man asked with a surly edge.

“Since the safety of all my employees is my responsibility,” Dane ground out. “Now give me your message, or leave. I don't want you bothering her, she still has another set to do.”

The door to the dressing room opened and Kelvin stood there. “Thought I heard voices. What's going on?”

The younger man turned and tried to walk into the dressing room.

Quick as a flash, Dane grabbed him by the arms and slammed his back against the wall. “What do you think you're doing?” he shouted in his face. The young man struggled, but Dane was stronger. He locked one arm across the man's chest to hold him in place, slamming him again as he did so.

“Should I call security?” Kelvin asked, looking alarmed but ready to assist.

“Absolutely,” Dane growled, not taking his eyes off the young man's face.

“I don't want to hurt her!” the man cried. “I just want to talk to her!”

“Heard that one before,” Dane rumbled, holding him hard against the wall.

Julia appeared in the doorway. “What's going on?” she asked. Then she looked at the younger man and gasped loudly. Her features froze in shock. “No . . . it can't be.”

“Mom?” the young man pleaded. “Mom, it's me. Get this guy off me!”

Dane froze.
Mom?

“Dane, let him go!” Julia yelled. “That's my son!”

Dane looked into the kid's eyes, wide with fright. Hazel, with gold flecks. Christ, he had her eyes. He released him and took two steps back, trying to calm himself.

“What the hell were you doing?” Julia demanded of Dane.

“I thought I was protecting you,” he snapped, unable to take his eyes off the young man. He'd thought her son was maybe in his late teens. This was a grown man. God, how young had she been when she'd had him? And what was he doing here now, after all this time? Did she know he was coming? Questions raced through Dane‘s mind, but when he looked at Julia, he saw incredulous fury.
Ah shit
.

She turned her back to him and faced her son. She looked at him for a long beat and murmured tremulously, “Colin? It's really you?”

“Yeah. It's me.” He stared back at her. “You knew what I looked like. How?”

“Once in a while, I sneak peeks at your Facebook page to keep up on you,” she blurted out. “I mean, I can't see details . . . but at least I can see some pictures . . .”

Dane's heart winced at the vulnerable note in her voice. He and Kelvin watched silently as she wrung her hands, obviously not knowing what to do. “Why are you here?” she asked. “I'm so happy to see you, but I'm just . . . I'm in shock, I'm sorry.”

“I'm sure,” Colin said, genuine regret in his tone. “You, uh . . . you called Dad yesterday.”

“I did,” she said, nodding. “He actually told you I called?”

“No . . .” Colin glanced at the two men not leaving Julia's side and swallowed hard before looking back to her. “He doesn't even know I'm here.”

“Why? What happened?” Julia asked.

“When you called, it rang a few times but he wasn't picking up the phone, so I did. At the same time he did.” Colin's face contorted with something between sadness and rage. “I didn't hang up when I realized it was you. I was curious. I wanted to know why you called him. And I heard the whole conversation. Everything, Mom. Everything you said.”

Julia gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth.

“When Dad hung up, I confronted him,” Colin said. “We had a huge fight . . . but he admitted parts of it were true. Enough for me to know what you'd said was more than likely the complete truth. And I started wondering what else Dad's lied to me about over the years, about you. You sounded so . . . and I just . . .” He raked his hands through his wavy reddish-brown hair. “I had to see you. You texted me and said maybe I should come see you sing some time. So I looked you up on the Internet and found you. I flew here this afternoon. I'm staying here, at the hotel.”

“Oh wow,” Kelvin murmured, leaning against the doorframe for support.

“You've been
here?”
Julia almost squeaked. “For hours?”

“Yeah. I went out, walked around, got some dinner. And I've been waiting for your show.” Colin's mouth twisted in a combination of sheepishness and regret. His eyes bore into hers. “I wanted to talk to you. I have so many questions. . . .”

From behind her, Dane could see Julia's whole body was trembling. He reached out and gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

She shook them off and turned to him, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “You had him up against the wall?” Her accusatory tone felt like a slap. “Why didn't you just ask him who he was? He might have left, and I never would've seen him! My God, Dane, what were you thinking?”

Stunned, Dane blurted out, “After what happened with Liam, I wasn't taking any chances. I was trying to—”

“But you could have hurt him!” she said, wide-eyed.

