Mr. Malcolm's List (14 page)

Julia
shook her head.

“How
could you forget so quickly?
 
I remember
every word we’ve ever exchanged.
 
I told
you that hope was a futile thing, and you disagreed with me.
 
You said that you hoped I obtained what I was
looking for.
 
You had little idea that it
was
you
that I was searching for.”

Malcolm
paused and reached for her empty hand.
 
“I wanted to wait, at least until the end of the house party, to be
absolutely sure that I was making the right decision.
 
But I do not think I can become any more
convinced than I am already.
 
Selina, would
you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Julia
could not believe how well Malcolm was fitting into her plans.
 
“I am sorry, I cannot,” she said, speaking in
a whisper so as to disguise her voice.

“What?”
Malcolm said, looking startled.

“I cannot
marry you,” Julia said.

“I do not
understand.
 
I thought you returned my
feelings.”

“I will
not deny that I am fond of you, but I cannot marry you.
 
You see, I have a list,” Julia said,
reminding herself to speak softly, even though she wanted to shout in
triumph.
 
She handed him the paper she
was holding, and watched as he walked over to the brighter part of the room to
read it.
 

She saw
him scanning the list, which was titled “Qualifications for a Husband.” All of
the items had been checked off but one.
 
She thought she could tell by his expression when he saw that item.
 
It was:
 
“Does not make others feel as if they cannot live up to an impossible
standard.”

When he
finally looked up at her, an expression of shock and pain on his face, she
turned and walked hurriedly from the room, ignoring his cry for her to wait.

Malcolm
could not believe what he held in his hands.
 
After years spent judging others, he could scarcely believe that he was
the one that had been judged and found wanting.
 
Someone, somewhere, was laughing at him, he was sure of it.
 
He stood there a moment, defeated, looking at
Selina’s list in disbelief, before he realized that he would not allow it to
end this way.
 
He would convince Selina
he did meet all the qualifications on her list, just as she met all the qualifications
on his.

Selina
ran hurriedly down the stairs and into the ballroom.
 
She did not see Julia among the dozens of
dancers, but she did run into Mr. Ossory.

“Selina,
I thought you were in the library with Malcolm.”

“What?”
she asked him, still looking around her for Julia.

“Well,
perhaps I shouldn’t mention it, but Malcolm received your note while he was
speaking to me, so he told me about your appointment with him in the library.”

“I made
no appointment with Malcolm—” Selina started to say, and then
stopped.
 
She began to wonder if she
should look for Julia in the library.
 
She turned and left the ballroom, with Mr. Ossory following.

“Selina,
is everything all right?
 
You do not seem
like yourself,” Mr. Ossory was saying as they approached the library door, when
a woman in an exact replica of Selena’s costume came running out of the library
and into the hallway.

There was
a shocked silence, as Mr. Ossory looked from Selene to Selene.
 
Then he said, “Miss Thistlewaite, is that
you?
 
What are you doing dressed as
Selene?”

“Julia!”
Selina said.
 
“What is the meaning of
this?”

Julia
tried to edge past them, but Mr. Ossory detained her with his hand on her
arm.
 
“I think you had best explain what
is going on, Miss Thistlewaite,” he told her, his voice and expression stern.

“Selina,”
they heard Malcolm call from the library, before he, too, joined them in the
hall.

“What is
this?” Malcolm asked, upon seeing the two Selenes.
 

“That is
what we are waiting for Julia to explain,” Selina told him.

“Julia?”
he said, looking more closely at the second Selene.
 
“Perhaps we should return to the library,”
Malcolm said.

They all
filed into the library, Mr. Ossory leading a resigned Julia.
 
Malcolm lit some more candles, removed his
mask, and looked closely at Julia, who was seated next to Mr. Ossory on a sofa.

“So it
was you who refused my offer just now, I assume,” Malcolm said.

“What?”
Selina exclaimed.
 
“Julia, how could
you?”

Julia,
seeing three faces looking at her in strong disapproval, ripped off her mask
and burst into tears.

“Well,
Miss Thistlewaite?” Mr. Ossory said after a minute or two, apparently
unaffected by her weeping.
 

“It is
his own fault,” Julia said, nodding her head in Malcolm’s direction.
 
