Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (7 page)

“Ah, a direct question. A brilliant strategy. I see I was right in seeking you out. You also reject the confines of social rules. We must play chess someday. I will reward your boldness with a response.” Looking significantly at Elizabeth, he said, “I find her sister most appealing.”

Trying to hide his intense and conflicting emotion, Darcy asked, “You must be well acquainted then.”

“Oh, yes, I have known her since she was a girl. But our dispositions are too similar. I often provoke her. I doubt she will accept my invitation to dance; I recently enraged her by disagreeing with her about a passage from a play we had both read. But I have reread the entire book and am armed with evidence that my position is superior. I will attempt to dazzle her with my wit and undoubtedly will leave defeated. But a man must always make an effort. Do you not agree?”

Darcy searched for something to say, but the music ended and John Lucas bowed his exit with a smile. He then walked directly over to Elizabeth to secure his dance. Darcy watched as Elizabeth smiled and agreed. As he stood alone, he saw Jane approaching as she exited the floor. Realizing that he needed to accomplish his avowed reason for coming, Darcy attempted to put his thoughts about Elizabeth aside and deal with the subject at hand. He walked over to Jane, bowed slightly, and asked, “Madam, would you do me the honor of the next dance?”

With a small curtsey, Jane replied, “I would be delighted.”

Once the dance was under way and its movement allowed some privacy, Darcy regained his composure and said, “Miss Bennet, thank you for agreeing to dance with me. I thought it might give us an opportunity to continue our discussion.”

“Yes, Mr. Darcy, I agree. I am glad you asked.”

“It is my pleasure.”

“Mr. Darcy, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your coming tonight. When we talked the other afternoon, I did not feel up to the task of responding to your question. Thank you for waiting while I took some time to reflect.”

“No, madam, your request was quite understandable, and it is I who is in your debt for agreeing to speak to me in the first place. I created the situation; it is no inconvenience for me to await your decision.”

“Thank you, sir; I do appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

“Miss Bennet, while I do not mean to rush you, may I be so bold as to ask if you have indeed come to a decision?”

“Yes, sir, I have.”

“I am glad to hear it, but before you answer, I want you to know that whatever you decide about accepting a visit from our mutual friend, I am resolved to confess my actions to him when I return to London. I feel that my honor requires it. Once I do, I would like to be able to give him some hope that the situation is not beyond repair.”

“I understand that you must do what you feel is right. I also understand that doing so will not be easy for you. I sincerely hope that if you explain your actions with the sincerity that you have shown me, that our friend will understand that your intentions were good, whatever the actual outcome.”

“I think, madam, that you are far too kind. But when I do speak to him, may I convey your regards?”

“Mr. Darcy, although it is very difficult for me, I have decided that I would rather you not.”

“But, Miss Bennet…” interrupted Darcy.

“Mr. Darcy, please hear me out. I know I mentioned that I would be uncomfortable coming between a person and his family, and I still feel that way. But I have also decided that if I would ever be able to put those concerns aside, I would first want to be sure that I did not encourage discord or knowingly cause pain among a family. I would find it hard to live with myself if I actively sought my happiness at the expense of someone else's. As such, I think it would be best if I kept my thoughts on the subject to myself.”

Darcy remained silent while he pondered Jane's words. He then said, “In the same vein, though, you would not want to discourage someone from seeking out what would truly give him happiness.”

“But it is not my place to do either. Through your intelligence, I have learned the private feelings of people who otherwise did not want me to know their disinclination to form an alliance with me. I think you were right in telling me, and I am very grateful that you did. It makes it much easier to come to terms with how events have turned out. But if I used this information or tried to benefit from it, I would become part of their scheme. I simply want no part of it.”

“Miss Bennet, your sense of honor and goodness is quite amazing. I do not agree with what you have decided, but I do respect it. I will not involve you any further. But from what I have heard you say, I must also assume that you would not be disposed to discount someone's attentions based on the same unfortunate intelligence. If your intent is to disregard this information, you should do it in its totality.”

