More Than You Know (24 page)

With a grunt of frustration, he turned and used the hotel phone on the wall to order room service, then stepped into the shower.

Ten minutes later, dressed in clothes he kept at the suite, he ventured into the sitting room. To his relief and delight, Julia sat on the sofa, staring across the room out the window, appearing calm and untroubled. Just looking at her, his heart did a quiet flip in his chest. “Hey.”

Her eyes flicked to him. “Hey.”

“You stayed.”

“I was hungry. You promised me breakfast.”

She wanted to play it cool and easy? Fine by him. He didn't care. She'd
stayed.
“I'm hungry too. It should be here any—” A knock on the door cut him off, and he grinned. “Minute.” He went to the door, let the employee wheel in a covered tray, thanked him and slipped him some cash, and turned to Julia. “I didn't know what you wanted, so I ordered a couple of things. Hope you like something here. If not, just fake it and eat it anyway.”

 

 

Julia watched as he lifted the silver domes to reveal mounds of scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, a plate of mouthwatering strips of bacon, and a big bowl of cut fruit salad. Her stomach actually growled. “Looks fantastic to me,” she said.

“Good. Coffee?” Before she could answer, he lifted a small silver pot and poured the steaming ambrosia into the two empty ceramic cups.

She rose from the couch and stood at his side. The owner of the hotel was serving
her.
Dane kept showing her over and over, in tiny ways, that contrary to her initial belief, he was no typical spoiled rich boy. That he was his own man, and a really good, decent one at that.

A quick scan of the tray, and she plucked two sugar packets from the tiny holder. “You tipped that guy.”

“Huh?” Dane blinked, thrown by her random comment.

“The bellhop who brought the food. You tipped him.”

“Of course.”

She gave him a long look. “You own this hotel. You sign his paychecks.”

“So?” Dane stirred some cream into his coffee. “He did me a service. I tipped him. That's what you do.”

“That's what most people do, yeah.
You
don't have to.”

“Bullshit.” Dane snorted and slanted her a look. “I'm not an asshole. You tip people, period.”

She had to smile. “You're decent, Boss. Very decent.”

“Glad you noticed.” His eyes sobered as he looked at her. “And if you noticed, why were you trying to bolt before?”

She winced. “I'm sorry about that. I just . . .” Her voice trailed off and her cheeks felt hot.

He shook his head hard, to cut her off. “Know what? Not now. It's fine.” He waved a hand as if to dismiss the topic. “I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm glad you chose to stay. End of story.” He reached into the bowl and plucked out a cube of honeydew, and popped it into his mouth. “Mmmm, it's perfect. Here, try.” Still chewing, he took another piece and held it up to her.

Unable to resist his easy charm, she opened her mouth and let him feed it to her. The melon was sweet and juicy. “God, yeah. Delicious.”

He stared at her mouth for a second, then leaned in for a quick kiss. His tongue swept over her lips, licking, tasting. “Yup,” he murmured against her mouth. “Delicious.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Sweet talker.”

“Sometimes. Is it working?” He grinned, then pushed the tray closer to the couch and fixed her a plate, heaping on the eggs and bacon, arguing with her when she said no to the toast. Then he fixed himself a plate and sat beside her.

As they ate, he told her about the upcoming business trip he had to take. He was leaving on Sunday afternoon, going to check in on his hotels in Chicago and Detroit, and would be gone for about two weeks. He talked about the trip, the things he had to do in the hotels, and she let her eyes roam over him.

She didn't usually tell him, but she loved looking at him, listening to him, being near him. He was so easy to be with. And so handsome right then in a simple, clean white polo shirt and navy slacks. She admired how he was so comfortable in his own skin, so laid back in the way he sat, talked, moved . . . he had that aura of ease and natural charm that made people gravitate to him, want to be around him. God knows she wanted to be around him. And she'd almost left for good only minutes before. She was an idiot. A scared idiot.

She was glad he'd called her on her bullshit. She was glad she'd apologized, steeled herself up, and stayed. She'd done it for him, sucking up her fears, because she'd caught the betrayed look in his eyes when she'd headed for the door. It had made her insides unravel. He looked so hurt....

God, she was such a bitch sometimes! Why? Why still, when he'd always been good to her? He hadn't been good to her last night out of pity. He'd done it because he was a seriously decent man, and he'd wanted to comfort her. To treat her with care and make her feel better. Which, truthfully, had been exactly what she'd needed. She'd loved every moment of it. She'd gone over the edge of the cliff and fallen in love with him last night. How could she not?

