Mr. 365 (32 page)

T
he following Saturday I sit in my car, gripping the steering wheel. I debate turning over the ignition again and bailing, maybe coming back another day when I feel less raw and vulnerable.

All week I have been focused like a laser on starting over with everything, and it’s given me a false sense of courage to face Will. Maybe quitting my job and giving notice on my apartment was enough for one week. I can always come back another time. But will I?

From this distance, even without the Christmas decorations, Will’s house looks like a fantastical oversized dollhouse. I wonder how I’ll feel if Will isn’t home. I also wonder how I’ll feel if he is. I reach over and run my fingers across the fine linen envelope and gift box sitting on the seat next to me.

Damn girl, just do it.
I push open my car door, gather the package and letter, and step out.

I slowly walk across the street and up his walkway. I notice the burned patch of lawn where the gingerbread house once stood. Other than that, there’s no trace of Christmas outside and it’s the first week of December. I take a deep breath and press the doorbell. I can feel my blood pressure pulsating in my temples like my head’s going to explode.

Please answer, please answer,
I repeat like a prayer.

Unfortunately a girl, wearing provocatively form fitting clothes opens the door and stares for a moment before pointing at me like an accuser.

“Hey, you’re that girl,” she says.

“Sophia,” I respond, squinting. Recognition finally hits me square in the forehead.

“And you’re Liza from the sorority. What are you doing here?” I ask, not caring how ballsy I sound.

“Well, thanks to you and that stupid show, Will has us taking down all the Christmas stuff. He said he wants it to look like it was never here.” She makes a pouty face. “Think of the kids that will miss out.”

I have to stand silently for a minute to process everything.
Taking down all the Christmas stuff? There you go.
Of course, he’s taking it all down. He probably hates Christmas now… all thanks to my fabulous efforts.

My brain sizzles, and I feel as if my hair is on fire. I almost turn and sprint down the walkway but really wouldn’t want Liza to report it back to the rest of the nubile college co-eds in Will’s house. I’m not going to make it any easier for them than I already have.

“Speaking of Will, can you go tell him I’m here and would like to speak to him?”

Liza locks her hip to one side and rests her fist on her jutting hip. “I don’t think—”

“Did the doorbell ring?” Will says, pulling the door open. When he sees me, he freezes for a moment. He glances over at Liza. She’s still engaged me in a silent standoff with me.

I’m on the verge of tears and swallow hard to keep them at bay. He may not be ready to see me but he has to give me credit for being brave enough to come.

He studies my face and then turns to Liza. “Hey, Steph’s looking for you.”

She doesn’t move and keeps staring at me.

“Liza,” he says firmly, getting her attention. “Please go see Steph.”

She huffs and marches inside after glaring at me one last time.

Will nods in the direction Liza just exited in. “Sorry about that.”

His apology flusters me. “Yeah, I wasn’t really expecting her to open the door.”

“And I wasn’t expecting you to come by,” he says, seeming more distant than I’d hoped.

“Yeah, I thought about calling first, but I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

He lifts his eyebrows but doesn’t dispute my comment.

“So how are you doing?” I ask.

He tilts his head to the side and looks down. “I was wrecked after I saw the show. It was so much worse than I thought it would be. After it aired things got so bad at work and people contacting me that I had to take time off and shut down. Since then, some days are better than others.”

I wasn’t expecting so much brutal honestly. For a moment I feel as if I can’t breathe.

“And you?” He looks back up again and our eyes meet. His are the same blue as the sky.

“Same. Your young friend said you’re taking down all of Christmas.”

He shrugs. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“And she said it was thanks to me and the show.” I bite my bottom lip to keep it from wobbling.

He lifts up one brow. “Did she now? She’s a provocative one, isn’t she?”

We study each other but the little doors behind our stares are still firmly closed.

“Well, it makes me sad to hear that,” I finally say softly.

He scratches his head. “What did Gramps say? ‘The only constant is change.’”

“So it was time for a really big change?”

“Guess so.”

I’m still undecided about giving him what I brought, but then gather my courage and hold my hand out. I offer him the small box with the envelope taped to the top.

“Well, now knowing that, you may not want this but I hope you read the letter. I put a lot of thought into it.”

“Okay,” he says, hesitating for a moment, but taking the package anyway.

I stare at his strong arms while they’re close to me. I’d give anything to have them wrapped around me again.

My heart is slowly sinking. It’s now probably somewhere between my knees and my ankles. He hasn’t been mean, so that’s progress. But he hasn’t given me a single reason to hold out hope.

I blink back a determined tear and study my feet as I try to pull myself together.

“Well, okay. It was good to see you. Maybe—”

“Yeah, I’m glad to know you’re doing okay,” he adds quickly.

I feel the sting of his cutoff acutely.

“Take care,” I say and turn quickly on my heel. I exhale and rush down the stairs and fumble for my car keys as I briskly walk to my car. I feel like a soft cantaloupe that has had the fruit slowly scooped by dragging the sharp edge of the spoon too close to the skin.

I start my car and make it at least two blocks away before I pull over. I lean over my steering wheel while my shattered heart spills out. I realize that unlike Humpty Dumpty, the biggest loser in nursery rhyme history, I don’t have all the king’s horses and king’s men to help with the fallout.

Besides, just like me, the egg was doomed from the start. I’m pretty sure on my own I’ll never be able to put all the pieces back together again.

“Y
ou’re one brave girl,” Steph says, taking a sip of her cappuccino.

Thankfully the coffee shop is almost empty. I don’t feel like being around that many people right now.

“Brave? Why do you say that?” I ask, stirring my iced tea absentmindedly as I search my mind for any examples of bravery.