“Mr. Darcy, I can see that you can be very persuasive when you wish. I would not attempt to engage you in a battle of wits. I think it would be more prudent to change the subject. Consequently, I will consider this matter closed except to say again that I harbor no ill will toward you and hope that if our paths ever cross again, you will consider me a friend. That said, might I inquire about your plans for the summer? I recall that you hope to visit with your sister soon?”

“Miss Bennet, I think you should never be afraid to engage anyone in a challenge of wits or wills. Through graciousness and kindness you have effectively closed a subject that I think might benefit from further discourse, but I can see it would be imprudent for me to attempt it. I will only add that I would indeed be honored to call you a friend. Your generosity has taught me a valuable lesson as to the type of person I should strive to become. I am truly humbled by you. That said, in response to your question, yes, I am planning to return to Pemberley after my sojourn in London. My sister will be in residence there, and I am anxious to see her again.”

As Darcy and Jane continued their dance, Elizabeth struggled to keep her mind on her conversation with John Lucas. Instead, she watched Mr. Darcy and Jane's interaction with studied interest. Mr. Lucas finally interrupted and asked, “You seem very concerned with your sister. Are the rumors true, then?”

“What have you heard?”

“What everyone else has, I assume. My mother and your mother recently had tea, and they could speak of nothing else but Miss Bennet's visitor. He seems nice enough and is obviously a good match. Why the look of concern?”

“Mr. Lucas, I thought you were smart enough to know better than to believe everything you hear. It is not your place— Did you say he seemed nice enough?”

“Yes, he was very engaging when we spoke, and endured my questions quite well. He seems very much a gentleman. Do you have some reason to disagree?”

“No, of course not. I just did not realize the two of you had spoken.”

Detecting her lie, he decided to leave the subject alone so as not to vex her further. He attempted his explanation of his rereading of Shakespeare. Elizabeth eventually argued the point with him, but he could tell her heart was not in it. At the close of the dance, he offered to get her a refreshment. She gratefully agreed as he deposited her in a corner of the room while he fetched it.

As Darcy and Jane completed their dance, he walked her off the floor in order to bid her farewell and express his heartfelt wish for her happiness. She thanked him in return. She was then approached for the next dance. Darcy bowed to her new partner and stepped away. As he watched her go, he suddenly realized that he was standing near Elizabeth.

Elizabeth spoke first. “Mr. Darcy, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for speaking with my sister about Mr. Bingley. It was very good of you.”

“Miss Bennet, I think we both know that is not true. I am simply trying to correct my error in judgment. I deserve no praise.”

Disarmed by his honesty, Elizabeth attempted another tack. “Sir, let me at least thank you for your letter and apologize for my misjudgment of you. I am ashamed that I was so easily taken in by Mr. Wickham.”

“Obviously, no apology is necessary. Mr. Wickham is very adept at fooling people, and you should not blame yourself for his misdeeds.”

“I fear you are too kind, sir.”

“Once again, madam, I think we both know that is not true.”

“Sir, let me…”

Unwilling to let Elizabeth continue, Darcy interrupted, “Miss Bennet, I know my coming to Hertfordshire must be more than awkward for you, and I apologize for it. I hope you understand why I thought it was necessary. The last thing I want to do is prolong your discomfort. I suppose there is much we could both say to each other, but I think it might be more charitable for me to simply say good evening and let you know that I truly wish you every happiness.” Unable to resist the temptation, Darcy took her hand and kissed it before leaving the assembly.

Visitors

The next day, Darcy left Netherfield at first light. He wanted to talk to Bingley as soon as possible. He needed to make his confession and put the entire incident behind him. Seeing Elizabeth had been painful, and watching her dance with another man, one whose intentions were obvious, was more than he could bear.