She had to stop punishing Dane for the sins of other men. It wasn't fair. To either of them. What he'd said was true: he wasn't Max, or Liam, and it wasn't fair to put him on their shelf. He deserved better.

She needed to cut back on the sharp quips, the running for the door, the standoffishness, and start reciprocating his goodness. It was the least she could do for him. She'd never tell him she had true feelings for him, much less that she loved him, but she could at least show it by being sweeter. The words would never be necessary if she did that. And she wanted to do that. She
liked
him. She really did.

He smiled at something she said and her heart sighed. That smile. Like sunlight.
He
was like sunlight, bright and radiant and hard to look at without feeling you had to shield your eyes. He was smart, fun, kind, charming, considerate, smoking hot . . . oh, yeah, she was crazy about him. Head over heels in love, God help her.

But she could bury her true feelings for him. She could, and she
should.
All she could do was enjoy the ride while it lasted. Savor it while they were still involved, for however long that would be. Until he got bored, or decided she wasn't right for him after all.

The thought of it ending made her heart wince.

But one thing he'd been right about: she was a better person than how she'd been acting. Time to start being that to him. Right now.

“Thank you for breakfast,” she said softly. “And thank you for last night. For coming in and handling Liam, so I didn't have to. And for treating me with such kindness, both during and after, up here. I . . . I needed that, I admit it. You were right. And . . . you were wonderful. I won't forget it. Thank you for that, Dane. All of it.”

His fork stopped halfway to his mouth and he stared at her. As he lowered his hand to his plate, the corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes sparkled. “You're very welcome. I'm glad I helped. I'm glad that you let me.”

“Me too.”

They gazed into each other's eyes. The air around them was charged, thick with unsaid words and sparks and that pull that always seemed to envelop them when they were close. She wanted to crawl into his lap, but didn't move a muscle.

He smiled at her and took the last bite of his eggs. “So, I'll text you while I'm away. Should be two weeks at the least, three weeks at the most.”

“Okay.”

“Tonio will keep an eye out. You know. Just don't worry about anything, all right?”

She blinked. “I hadn't even thought of that yet. Yeah, all right. Thanks for that.”

His eyes had softened, but they suddenly lit with wickedness. “Two or three weeks without you in my bed? Damn. I'll have to sustain myself by imagining how steamy hot it'll be when I come back.” His grin turned devilish. “Mmmm yeah.”

She laughed. “Sounds good.”

“It does, right?” He tossed her a wink and reached for his coffee. “Try not to miss me too much while I'm gone.”

She snorted and said, “I think I'll manage.”

But a tiny pang hit her heart as she realized she
would
miss him. Damn. God, she was in so much trouble. So much for no strings.

Chapter Fifteen

The hotel didn't feel the same without Dane in it. Not that he was there every minute of every day anyway, but he had been there for some amount of time every day since before the opening. Not to mention that since then, he'd been there almost every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night without fail. And had spent almost all of them over the past month or so with her.

It had only been a few days since he'd left for Chicago, but Julia felt the absence. It was strange; as if a light had dimmed, or the party had died down and gotten boring. She felt the lack of him.

She missed him.

She hated to admit it, but she missed him a lot.

And when he texted her, which was once or twice a day, they'd fall into a short but charming text exchange that had her smiling, all warm and fuzzy inside. It was a bittersweet feeling. And the depth of her growing feelings for him scared her to death.

On that Sunday afternoon, she was glad for the distraction of a barbecue dinner at Randi's house. She and Stephen and their kids were like family to her. They were certainly the closest thing she had to it since cutting ties with her own years ago. Thirteen-year-old Mike and ten-year-old Allison even called her Aunt Julia; they were the nephew and niece of her heart.

She helped Randi cut up and prepare food, hung out with the kids, and enjoyed a few glasses of vodka and lemonade. Later in the day, when the kids went to their rooms to get on their computers, she went and sat under the shade of the large oak in the corner of the backyard. The air had cooled a bit, and she just enjoyed the scenery around her as she tried not to think about Dane. She'd been doing way too much of that lately.

Randi emerged from the back screen door, a glass in her hand identical to Julia's. She walked across the grass and plunked herself down beside her best friend. “Hello there.”

“Hiya.”

“It's nice here in the shade. You're a smart cookie.”

Julia smiled and clinked her glass to Randi's. They sipped.

“Having a nice time, I hope?” Randi stretched her legs out in front of her and crossed them at the ankles.

“I am. Thanks for inviting me over.”

“My pleasure. Glad you're enjoying.” Randi took another sip. “So, now we can really talk. Any news on Liam?”