“I wasn't trying to hurt him,” Dane ground out. “I thought I was protecting you. Why aren't you hearing me?” His heart pounded as his blood surged. He grasped immediately that Julia was too emotional right then, that there'd be no reasoning with her. He wanted to be there for her, but clearly, she wasn't going to let him. Yet again.

Something snapped inside. The blood rushed red hot throughout his body. “Julia, I'm thrilled for you that your son's finally come to see you. But I didn't know who he was. I just saw some strange guy at your door, and I was trying to protect you. To
help
you. And as usual, you're just defensive and shoving me away.”

Her eyes went wide and she paled. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off, holding up a hand in a harsh halting gesture. “You know what? You obviously don't want anything real from me, and I'm done trying to give it, only to be pushed off. You want me away from you? I'm gone. You finally got your way, Red. There you go. I'm done.” Before he said anything else he regretted, Dane turned and stormed down the hallway, through the lounge, through the bar, and slammed open the doors, getting out of the hotel altogether.

He had no idea what had just happened. His head was spinning, his heart pounded against his ribs, and his blood roared in his ears. All he knew was he was angry and miserable. Hurt. Adrenaline streaming through him, he stepped into the street and hailed a taxi. He had to get the hell away from there.

Chapter Nineteen

Julia couldn't believe she was sitting on a sofa next to her son. That he was
there
. It was too much to fathom, she couldn't wrap her head around it. Even as they chatted briefly, she couldn't stop staring at him. He'd grown into a sweet, well-spoken, handsome young man. Her baby was a twenty-one-year-old man. It was surreal.

“I don't want to leave,” she said with regret after ten minutes, “but I have to go back out and do the second set.”

“I understand,” Colin replied. He moved to stand.

“Would you stay?” she blurted out. “Please? Like, through the show?”

He smiled softly as he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I like hearing you sing. You're really good. I'm, like, in awe of you up there. Honestly. You're . . . impressive.”

Julia's eyes burned with tears, and she sniffed them back. “Thank you so much.”

“You're welcome.”

They both got to their feet and stood awkwardly for a moment. She clasped her fingers in front of her to keep from reaching out and touching him.

“After the show,” she said, “why don't you come back here, and we can sit and talk. I'll make sure there's some food, you can order whatever you like, and they'll bring it back here to us. We'll have privacy, and we can relax. Would that be okay?”

“That sounds good,” he said.

“Oh, great,” she said on a relieved gust of breath.

They looked at each other for a long beat.

“Can I hug you?” she asked in a small voice.

He looked startled for a second, then nodded and half-smiled. “Sure.”

She moved in slowly and put her arms around him. The feel of her son in her arms made her heart swell and almost burst wide open. Her eyes slipped closed and she savored the moment. When she felt his arms come up and return her embrace, she couldn't stop the tears that slipped out. “I love you, Colin,” she whispered. “I've always loved you, and I've missed you so much. Thank you for coming to see me. This means the world to me.”

“I wish I'd known,” he said into her hair. “I wish . . . I should've . . .”

She pulled back, sniffed hard to stem her tears, and held his face in her hands as she looked into his eyes. “No. Don't. None of this is your fault. We are going to talk, you'll ask me whatever you want, and I'll answer you honestly. I promise you that. If you're willing to listen, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. At least, from my side. Okay?”

He nodded, and his eyes looked wet too. “Yeah, Mom. Yeah. Okay.”

Mom
. Her heart ballooned again. She smiled at him, then released him and walked to the vanity table and mirror. “I've got about a minute to fix my face now. Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude.”

“You're not, not at all,” Colin said. “I'll go back out front.”

“Take a table closer to the stage,” she said, looking at him in the reflection. “Or, don't. Sit wherever you want. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“All right.” He gave her a small, crooked smile and moved toward the door. But he stopped and turned back to her. “Can I ask you one question now?”

She stopped cold, her mascara wand in her hand. “Yes, anything.”

“Your boss . . .” Colin scowled, then shrugged. “He likes you, right? Like . . . you two are more than friends?”

Her breath stuck in her chest. But she managed to say in a calm tone, “Yes. Does that bother you?”

“No.” He shrugged again. “It's not my business. I was just wondering . . . well, if you're . . . dating, or whatever . . . he was pretty pissed off when he left. Are you okay?”