He had spent a sleepless night debating whether he had been too brusque in his departure from the assembly. If he had allowed their conversation to continue, they could have discussed her misjudgment of Wickham and his misunderstanding of Miss Bennet, but to what end? Maybe they would have understood each other's motives better, and in turn, that might have made their relationship more cordial. But he did not want her cordiality. When she stood near him, looking beautiful and engaging, he wanted her, and anything short of a second declaration felt hollow. Before seeing her, he had talked himself into believing that he was still angry with her for all her unjustified criticism. When he actually talked to her, however, he knew all he really wanted was for her to love him—not that he thought that it was still possible or even desirable after all that happened. He just wished that things had turned out differently. In hindsight, he probably should have handled their brief conversation better, but he had felt unequal to the task. It seemed pointless to engage in strained polite conversation when he knew he could not say what he actually felt.

While he regretted providing her another example of his incivility, he vowed not to dwell on it. His entire relationship with Elizabeth had been filled with regret. Another instance would not matter. His conversation with John Lucas was more difficult to banish from his mind. He tortured himself by trying to calculate how long it would take Lucas to win Elizabeth's hand. He had to admit that if Lucas did succeed, it would be a good match for her. He would eventually inherit Lucas Lodge, and despite his efforts to vilify him, Lucas seemed an amiable man. He obviously cared for Elizabeth—or at least cared about trying to court her. He had gone to the trouble of planning out a topic of conversation for his dance with her, and he had spoken of her in admiring terms. He would undoubtedly continue to pursue her. He would nurture an attachment between them. Eventually, he would ask her to marry him—without insulting her—and she would accept. They would be extremely happy together and most likely have several beautiful children.

His jealousy was palpable. Lucas had bested him by embarking on the radical plan of trying to win her by treating her well. Why hadn't he tried as much in Kent? He vowed that if he survived this ordeal, he would remember what was required to court a woman worth winning.

Not that it would matter in regard to Elizabeth. He would most likely never see her again. His only real connection with her was through Bingley, and while he hoped that Bingley would eventually formalize that association through marriage to Miss Bennet, it would come at the cost of his friendship. He could not imagine that Bingley would forgive him for the pain he had caused Miss Bennet, and even if he did, his continued association with Bingley would surely make Elizabeth uncomfortable, no matter how much they both attempted to be civil. Their interaction at the assembly was proof of that. If Bingley and Miss Bennet formed an alliance, Elizabeth had every right to want to spend time with them. It was her sister after all. He truly valued Bingley's friendship, and if it could be salvaged after his confession, he would be eternally grateful, but he would not do so at the risk of imposing himself on Elizabeth. He had caused the discord between them, and if one of them needed to step back to ensure their paths did not cross again, it should be him. Besides, it would allow him the excuse of never having to witness Elizabeth as another man's wife.

He knew letting his mind drift in such a fashion was unproductive, and his musing about the future premature. Until he spoke to Bingley, nothing was certain. He intended to call on him as soon as he arrived in London. He was dreading the encounter but knew time was of the essence. Moreover, he needed to act while he still had the nerve. He would make his confession to Bingley while honoring Miss Bennet's request by omitting any reference to her present feelings. While he had hoped to be able to tell Bingley more, he felt that he could still report, without betraying Miss Bennet's confidence, that during his visit to Hertfordshire she did not appear to be engaged and that he had not heard of any imminent suitors—other than, of course, himself. That bit of gossip he would obviously omit. If possible, he would also leave out the details of his interaction with Elizabeth in Kent. It would not serve any purpose and might only complicate matters. Ultimately, what mattered was that Bingley be told that he and his sisters had been wrong about Miss Bennet.

Once he confessed to Bingley, he would encourage him to return to Hertfordshire. Even if his reception there was uncertain, he should at least try to pick up where he had left off. If he still loved Miss Bennet, it would be worth it, even if he ultimately failed, because he would know that he had done everything in his power to correct the situation. Darcy knew firsthand that there was nothing worse than regret.

