Mr. Darcy's Proposal (44 page)

“Ah, but there was another evening not long after the assembly. I did ask you to dance, and you declined most vehemently,” he said.

“Sir William Lucas suggested it so I assumed you were just attempting to satisfy him. That is not the same as asking me yourself.”

“Usually, at such affairs, I was hesitant to dance with anyone outside my party lest people get the wrong idea. Everywhere I went mothers would throw their daughters in my way hoping to catch my attention. My only defense was to withdraw into silence.”

She shook her head thoughtfully. “Yes, I can only imagine how my own mother would have acted if she had perceived any partiality for me on your part. Her behavior regarding Jane and Mr. Bingley was embarrassing enough. I understand the need you felt to protect yourself from such unpleasantness.”

Darcy was suddenly overcome with a desire to tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her, but he had no idea how to begin. As if she were reading his mind, at that exact moment, she reached up and took his arm. Her touch, light as a feather, sparked something in him. How he had longed for that feeling, longed to touch her in ways that made him blush. He wanted to make her blush, too.

Just as these thoughts were whirling around in his head, Elizabeth interrupted. “Are you well, William? You seem flushed. Is the walk too strenuous for you?”

Embarrassed at being caught out by the very object of his daydreaming, it took him a moment to realize what she was saying. “I believe you are teasing me.”

She flashed him a devilish look.

“I like it when you do that,” he admitted.

“I am glad for I dearly love to tease you. It makes you somehow less formidable.” She hesitated and then added, “It also closes the distance between us a little, I think.”

Darcy’s breath caught. Had he understood her correctly? Was she giving him an opening to speak to her? He stopped and took her hands in his. “Please, Elizabeth, do not tease about something as important as this. In spite of everything that has happened, you must know how much I feel for you. Do not say you want to be closer if it is not true. I could not bear it. I have been waiting for you to…”

She silenced him by gently caressing his face. He watched her carefully, and her eyes seemed to give permission. Leaning over, he kissed her lightly on the lips and then looked at her face to read the result. At first, her eyes remained closed. Finally, she looked up, her luminous eyes focused intently on him.

“My feelings have been so confused. I think it might help if you did that again,” she said.

“You want me to…” he stammered. Before he could finish his sentence, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him again. When they separated, he tried to speak, but she put a hand behind his head and pulled him close to whisper in his ear, “Shh, this may be one time when it would be advantageous
not
to talk.”

Needing no further encouragement, he touched her lips with his again. As they kissed, this time much longer and more deeply, she reached up and wound her arms around his neck. He felt Elizabeth lean into him, and when he released her mouth, she turned her head and laid it on his chest. He knew his heart must be beating wildly.

“So you have forgiven me,” she said quietly.

“I forgave you weeks ago.”

“Why did you not tell me?” she asked.

“I was still uncertain of your true feelings.”

“And now?”

He took her face in both hands and kissed her again.

Fifty Eight

That evening Elizabeth sipped a small glass of port as she read. Looking up from her book, she watched as Darcy held his brandy glass in one hand and carefully balanced his book in the other. An errant lock of hair fell across his brow and from time to time he set his glass aside and brushed it back into place only to have it tumble down again. She marveled at how much she enjoyed watching him when he was unaware of it.

She still felt the glow of what had passed between them on the walk that afternoon, but as with most things between them, nothing was ever simple. Although he had kissed her and then held her hand, the closer they got to the house, the more self-conscious he seemed to grow. Eventually, he had released her hand, and his reserved manner had returned.

Elizabeth sighed. After refocusing on her book for a while, her eyes grew heavy. Setting her book aside, she stood up and stretched.

“Are you retiring now?” he asked. She studied his face but found no clues as to what he was thinking.

“Yes, I believe I shall.”

“Very well, good-night and sleep well.” She heard what she hoped was a note of regret in his voice, but he made no attempt to kiss her or follow her to her room.

Once in bed she found she was no longer sleepy; her thoughts naturally turned to Darcy and the complexities of their relationship. Since their walk that afternoon, they had been dancing around each other, both watching for some sign, but neither willing to make the first move. Wasn’t it his responsibility to come to her? She thought she had made it clear enough he would be welcome, but as time passed there was only silence on the other side of the door.

Finally, after about an hour, when she had given up all hope he would join her, she decided to light a lamp and read. Unfortunately, she had left her book in the sitting room—again—and she would have to retrieve it.

The room was almost dark now with just a small glow from the embers in the fireplace. Darcy was asleep in the big chair, his long legs resting across a large upholstered footstool. He was still dressed but had removed his boots and loosened his neck cloth.

Elizabeth smiled at his sleeping form. How different he looked asleep and unguarded. His hair was tousled and all the lines of worry seemed to have left his face. Elizabeth knelt down beside his chair. As she studied his sleeping form, she began to wonder if this might be her opportunity. Although she wished he had taken the initiative to come to her, for some reason he had not.

Elizabeth gently pushed back the recalcitrant lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead again. She wondered what he would think of her being so forward. Would he be pleased? Or would he be uncomfortable with such wanton behavior? She trembled as she tried to imagine what might happen if he accepted her advances. She placed her shaking hand on his chest so she could feel the beating of his heart. Its steady thump brought a smile to her face and warmth to her hand.

Could she give herself to him completely and with no reservations? She had never been one to be afraid of the unknown. As a child she boldly climbed trees, investigated the fields and woods, and followed her natural curiosity. This is just a different sort of adventure, she told herself. On the other hand, she was risking the mortification of possible rejection.

