Mr. Darcy's Proposal (26 page)

Turning back, he watched Elizabeth thoughtfully. When it became obvious that the tears were starting to flow, he went to her. “You have forgotten your handkerchief again, Elizabeth. I fear it is becoming a habit.”

She visibly tensed.

“I was only teasing. Whatever is on your mind?” he asked.

“I was hoping to go out for a walk today, but as you can see…” she said, gesturing toward the window. Her voice was so soft he could barely hear her.

“Surely, that is no reason for tears.”

“I am fine.”

“In spite of what you say, your actions tell a different story. Something is making you unhappy. Please tell me how to help you.” When Darcy reached out and touched her shoulder, she pulled away as if his hand had burned her skin.

“You are very kind, sir, but I do not think there is anything you can do. Please excuse me. I feel a headache coming on and wish to go lie down.” She left Darcy standing there with a hollow feeling in his chest.

***

Returning to his study, Darcy found it impossible to focus on his letters and paperwork. He did not want to let this go. Something was making her unhappy, but he had no idea what it could be. How could their relationship improve if she would not share even a little of herself with him? She said she wanted to be alone, but he suspected that might not be entirely true. Then he had an idea. Picking up his pen, he began a letter. Maybe there was something he could do to help her after all.

Thirty Four

A week passed with no noticeable improvement in Elizabeth’s mood. She tried to be cheerful, but she was mostly just going through the motions with little feeling or energy. Her moods were unpredictable, and she and Darcy had had words over a few small things that should have been nothing.

Elizabeth still felt the grief sharply over the loss of her father, and the letter from him she had found in the book only seemed to increase her pain rather than relieve it. Without Jane’s companionship, all these concerns pressed heavily upon her. Each day was a struggle just to remain on her feet against the weight of it all.

***

As Elizabeth sat quietly in the family parlor one afternoon, she heard a carriage pull up in front of the house. A feeling of dread came over her as she wondered who it might be. First she heard footsteps in the hall, and then the door opened.

“Oh, Jane,” she cried, jumping up from her chair. Running across the room, Elizabeth threw her arms around her sister. The two stood like that for a few minutes simply finding comfort in each other’s presence. “Whatever are you doing here?”

“Lizzy, dear, do you mean Mr. Darcy did not tell you he wrote and invited me to visit?”

“He asked you to come to Pemberley? I had no idea.” Elizabeth hugged her again.

“Where is Mr. Bingley? Has he come with you? I am sure he does not want to let you out of his sight for very long these days.”

“Mr. Darcy arranged for my travel. Charles is in the north on an extended business trip. He’s planning to stop here for a few days next week on his way back to London. Until then, you shall just have to keep me entertained.”

Hearing Jane’s soft laughter and seeing her reassuring smile made Elizabeth feel better than she had in months. Suddenly, Georgiana burst into the room. Seeing Elizabeth and Jane, she stopped herself and remembering to observe propriety, gave a small curtsey to greet their guest.

“I am so glad to see you, Jane. Welcome to Pemberley!”

“Did you know about this?” Elizabeth asked Georgiana.

“Of course, I knew. I have been bursting to tell you ever since I learned she was coming.”

“Did anyone else know about Jane’s visit?”

“Just Mrs. Reynolds and a few of the servants, I think. Margaret definitely knew. We had to tell them so they could see that everything was made ready in advance.” Turning to Jane, she said, “We have planned the most wonderful room for you. It has a view of the lake and the woods. I know you will love it.”

The young girl’s face suddenly grew serious. “I hope you do not mind that William and I made plans without telling you. We thought that it would be fun to surprise you, but…you are pleased, are you not?”

“Georgiana,” said Elizabeth putting her hand on her younger sister’s arm, “I am delighted with your little surprise. I think spending time with my two favorite sisters is just what I need.”

***

Georgiana showed them to a spacious, beautifully decorated room that had, as promised, an amazing view. After a few minutes, Georgiana excused herself leaving the sisters alone to visit. Jane’s trunk had already been delivered, and she immediately began to unpack her things.

“Please allow me to ring for one of the maids to do that for you,” said Elizabeth.

“I have been packing and unpacking for myself all my life. It still makes me uneasy to be waited upon that way.”

“I know what you mean. It is a strange feeling to have servants always nearby. Sometimes I feel as if I am never alone, and I am not quite accustomed to it yet. Darcy and Georgiana do not seem to notice it at all.”

“I guess it is something I will have to learn to appreciate after Charles and I are married, but as that has not happened yet, I am quite content to unpack it myself,” Jane said happily.

“I imagine that you must be anxious for the wedding. Has mother planned every detail yet?” They both laughed, knowing how their mother loved to plan and re-plan, creating as much drama as possible. Very quickly, the sisters fell into an easy banter exchanging information and gossip about their friends and family.

After a brief tour of the house including Elizabeth’s impressive bedchamber, they retreated to her private sitting room to continue catching up on all the news from Longbourn and the neighborhood. Once settled, Elizabeth rang for some refreshments. Tea and gossip about Meryton and the family kept them occupied for more than an hour before the subject turned to the present.

“Lizzy, Pemberley is beyond anything I had expected. The grounds are so vast and the house is…well, I just do not know what to say about it that would be grand enough. How do you keep from getting lost with so many rooms?”

“It has taken me some time to learn my way around, but I have had excellent help from Mrs. Reynolds, our housekeeper. She has been with the family since Mr. Darcy was about four years old. I could not manage without her.”

“Tell me all about married life. Is it what you expected?”

