Music, Ink, and Love (9 page)

I nodded and let her go. She had some research to do and I had a suitcase to fill.

When I entered the room again, she was asleep and so beautiful. Her lips were right next to her wrist, the tattooed one. She had my name marked on her, I meant something to her. She wouldn’t hate me for doing this, right? I had to look after her, make sure she received the help she needed. Maybe talking about her mother and father to a therapist would help her and make her stronger. My love for her couldn’t cover all of the necessary support. I was a smart man, I knew that but this, I had never expected it and I found myself helpless. In the past, I dealt with Tyler’s struggle, but he had the support of professionals. Sending her to rehab only meant that we loved her.

I grabbed all of her jeans and a whole bunch of tops and underwear. I kept the sexy ones here. These were mine to see only. I couldn’t imagine living here without her, how long was she going to be away? It hurt me to my guts to think I wouldn’t be with her every morning, but Bekka and I agreed on this, sending Nix away seemed to be the only way.

Thirty, sixty or ninety days from now, the nightmare would be over. She loved me, I loved her, we were strong and about to marry, we had control over this.

T
he ride to the rehabilitation center killed me. Phoenix cried all the way there. She was angry, sad and overall having a really bad day. I almost stopped on the side of the road at least fifteen times but I didn’t, I had to stay strong and get there as soon as possible. Bekka had worked her ass off to get her in tonight. We didn’t want to take the chance that it happened again. We cared for Nix’s sanity way too much to let her lose control again.

Bekka sat with her to the back seat, I watched them through my mirror. I could tell how much they loved each other, how much their friendship meant to them. I envied Bekka, I wished it could have been me on the back seat. I craved Nix’s proximity. I let Bekka handle things all evening... For some reasons, seeing Nix so fucked up and lost frightened me and it left me uncertain on how to act around her. I simply wanted to hold her hand, protect her.

After over an hour in the car, we made it to the center. I got out and opened the car door for my fiancée. The look on her eyes begged me for forgiveness but to me, this situation was simply a bump on the road. We could overcome this.

“Come here, babe.” My arms opened for her to join me. She gave me a tiny smile and pressed her body against mine. Her long hair smelled like our shampoo, her neck, the perfume I had given her over the summer. My hands rubbed her small waist and it awakened in me the reason of my love for her. Her simplicity, her beautiful smile and the perfect curves her body teased me with.

“Come on, Levi. Let’s get her inside.” Bekka ordered me with a cold tone to her voice. I just wanted to spend two small minutes with my love.

“Coming.” Nix stepped again but kept her hand locked with mine. She put a lot of strength into it. She knew what was coming her way, she had already been through the process of getting her life back. This time though, was the last time, I promised myself.

I got her luggage with my free hand and we followed Bekka inside. Phoenix tried to slow the pace down, she was in no hurry to sign in and I understood.

“Hi, may I help you?” A lady asked as soon as we stepped inside.

“Yes, Phoenix Silverstone is checking in.” Bekka took control of the situation. “Here are all the papers you asked me to fill in on the phone.”

“Thank you, ma’am. I’m Suzette and I’ll be making sure Ms. Silverstone is taken to her room.”

Phoenix pulled me to her, feeling the moment coming. The moment where I would leave her alone in the hands of professional’s help.

“I love you, Rock Star. You know that, right?”

She kissed my shoulder. “I know, babe. I love you to the moon and back. I’m terrified, but I’ll do this for me. I’ve been so confused lately. I have to get my head straight before I become your wife.”

“God, I love you.” I lifted her into my arms, letting the tears slide down my cheeks. I didn’t care, emotions had that power over me. “Stay here as long as you need, okay? When you leave, I want you to be happy, good and well rested. You deserve the best, Nix.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to call you but if I can’t, I’ll send you letters. I’ll miss you. I can’t wait to be back home with you, but I have to do this.” Small tears ran down her cheeks.

“It’s time to check in now, Ms. Silverstone.”

I nodded to the lady and Nix pulled away from me, our hands staying connected as long as we could. Bekka pulled me outside while my eyes stayed focused on Phoenix and the sadness in her eyes. The day was already over, the night had set it. The darkness was brightened by the millions of the stars in the sky. Millions of them watching over my Nix.

The ride back home was dreadful. Bekka had fallen asleep, exhausted by our crazy and unforgettable day while I drove my car, just above the limit. I needed a drink and a good talk with my brother, Tyler.

“Hey, Bek, we’re home. I’m heading over to Black Shakers. I need to forget about this day, I can’t go back in just yet.”

“I’ll go with you, if you don’t mind.”

Just like that, we headed to the club, both of us tired and shattered. Her friend and my girlfriend had challenged us more than we hoped for. The fact that we took action now will help her heal faster, I had no doubt. It hadn’t been two hours yet and already, my heart was aching and missing her. My addiction to her represented how much I treasured her. I couldn’t understand how I had been able to survive before meeting her.

My mustang parked in the back of the club, we both hurried inside. While I strolled toward Tiff to say hi, Bekka broke down in the arms of Tyler. What a fucking day!

“Hey, Lev. You want something to drink?”

“Hell yeah. Give me something strong.”

“Tequila or vodka?”

“Jack Daniel.” I sighed. “Keep the bottle nearby.”

Tiff watched me, silently asking me if I was serious. “Getting pissed won’t make her feel better, Levi.” She finally said.