Her heart grew about ten sizes as she gazed at her son. “I'm fine. Don't you worry about me. I'm made of steel.”

He nodded and said, “Awesome. Okay . . . well . . . I'll see you out there.”

“Great. Enjoy the second set,” she said with a bright smile.

As soon as the door closed behind him, she drew a long, deep breath and exhaled it slowly. She dropped the mascara wand onto the table. Her hands were shaking so much, she didn't know how she was going to touch up her smudged eyes. Jesus. The surprise of a lifetime. Her son was there. They were going to talk after the show, hang out in her dressing room like two adult acquaintances would . . . it was truly unbelievable.

But Dane . . . she winced as she thought of him.
You want me away from you? I'm gone. You finally got your way, Red. There you go. I'm done
. She'd never seen him like that, so hurt and angry and fed up all at the same time. Oh God . . . she'd been thrown off balance, and taken it out on him. Not fair. Not good. He was gone. How was she ever going to fix things with him now?

 

 

When Tess pulled up to her house after midnight, she noticed some of the lights in her home were on. Her heart gave a jolt. She hadn't left on the lights in the house, or in the backyard. With her heart pounding, she cut the ignition and got out of the car.

Music was playing. Softly, but she could hear it, coming from the backyard.

A burglar wouldn't bother playing music while he ransacked the house. It had to be a friendly intruder. That realization had her breathing a little easier.

She could only think of three people who would show up at her house unannounced and make themselves at home. One was in England. One was at his own home; she knew this because she'd just spent a long, lovely evening at Charles's house, having dinner and watching a movie with him and his three children. That left the third brother. She hoped she was right as she walked around the back of the house, reaching into her bag for her pepper spray. Clutching it in her hand, she edged around the hedges, stealthy as a cat. She could hear the music better now. The Dave Matthews Band. She instantly relaxed. It was Dane, all right.

Straightening, she strolled around the garden and the pool to see a man in the shadows, sprawled over a lounge chair. One arm hung over the side, holding a glass bottle. The other hand held a glass.

“Breaking and entering?” she teased, trying for levity as she sat down beside him. She could smell the alcohol and wondered how many drinks he'd had. “That's a new one for you, isn't it?”

“S'not breaking and entering,” he said, slurring his words just enough to let her know he was wasted already. “I have a key. You gave me a key, remember?” He waved the bottle in the air, gesticulating as he spoke. She saw now that it was his favorite brand of scotch, and it was half empty.

“You are shitfaced,” she said.

“You are correct,” he replied jauntily, rising his glass in a toast to her.

“What happened?” She sat back in her chair. “Wait, before you tell me—where's my dog?”

“She's
fine
,” Dane said, waving the hand that held the glass. A bit of liquid sloshed over the rim and onto the cement. “She came out, had a pee, or a poop, or whate'er she does over in that bush she loves, and went back inside. I gave her a treat, and I think she's sleepin' now. She's quiet, so yeah, she's sleepin'.”

“I'm going to go check on her,” Tess said, rising. “I'll be right back. Don't go near the pool, you'll probably drown.”

“I won't, Tesstastic,” he said, crossing his glass over his heart with a mock somber nod and a boyish grin. “Promise.”

She snorted and went into the house through the back sliding-glass doors.

Dane tipped his head back to look up at the night sky. He could make out a few stars, but knew he'd see a ton more if he turned out all the lights in Tess's yard and the house. From all around, the chirping of crickets was loud and sweet. Tess had once called the sound of them the “ultimate summer symphony”, and that had always stayed with him. He listened to the symphony, looked out at the stars, took another sip of scotch, and ran the scene with Julia over in his head for the hundredth time.

He'd been too impatient, too short with her . . . damn, he rarely lost his temper like that. But he'd been totally on edge—not knowing who the kid was, being nervous for Julia's safety once again. His eyes slipped closed as he recalled the look on her face when she'd realized it was her son. How the color had drained from her cheeks and her eyes went wide. The mixture of disbelief and hope had been so tangible he could feel it, and it had lanced his heart. But when he'd reached out to her, she'd literally shaken him off. He was so damn tired of her pushing him away. He'd treated her well, showed her he cared . . . what would it take for her to see that and pull him
in
instead?