“No.” Julia felt a tiny chill whisper inside her and she swatted it away. “He's stayed away.”

“Thank God.”

“Yeah. He knows he got off easy, I don't think he'd push it and come back.”

“He better not. I'll kill him myself,” Randi muttered.

“Such a good best friend. Always volunteering to help bury the body.”

“Absolutely.” She clinked her glass to Julia's, and they sipped again. They sat together in content silence. The tranquil sound of birdsong floated on the warm evening air.

“I'm in love with Dane,” Julia blurted out.

Randi burst out laughing. “Gee, no kidding.
Duh.
”

“I'm that obvious?” Julia moaned.

“To me, you are. But I know you very well.” Randi shook her head with a pitying look. “You poor thing. You're a mess, aren't you?”

“God, I am,” Julia groaned with self-loathing. “It's awful. I think about him all the time. How did that
happen?”

“Aww, honey.” Randi put her arm around Julia's shoulders and squeezed. “You have good taste, at least.”

“Yeah, well, how do I know?” Julia asked. “My judgment in men has always been lousy. Worse than lousy. Stupid and destructive.” Her head dropped onto Randi's shoulder. “What if I'm wrong again?”

“You're not,” Randi assured her. “Not this time. Seriously.”

Julia huffed out a sigh. “He's kind of wonderful, isn't he?”

“More than kind of, honey. My goodness. You hit the jackpot this time.” She squeezed her friend again as she added, “But so has he.
You
are the jackpot, Jules.”

“He saw Liam. He knows about all that. . . .” Julia lifted her head to rest it against the trunk of the tree and stare up at the sky. She sighed again, a soft sound of resignation this time. “He knows about Max, and even a little about Colin. I . . . I don't know what he thinks of me now. Like, deep down.”

“What do you care what he thinks of all that?” Randi asked.

Julia felt her face flush and she murmured, “What if now he thinks I'm . . . you know, trashy? Or thinks less of me, or that I—”

“Stop.” Randi's voice was firm and steely. “Stop that. Right now.”

Julia went silent, but her stare stayed out to the distance.

“I don't know Dane,” Randi conceded. “But from what I saw, and everything you've told me, I don't think he'd be so quick to judge you like that. The only one who's carrying a grudge against you is
you.
” She put a hand on Julia's arm, meant to soothe. “Sometimes I think you've come so far from those awful days . . . and then I realize you still beat yourself up for the things that happened, possibly every day. That breaks my heart.” She squeezed and peered harder at her friend. “When are you going to forgive yourself, honey?”

“Never,” Julia whispered, and hot tears spilled from her eyes without warning. She closed her eyes and let them fall. “How can I? I lost my son. I wasn't his mother, all these years.”

“You weren't
allowed
to be,” Randi reminded her. “You didn't abandon Colin, he was taken from you. You tried to fight. Max was a cruel, heartless bastard for what he did. One day, hopefully, Colin will wake up and see that.”

“He won't even talk to me,” Julia croaked. The sorrow she usually kept buried deep was bubbling now and threatening to overtake her. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with aggravated swipes. “He won't answer my e-mails, texts, nothing. It's like I don't exist. It kills me, Randi. It kills me. It's so unfair.” She started to sob. “He doesn't know me, and I don't know him. I don't know my own son.”

Randi pulled Julia into her arms, stroking her hair as she cried. “I know. It's horrible. It's so beyond awful, there are no words. But he's out there, and you're both alive, and as long as that's true, I'll never give up hope that you'll find your way back to each other. And you shouldn't either.”

“I don't give up hope,” Julia wailed. “But it's been so long already. . . .”

“I know.” Randi held her, rubbed her back. “But Julia . . . you've made a good life for yourself despite that. Despite everything. And maybe now, with Dane, you can have something more in your life. It could be something really good. Does he know how you feel about him?”

Julia shook her head. “No. God, no. Mister ‘Play It Fast And Loose'? No way.”

“I think there's a lot more to him than that,” Randi said, almost scolding. “And I think you know that there is, or you wouldn't have fallen in love with him.”

“I don't do well with love,” Julia ground out. She sniffed back her tears and wiped her face with her hands. “My track record is crap. I pick assholes. I get blind and stupid. I make mistakes. I desperately don't want to do that again.”

“Honey. Listen to me.” Randi took Julia's shaking hands in hers. “You have to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and you have to forgive those that hurt you for what they did to you, or you're never going to fully move on.” She squeezed her fingers. “Don't you get that?”

