Mr. Darcy Goes Overboard (4 page)

The following day, great excitement was felt as it was rumoured a pack of lifeguards were descending on the seaside town, where they would be staying to attend training exercises. The girls--and especially Kitty and Lydia--could think of nothing but rippling torsos encased in yellow T-shirts and muscular thighs locked in red shorts. Tales of bravery and rescue were the most enchanting of conversations. After listening to their prattling on this subject, Mr Bennet put down the
Daily Telegraph
and coolly observed, 'From your conversation, you must be the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it for some time, but I am now convinced.'

'How could you say such a thing about your own daughters?' retorted Mrs Bennet. 'They are not foolish! Indeed, they are clever. Why they are all "A" class students and will all go to excellent universities, I'll be bound.'

'Universities? My dear, I thought you were only concerned with husbands,' said Mr Bennet, feigning surprise. 'But now you mention it,' he continued, turning his attention to Lizzy, 'with Jane considering History of Art as a suitable course for a young lady, have you made your decision yet? Do you have a subject? A place of learning? Your room seems piled high in prospectus... or should that be prospectii?'

'Durham is a possibility, Father,' replied Lizzy.

'Durham! Why Durham? It is a cold, far-flung place that will enable you to escape your sisters, but is that a good enough reason?'

'That is not my reason, Father. It is one of the best universities, with a fine department, and to top it all, with its medieval castle and cathedral, they say it is very pretty.'

'Hmmm. Well visit it first, my dear. You don't want to be disappointed.'

'Oh!' A screech from Jane who was sitting before her Apple laptop made all heads turn.

'What is it, my dear?' asked Mrs Bennet.

'An email, Mother. From Cazza Bingley.'

'What does it say? Read it out!'

'Hey, Jane. Lulu, Hattie, and I are so bored right now. Chas has gone off surfboarding. We are marooned here in Netherpollock. Come to munch at lunch with us b4 we go bonkers! Muchos love, Cazza :)'

'You must go directly,' said Mrs Bennet, excited.

'Shall I take
Angelica
?'

'No,' retorted her mother. 'It looks like a storm might be brewing. Sail across in the topper, and then you will get marooned at East Portlemouth and will have to stay the night.'

Within half an hour, Jane was ready to go. She had on a flimsy dress on top of which she wore a bright orange, bulky life jacket, which slightly spoilt the delicate effect of the dress, but even Mrs Bennet did not want her daughter to actually drown. As she sat in the topper and was pushed off from the pontoon, the sun was still ominously shining, but Mrs Bennet was reassured to see thunderous black clouds thickening on the horizon. By the time Jane was sailing across the centre of the estuary, a massive storm had blown up. Later, Lizzy was not surprised to receive a message on her phone.

'Lizzy. Got soaked. Whacked on head by boom. Knocked unconscious but picked up by passing fisherman while floating facedown in sea. Been to Plymouth hospital. Twenty head stitches for large gash, broken jaw, and arm in plaster. Back at Bingley's. Staying night. nbd. Hugs. Jane xx'

Lizzy related this news to the rest of the family, and Mr Bennet was able to comfort his wife.

'At least if Jane were to die, you could feel it was all in pursuit of Mr Bingley.'

'Jane will not die!' said Mrs Bennet indignantly. 'She just has a little scratch. Lizzy, what are you doing?'

'I am going to visit Jane.'

'But why are you putting on your wetsuit?'

'I am going to swim across. The freezing water will do me good.'

'Swim! You will not be fit to be seen.'

'I will be fit to be seen by Jane, and that is all that matters.'

'I admire the active form of your benevolence,' observed Mary, looking up from
Advanced Physics III
, 'but every impulse of feeling should be guided by reason; and in my opinion, exertion should always be in proportion to what is required.'

