More to Us (33 page)

"That it was the best night of her life."

He drops the beer bottle on the brown shag carpet and quickly picks it up. "She really said that?"

"Those were her exact words."

He sets the bottle on the table. "Then why did she leave? Why did she make up that story? You're saying she's been living here in Chicago this whole time?"

"Yeah. She lived here all last summer."

"And you said she's a junior?"

"Yeah, but she's almost a senior because she takes summer classes." I try to remember what else I told him about her. I've mentioned her a few times, but just briefly. "She grew up in Michigan with Kira. They were both gymnasts until Amber got into cheerleading in high school and quit gymnastics. I told you all this, right?"

"Everything but the gymnastics and cheerleading. I didn't know she did that stuff. Makes sense. She had a killer body." He rubs his forehead. "Why couldn't she just tell me this? I mean, I don't understand the whole ruining a memory thing, but she still could've told me that. At least it would've been an explanation and I wouldn't have had to spend months searching for her."

"I told her all that. For what it's worth, she said she never meant to hurt you. She assumed you'd forgotten all about that night, until she heard your song. When she heard it, she still didn't want to talk to you. She was dating someone else. She's still dating him, but I don't know why. The two of them have zero chemistry." A thought pops in my head. "You know, maybe that's why she's dating him. Maybe she's purposely dating someone she has no chemistry with because it keeps her from getting too close to him."

"Why wouldn't she want to get close to him?"

"Because she's still hung up on you. I could tell by the way she talked about you. Maybe she's dating a guy like Matt because she's not ready to give her heart to someone else. She's not ready to let you go."

"There's nothing to let go. We're not together."

"But she wants that. I know she does. And I know you want it too."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know. Don't listen to me. I just broke up with my girlfriend. I obviously suck at relationships."

"You didn't do anything wrong. That was all Kira. And hey, I'm really sorry, man. I know how much you liked her, or...loved her."

I shrug it off like it's not a big deal, even though it is. "I'm too young to be in love so it's probably for the best. Just like it's probably best if you stay away from Amber."

"She really said it was the best night of her life?" He half-smiles.

"Those were her words."

"I guess it's good to know it wasn't just me."

"So you think you can move on now?"

"I've already moved on. I'm dating Allison."

Allison is the hot cheerleader he's been going out with the past couple weeks. She's his get-back-on-the-horse girl, meaning she's the first girl he's had sex with since his night with Amber. He needed to put an end to that dry spell, which he's done with Allison. That's pretty much all they do. I don't know if they've even gone on an actual date.

"That's not a real relationship," I tell him. "It's just sex."

"Nothing wrong with that."

"You're basically doing what Amber's doing. Going out with someone you know you'll never have an emotional attachment to because you're still emotionally attached to Amber."

"What are you, a psychologist now?"

"I'm just saying, I don't think you're over her. And I don't think she's over you."

"Yeah? So? She doesn't want me, so there isn't anything I can do."

"Do you still want
her
? Even after knowing what she did?"

"I don't know." He scrubs his hand through his hair. "I'd have to think about it. But the answer doesn't matter. We're obviously never going to be together."

We've talked enough. I can tell he needs time to think about what I've told him. And I need time to think about what happened with Kira earlier. Did I make the right decision? My head says I did, but my heart seems to disagree. It fucking hurts right now, and my body aches to be with her, not just in a sexual way, but just to be near her. To lie on the couch with her body molded into mine. To feel our hands threaded together.
 

As much as I want that, I have to remember that she lied to me. She wasn't honest, and right now, I don't trust her.

"I need to go," I say, getting up from the chair. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, but why don't you stay and have a beer?"

"Maybe some other time. I gotta go pack boxes."

"Shit, that's right. You're moving tomorrow. Finally got your own place and now you don't have a girlfriend. You need a rebound girl. There'll be plenty of girls to choose from tomorrow night at the bar."

We play tomorrow, and for the first time ever, I'm not looking forward to it. I don't feel like playing. I know my mind will be on Kira the whole time.

"I'm not ready for a new girl," I say, then I yell toward the kitchen. "Van, get your ass out here. I'm leaving."

He walks through the kitchen door, a beer in his hand. "Am I allowed to enter?" He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow. Make sure Dylan doesn't get too drunk."

"Hell yeah, he's getting drunk. After hearing about Amber? He needs to switch to the hard stuff. You should be getting drunk too."

I look at Dylan. "Call if you want to talk."

He nods, and I leave and go out to the driveway.

"Hey, Austin." A girl comes up to me from the sidewalk. I've met her before. She goes to school with Van and Dylan and has been to some of their parties. She's cute. Average height, short blond hair, and athletic. She's on the volleyball team.

"Hey." I stop next to my truck.

"You going out tonight?"

"I think I'm just gonna stay in."

"You could come to my place." She smiles. "We could have a quiet night, just the two of us."

I know a lot of guys sleep with a girl to get over another girl but I'm not doing that with Kira. I'm not ready to be over her. I'm not even sure I want to be.

"Sorry, but I can't. I'll see ya later." I get in my truck and drive off. Just talking to that girl, I felt like I was cheating on Kira, which I know is stupid but my heart is still with her. I'm not ready to move on with someone else.

I spend the rest of the night packing up my room. I hadn't started packing before now because all my time was spent with Kira.

