Mother For His Children, A (20 page)

Chapter Twenty

“S
he said she'd be gone a week at the most,” Waneta said, spreading butter on slices of bread as she made sandwiches.

Levi put seven apples into the lunch basket, followed by some cookies in a tin box. Martha wrapped each sandwich as Waneta finished it and he stacked them at the top of the basket.

“But it's been more than a week,” Martha said.

“Lots more than a week.” Jesse carried his plate to the sink.

Levi closed the lunch basket and handed it to Nathan as he went out the door into a pouring spring rain with the others just in time to meet the school bus at the end of their lane. Without Ruthy, the morning routine was gone. This morning, like every morning since last Tuesday, had been chaos.

He poured himself another cup of coffee and sat at the table while Waneta started on the dishes. Elias had Sam with him in the barn where they were starting the chore of cleaning out the cowshed for the spring. He should be out there helping them, but he didn't want to move. After his coffee was gone. He took a sip.

“When do you think she'll be back?” Waneta opened the reservoir and ladled hot water into the dishpan.

“I don't know.” Levi rubbed his eyes with one hand. “That's all she said when she left, that she'd be back?”

“Elam gave her a paper to read, and then she told me she had to go home.”

With him. She left with Elam. The reminder made him burn all over again.

Levi drained his cup and took it to the sideboard with the rest of the breakfast dishes.

“You're doing a
wonderful-gut
job taking care of us while she's gone, Waneta.”

“It isn't the same without Ruthy—without
Mam.
” Waneta kept her head down as she swished the dish rag around each plate. “How long do we wait,
Dat?
Should I go after her?”

“
Ne,
daughter. We know she'll return when she can.”

Levi stepped onto the porch and shrugged on his coat. He clamped on his hat and hunched his shoulders against the rain as he made the journey to the barn. He waved to the boys working in the cowshed and then went on to the workshop door.

He shook the rain off as he stepped in and shivered at the chill. Lighting a fire in the small stove, he took his seat on the stool at the workbench. He picked up the harness he had been soaping the day before, but kept his gaze out the window. Every day this week he had sat here, waiting for her to return, except after dinner when he drove into Shipshewana to meet the daily train from the east. The train she might be on.

No letter, no message, no Ruthy with her face pressed against the glass window watching for him on the platform.

He was a fool to wait, thinking he had time to court her. He should have told her he loved her. He should have insisted that she live as his wife, not his housekeeper. He should have done something to keep her from going.

Levi stared down the lane toward the road, the harness forgotten in his hands.

It had been eleven days since she had left. Eleven days. What should he do? Go after her?

He needed advice.

Leaving the harness, he banked the small fire in the stove and went into the barn. He brought Champ out of his stall and hitched him to the buggy. Elias came into the barn as he worked.

“
Dat?
We've done as much as we can in the cowshed today. Should we start on the plow?”

“
Ja,
you know what to do. Look it over, grease the moving parts, and make a note of anything that needs replacing. I'm going to John Stoltzfus's, and then to get the mail. I'll be back after dinner.”

The rain let up some as the horse trotted down the muddy road, but a drizzle remained as he pulled into the Stoltzfus barnyard. Levi tied the horse to the hitching rail and went into the barn. John was repairing his manure spreader.

“A good rainy-day job,
ja?
” John said, laying down his grease pot and wiping his hands on a rag.

“
Ja,
for sure.”

“Would you like to come in the house for some coffee? Elizabeth has some pie.”

“Ne, denki.”
Levi shifted. He didn't want to have this conversation at all, but for sure not in front of anyone else.

John looked at him closely. “What's on your mind, Levi?”

“It's Ruth. She went back to Lancaster County for a visit, but I haven't heard from her since she left.”

“You could write to her family. She's staying with them, isn't she?”

Levi glanced at John. If he wanted the older man's advice, he'd have to tell him everything.

