Mr. Darcy's Proposal (25 page)

The day was very fine, and Elizabeth stayed out nearly all afternoon exploring the woods beyond the lake where she and Darcy had walked several times over the first weeks she had been at Pemberley. As was often the case, the vigorous exercise helped calm her anger and mend her frayed nerves. It was such a beautiful day that she could not bear the thought of being indoors, so after a long walk, she found a quiet spot near a little stream and sat down. Leaning her back against a tree, she relaxed and watched the birds on the water. The combination of lack of sleep and the rush of emotions had left her exhausted. The next thing she knew, she was being awakened by someone calling her name in the distance.

Shaking off the residual fuzziness she felt from sleeping during the day, she cleared her head and, once standing, saw one of the under-gardeners walking along the path in her direction. Raising a hand, she waved at the boy, and he began to run toward her.

“Mistress, we been searchin’ for you near an hour now,” he exclaimed breathlessly.

“Looking for me? As you can see, I am not lost. I just sat down here for a few minutes and fell asleep, that is all.” Seeing the concern on his face, she asked, “What time is it?”

“It is past time for tea, mistress. The Master ordered everyone out to look for you. You was gone so long he feared you might be lost or come to some harm.”

Immediately, she was furious with Darcy that he would try to keep such a tight rein on her activities. She had been gone for a few hours, and yet he thought it necessary to organize a search.

“What is your name?” she asked as they walked back toward the house.

“Robert,” he told her shyly.

Elizabeth tried to engage Robert in conversation but all his answers were very short. He was clearly uncomfortable that the mistress of the house should be conversing with him so casually. Finally, after some encouragement, he began to tell her about his family. The walk back to the house seemed to take no time at all once he lost some of his fear of speaking with her.

Giving her full attention to Robert and learning about his family had almost kept Elizabeth from thinking about how upset she really was. Eventually, her worries began to intrude again. She had already been upset over the furniture and now would be forced to suffer the humiliation of Darcy’s sending out a search party for her when she was barely out of sight of the house. When they neared the house, Elizabeth focused on the young man again and thanked him for his help.

“I will have someone send for you later to collect a reward for your efforts this afternoon. I thank you again.”

Robert’s face reddened, and he gave a little bow. “There’s no need for a reward, mistress. I was just doin’ me job.”

“Nonsense, young man. You shall have a little something extra for your efforts. I am certain Mr. Darcy would agree.”

Robert gave another embarrassed bow and hustled away down the drive. As Elizabeth entered the house, she saw Mrs. Reynolds coming down the hallway toward her in a great hurry.

“Are you injured, Mrs. Darcy? We have all been so very worried about you,” she said breathlessly.

Elizabeth shook her head in exasperation. “I was sitting by a little stream and fell asleep for a few minutes. Why is everyone so concerned? I am just fine.”

“Of course, Mrs. Darcy. I am pleased to see you are safely returned.” Mrs. Reynolds looked relieved.

“I am going to my room now to change. Would you ask someone to send my tea to the small family parlor? I will be down in a few minutes,” Elizabeth told her. Then feeling she may have been too short with her, she added, “Thank you for your concern about my well-being, but I am fine—truly. There was no need to worry.”

Mrs. Reynolds paused a moment and then replied, “If you will excuse me then, I will inform everyone you have returned safely.”

***

After changing, Elizabeth went down to the small parlor and discovered that Darcy had also gone out to look for her and had not yet returned. Taking up some needlework, she tried to concentrate on the intricate pattern but found it almost impossible. After about twenty minutes, Darcy rushed into the room with clothes disheveled and hair wild. Elizabeth was very surprised as she had never seen him look anything but perfectly groomed.

“Where have you been all afternoon? I returned to find you missing and I was mad with worry! No one seemed to know anything except you had gone out for a walk.”

“Yes, I had a lovely walk. Thank you for asking,” she said, calmly keeping her eyes focused on her work.

“When you did not appear for tea, I became concerned and sent some men out to look for you.” His hands were balled in tight fists as he watched her. Past experience told her this was not a good sign.

“Yes, I know. I am very sorry for the inconvenience, but I simply lost track of the time.”

“I had visions of you hurt or lost. Mrs. Reynolds intimated that you were disturbed about something. I did not know what to think.” The silence in the room grew as thick as fog. Darcy continued, “Apparently, you have won her loyalty as she would not tell me what had upset you.”

“Yes, Mrs. Reynolds is a wonderful woman.”

“Well?” he asked.

She looked at him with some irritation. “Well, what?”

“Where have you been? What is troubling you?”

“I simply took a walk around the lake and up into the woods where I found a rather lovely spot by a little stream. I sat down and must have fallen asleep for a while because the next thing I knew, I heard someone calling for me. That nice boy, Robert, one of the under-gardeners, found me and walked me back to the house. That reminds me, could you ask someone to send for him so I can give him a small reward.”

“A reward? Elizabeth, I was worried sick.”

“Truly, you did not need to worry. I would have awakened very soon in any case and returned. It is not as if I had lost my way. Now may I pour you some tea?” she asked as sweetly as she could.

Instead of taking the tea she offered, Darcy walked over to a small cabinet and poured himself a brandy from one of the crystal decanters. He took a long swallow. “I know how important your walks are to you, but I am concerned about your safety, and this incident has only served to reinforce my fears. I would feel better if you would take someone with you on your excursions.”

“I would feel better if I took my walks alone. I use the time to think and having someone with me would be an unwelcome intrusion on my privacy.”

“Regardless, from now on you must have someone accompany you.”

“Is that a request or an order?” she asked, sharply narrowing her eyes.

“I am afraid I must insist.”