Elizabeth hesitated as she tried to decide what to say. “There has been so much to learn, so much to adjust to,” she said, keeping her eyes down as she spoke. “I fear I have been something of a disappointment to Mr. Darcy.”

“What makes you say that? Has he said something unkind to you?”

“No, he has mostly been very patient and solicitous. I know it is not like me, but I have been feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I cannot seem to find my footing.” What could she tell her sister about her relationship with Mr. Darcy? It was too complicated for her to understand herself let alone explain to someone else. Jane took her hand.

“Something is wrong, my dear Lizzy,” said Jane stroking her hand gently.

Elizabeth did not know how to begin. She leaned back in her chair and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, hoping to keep back the tears that were forming. “Jane, I have tried very hard, but I am still quite unhappy and I feel guilty about saying so when I want for nothing. I know marrying Mr. Darcy was the right choice, but I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had found the courage to refuse him. I know it would have been hard on all of us, but I have to believe that our situation would eventually have improved.”

“Surely, you are not sorry you married Mr. Darcy. He is a good and generous man, and he loves you very much.”

“Some days I find that hard to believe,” she said with a small sigh. “Although he tries, there are basic elements in his nature that will probably never change. One minute, he is warm and smiling and the next, he withdraws and grows cold. He is so inscrutable; I never know what he is thinking.”

“Some people are more reserved than others. I think it is only natural,” Jane assured her.

“He is a man accustomed to having his own way, to being in charge. Often when he speaks, it comes out as more of a command than a request. I have to admit that sometimes it makes me resist complying. I guess that is my own stubbornness coming out.”

“Yes, you are nothing if not stubborn,” Jane grinned.

Elizabeth went on to explain about the furniture and other countermanded orders, and how Darcy had restricted her walks. “Now that I hear myself, I realize how silly I sound. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. Am I turning into Lydia?” she said with a laugh. Just having someone listen to her made Elizabeth feel enormously better.

“I hope having company here for a few weeks will not be too troublesome for you, Lizzy, but I have to admit that I was glad for a reason to get away from our mother for a while.”

“It must be very bad indeed if you are having difficulties with her. You are the most patient person I know.”

“I suppose it is only that I am anxious to be married. Waiting is proving more difficult than I had imagined it would be.” Jane blushed shyly.

Elizabeth looked at her sister in amazement. “Jane, Mr. Bingley is not pressuring you for favors before marriage is he?”

“Oh, no, that is not it at all. He is a perfect gentleman. It is just that we love each other so much that it is difficult not to…express our affections,” Jane said. The blush had now made it all the way from her neck up to her ears. “I am not very experienced in these matters and so I have nothing to guide me in knowing what is appropriate. Oh, Lizzy, this is so embarrassing to talk about, but since you are a married woman, I believe you must understand.”

Elizabeth laughed to herself at the irony. She and Darcy were not intimate and while they had all the privacy of a married couple and all the opportunity, there was even less to their physical relationship than apparently there was to Jane and Bingley’s.

Elizabeth took her sister’s hand and squeezed it gently. “We may be married, but our relationship is still just as new as yours. The engagement period is a time to get to know each other better and to build the trust between you. Mr. Darcy and I have been forced to do that after the wedding. It has seemed a little backwards, and perhaps it is why we so often misunderstand each other. Ultimately, I would say to trust your own heart rather than listen to what anyone else says—including me.”

Jane and Elizabeth hugged. As always they found reassurance in each other’s company. Elizabeth was the happiest she had been in a long time and promised herself to thank Darcy properly for his thoughtfulness in bringing Jane to Pemberley to visit.

Thirty Five

The following week Charles Bingley arrived. Elizabeth had to admit she was very glad he had come alone. She did not want Miss Bingley or the Hursts there to detract from the joy of spending time with her sister. She and Jane were in each other’s company as much as possible. It did not seem to matter what they were doing as long as they were together. Bingley spent time out riding or closeted in the study with Darcy learning more about estate management. He and Jane also took the opportunity to go for walks in the garden by themselves. Although the Darcys acted as chaperones, they allowed the engaged couple had much more freedom than they had enjoyed back at home. Elizabeth noted with pleasure how Jane and Mr. Bingley had grown closer since she had last seen them.

While Georgiana was not accustomed to the kind of easy conversation that went on between sisters, she seemed to revel in it and spent as much time as she could with them. Elizabeth was certain she had never seen Georgiana happier—or more outspoken. The young girl’s quiet, gentle nature was much more like Jane’s than her own, and she seemed to be making Jane a model for herself.

With each day of her sister’s visit, Elizabeth grew more and more at ease. She smiled more easily, laughed more often, and began to feel more like herself again. With Jane and Bingley in the house, even her conversations with Darcy had become a little less awkward. He also seemed to be friendlier and more open, and to Elizabeth’s delight, he let his dry sense of humor show from time to time.

***

One night after a particularly enjoyable dinner and an evening of conversation with Bingley and Jane, Elizabeth joined Darcy in their sitting room for a little while before going to bed. Buoyed by the good feelings created from having her sister near, Elizabeth resolved to thank Darcy again for inviting Jane and Bingley to Pemberley.

“I would like to thank you again for arranging for Jane and Mr. Bingley to visit. Having my sister here means so much to me.”

Darcy looked up from his reading. “It is thanks enough for me to see you smiling more often.”

“I apologize for my recent behavior and for making you worry about me. How did you know a visit with my sister was exactly what I needed?”

Darcy set his book aside and smiled at her warmly. “You give me too much credit. The truth is that I did not know what else to do. It pained me to see you so silent and withdrawn. I thought if you would not confide your worries to me, perhaps Jane might be of comfort.”