After months of struggle, Elizabeth knew she loved him, loved him with an intensity she had not believed possible. How strange that when she had first met him, she had not thought him handsome at all. Now to her eye, he was the best looking man she had ever known.

Yes, he still had difficulty remembering that he should seek her opinion more often rather than make decisions on his own and that his requests sometimes sounded more like orders, but his heart—the one she felt beating beneath her hand—was good and loving. He had shown her he was willing to try to change. At least it was a beginning.

Running her fingers lightly along his jaw, she felt the roughness of his beard contrasted by softer skin as her hand trailed down his neck. Reaching the top of his shirt made her think about that awful night in the library when she had been so distracted by seeing the hollow at the base of his neck. Gently, she unfastened one more button on his shirt until she could see the place that so fascinated her. Just as she started to reach out to touch him there, he stirred a little but did not open his eyes. Startled, she automatically pulled her hand back and watched until his breathing evened out.

Reaching out she ran her fingers lightly along his cheek again. Then with even more boldness, she cradled his face with her hand and kissed his cheek. Slowly turning his face to her, she touched her lips lightly to his. Without opening his eyes, he responded, kissing her back. Elizabeth quickly forgot everything except the sensations in that moment. Then suddenly he pulled away, looking startled and confused.

“I thought I was dreaming,” he said still not fully awake.

“I hope it was a good dream,” she whispered.

He smiled sleepily and kissed her again, this time more deeply. Heat began to build inside her. As she responded—tentatively at first, and then with more passion, all of her fears were quickly forgotten, and she made a decision about what she wanted.

Elizabeth stood up and holding his gaze, untied the ribbons on the front of her dressing gown. Lowering her arms, she let the garment fall to the floor in a silky puddle behind her. She knew her nightdress would leave little to the imagination. Although she blushed with the thought of what he could see, she did not look away. Elizabeth was quite sure she heard Darcy’s breathing quicken. Then she crawled onto his lap and put her arms around his neck.

Darcy pulled her close and began to place small kisses starting just behind her ear and moving down to her bare white shoulder. Then he ran a finger along the path he had just kissed. Elizabeth heard herself sigh with pleasure at his touch. Next he turned his attention back to her mouth. Just as she was having difficulty catching her breath, she felt him untying the ribbon that held her hair. Once the ribbon was removed, he slowly combed his fingers through the length of her braid. She shook her head until her hair fell freely over her shoulders and down her back.

“I have wanted to do that for a very long time. You have no idea,” he whispered hoarsely as he gathered up a handful of her hair inhaling the scent. “You always smell so wonderful,” he said. “Intoxicating.”

Elizabeth’s heart raced wildly. The heat inside her was continuing to build. Although she did not understand what was happening, she only knew she did not want him to stop. She gasped aloud as he ran a finger along the sensitive skin at the top edge of her nightdress and then kissed the trail of fire his fingers had left.

“Oh, God! You are so soft, so tempting,” he said. Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back. “Elizabeth, I…I should not,” he began.

“Please do not pull away from me now. I do not wish to be alone tonight,” she whispered with as much dignity as she could manage. She felt him tense.

“Is this truly what you want or do you just think this is your duty?” He looked at her with hope in his eyes.

“I love you and want to be your wife in every way,” she said, sounding bolder than she felt. Elizabeth felt his body relax, and he pulled her tightly against him burying his face against her neck.

“Oh, Lizzy, my love,” he sighed. “I have been waiting to hear you say that for so long.”

More kisses, more heat, and suddenly the chair seemed very small and cramped. “Should we move to a more comfortable situation? Would you prefer your room or mine?” he asked.

“Definitely yours,” she said.

When he looked at her, his eyes were so dark with longing that she almost panicked, but the desire for more of his kisses quickly pushed away any second thoughts. Darcy scooped her up in his arms and started for his room. Elizabeth buried her face in his chest and held on to him tightly. Seizing the opportunity, she put her hand inside his shirt and ran a finger slowly along his collarbone from the shoulder to the base of his neck. Her reward was a small groan of pleasure in the back of his throat. For a moment, she thought he might drop her.

“You are distracting me, my love.”

“That is exactly my intention,” she mumbled into his shirt as she stifled a nervous giggle. Setting her down on the bed, he stood back, looking at her as if he could not believe that she was really there.

“Tell me this is real,” he said as he ran his eyes over her with an intensity that only turned up the fire inside her even more.

“My love for you is very real. Now come here and put your arms around me again. I am cold without you to warm me.”

As he started toward the bed, she suddenly put up a hand to stop him. “Wait, take your coat off first, please.”

He complied, letting it fall to the floor.

“And your waistcoat,” she added.

He grinned showing the dimple in his cheek. “You look as if you enjoy telling me what to do.”

“Yes, I think I do,” she said. Her eyes twinkled as she looked boldly into his. Then she hesitated and cast her eyes down. “But very soon we shall be at a place where you will have to tell me as we will be beyond my experience.”

Stretching out on the bed beside her, Darcy pulled her into the warmth of his arms. “I think I can manage to show you, my love.” His mouth found hers and he kissed her with all the passion that had been building up over the past few months. Her whole body tingled with pleasure in response.

She pushed his shirt back and began to kiss his neck starting at the base and working her way up to just below his ear. In spite of being breathless, she could not resist teasing one more time. She whispered into his ear. “Mr. Darcy, what will Burke say when he finds your beautiful coat tossed on the floor in the morning?”