Darcy thought it ironic that he was suddenly an expert on affairs of the heart; he was such a dismal failure when it involved his own life. But there was a difference between Bingley's situation and his own. Bingley was a victim of other people's unwarranted interference. Consequently, the path to correcting that mistake was clear. Darcy had sabotaged his own life, and there was no way to salvage the damage.

After a long, tedious journey, Darcy was greeted at Bingley's townhouse by his friend's steward. “Mr. Darcy, I was just leaving instructions for this letter to be delivered to you. Mr. Bingley was called away. He left just this morning and wanted you to know of his change in plans.”

Taking the letter, Darcy thanked him. While Bingley's missive was difficult to read in places, the gist was clear. Miss Bingley had insisted that her brother escort her to their sister's home in a neighboring county, where she was to stay for a few weeks. Because he did not know Darcy's date of return, he thought it wiser to complete the trip now rather than later. He intended to stay at his sister's house as briefly as possible. He would leave as soon as he was sufficiently rested for the return trip. He would contact Darcy upon his arrival in town.

Darcy entrusted a reply to Bingley's steward, indicating that he would wait in town for his return, as there was an important matter that they needed to discuss. He considered also sending an express to Bingley at his sister's residence, but rejected the idea. What he needed to say could not be put in a letter, and Bingley had already indicated that he would return as soon as possible.

Darcy was thoroughly disappointed by the turn of events. He wanted to put the whole business behind him, and this was another obstacle to its completion. Bingley had only begun his journey that morning, and depending on the weather, it would be several days before his return. Moreover, he wondered how a delay would affect the inhabitants of Longbourn. He had made no promises about Bingley's return to Hertfordshire, but he had hoped to convince him to return immediately. He could not help but think that Miss Bennet might be wishing for Bingley's return and wondered if she would suffer needlessly when he did not appear within the amount of time reasonably expected. Given Miss Bennet's generous disposition and her kindness toward him, Darcy could not help but feel protective of her. Unfortunately, there was nothing to do but wait.

As the days passed, a visitor was indeed much anticipated at Longbourn. But not the one Darcy hoped. Mrs. Bennet had been anxiously awaiting his return so that he could secure Jane's hand. Jane had told her mother several times that Mr. Darcy had not indicated that he would ever be returning to Hertfordshire. Mrs. Bennet, however, could not be convinced. Instead, she required Jane to be ever present in the drawing room so that she could receive her suitor at his earliest convenience. As the days passed, Elizabeth could not help but feel for Jane. She understood that Jane felt it would be improper to outwardly encourage Mr. Bingley, but she also wondered if Jane might be secretly hoping Mr. Bingley would visit. Their mother's constant declarations about how much time had passed since Mr. Darcy's departure could only serve to remind Jane of how many days Mr. Bingley had been aware of his friend's deception without taking action. Putting a stop to her mother's endless prattle, however, was not easily accomplished.

Elizabeth did not need her mother's constant mention of Mr. Darcy to keep him in the forefront of her mind. She was puzzled by every aspect of his recent behavior and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to resolve it. That he would come to Hertfordshire to correct the damage he had done showed a depth of character she had overlooked. His willingness to dance and converse with her neighbors was nothing short of shocking, and that people she respected, like Jane and John Lucas, thought him amiable was difficult to understand. Perhaps Jane was right, and she was continuing to hold a grudge when his improved behavior called for some charity.

But as soon as she would declare her previous opinions of him unjust, doubts would surface. She felt sure that once Mr. Bingley knew all, he would come. Yet he had not. As time passed, she began to doubt Mr. Darcy's sincerity and wondered if he had failed to tell Mr. Bingley about his interference, though she knew from Jane's earnest account of their conversation that it was not likely. She had been impressed that Mr. Darcy had told Jane that he planned to tell Bingley all that had transpired, regardless of her present feelings. She had to admit that he genuinely seemed to regret his actions, and was glad he was trying to make amends. Given all that he had already done to promote reconciliation between Mr. Bingley and Jane, the delay in Mr. Bingley's return could not, in fairness, be blamed on him.

