More With You (14 page)

I lift my head and face Allison. “It’s too risky,” I croak out, my voice thick with emotion. “I can’t imagine my life without her in it. If I pursue her and things don’t work out, I lose her all together.  I can’t handle that.  I know I can’t.  I…” I swallow and take a deep breath. “I just won’t risk it, okay?”

“I get it. I do.  Just think about this.  Think about you and Hales being together and having what Liam and I have?  Think about how it would be if things did work out.”  She stands and places a kiss on my cheek; then turns and leaves the room.

I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Allison’s words are running through my mind.  What would it be like for Hales and I to have what they have?  To be able to hold her and kiss her anytime I wanted. To know that she is mine, and when dumb fucks like Seth try to hit on her, it wouldn’t just be pretending to be the jealous boyfriend.  Well, pretending to be the boyfriend.  The jealously is alive and well.  I could have ripped his fucking head off the day I saw him put his arm around her.  I want that, I do.  I want everything with her.  I want us to be more, but I am too afraid.  Shit, being around Liam has turned me into a pussy.

Pulling myself off the bed, I resume packing, this time I’m quieter.  Instead of the anger that was consuming me before, now it’s just sadness and pain.  The painful ache in my chest is still there.  I need to put on my big boy panties and fucking deal with the decision that I’ve made.  I’m the one choosing not to risk losing her to try for more.  I’m the one who has to suck it up and deal.

A slight knock on my door catches my attention. I glance up, but no one enters.  “Come in,” I yell.

Hailey slowly pushes the door open. “Hey, you all packed?” she asks.

“Almost, how about you?” I reply.

“Yeah, I just threw it all in my bags. I can sort it out later.  I just wanted to come and talk to you for a few minutes.  I know when we get home things are going to be hectic.”

She’s chewing on her bottom lip, so I know she’s nervous.  “What’s up?” I ask, concerned. 

She shrugs her shoulders. “I just needed a minute with you.” 

Hailey! God, I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her we’re okay. That it’s all going to work out. I know I can’t do that. I’ve made my decision and I need to stand by it.  I decide playful Aiden is the best approach.

I reach up and tap her nose with my index finger “Aw, are you gonna miss me?” I tease.

Her eyes find mine and what I see is sadness. I can’t look away from her. “More than you know,” she whispers.

Wrecked!  I am completely fucking wrecked by this girl.  All thoughts of keeping my distance fly out the window.  She’s hurting and I need to comfort her.  I reach out and pull her against my chest.  I feel her tremble as she softly cries into my shirt. 

“Angel, I will only be three hours away. If you need me, I can get to you before you even realize I’m gone. I promise we will still see each other. Not every day, but we will.  I will make it happen,” I say gently, rubbing my hand up and down her back, trying like hell to comfort her.

“You guys are moving on without me,” she whimpers. “You’ll have new exciting lives. You’ll forget about me.”

I lean back and gently place my fingers under her chin and lift her head so we are eye to eye.  “Angel, I need you to listen to me and listen good, okay?” I ask her. She nods her head slightly.

“Baby, you are not forgettable. No matter how far away from you I am, you will always be here.” I place her hand over my heart. “And here.” I take her other hand and point to my head.  She gently runs her fingers through my hair. “You will always be important to me.  I won’t be able to see you every day, but I need you to understand that I would do anything for you.  Do you understand?”  I plead with her.

I rest my forehead against hers. “You are so special to me. I need you to always remember that.  If you need me, no matter what it is, I’m yours,” I tell her. I mean that. She owns me like no one else ever will.

“Okay,” she whispers.

Liam yells out in the hallway as he passes, “Emerson, you ready to roll, man?”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I yell back. 

“I’ll let you get back to packing.” She pulls away and turns to leave, but stops when she reaches the door.  “Thank you,” she says softly.

“Angel, please remember what I said,” I plead with her. I need to know that she understands that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

Hailey nods her head and leaves the room. 

I bend over and place my hands on my knees, breathing deep, dragging breath into my lungs. 
Shit!
  I want her so fucking bad.  It kills me to see her hurting like this.  If Liam wouldn’t have interrupted us, I don’t know what I would have done.  My control is slipping and my chest is filled with a deep ache that only Hailey can heal.  This shit is so fucking hard.  Wanting to make her mine and not allowing myself to do so…Is. So. Fucking. Hard.  How in the hell am I going to be able to do this?

I flee from Aiden’s room and rush into mine. As soon as I close the door, hot tears rush from my eyes.  My heart is broken.  Aiden is so good to me and so sweet.  He has no idea that his words crush me.  He’s amazing and his offer to always be there for me is amazing, but I want him to be mine.  If he knew that, he would not have said any of that.  He would be running for the hills.  I can’t believe I actually told him that I needed a minute with him. What. The. Hell.

I’m sure he thinks I’m a fucking nut job about now. I guess it’s better than the embarrassment of knowing that his best friend’s little sister is madly in love with him. Hell, if he knew that, he would head straight to Charlotte from here and never look back. 

I go to the bathroom and wash my face, trying to wash away my tears. I finish packing and drag my bags to the living room. Allison comes rushing to me.

“Hales, what’s wrong?” she asks, concerned.

“I’m just going to miss you guys so much,” I say as the tears begin to fall yet again. At least Aiden won’t know that most of them are for him. For the love I have for him that he will never know about.

“Come here, you,” Liam says, walking over and pulling me into his arms.

“You, my baby sister, are not even going to notice that we’re gone.  You can come up on weekends and we’ll come visit as well.”  He hugs me tight.

“I can come down and stay with you while the guys are busy with training camp,” Allie offers. I hear Liam groan. The big lug hates being away from her.