“He spurned me publicly, all because I didn’t
meet a qualification on that rotten list of his.
 
So I decided that he would know what it felt
like to be judged and found wanting.
 
I
introduced him to Selina—”

“Selina!
 
Don’t tell me you played a part in this?”
Malcolm asked.

“Why, no,
not really,” Selina said, before her innate honesty came to the fore.
 
“Well, that is to say, I did know about the
list, but I did not want anything to do with Julia’s little scheme.”

“You knew
about the list?” Malcolm asked.

“Well,
yes, I did, although you cannot think that I–” Selina said.

Malcolm
interrupted her.
 
“When did you find out
about it?”

“Well,
the day I came to town Julia mentioned it to me, but Malcolm, you cannot
think—”

“Would
you please stop telling me what I can and cannot think?” Malcolm said, and
Selina drew back in dismay.
 
She had
never seen Malcolm this way.
 
Cold,
unyielding, angry.
 
“And would you please
remove that stupid mask?
 
I think you
have worn enough masks recently.”

Selina
responded with dignity.
 
“I have never
pretended to be anyone other than who I am.”

“So you
did not lie to me and tell me that you were not the cousin of Mrs. Covington?”
Malcolm asked.
 
“God, what a fool I’ve
been.
 
I should have seen it then,” he
said, running his hand through his hair.

“Malcolm,”
Selina said, crossing to where he was standing and placing her hand on his
arm.
 
“Please hear me out before you
decide that I am guilty.”

“And why
should I believe you?
 
It appears you
have been deceiving me the entire time.”

Selina
shrank back from Malcolm as if struck and went to sit down.
 
Mr. Ossory felt compelled to stir himself in
her defense.
 
“Jeremy, perhaps you should
listen to what Selina has to say.”

“Selina,
is it?
 
It appears to me she has
bewitched you as thoroughly as she has me.
 
I do not think you are the appropriate person to counsel me.
 
Now, if you would all excuse me, I am in the
middle of giving a ball.
 
A masquerade,
ironically enough,” he said, and left the room.

Selina
sat as if turned to stone, and then a single tear ran down her cheek, tracing a
path through the white face powder.
 
Julia got up from the sofa and ran to kneel beside Selina’s chair.
 
“Selina, I am so sorry.
 
Please say you will forgive me.”

Selina
ignored her, getting up from her chair and walking to the door.
 
“Pray excuse me,” she said, and left the
room.

Twelve

Julia was
left facing a very angry Henry Ossory.
 
“I hope that you are proud of your behavior this night,” he said to her.

“Of
course I am not.
 
I feel absolutely
dreadful.
 
I feel like I’m going to be
sick,” Julia said, her hand on her stomach.

“Well,
you should.
 
You have absolutely ruined
two people’s lives and for what?
 
Some
silly grudge you had against Malcolm.”

“It was
silly, was it not?” Julia said sadly.
 
“It is odd, it felt very serious at the time.”

Henry
began to feel an inkling of sympathy for Julia.
 
She made a very dismal picture, her nose red from crying, her hair
mussed from the wig that had come off at some point during the heated
discussion that had just taken place.
 
In
fact, Henry had never seen her look worse.
 
She saw him looking at her and made a pathetic attempt to straighten her
hair.

He smiled
very slightly at her which had the opposite effect for which it was
intended.
 
He was quite surprised when
she threw herself, sobbing, against his chest.
 
He began making soothing noises and patting her head, trying not to
dwell on the fact that those Grecians didn’t appear to wear much in the way of
undergarments.

When her
sobs dwindled to occasional hiccoughs, he began to wonder if it would be
considered shabby if he pushed her away.
 
The longer he held her, the more uncomfortable he became.
 
He certainly did not want to be having
lustful thoughts toward Julia Thistlewaite, of all people.

He was
relieved when she finally drew away herself, apologizing for the wet spot she’d
left on his domino.

“It is
all right,” he said, wondering if he could now take his leave of her.
 
But she still stood, barely a foot away, her
head tilted down in a posture totally unlike the redoubtable Miss Thistlewaite,
and he felt it would be rude to leave her in such a state.

“And I am
sorry to involve you in all this, as well.
 
I imagine you and Selina will make a match of it now,” she said, peeking
up at him.