“I have always walked out alone,” she said. “I cannot imagine asking one of the servants to follow me around all the time. It would be an imposition.”

“On you or on the staff?”

“Both, I suppose.”

“You are not imposing on anyone. It is their job to take care of Pemberley and our family. Many of these people have worked for the Darcy family since before I was born. In some cases, they are the second or third generation to be in service here. No one would think it strange if I asked someone to accompany you when I cannot go myself.”

“Yes, but I think it strange and quite awkward. Would this person walk with me or just…just follow along behind?” said Elizabeth waving a hand in the air. “It all sounds so silly. Why is this necessary?”

“Elizabeth, you are no longer just the second daughter of Mr. Bennet of Longbourn. You are Mrs. Darcy, Mistress of Pemberley. Surely, you must expect some things to change,” said Darcy with some irritation.

“Yes, some things must change,” she replied, appreciating the irony. Although Elizabeth tried her best to keep her face passive, under the surface her emotions surged. She could not believe he was trying to take away what little freedom she had here. Lately, her walks had been almost her only joy other than the time she spent with Georgiana. As much as she tried to resign herself to accept that her life was not her own now, she still bristled at being so controlled. She thought about trying to talk to him about her objections to his giving orders, but decided it would take more energy than she had at the moment.

“Georgiana always takes one of the grooms along when she rides alone,” he added.

She wanted to say that she was not Georgiana, but decided it was useless to argue. “Very well. If you will assign someone to go on longer walks with me, I will confine my solitary rambles to the gardens or at least stay within sight of the house. Would that be acceptable to you, sir?” she said, biting off her words sharply.

“Yes, that will be satisfactory,” he said, still looking very uncomfortable. He took another large swallow of the brandy. When she did not respond, he added, “I am only thinking of your well-being.”

While she had no choice but to acquiesce to Darcy’s wishes, that did not mean she had to like it. Suddenly, being in his presence became unbearable. She knew if she stayed she would inevitably say something regrettable, so she set aside her needlework.

“If you will excuse me now, sir, I am going to my room to read.”

“I will see you at supper then?” he asked.

“Actually, I am not very hungry. I think I will just ask for something to be sent to my room.”

“You will join me later?” he asked, looking confused.

Suddenly, all the trials of the last few months finally caught up with her, and she found herself trembling from anger and frustration. Still she put on a proud face and answered in as steady a voice as she could. “Not this evening. I am going to finish my book and go to bed early. Please have whoever is going to walk with me ready early tomorrow morning.”

“I will be happy to walk with you myself tomorrow.”

“Whatever you wish. Good-evening, sir.”

“Elizabeth, please, wait.” She turned. His face, which had looked angry at first, softened when he saw her tears.

“Another handkerchief?” he asked, reaching in his pocket.

She shook her head. Somehow she just did not want to take anything from him right now.

“What is wrong?” he asked, reaching out to stop her from leaving.

“Please let me go,” she said, looking at his hand on her arm. “I just need to be alone.” For a moment, it seemed as if he would press her for more of an answer and a part of her almost hoped he would, but then he released her and looked away. As soon as she was free, Elizabeth retreated to her room.

***

The next morning they walked out, but being together felt awkward. Neither was willing to bring up their disagreement from the prior day, so their conversation was strained and uncomfortable. Darcy looked miserable. After going just a short distance, Elizabeth claimed fatigue and asked to return to the house. As they walked along, she thought about trying to speak with him about the furniture incident, but in the end, she kept silent. Talking about her wishes had not made any impression on him so far. She felt discouraged and confused.

As they passed near the stables, Darcy announced he was planning to purchase horse for her to ride—a small one as they had discussed before, but Elizabeth could not even bring herself to talk about it. She was not sure if it was truly because she was not interested in riding or if her resistance was just a way to exert some control over her life. He could restrict her walks, but he could not make her go riding if she did not wish to.

Later that afternoon she worked on her embroidery in the hope that keeping her hands busy would quiet her mind. There was a certain satisfaction in plunging her needle vigorously through the fabric with each stitch, and she finished a large section of her work without even realizing any time had passed. When Georgiana joined her later, Elizabeth was certain her sister noticed the violent way she was stabbing the fabric, but Georgiana did not question her or even comment on Elizabeth’s dark mood.

Thirty Three

Darcy found Elizabeth standing in front of one of the big windows that overlooked the lawns. It was raining, and her face reflected in the glass was as dark as the stormy sky. Lost in thought, she seemed unaware of his presence. He knew she was upset the rain had trapped her inside the house, but there was something else—she appeared trapped inside herself.

At first, when they arrived at Pemberley, she had seemed to brighten with all the new experiences. Everything appeared to be going so well as she settled into her new responsibilities. According to Mrs. Reynolds, she was learning quickly. Everyone loved her.

Recently this had all changed. Although she continued to insist nothing was wrong, she was neither sleeping nor eating properly. When Margaret noticed Mrs. Darcy seemed to be losing weight, she had gone to Mrs. Reynolds with her concerns. Of course, Mrs. Reynolds had come to him.

Elizabeth’s unhappiness was evident, but he had no idea what to do to relieve her distress. Darcy was a man accustomed to being in charge. When he saw a problem, he analyzed it and found a way to fix it. Except maybe for being in crowded ballrooms, there was nothing he liked less than this helpless feeling. In some ways, this reminded him of when he had tried to care for Georgiana after Wickham’s betrayal.

Just then the notes of a melancholy tune coming from down the hall caught his attention. Georgiana must be in the music room practicing. Why couldn’t his sister choose something lighter and happier to practice he thought. If Elizabeth was feeling low, this music was certainly not helping.