“I’m okay,” I say, stepping away from Liam.  “I just let my emotions get the best of me.” I offer them a sad smile.

“Let’s go, my bestie. You and I are riding in the back. We need some girl time,” Allison says, pulling me outside.

Liam and Aiden load our bags and lock up the beach house before piling in the Pathfinder, and we hit the road.  The road to home, and for me, the road to loneliness.

The ride home is filled with Allison and I making plans for how we’re going to keep in touch.  We make plans for me to come up and stay the week with them before school starts.  The three of them continue to talk about how I won’t even notice their gone. 
Yeah right!

The next week is a whirlwind of activity. Liam, Allison, and Aiden drive to Charlotte and look at the condos their agent has found for them.  Instead of staying alone, I drive to my parents to spend some time there.  I was invited to go along, but decided that I needed to start this now.  Next week they will be gone.  Living three hours away.  I need to start dealing with how I’m going to muddle through without them.

I really want to talk to my parents anyway.  I need to tell them that I want to transfer schools.  I was accepted to Durham Tech College in the Associates of Nursing Program.  I want to be a Registered Nurse.  The program is two years, but I have all of my pre-requisites out of the way.  All I have to do is pass a nursing assistant course prior to classes starting in September. I can be finished with college in a year! I have the registration paperwork in my purse and the course starts next week.  I have always loved helping people, and have been thinking about this for a while now.  I was so excited when I got in, but I didn’t tell anyone. I’m not sure why I didn’t tell them. I guess I want to make sure mom and dad are on board before I announce anything. Besides, the three of them have their hands full with moving, and then the guys start training camp next week.  I’ll tell them once things settle down.

I pull into my parents’ driveway and they are sitting on the front porch swing.  Mom is reading her kindle and dad is reading the newspaper.  I can feel the grin that takes over my face.  My parents have an amazing marriage.  I can only hope that I find that.  The forever kind of love.

“Well, who do we owe for this nice surprise?” my dad says as I climb the steps to the front porch.

“Hey, you two,” I say, skipping over and kissing dad on the cheek and giving mom a hug. 

“It’s nice to see you,” my mom tells me.

“Well, I missed you guys and I kind of have something to talk to you about,” I say shyly. Why? I have no clue.  My parents have always been supportive of me.  I guess I’m afraid they will be disappointed that I want to transfer from UNC.

“Pull up a chair, sweetheart, we’re all ears,” My dad says, laying his newspaper on the table next to him. My mom hands him her kindle and I have their full attention. I’m not surprised at this. Anytime Liam and I want to talk, they are always there to listen.

I sit down on the wooden lounge chair that my dad and Liam built one summer. Mom said they were “bonding” before Liam went off to college.  I smile at the memory.

“Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about school. I finally declared a major,” I say.

“Hailey, that’s terrific. So what did you choose?” mom asks.

“Well, you see, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.  I’m going to have to transfer schools.” I stop to gage their reaction.  They are both still looking at me, smiling.  I take that as a good sign and continue.  “I was accepted to the RN program at Durham Tech.  I want to be a nurse.  I have all of my pre-requisites completed and now just need to focus on the nursing portion.  I can be done in a year.  I already moved out of the dorms and into the condo, so that won’t be an issue. And I called the school and I have until August to withdraw and get a full refund for my tuition.” I rush to get it all in. I’m nervous of their reaction and excited all at the same time. I really want to do this.

“Hailey, I’m so proud of you,” my dad tells me.

“What can we do to help?” My mom asks, and just like that, I expel the breath that I was holding.  My parents truly are amazing.

I jump out of my chair and rush to the swing.  I bend down and hug them both.  Tears running down my face.  “Thank you so much!” I say through my tears. “I really want this. I want to be a nurse and to have your support. I love you guys,” I say.

Dad chuckles. “We love you too, my sweet girl.  Now tell us more about this new career of yours.”

We spend the next hour talking on the front porch about nursing and the assistant class that I start next week. Mom tells me to let her know if she can do anything, and to try not to get overwhelmed.  She even tries to get me to move home so she can take care of things like my laundry, so all I have to focus on is school.  How I won the parent lottery, I have no idea, but I am so thankful for them.

I eat dinner with my parents and then head back to the condo. It’s quiet. Too quiet, but this is something I’m going to have to get used to.  I curl up on the couch with my kindle and the remote.  I don’t want to watch television, but I need the noise to drown out the quiet.  I miss them.

Just as I am about to pick my new book boyfriend for the evening, my cell phone rings.  It’s Allison.  “Hey, you,” I say in greeting.

“Hey, yourself.  What are you up to?” she asks.

“Not much. Had dinner with mom and dad and just got home. I was getting ready to pick my man of the evening,” I tell her.

“Ooh, I’m so jealous. We have looked at condos all day, but we finally found one. It’s amazing, and you will have your own room when you come to stay with us,” she says happily.

I smile. “That’s awesome, I hope you took pictures.”

“Yes, and you’re still coming to spend a week before school starts right?” she inquires.

I mentally go over the nursing assistant class and the start date at Durham Tech. I will have one week between the two. “Yep, that’s the plan,” I reply. “So what are you all up to now?” I ask her.

“Well, we are stopping to get something to eat, and then we are headed home.”

“Home?  I thought you were staying the night?” I ask.

“Well, we were, but it’s only six o’clock. We should be home around nine. We all decided we just wanted to come home. We have a lot of packing and things to do.”

“Okay, well I guess I’ll see you guys in a little while. Drive safe,” I tell her.

“We will. Liam drove down, so Aiden is driving back.  I missed having you with us,” she says quietly.

“Me too, but this is the new us. We are going to have to learn to adjust,” I say.