“I don't know where she's staying. A man came from Lancaster County to visit one day, and then a few days later he showed up again. I wasn't at home, and when I got back I found she had left with him. She packed everything in her bag and left.”

John sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Levi couldn't look at John's face, afraid of the condemnation he'd see there—condemnation for the woman he had married.

“Did she say anything? Leave a note for you?”

“She told Waneta she'd be back in a week at the most.”

“Do you have reason to think she's not coming back?”

Levi thought of the possessive look on Elam's face the day he stopped by their home. The man knew Ruthy, probably better than Levi did, and he was the one who had taken her away. Had they run off together? Abandoned this man's wife and family as thoughtlessly as Ruthy had abandoned them?

“I don't know, John. I wanted to ask what you think—should I go to Pennsylvania? Should I go look for her?”

John looked at him, compassion in his eyes. “If it was my Elizabeth, I would. I know she wouldn't stay away without word unless there was a good reason. I would go to find out what's going on.”

Levi nodded, looking at the floor. “I don't know how long it will take, and it's almost time for the spring plowing....”

“Don't worry about that. I'll give your boys a hand if you're not back in time.”

Relief washed through Levi. He had a plan, action he could take. He shook John's hand. “
Denki.
I'll leave on tomorrow's train, and I'll keep in touch.”

* * *

Ruthy lifted Grace from her cradle, a bottle of warm milk ready for the hungry baby. She sat in the rocking chair and snuggled the little mite close. Even so simple a thing as feeding a baby was comforting. She rocked the chair gently.

“Is she still eating well?”
Mam
asked from her own chair where her hands were busy with her knitting.

“
Ja,
she guzzles it down like a bum lamb.” Ruthy smiled as Grace sucked on the bottle, her dark eyes locked on Ruthy's face.

“Two weeks old tomorrow.”
Mam
paused in her knitting to count stitches.

Two weeks since Laurette had died, leaving Grace alone.

Ruthy had arrived the next day with Elam. He had taken one look at the baby, too small, born too early, and handed her to Ruthy.

“You take her,” he had said. “I don't know what to do with a baby.”

Mam
had been with Laurette when she died. On the bedside table, Ruthy had found the letter she wrote the night Jack Davenport had been to their house. She hadn't been too late. Laurette knew she had forgiven her before she passed on.

So
Mam
and Ruthy had brought the baby home, and they had nursed the frail little girl together. Now she was thriving, if still a bit too small.

Ruthy held the baby close, breathing in her fragrance, and searched her face for something of Laurette in her. The shape of her nose, perhaps. And she definitely had Laurette's chin, determined and a bit pointy. Her eyes were still a mystery, but as much as Ruthy searched, she found very little to remind her of Elam. It was as if he was as distant from this baby in looks as he had been since she was born.

Grace finished the bottle and Ruthy lifted her to her shoulder to burp her. With every little thing she did to care for this baby, the icy wall in her heart broke down. With every diaper change, every bottle, Ruthy had Laurette in her thoughts. If she had only answered Laurette's letter earlier—if only she could have shared Laurette's hopes and dreams for the baby—but no one had guessed that Laurette wouldn't live to see her daughter.

“Have you heard from Levi?”
Mam
asked.

“Ne.”
Levi and the children seemed so distant now that she was home again. She longed to go back, but what would she do with Grace?

“Should you write to him, tell him what has happened?”

“
Ja,
I should. But I don't know what to say. Elam hasn't been by to see Grace at all. I know he wanted me to care for her, but for how long? Once he gets over his grief, surely he'll want her back.”

“Will he be able to raise her on his own?”

“I don't know.” Her Elam, the boy she had planned to marry, had been adventurous and carefree. At the funeral he had looked like he was lost in a swirling maze with no end.

“I'm going to lie down for a bit.”
Mam
folded her knitting and put it in her basket.

“Once Grace is asleep, I may lie down myself.”

Mam
made her way to the bedroom and Ruthy patted the baby's back as she rocked her, listening to her soft sucking sounds as she found her fist. She closed her eyes, letting the chair's motion and the soft baby sounds relax her. Once Grace burped, then they could both take a nap.