A rueful sigh streamed from his lips as he stared at the heavens. Slamming her long-lost son against a wall was certainly not the way to do it. That was clear. Shit.

The back door slid open and closed. Tess sat beside him again, a tall glass of water in each hand. She set them down on the small table between them. “Lookie here, big brother. Ice water. One for me, one for you. Unless you want to be in some big-time pain in the morning, I suggest you switch that scotch for this right now.”

“I thought I was supposed to take care of you,” he said with a wry half grin.

“I know you think that. It's cute.” Tess leaned back to cross one long leg over the other. “But we're a team. When I need you, you're there. When you need me . . .” Her eyes held his. “I'm here. Talk to me, honey. Whatever's going on, just tell me. Unload.”

Dane leaned back in his seat as he took one last sip of his scotch. He leaned over and set the bottle and nearly empty glass on the table, picking up the water. He took a long swallow of that. Then, without any real conscious thought, he started talking. He told Tess everything. All about how he and Julia had a “no-strings” rule that had somehow, sometime, fallen by the wayside for him. He told her what he knew of Julia's past, the run-in with Liam a few weeks before, the letter she'd received from him, how she'd pushed him away again, the surprise visit from her grown son . . . all of it. Tess listened to everything in easy silence, absorbing the information as she let him ramble on. He was grateful for that, because once he started talking, he couldn't seem to stop.

When he was done, she said softly, “Wow. Okay. That's . . . a lot.”

He nodded and let his head fall back to stare up at the stars again.

“And I'm glad you got all that out, because you obviously needed to. But there's one crucial part you didn't touch on. Honey . . . how do you
feel?”
She reached across to touch her brother's forearm. “I heard your frustration, I heard how concerned you are for her. I heard the
events.
But talk about how you
feel
, you big dopey man. Because you need to get that out too.”

Dane felt his jaw and chest tighten at the same time. He set down his glass on the table and scrubbed his hands over his face. “What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever it is that's got your stomach in knots,” Tess said. “Whatever you're feeling or thinking. Besides all that other stuff.” She offered a small, sad twist of a smile. “Poor baby. You're so in love with her.”

He hissed out a puff of air, a sound of self-loathing. “Am I that obvious?”

“To me, you are. I've never seen you like this over a woman before. They've never gotten close, or in deep enough. It's different this time. Julia's in there deep.”

“Yes, she is,” he ground out. He huffed out another aggravated sigh. “I had to go and fall for the only woman I've ever met who doesn't want any kind of serious relationship. Who doesn't want me too close. If at all. How's that for irony?”

“God's got a sense of humor sometimes, that's for sure,” Tess said wryly. “Oh, honey. Just tell her.”

“Tell her what?” Dane blinked at her in confusion.

“That you love her!” Tess almost laughed. “That you're crazy in love with her, that you're hurting for her because she's hurting, that you want to be there for her, and support her, and fight at her side, and help her heal. And whatever else is inside you that's eating away at you. Tell her. Hasn't it occurred to you that it may bridge this gap between you? If she knew how you felt about her?”

“If she knew how I felt about her,” Dane said evenly, “she'd run like hell and never look back.”

“You really think that?” Tess shook her head. “God, men are so dumb sometimes. No,
you
are so dumb sometimes.”

“Thanks. Thanks a lot.”

“Dane . . .” Tess paused, obviously searching for the right words. He waited patiently for his sister to speak. “From what you just told me, there are some very legitimate reasons that she's so untrusting, afraid to let you get close. She thought these men loved her, and believed in or depended on them. And they betrayed her in the worst ways. Right?”

He nodded glumly.

“And you just told me it happened to her not once, but twice.
And
she lost her son over it. I can't imagine what that was like for her. Any woman who had her child taken from her in that way . . . after having trusted the men she loved that way . . . I'm sure it wrecked her.” Tess shook her head in sympathy.

Dane slumped back in his chair. “I've thought about that. I have.”

“I'm sure you have.”

“I
have,
Tess,” he repeated emphatically. “Seriously. And when I start to really think about what she went through . . .” His eyes went to the stars again. “It kills me.” In the darkness, the twinkling stars seemed to glitter right at him. “I love her. And . . . I don't know what to do with that.”