Even giving Mr. Darcy the benefit of the doubt about Mr. Bingley, Elizabeth still could not reconcile his behavior toward her at the assembly. After Jane had told her the purpose of his visit to Hertfordshire, she realized that her earlier supposition about his continued affection for her was wrong. She felt a little embarrassed that she had so easily assumed he had come for her, and she recalled her fleeting feelings of jealousy with shame. She was grateful she had not shared her thoughts with Jane.

She attended the assembly comfortable in the fact that he had come to talk to Jane about Mr. Bingley and nothing more. But after their two chance encounters, she felt strangely unsettled, particularly when she contemplated his good-bye to her. On the one hand, his refusal to hear her out seemed typical of his overall dismissive attitude toward her. But then again, she could detect in his eyes his discomfiture and his embarrassment, and she understood his desire to end their encounter as quickly as possible. While she knew he had more than his share of pride, she had to admit that she could not imagine any man who would willingly interact with a woman after she had refused his proposal. That was what troubled her. It was not just that he seemed uncomfortable or that he despised her for her rejection. He seemed, at his essence, to have an air of sadness about him. Surely, it could not be for her. He had made it clear to both Jane and her that he did not want to impose upon her further, and it was obvious that her presence was a burden to him. Yet, her thoughts continually returned to the way he had solemnly kissed her hand and wished her every happiness.

Elizabeth was roused from her thoughts by her mother's latest round of speculation about Mr. Darcy's return. Elizabeth noticed Jane's back stiffen. She resolved to intercede on her sister's behalf. When her mother complained about the ill effects that all this waiting had on her health, Elizabeth sympathized and suggested that perhaps the apothecary could help. Mrs. Bennet basked in the attention and warmed to the idea. She then dismissed it when she realized that she could not go to town for fear of missing Mr. Darcy's visit. Elizabeth suggested that Jane go for her. At first, her mother rejected the idea out of hand because Jane had to be home to receive Mr. Darcy as well. Elizabeth, however, continued her campaign, noting that it might be good for Mr. Darcy to have to wait for Jane. It would break him of his habit of assuming that he could return whenever he chose and expect Jane to be here waiting for him. Mrs. Bennet immediately saw the wisdom of the plan and bade Jane leave to go. When Elizabeth began to depart as well, Mrs. Bennet informed her that she was needed at home. Elizabeth realized that her momentary willingness to discuss the best strategy for Jane to snare Mr. Darcy had made her appear a desirable companion, a position she did not often merit with her mother. Resigned that she had at least managed Jane's escape, Elizabeth settled down to pay the price for Jane's temporary freedom.

After a brief interlude, Elizabeth was startled by the sound of a carriage. Kitty looked out and announced that the chaise was unfamiliar but quite fine. Mrs. Bennet determined that Mr. Darcy probably owned so many fine carriages that it was no wonder she did not recognize them all. Anticipating Mr. Bingley's return, Elizabeth immediately regretted her plan to afford Jane a reprieve from their mother. She knew that nothing would salve Jane's wounds better than Mr. Bingley's return. She would have to convince him to wait. Jane had already waited for so long; Mr. Bingley could forswear a few hours more. She knew that once they were reunited, they would have much to work out. Jane's concern over his family's obvious objections would require sensitivity on his part. Despite the obstacles, she felt confident that all could be resolved if the couple were only given the opportunity. She suddenly dreaded her mother's inevitable confusion over Mr. Bingley returning, rather than Mr. Darcy, but hoped her mother's usual vice of flittering from one idea to another would actually prove a virtue in this situation.

As her mother barked commands at Kitty and recriminations at Elizabeth for having talked her into letting Jane go, the door opened and the visitor was announced. To Elizabeth's shock, it was Lady Catherine de Bourgh. To her further amazement, her mother was temporarily stunned into an unaccustomed silence.