At the sound of a knock on the door, Ruthy rose with the baby still on her shoulder.

Passing from the front room to the kitchen, she stopped short when she saw Elam standing on the other side of the screen door. He stood on the step, his clothes rumpled and his hands dirty. He rubbed them on his trousers as he saw the direction of Ruthy's gaze.

“Hello, Elam. Where have you been? I've been worried about you.”

“Ruthy, I need to talk to you.”

“
Ja,
come in. We have some pie left from dinner.”

Elam looked past her into the kitchen, and then glanced to the barn.

“
Ne,
I want...”

Grace stirred on Ruthy's shoulder, catching his attention.

“I thought you could come to my house...to see what I got ready for the baby.” He shifted his feet and glanced at the barn again. “You can make sure I did things right.”

Ruthy hesitated. When she and Elam had been courting they had taken many walks down the farm lane between the fields and through the woods to Elam's farm, but now they weren't courting. She was Levi's wife. “I'll come outside to talk with you, but I can't go far. The baby will need changing soon.”

“Bring it along.” His feet shifted again, and this time he peered past her, into the house. “I have diapers. I mean, Laurette got things ready, right?”

“I need to tell
Mam....
”

Elam shook his head. “You don't need to. We won't be gone that long.”

She hesitated again. Elam didn't seem to be in any condition to be taking care of a baby, but maybe she was just being too protective. With
Mam
napping, she didn't want to disturb her. She could go with Elam and be back before
Mam
awoke. She'd even be back before
Daed
returned from her brother's farm down the road.

She nodded, and Elam stepped back so Ruthy could come out. He took her free hand and led her to the path that led behind the barn and across the fields toward his house. Once they got past the chicken coop to the pasture fence, out of sight of the house, he slowed his pace.

“I'm glad you're here, Ruthy. I need you so much.”

“I'm happy to be able to help. The baby is so sweet. I'm calling her Grace—I know that's the name Laurette would have chosen for her.”

Elam waved his hand, pushing away her words. “I don't care what you named the baby.” He turned as he walked, grinning at her. “You're a good
mam
for her, for sure.”

Ruthy smiled, remembering how Grace fixed her eyes on her face while she fed or talked to the baby. “How could anyone not love her? She looks more like Laurette every day, you know.”

“I don't want to talk about Laurette.” Elam pulled at her hand, hurrying her across the back field, leaving the worn path and heading toward the woods.

“Where are we going?” Ruthy tried to pull her hand back, but he held it tightly. “This isn't the way to your house.”

“It's...it's a shortcut I made. You'll see.”

He led her into the woods and then turned again, heading in the direction of his house.

“Elam, I can walk better if you let go of my hand.”

“I'm not letting go of you.” He grasped her hand tighter, making her wince. “I'm just doing what I should have done before you ever left us. Before I ever started going out with Laurette.”

She tried to dig her heels into the soft dirt, but he pulled hard. Grace protested, and Ruthy stopped struggling to keep the baby calm.

“What do you mean?”

Her stomach churned when he turned to her, his eyes almost glowing in the shadowed woods.

“I never loved Laurette, just like you don't love your husband.” Ruthy started to protest, but he squeezed her hand tighter. “We could be happy together, couldn't we? Just like we planned?”

Ruthy tried to pull back. She had never seen Elam like this, his face flushed beneath the short beard. Both of his hands grasped at hers, tightening as she tried to pull away.

“Elam, think about what you're saying. I'm married, and whether I love my husband or not, nothing will change that. It's too late.”

“
Ne,
don't you see? We could move away from here and start over again. No one would know where we went.” He grinned then, with the same enthusiasm he had shown when they had discussed their future together all those years they had been courting. “I'm making a name for myself in the hootenanny show in Wheeling. They think I could make it big in movies, just like Gene Autry. We could go to Hollywood and start a new life together out there.”