“To just show up at his house and face Will like you did… I know how angry he’s been.”

“Yeah, he wasn’t really happy to see me.” The edges of my mouth quiver and that hollowed out feeling comes back.

“I’m not sure if you knew, but I was helping with the tear down that day. I didn’t find out that you’d shown up until you were already gone.”

“I didn’t know you were there, but I honestly wasn’t in the mood to chat after he was done talking with me. It’s better we catch up here.”

“When Will told me you had come by, I told him how shocked everyone was when you quit your job and walked out of the studio.” Her face turns red and she bites the tip of her index finger. “I assumed you had told him. So when I found out he didn’t know—that you hadn’t told him—I felt horrible.”

“Don’t feel bad. I’m sure it didn’t matter to him anyway.” I shrug and look up to see her response, silently hoping I’m wrong about Will not caring.

“Oh, he cared. He asked me all about it. I told him that you’d found out they had lied and used you to get him on the show. I also told him that throughout the production, they kept you at arm’s length so you’d have limited knowledge and power over how the shoot was supposed to go.”

“I still can’t believe that they did that to me.” I shake my head in disgust.

“They’re such assholes,” Steph agrees. “I also told Will that I’d heard from Rachel’s secretary that when you quit, you read Rachel the riot act before walking out.”

I grin, remembering the satisfaction of finally telling Rachel what I really thought.

“That made Will smile.”

“I’m glad. Did he say anything else?” I ask, still grinning as I picture a happy Will in my mind.

“He asked if you were looking for a job. I told him that I heard you were looking for real documentary work.”

It makes me happy that he knows about my career change. “How did he react?”

“Surprised at first, but then he looked impressed or kind of proud or something. And before I forget, what was in that box you gave him?”

“Did he open it?” I ask, biting my bottom lip.

“No, but he said he was going to.”

“I wrote him a letter, and there was a special snow globe in the box.”

Steph gives me a sympathetic smile and reaches over to give my shoulder a squeeze.

“He’ll come around, Sophia.”

“I wish I could believe that Steph. I really do.” I look down, running my fingertips along the grain in the wood of the tabletop before looking back up at her. “So enough about me. How are you? How’s work?”

“Some old, same old. I’m going to try to follow in your footsteps and get out of this reality show racket. I heard there’s a new health-related channel opening up, and they’re looking for people.” She folds her arms over her chest.

“Cool. Good luck with that.”

She suddenly bops in her chair and grins. “I almost forgot to tell you! Guess what news made Lindsey dance around the studio and howl like a sick cat yesterday?”

“I have no idea,” I say, cringing at the disturbing visual.

“She found out that Darrell, the crazy dude who hurt Romeo and tried to burn down Will’s place, has been sentenced. You know the three strikes law? Well this was his third strike. He’s out!” She grins and gestures, pointing her thumb over her shoulder. Meanwhile, the landlord of the house they were renting found out about the arson charge and evicted them. Will discovered that the house is on the market and some renovating flipper is looking at it.”

“That’s awesome news. First the charges against Will from that night got dropped, and now this. I’m so glad. I can’t imagine still having to deal with them as neighbors after what they did to him.”

“Me too. Now all we need to make things perfect is for you two to get back together.”

I sigh and rest my chin on my hand. “If only it were that easy. I wonder if he ever read my letter.”

“I don’t know, but I’ll find out. Meanwhile don’t give up hope.” She lifts up her cappuccino. “Here’s to the power of love.”

“The power of love,” I whisper as I lift my glass to hers. I think about my letter and the fact that Will was happy to hear I’ve taken steps to improve my life.

Steph lifts her cup even higher. “May love win out over all.”

I
jump every time my phone rings, hoping it’s Will calling. So, when he finally does, I almost don’t believe it’s him.

“Hi, Sophia, I wanted to thank you for your letter,” he says, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sound of his voice again.

“I wasn’t sure you’d read it.” I tighten my grip on the phone.

“Yes, I’ve read it… more than once, actually.” His tone is warm and I soak it in. It’s been a while since he’s treated me so tenderly.

My heart skips. “How many times have you read it?” I ask quietly.

“I’ve lost count. I carry it around in my back pocket.”

I love that he’s brave enough to be so honest. “I hope you realize that I meant every word.”

“I could tell. You’ve got really pretty handwriting, you know?”

“So that’s it. You like my handwriting?” I laugh.

“Well, more than just that. I liked all of it, and I want to tell you in person what it meant to me. I need to see you and was thinking we could meet for coffee and talk.”

I grab hold of the edge of the desk to steady myself and sit down. “I’d like that,” I say softly, trying not to get emotional because he wants to see me.

“I get off work early tomorrow, so I was thinking we could meet at that café we first met at. Say at four tomorrow? That is, if you’re free.”

“I’m free,” I say without any hesitation.

He lets out a deep breath. “Great. I can’t wait to see you then.”

I give myself a pep talk before walking through the café doors. Even though I’m trembling inside, I remember how encouraging he sounded on the phone. I scan the café, looking for Will. When I spot him, he’s already looking at me, his eyes lighting up when we connect. For me he’s a match struck in a dark room. I feel his flame burning as I approach him.

He stands and pulls my chair out for me.

“Thanks,” I say, scooting mine closer to the table and hanging my purse over the chair back. I cross my legs and fold my hands nervously in my lap.

“It’s good to see you. Well, you know… when you want to see me,” I say, anxiously.

“I do,” he says, leaning toward me with a charged energy. He smiles as he studies me.

I squirm like a kid waiting to get on a theme park ride. He’s making my heart do loop de loops.