“Oh, I
don’t know,” he said.
 
“It may not be too
late for her and Malcolm.”

“But you
admire Selina,” Julia said.
 
“Don’t you
want her to be free?”

“She will
not be free if she is in love with someone else.”

Julia
sighed.
 
“I wish I were more like
Selina.
 
Everyone likes Selina.
 
It is quite infuriating,” Julia said,
sounding a little more like herself.

Henry
decided that Julia would survive.
 
“I am
going back to the ball,” he said.
 
When
she looked a little disappointed, he surprised himself by suggesting she put
her milkmaid’s costume back on and join him for a dance.

“I won’t
be a minute,” Julia said, turning excitedly for the door.
 
She had just reached it when she turned
back.
 
“Perhaps I shouldn’t, after
all.
 
I should probably apologize to Selina,”
she said, her excitement gone and her expression resigned.

“I think
that would be a very good thing to do,” Henry told her, and she smiled
brilliantly at him.
 
Henry began to think
that perhaps Julia Thistlewaite wasn’t as bad as he’d first thought.

Julia
knocked softly on Selina’s door.
 
“Selina?” she called.
 
There was
no answer so she tried turning the knob, not too surprised to find that it was
locked.
 
She knocked again.

“Go
away,” she heard Selina say.

“Selina,
please open the door.”

“No.”

“I will
not go away until you open this door.”

There was
silence for a moment while Julia waited.
 
Nothing happened, so she knocked again.
 
Then the door quickly opened.

“There,
the door is opened.
 
Now go away,” Selina
said, and shut it again.

“That is
not what I meant and you know it,” Julia said, turning the door knob and
finding it unlocked.
 
She walked into the
room and over to the window seat where Selina was seated, staring unseeingly
out into the darkness.

Now that
she was inside, Julia had no idea what to say.
 
There was nothing she could do to excuse her actions, they were
despicable.
 
She stood there for a moment,
wondering if she should turn and leave, when Selina finally turned to look at
her.

“If you
are wondering whether or not you should lock me in the room, I assure you, I do
not intend on going back down the rest of the evening.
 
Feel free to masquerade as me until tomorrow,
if you choose.”

“Of
course I do not plan to lock you in your room,” Julia said, but faltered under
Selina’s withering gaze.
 
“Selina, I am
so sorry.
 
I cannot tell you how sorry I
am.”

“Do not
bother.
 
I do not want to hear it anyway,”
Selina said.

“You have
every right to hate me.
 
I hate
myself.
 
I should have listened to you
weeks ago.
 
But I was so jealous of you,”
Julia said.

“Jealous?
 
What are you talking about?
 
I thought you did this because you wanted to
revenge yourself on Malcolm.”

“I don’t
know why I did it.
 
Initially I wanted to
humiliate Mr. Malcolm, and that still was part of my plan, but I wanted to ruin
your chances with him as well.
 
I could
not bear that you were succeeding where I failed.
 
It was very childish of me, and I apologize.”

“So now
that you’ve destroyed my hopes of happiness with Malcolm, I imagine you’re
rather pleased with yourself.”
 

“That’s
the strange thing about all this; I am not the least bit pleased,” Julia said.

“All
right, I accept your apology, if only to get you out of my room.”

“Then you
forgive me?”

“Yes.
 
Now please leave,” Selina said.

“No, we
have to figure out how to fix this,” Julia said, dragging a foot stool toward
where Selina sat and sitting down on it.

Selina
gave a little moan of exasperation and banged her head lightly against the
window.
 
“Why won’t you leave me to dwell
on my misery in peace?”

“Because
I do not want you to be miserable.
 
I
want you to be happy,” Julia said.

Selina
turned to look again at Julia, who appeared to be sincere.
 
“Then it seems as though we are both destined
for disappointment,” she said.

“Malcolm
loves you, Selina,” Julia told her earnestly.
 
“I should know.
 
I was there for
his proposal.”

“If you
want me to forgive you, you’d better not remind me of that,” Selina said.

“My point
is, if he loves you, he is sure to forgive you once he knows the whole
truth.
 
And that is what I plan to tell
him.”

“You
forget that he believes us both to be liars and deceivers.
 
He will not believe you are telling him the
truth.”

Julia
looked perplexed for a moment, but then a look of triumph crossed her
face.
 