Lizzy could hear nothing, as she had now added a rubber head protector, and along with flippers, mask, and snorkel was making her way out of the front door, down Island Street, and descending into the water. It was icy in the sea, but Lizzy relished the challenge, striking out and cutting her way through waves with impatient activity, and finding herself at last within view of the shore. With weary limbs, she crawled up Small's Cove. She was pleased to see all the Bingley party, apart from Jane, assembled before a windshield. Her appearance as an unidentified swimmer emerging from the water caused great surprise and confusion as she tried, possibly in error, to explain her errand before removing her mask and snorkel and making her identity clear. That she should have swum alone across such waters seemed incredible to Cazza, Lulu, and Hattie, and Lizzy was convinced that they held her in contempt for it. But she was greeted with politeness by them all and by more than politeness by Bingley, who went into spasms of 'Splendid! Delightful! Splendid!' to her every remark. Mr Darcy said very little, and Mr Hurst, Hattie's overweight boyfriend, said nothing at all. The former was full of admiration for the dripping wet form before him, watching the rivulets of water stream from her hair and down the rubber-clad body. The latter was thinking only of his prelunch snifter.

Cazza, with all generosity, took Lizzy up to the house to where Jane was lying in the guest room.

'She has not slept well, I am afraid. She is still feverish and has not left her room.'

Upon entering, Lizzy could entirely comprehend her sister's inability for exertion. Jane's beautiful face was barely visible, wrapped in a swathe of bandages that covered her from head to toe. Her right arm was held aloft in plaster, and what Jane had not alerted Lizzy to in her text, not wanting to alarm her, was the broken leg that now pointed to the heavens, held up in traction.

'Oh, my dear Jane!' exclaimed Lizzy. 'You are not well.'

Jane's one visible eye spoke volumes, so the two sisters sat in silence for some time until Jane dropped into a merciful sleep.

Lizzy returned downstairs where the rest of the party had now gathered for afternoon tea. It was quickly ascertained that Jane was not yet well enough to leave, and the suggestion was made that Lizzy should stay at Netherpollock to help speed her sister's recovery. Lizzy accepted with alacrity, and Bingley was dispatched in
Little Miss Splendid
to collect some attire from 3 Island Street for Lizzy, so she could change out of her wetsuit.

At dinner, Lizzy looked radiant in cropped jeans and a smart pale blue-and-white Crew shirt. Civil enquiries poured in with regards to the patient who, by the ladies, was then soon forgotten, restoring Lizzy to her original dislike of them.

Bingley's contrasting constant thoughts for Jane, however, endeared her still more to him, although even in her own mind, his attentions were verging on the excessive. 'Do you think her right eye will recover to its former glory? Of course, I don't mind, for her left eye is more than beautiful enough for one person, but I would not like her to be upset.' And 'Oh how gracefully she walked previously--I do pray for her sake she will not develop a limp--although of course I should not mind, only mind for her sake.' And 'Oh how she had the voice of an angel. Do you think she will be able to speak as sweetly as before? Of course I would not mind if she had no voice at all, as her angelic looks are enough for me, but it might inconvenience her.' And 'What if her right arm should not mend? Would she be able to paint and draw and do embroidery as well as previously? Of course I would not mind; her left arm is quite delightful enough for me, but it might upset her to be so encumbered.' And so on and so forth until Lizzy barely knew which part of Jane's body had not been discussed and wished for total recovery.

Mr Darcy said little but continued to observe, and Mr Hurst simply ate.

After dinner, Lizzy returned to Jane who, by blinking with her one visible eye, managed to indicate she was feeling a little better.

Downstairs, Cazza, Lulu, and Hattie amused themselves by discussing their horror at Lizzy's cross-estuary swim.

'Why must she be frolicking about in the waves like that just because her sister had met with a slight misfortune? Her hair so untidy, so blowsy!'

'And her fingers and toes blue with cold. Quite blue!'

'All lost on me,' said Bingley. 'I thought Lizzy looked remarkably well when she emerged from the sea this morning. Her blue extremities quite escaped my notice.'

'You observed it, Mr Darcy, I am sure, and I am afraid that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes.'

'Not at all,' he replied, 'even through her mask I could see that they were brightened by the exercise.'

Cazza was brought to a momentary silence by this remark, but then continued, 'Jane is a sweet girl, and I hope she will be married well. But with such parents and such low connections, I am afraid there is no chance of it.'

'No. And what is more, they are state educated. They have little hope.'

'State educated they may be, but grammar girls,' cried Bingley. 'By my understanding, they are as bright as buttons!'

'That, dear Brother, is your understanding.'

At that moment, Lizzy re-entered the room.

