Mr. 365 (25 page)

By Saturday I’m beside myself. Will still hasn’t called, and I’m climbing the walls. I finally decide to confront him. I’d rather have him be clear and break up with me instead of leaving me hanging.

When I pull up to the house, there are several men in the yard, taking the displays apart. I get out of the car, aching for the gingerbread house that is no longer.

I’m so deep in thought, Hank startles me when approaches.

“Miss Sophia, how are you doing?” His tone is so gentle that it wrecks me. He must be aware of how Will feels about me now.

I turn and try to give Hank a genuine smile but it falters.

“Not so good, Hank,” I answer honestly.

“Nah. Will neither. That was a dark night,” he says, shaking his head.

“The darkest. How are you doing? That was a rough night for you too.”

“Thanks to you, I was lucky to get away. I was just worried about Romeo and Will, and I didn’t know when or if I’d hear anything.”

“I’m so sorry about that.”

“So, Will told me about visiting Romeo at the vet place.”

“Poor Romeo,” I say.

“I bet he makes it. He’s a great dog.” Hank smiles encouragingly.

I nod. “He will.”

I survey the yard. “You guys are taking it all down?”

“Yes, Will says he can’t stand to look at it anymore. He said he may take it all down inside too.” He lets out a sad sigh.

“Really?” I can’t hide my surprise. For some reason I didn’t expect he’d want to take down everything.

“It’s all ruined now. Everything’s broken,” Hank says obliquely.

“And Will?” I want to know if he’s said anything about me, but I can’t bring myself to ask.

“Hard to say. I’ve never seen him like this.” Hank glances at the house.

I pull my shoulders back. “Well, I better go face the music…find out if he wants to see me.”

“Don’t give up on him, Sophia. He’ll come around, but right now, he’s in a bad way. He’s sick with worry over Romeo and all. Just try to understand.”

“Thanks, Hank. I’m really glad I saw you.” I squeeze his arm gently with affection.

He gives me a compassionate smile. “Me too. I’m behind you, Sophia. If he lets me, I’ll tell him that you’re the best thing to come along in a long, long time.”

I trudge up to the door and ring the bell. By the time I ring the doorbell a second time, my hands are trembling. I’m about to return to my car when the door opens.

He looks more wary than surprised to see me. Yet, as we regard at each other, for the first time since I woke him up that night, I feel like he’s really seeing me.

“Hey, Will.” I press my hands together. “I was hoping we could talk for a minute.”

He takes a deep breath, nods, and opens the door wider for me to come inside.

“Let’s go out back,” he says as he leads me down the main hall. “Do you want anything to drink?”

I’m relieved he’s being civil at least. “No, thanks,” I say softly.

He grabs his coffee mug and then holds the back door open. We both sit down on the deck stairs at the same time.

“How are you doing?” he asks.

“Not so good,” I admit. “How about you?”

“Lousy, although better than I was last time I saw you.”

“Well, that’s good. Progress at least.” I try to be encouraging.

“I was gearing myself up to call you.”

“You were?” I sigh. “I was losing hope. But at least we’re talking now.”

With a far away look in his eyes, he presses his hands down over his knees.

Could this be any more awkward
, I wonder.

“Will—”

“Sophia, before you say anything there’s something I need to say.”

“Okay,” I reply quietly, trying to prepare myself for the worst.

“The other night, when everything went to hell and I went nuts, I never had a chance to thank you.”

I look up, my mouth falling open as I blink. I wasn’t expecting this.

“I may be furious about what happened with the production company and my bastard neighbors, but that doesn’t change the fact that you saved Romeo. I saw how you risked your own safety to protect him from George, who would’ve killed him.”

“I’d do it again. All I could think about was helping you and Romeo.”

He takes my hand in his. We sit silently for a moment. I relish reconnecting with him no matter how faint and unstable the feeling is.

“Will, you have no idea how terrible I feel about everything that happened. If I could go back in time, I’d change everything. But I can’t, can I?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

I wipe a tear off my cheek. “I mean just thinking of Romeo in the hospital…”

Will squeezes my hand.