Around ten, I get a text from her that says 'I'm sorry'. I don't text her back because what would I say? That it's okay? Don't worry about it? That would be a lie. It's not okay, and she
should
be worried about it. She ruined what we had together because she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. That's a real problem, and she needs to think long and hard about if what she's working for is worth losing what we had.

I was really starting to believe she was the one. Guess I was just blinded by love.

The next day, my brothers get to the house at eleven and begin loading up their trucks with furniture and boxes. I texted them last night and told them that Kira and I broke up so they wouldn't ask why she wasn't here. She was going to help with the move and then we were all going to go out for lunch. We'll still go to lunch, but without Kira.

Callie, Jen, and Ivy are here and they keep looking at me with these sad faces. I can tell they're dying to ask what happened but I'm sure my brothers told them not to. They've all been through break-ups and know the last thing I want to do is talk about it. That's what girls do. They talk about it, analyze it, question it. But guys don't do that, at least not right away. We work through it in our heads first, then maybe talk to another guy, but just briefly, not for hours. And it's usually done over a beer, which I could really use right now. It's only ten-fifteen but I need something to numb the pain of missing Kira.

With everyone helping, it only takes one trip to move everything to my apartment. By one-thirty, all my furniture is in place and I've unpacked most of the boxes. I haven't put everything away but I can do that later.

"What do you think?" Jake asks, sinking down on the couch. My dad had an old couch in the basement so I took it to use until I get a new one.

"I like it." I smile at him. "Now that we're neighbors, do I get to come up to your place for dinner every night?"

"Hell no." He puts his feet up on the wooden bench I'm using as a table. "You're on your own for that."

"Jake," Ivy scolds, swatting his knee as she sits next to him. "Don't say that. Of course he can have dinner with us."

"Okay, but not every night," he says. "You've seen how much that kid eats. And he only eats that health food shit. We don't have any of that."

"Then we'll get some. We could stand to clean up our diet a little."

He rolls his eyes. "I knew this was a bad idea. My kid brother moves in and now I've gotta change my diet and feed him."

Ivy laughs.

Nash hangs his arm off my shoulder. "You gonna miss living at home?"

"Maybe a little. It'll be strange not having anyone around. I'm not used to living alone."

Callie and Jen get that sad look again.

"We'll come over and visit," Callie says. She looks at Nash. "We could bring him dinner next week."

"Yeah, we'll plan on it," Nash says to her. "Maybe Tuesday since you don't have class."

"Does that work?" Callie asks me.

"Yeah, that's fine."

They're all feeling sorry for me, trying to fill my time now that I no longer have Kira. I was with her so much, it's going to feel strange having all this free time. I had it before I met her, but now I don't know what I did with it all. I watched TV and played my guitar, but was that it? It seems like I was always busy back then, so I somehow filled the time.

I think after a break-up like this, time seems to slow down. Last night and today seem to be taking forever, like each minute is an hour. It seems like I haven't seen Kira in weeks, yet it's only been a day, not even that.

"Ready for lunch?" Bryce asks me. "You get to pick the place since this is kind of a celebration. We'll even go to one of your health food places."

"Let's just go to the sports bar down the street," I say.

My dad walks in, holding a big canvas bag. He hands it to me and smiles. "A housewarming gift."

"What is it?"

Jen laughs. "It's a laundry bag."

"Oh. Thanks." I set it down.

"You can do your laundry at home," my dad says, "but you'll need something to carry it there."

"You don't let the rest of us do laundry there," Jake says.

"I do laundry there sometimes," Bryce says.

"You do?" Jake looks at my dad. "What the hell? Why don't I get to do laundry there?"

"You never asked," my dad says.

"You said when we move out, we're on our own."

"I never said that meant you couldn't use the washing machine." He smiles at Jake, who just shakes his head. Dad always gives Jake a hard time. It's their thing.

"Let's go to lunch," my dad says, motioning us all to the door.

After we eat, everyone goes their separate ways and I go back to my apartment. It sounds weird just to think that.
My apartment.
I finally have an apartment. I can finally have girls over, but I still only want one.

For weeks, I've been looking forward to having Kira stay with me my first night here. I was going to get us some dinner, then we'd snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, and then she'd stay overnight. She'd be the first girl in my bed.

When I lived at home, I used to try to sneak girls in my room but my dad always caught me so I was never able to do anything more than kiss a girl on my bed. That used to really piss me off. I know it was my dad's house, but shit, I'm 21 and can't have a girl over? But then I met Kira and was happy I hadn't been with other girls in my bed, because it meant Kira would be the first. But now she won't be.

Why did she have to do this? Why couldn't she just be honest with me? If she had, we'd be together right now, like we should be. But instead, we're apart. And I miss her.

Kira

"Okay, enough crying," Amber says, barging into my room and yanking the covers back.

I've been in this bed since Friday night, alternating between crying and sleeping. Amber's left me alone. She's been in her own room, sick with a cold. I could hear her coughing and sneezing.

"Just let me sleep," I mumble, yanking the covers back over me. "I'm tired."

"You're not tired. You've been in bed for two days."

I roll over. "What day is it?"

"You don't even know what day it is?" She steals my covers again, pulling them back so far I can't reach them. "It's Sunday night. And you're not tired. You're depressed and it's time to get up. You need to eat. When's the last time you ate?"

"I don't know. Friday, sometime? But I don't feel like eating. I'm not hungry."