'Ah, Lizzy! Do come and join us on our Wii,' said Cazza, leaping up. 'We thought we would play polo. You are familiar with polo, I presume?'

'Sadly not. At our school, netball was the main sport. I was wing defence. No, I shall decline polo and would rather read.'

'Read!' cried Mr Hurst, astonished. 'How could you prefer to read than play polo?'

'Lizzy is a great reader,' said Cazza. 'She is insanely keen on reading, reading, reading, page after page after page, book after book after book, and has no pleasure in anything else.'

'That is not true! I--'

'I am sorry I have so pifflingly small a library,' interjected Bingley. 'I am afraid I am not a great reader myself, so have only a few classics for you to peruse--Dahl, Potter, Blyton--the usual stuff.'

'I am sure you have a fine library aboard
Pemberley
, Darcy,' said Cazza. 'Your father was a beast of a reader.'

'I do.'

'And tell me, will your sweet sister, Georgiana, be joining us soon? She must be much grown. GCSE's I do believe. And such a bright girl--top of her class at a top public school. And what accomplishments--polo, of course, and she plays the pianoforte like a dream.'

The following day, Lizzy was horrified to see Mrs Bennet, Lydia, and Kitty landing at Small's Cove and making their way up the cliff path to Netherpollock. Mrs Bennet was pleased to discover that Jane was not in any danger, and so had no wish for her to recover more quickly than necessary and wished instead to prolong her daughter's stay.

Bingley, all smiles, invited his visitors to stay for morning coffee, an invitation Mrs Bennet accepted with alacrity.

'Do you have hot chocolate?' asked Lydia. 'I was freezing to death on the boat. My fingers are like icebergs.'

'Of course! Hot chocolate it is,' Bingley replied, all generosity and geniality.

'And how do you like Salcombe, Mr Bingley?' enquired Mrs Bennet. 'I do hope we will have the pleasure of your company down here for many a summer to come.'

'Oh it is the most splendid, delightful, splendid location!' enthused Bingley. 'Why I could spend the rest of my days here!'

'And how about you, Mr Darcy?'

'I prefer my boat, which gives me the opportunity to move on.'

'Is the company not good enough for you here?'

'In a small town, the company is naturally less varied than in a larger.'

'I'll have you know, Mr Darcy, that we keep a good range of company here--most variable and all with mannerisms! We picnic often, for instance, with Sir William Lucas--such a man of fashion! So careful and so concerned! He has always something on health-and-safety matters to say to everybody--That is my idea of good breeding; and those arrogant, bigheaded, supercilli... silly persons who fancy themselves superior and never open their mouths except to be rude and supercilli... silly... quite, quite mistake the matter!'

An embarrassed silence ensued until Lydia, remembering, reminded Mr Bingley of his promise to give a beach party.

'I am perfectly ready to keep my promise, and as soon as your dear sister has recovered, you may name the date, and the party will be set.'

Lydia and Kitty squeaked in delight, and to Lizzy's relief, left with their mother before any more damage could be done.

The Bingley party had become particularly fond of The Ferry Inn, which lay on the waterside directly across the estuary from Netherpollock. Evening entertainment saw them take to the seas in
Little Miss Splendid
to cross the harbour and enjoy the real ale and other liquid refreshments available at this lively inn.

It meant leaving the invalid, Jane, still in traction on the other side of the waters, but they supplied her with a torch, and it was felt that if the pain worsened and that she was in mortal danger or in need of extra morphine, she could always signal across by flashing in Morse code.

Lizzy was amused to note on these occasions how outrageously Cazza would flirt with Darcy, complimenting him on his speed of texting ('I text rather slowly' came the reply), how masterfully he managed
Little Miss Splendid
's tiller ('No better than any other man before me') and what fine taste he had in beers ('I assure you, selecting a pint of Marston's Pedigree does not make me a connoisseur').

Karaoke was always leapt upon as a great diversion, and Cazza, Lulu, and Hattie delighted the locals in a bawdy rendition of 'Je t'aime', but Lizzy could not be prevailed upon. Darcy tried to encourage her to join in some arm wrestling, but she was not to be drawn. However, her sweet and fun-loving nature was having an effect. Darcy was bewitched.