“And when I saw your gingerbread house on fire. It killed me. I know what that house meant to you.”

“I know you do,” he whispers.

“I’m so sorry.” I put my free hand over my eyes as the tears streak down my face.

He doesn’t let go of my hand and we sit quietly for a minute, both deep in our thoughts. He finally lets go, gets up and paces for a minute in front of the deck with his hands in his back pockets.

“The thing is, Sophia, those hours I spent in the holding cell, I went to some really dark places. It felt like the lowest days of my teen years…the rage, the self-loathing…all of it.”

“How horrible.”

“It was. Since then I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I’m not as together as I thought I was. I lost control of myself so quickly. It scared the fuck out of me. And then I thought about all of the shit that annoying Helena woman said about why I do the Christmas thing. I wonder if maybe she’s right. I’m just doing it to cover up stuff I should be dealing with.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Or maybe I’m just really fucked up,” he says, his shoulders slumping.

“Come on. That was a terrifying night.”

“I think it’s a lot more than that, more than just a really bad night. I need to slow things down between us until I figure some stuff out.”

I lean forward, resting my face in my hands. “You’re breaking up with me? I wish I could say I’m surprised, but after what happened, I came here expecting it.”

He lets out a frustrated sigh. “No, we’re not breaking up, just slowing things down. As it is, Romeo’s coming home tomorrow, and I’m taking the week off so I can care for him until he’s stable. If he does well, I’m thinking about taking him with me for a few days to visit an old friend who lives in Solano Beach.”

“Is this friend a guy or a girl?” I ask, not able to hide my distress.

His eyes widen. “Oh, it’s a guy. His name is Richard. He’s a great friend and got me my first job at the studio. When they lived here, he and his wife Lorraine were kind of like my surrogate parents. Romeo loves them, and he really loves hanging out at the beach. It’ll be good for me too.”

“When do you think you’ll be back?” Maybe he’s just using the time to clear his head.

“I have to be back for work the following Monday. I also promised Steph I’d come to her birthday party that Saturday. So we’ll head back Saturday.”

“Steph invited me too. Do you mind if I’m there?”

He sits back down on the step and takes my hand again. “Of course I don’t mind. I told you we’re not breaking up.”

“Right,” I say, not sure I believe him, but his hand feels warmer and his hold more confident now that he’s shared his thoughts. I wish I felt the same instead of this sinking feeling, but I’m only steps away from stumbling into emotional quicksand.

“Well, I leave for Georgia the Monday just after, so you’ll have plenty of time away from me.” His ambivalence leaves my heart aching and feeling even less grounded than before.

I gaze one more time at his hand with his fingers curled over mine before pulling away and standing.

“So, I guess I’ll get going.”

He stands as well. “Yeah, I’ve got to get back outside and check on the tear down. Hank’s taken it over, and I’m glad for it.”

“I think he’s worried about you.”

His expression falls. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

He opens the back door to the house and we step into the kitchen.

“Hank is my hero. I still can’t believe he showed up that night.”

Will furrows his brow. “I can’t get him to talk about it.”

“Really? He was mortified after he did it.”

“He was probably scared he’d get in trouble with the authorities.”

“I’d give anything to have seen it clearly. It was just a blur,” I say.

“So, you didn’t see him coming?” Will asks.

“No, not at all. I just remember running with Romeo in my arms down the middle of the dark street toward the sirens. I had turned to see where that George guy was. He was just a couple paces behind me and gaining fast. I saw a flash of silver out of in the corner of my eye. The sirens were so loud the sound of the cart got lost.

“George was so focused on me that he must not have seen Hank coming at him from the side. I heard the sound of an explosive crash. It happened so fast. I skidded to a stop and looked behind me. George was sprawled on the pavement like a rag doll.”

“Holy shit.”

“It took a second for it to compute. That’s when I saw Hank holding onto his shopping cart for dear life. He was completely shaken.”

“Oh, Hank,” Will says sadly.

“You know, now that I think of it, right before I started running I heard a noise that sounded like clanking metal. I bet it was his cart as he pushed it down the street. It had that kind of noise. He told me he’d seen the flames and was coming to check on the house.”