“Cassie,” she said.

“What
about Cassie?”

“Cassie
will tell him.
 
Malcolm will believe
Cassie.
 
And Cassie knows the whole
story.”

“You are
actually suggesting that I entrust my future happiness to Cassie?” Selina
asked.

“Yes,
that is what I am suggesting, although I cannot believe it myself.”

Selina
shrugged, weary of the whole discussion.
 
“I suppose I do not care if he tries, but I doubt he will succeed.
 
I have never seen a man look so disgusted as
Malcolm did earlier this evening.”

“He will
get over it,” Julia assured Selina.
 
“He
has to.”

Julia
left Selina and quickly changed back into her milkmaid costume.
 
She tried to repair her hair, but without her
maid’s help, whom she had already dismissed for the evening, she found it very
difficult.
 
She decided that milkmaid’s
were probably not too fussy about their hair anyway, and hurried back downstairs
and into the ballroom to look for Cassie.
 
She found him right away, standing against a pillar, watching the
dancing.
 
Even though it was not yet time
for the unmasking, she would have recognized that long, lanky figure anywhere,
even clothed in what looked like a bed sheet.

“Cassie,”
Julia said.
 
“I need to speak with you.”

“You
know, Julia, I do not understand why you ladies complain so about having to
wear dresses.
 
This is quite a bit more
comfortable than knee breeches, I can tell you.
 
And when I walk there is the most refreshing breeze—”

“Cassie!
 
I did not come here to discuss with you the
advantages of wearing a dress.
 
I need to
talk seriously to you about Malcolm and Selina.”

“Ah.
 
I see.
 
You’ve finally caught on to the fact that your little scheme is
useless.
 
Well, I knew that all
along.
 
I could tell that Malcolm and
Selina were perfectly suited for each other from the beginning.
 
I imagine that stings a bit.
 
You thought to humiliate Malcolm, and you
ended up presenting him with the perfect wife on a silver platter.”
 
Cassie chuckled a bit to himself, muttering,
“And you wanted poetic justice.”

“Well,
Cassie, though it pains me to admit it, I have to concede that you were right
about those two, and I was wrong.
 
Furthermore, I have muddled things royally and I really need your help.”

Cassie
looked at Julia a little suspiciously, wondering if she was being sincere.
 
He had never heard words like that from his
cousin’s mouth.
 
When he decided she was,
his relaxed posture changed and his face took on an expression of resignation.
 
“What did you do now?” he asked.

While the
situation was being explained to Cassie by Julia, Mrs. Dalton approached them,
asking if they’d seen Selina.

“I
believe she is in her chamber,” Julia said, looking highly uncomfortable.

Julia was
sure by the searching glance Mrs. Dalton gave her that she suspected her of
misbehavior, and was relieved when Mrs. Dalton just thanked her and left the
room.

Mrs.
Dalton did wonder why the Thistlewaite girl looked so self-conscious, and hoped
she did not know something ominous about Selina.
 
Mrs. Dalton had watched happily as her
daughter danced the first waltz with her host, but shortly afterwards her
daughter had disappeared and Mr. Malcolm had come back into the ball room with
a look on his face that would have curdled cream.
 
He had then proceeded to dance with numerous
sultanas and gypsy girls, laughing and flirting in a manner that seemed totally
at odds with his normal behavior of dignified restraint.

Mrs.
Dalton, being a wise woman, could only conclude that he had quarreled with her
daughter and, after waiting nearly an hour for her to appear, decided to go
looking for her.
 
She had just begun her
search when she chanced upon Julia and Cassie and following their advice went
up to her daughter’s room.

She
knocked softly but hearing no answer opened the door and peeked in, calling
Selina’s name as she did so.

“What is
it?” Mrs. Dalton heard her daughter say, although she could still not see
Selina as the bed draperies hid her from sight.

Mrs.
Dalton walked into the room, closing the door behind her.
 
“It is your mother, Selina,” she said,
walking towards the bed.
 
She saw Selina,
huddled in a ball in the bed, and it was obvious she had been crying.
 
“There, there,” her mother said, sitting
beside her and taking her into her arms, where Selina proceeded to cry
violently while her mother rocked her, just as she used to do when Selina was a
child.