Julia stared at her lifelong best friend and asked in a quivery voice, “How am I supposed to forgive myself for not being a mother to my only child?”

“Because it wasn't your choice,” Randi said staunchly. “You didn't give him up, or walk away from him. Max took him from you and kept him away from you. That is
not your fault.
”

Julia closed her eyes and drew a long breath to try to steady herself.

“When's the last time you tried to contact Colin?”

“Little over a week ago. I e-mailed him. No response, of course.”

“Keep doing that. Don't give up. He's getting older. Old enough to think for himself. You never know when he might turn around and answer you.”

Julia stared at her. “You think so?”

“With everything in my soul,” Randi swore.

Julia shrugged, but mulled over the words. It was a thin thread to grasp, but she would. Randi was right; as long as they were both alive, there was always a chance....

“Now, about Dane.” Randi picked up the glass Julia had set down on the grass and put it back in her hand. “Drink that and listen to me some more.”

“Yes, Mom,” Julia joked feebly, but sipped her drink as instructed.

“List all the bad points about being involved with Dane,” Randi said.

Julia snorted. “Um . . . well, to start, he's younger than me.”

“Not by a lot.”

“He just turned thirty-six. I'm forty-one. He's going to want kids one day.”

“How do you know that? Has he told you that?”

“No, but—”

“He's loaded. He can adopt if he wants kids that bad. I'm crossing that off the list.” Randi nodded firmly, as if to nullify that point. “Next.”

“The money . . .”

“What about it? Like, he's a spoiled rich brat?”

“No.” Julia was quick to shake her head at that. “No, actually, the total opposite. He's generous and considerate. I mean, he tips his waitstaff. His bartender, he treats him like an equal. He's good to everyone. He's so not what I expected. . . .”

Randi squinted at her. “Then what is it?”

Julia chewed on her lip before admitting, “It's a little intimidating. The money, the power he has . . . it reminds me of Max, and his family, and all of that.”

“Max and his family are disgusting vultures,” Randi spat out. “He was never decent to begin with. Dane is. That's got nothing to do with money, that's character. They're totally different. So that's on you, not on Dane. Get over it. Next.”

Julia couldn't help but smirk. “You're fierce today.”

“You need it. Next.”

The smirk broadened into a smile. “Okay. He doesn't do relationships.”

“You don't either.”

“True, but I—”

“Don't want to risk being rejected since you actually want one with Dane,” Randi finished for her. “You're the ballsiest woman I know. Get your balls out of your pocket and use them. Tell him how you feel, take a chance, or you'll never know.”

Julia laughed in spite of herself.

“Look,” Randi said, smiling back, “you don't ‘do' relationships. He doesn't either. But hey, you're changing your mind. How do you know if you told him how you feel, he wouldn't also? You never know unless you try. Gotta put yourself out there.”

Julia's smile twisted. “Why would he—”

“Want a relationship with you? Gee, I have no idea.” Randi rolled her eyes. “I mean, you're only mind-blowingly smart and talented, funny and sharp, stunningly beautiful, and already likely giving him the best sex of his life. Why would he want
you?
Seriously, I have no idea why he keeps coming back for more. Which, hello, in case you haven't noticed, he has been.”

Julia scowled. Randi was right, and she knew it.

“You get up onstage several times a week and sing in front of people,” Randi said. “That takes guts. You screamed in the face of a junkie who had you up against the wall. That takes guts. You walked away from your family because they didn't treat you right. That took tremendous guts.” Randi's gaze narrowed. “You're brave, Julia. If you're brave enough to do all those things, you've got to be brave enough to tell Dane how you feel.”

Julia took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “You make good points.”

“I do. But don't listen to me,” Randi said flippantly. She shrugged and waved her hands in the air in a dismissive gesture. “No, you keep doing what you're doing. It seems to be working for you. Right?” She arched a brow as if to punctuate the point.

“Shut up,” Julia grumbled, then pulled Randi in for a hug.

Randi embraced her and held. “Please forgive yourself,” she whispered into her ear. “Trust yourself. And trust Dane, too. Give it a shot.”

“It's so hard to do all that,” Julia whispered back.

“I know. But you've got to do it anyway.” Randi swept a hand over her best friend's back. “You deserve to be happy. And at peace. It's long past time to give yourself peace.”

Dane yawned as he closed the hotel door behind him. It had been a long day for a Sunday, but a good one. He'd been all over the hotel in the morning, met an old business friend for lunch, gone back to the hotel for a workout in their gym, then met up with two old college friends for dinner and drinks. He always had a good time in Chicago.