“What if he hadn’t been out collecting cans that night?” Will asks with dismay.

Suddenly the doorbell rings, so Will steps forward to answer it. When he pulls it open, it’s Hank who seems glad to see that we’re calm and apparently getting along.

“Speak of the devil,” Will says.

Hank looks back and forth between us. “I just came to ask what we should go into the garage storage first,” Hanks says, biting on his thumbnail. “Were you really talking about me?”

“All good stuff, my man,” Will says.

Hank’s eyes narrow like he’s not convinced. “Are you sure?”

“It’s about how you saved me the other night, Hank,” I say to reassure him.

Hank stands tall and nods. “I’m just glad I was there.”

“We’re so grateful,” I say.

Will looks warmly at me with a twinkle in his eye and I feel a surge of happiness sensing that maybe things are going better than I’d hoped.

Hank nods and gives us a gentle smile. “I’m just glad to see you two together and happy.”

“Me too,” Will says, taking my hand.

I swoon internally.

“So give me a second, Hank, to say good-bye to Sophia, and then I’ll be out to help.”

“Sure thing.”

When the door closes, Will pulls me into his arms and gives me a long hug. I settle into his arms, soaking up every sensation, knowing it will have to carry me for a while.

“Thank you,” he whispers as he holds me.

“For what?” I ask.

“That’s the first time I’ve smiled in what feels like days. And you were brave to come over here considering what I was like last time you saw me.”

“I didn’t feel brave. I just missed you so damn much.” I admit.

“I missed you, too.”

“Good.”

He laughs as we pull apart. “Good?”

“Yes, and I want you to miss me this week, too. A lot.”

“Really? What things would you expect me to miss most?”

“Maybe how I feed you cupcakes, or how I’m always touching you, or how we love to laugh, and how sweet I am.” I pull on a lock of my hair and twist in in my fingers.

“Well, I’m sure I’ll miss everything about you,” he says.

“That works for me,” I kiss him on the cheek. “Let me know how Romeo’s progress goes?” I open up the door and step out on his porch. I feel a powerful swell of sadness hit me as I head down the porch stairs.

“I will.” He leans against the doorjamb, looking at me with a forlorn look in his eyes.

I’d like to think that he doesn’t want me to go.

“Bye then,” I say and turn.

“Bye for now, Sophia.”

As I walk to my car, I can feel him watching me. Despite my melancholy, my entire being feels so much lighter. Will’s attitude is more promising than I could’ve hoped for when I arrived.

I
throw myself into research for my upcoming shoots at work to keep myself busy and my mind distracted. The out-of-town location shoots are always twice as tricky as we have to plan flights and hotels, transport the equipment, and learn each city’s policies for permits and restrictions.

Lindsey handles these details. She asks me three different times if I have plans to see Will, and after the third negative answer, she finally stops asking.

As much as I try to get excited about the bedazzled Easter lady, my inspiration falls flat. Everything regarding holidays now is measured against Will and consequently comes up short. There’s just no way a large man in an oversized furry bunny suit can compare to snow falling indoors while making love in a winter forest. I sigh and lean my chin into my hand while I remember Will’s enchanted house and all the experiences I shared with him there.

In my low mood, even Paul acts nicer to me. He corners me at the coffeemaker Tuesday morning.

“Have things gotten any better with Mr. Christmas?” he asks as he stirs milk into his coffee.

“You heard he’s not doing the shopping segment, right?”

“Yeah, I heard. I expected that. For what it’s worth, Will’s the only guy I’ve ever interviewed on these reality shows who I thought was cool… someone I’d actually hang out with.”

“That’s sweet. He
is
cool. He’s one of those people I will never forget.”

“Well, maybe you won’t have a reason to. He’s sweet on you,” he says.

“At one point, maybe. But not like he was before. Not after that night.”

“Still a delicate little buttercup, are we? I adore you for it, of course but men are more pragmatic, girlfriend. The next time you see him, wear something sexy, and he’ll forget everything but the quickest way to get your panties off.”

“You’re such a romantic, Paul.”

“No, I’m not. I just call ’em as I see ’em,” he insists with a shrug.