“I know, but I will.” I thought I deserved one freaking night off. I had so much on my mind. Sadness, anger, pain and I already fucking missed her. Alcohol wasn’t the remedy, I knew that but... I didn’t know... I just wanted a drink.

“How was she?” She asked, her voice low, just loud enough for me to hear through the music.

“I wish I knew. She loves me, that’s the most important thing. Otherwise, she looked like hell.”

“So many of my friends took that road. It’s sad.”

“If it wasn’t for her idiotic father, she would still be here and in top shape. Now, she’s broken and full of regrets.”

“She’s in a good center, I checked. They’ll take good care of her and they’ll probably help her deal with all of the recent issues.”

I nodded. Tiff had a point.

On my fifth shot, I started to feel something and that’s when Tyler showed up looking mad.

“Getting drunk the night your fiancée checks in to rehab is not exactly a good idea.” He paused. “You look like shit, by the way.” He sighed angrily. “I thought you were smarter than this.”

“Shut up, Ty.”
What’s wrong with me?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t be here. I’m like a fucking volcano right now.” I tried to stand up from my stool, but I sat back down.

“Yeah, but you can’t go. You’ve had too much to drink. Do you want me to call a taxi?”

Now, I was fuming. Tyler schooled me, made me feel like a complete idiot. I hated that he was right. I only wanted to get the emotions out of my head, I couldn’t deal with all of this. Normally, in circumstances like this, I would get a tattoo, drink, draw or clean up the shop. Tonight, I had opted for the drinking but now, the shop seemed to be where I had to be.

“I’m heading to the shop, I’ll walk. I’m sorry, Ty.” I said, avoiding him.

“No reason to be sorry, brother.” He tapped my shoulder and he hugged me. “I know it sucks right now but focus on the future and you’ll have her back in no time.”

“It’s not about me, it’s about her getting better.” I slurred the words as I tried to get up from my stool a second time. At that point, I realized I had lost count of the shots I had drunk. “Can you give Bekka a ride back home? I can’t...”

It felt like walking on a cloud, the city hidden under a thick fog. I had no idea what time it was but the city reminded me of a ghost town. I was freaking alone. “I’m alone,” I whispered hoarsely, crossing the street to the shop. I couldn’t even see the stars, they slept far away behind the fog leaving me with the low lights of the city to find my own way. Just like Nix, the stars were away. So damn far away. I wanted to cry.

I got to the front door of the shop, stumbling on the small step as if it hadn’t always been there. I knocked a couple of times but K must have had gone home. I unlocked the door and spotted the couch. I asked myself if I had come here to work or sleep. The couch sounded much more inviting than my work place. Slowly, I reached the red cushion of the couch and let myself fall into it. The heaviness of my body drowned me in the couch and just like that, I passed out.

N
oises interrupted my sleep but the headache hammering my head kept me from getting up. I groaned at the pain in my head and back. “Holy... Mary... Jesus Christ.” I wanted to die, how would I survive the day feeling life this?

“Good morning, drunk.”

I groaned and tried to roll on my side. “Give me a hand, will you?” He helped me up and steadied me. I had never been that dizzy in my entire life. My head would feel a lot better if K could stop laughing so loud.

My first night without Nix turned out to be less painful than I thought because I didn’t remember any of it. I had the headache to remind me how stupid I was, getting drunk to tame the pain I felt without her. She was locked in a center alone that had to be worse.

“Are you okay, Levi?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” It took all the energy left in me just to reach for the door. “I’ll be back later.”

“Take a shower, you smell like crap.”

Why were my friends always telling me how bad I looked or smelled? What was their problem? Maybe it was me.

“Later, man.”

“Here, take this and grab a taxi.” He handed me a twenty.

I nodded and flagged down the first taxi I saw.

The apartment was dead quiet. Bekka must have stayed at Tyler’s place for the night. At least, I would be able to catch up on my sleep. I pulled the comforter over my head and breathed in the perfume of Nix on her pillow. She smelled amazingly good, I tried imagining that she was lying in my arms. It was all I could do for now. Dreaming until I had her back. Soon, I hoped.

The images of her walking toward me in a gorgeous white dress with her curly hair beautifully done. Our wedding day meant everything. It had become my life goal.

T
he first week without Nix resulted in a total nightmare. I was an asshole to everyone, I mopped around and didn’t have a care in the world unless it regarded work. Working became my priority, focusing on my designs and called some clients. I spent all my energy there. Poor Kyle though, I’d been listening to the same song over and over again, House of the Rising Sun. Her beautiful voice remained on my mind. Whenever she sang that song, it gave me the chills. Then, it reminded me of the moment I found her with her father at the bar of our hotel in Las Vegas. The song that caught my attention and led me to her. I remembered the look on her face and it hurt me. The smile on Brian’s face and how happy he looked. Bittersweet memory.

We worked on Tyler’s tattoo and it looked fantastic. We both designed it, mixing our styles and adding beautiful striking colors. I wanted one too at some point but I had gotten enough tattoos lately. The curves of the pin-up girl made her look voluptuous and sexy without being trashy. A real classic vintage pin-up girl that most artists envied. We both agree that this tattoo deserved to be on our wall of fame.

“Thanks for asking me to do this, K. It turned out to be a fun challenge. We totally rocked this.”

I was definitely itching to get some new ink but to be honest, I had no idea what I wanted. I tried to think of a few things but I passed, for this time only.