Authors: Jim Ladd
Mutiny! (2 page)
T
he stranger climbed easily up the ladder to the
Jolly Apollo
and vaulted athletically over the rail, landing nimbly on the deck.
“Ahoy there!” he called, his hands on his hips and his chin jutting out proudly.
He breathed in deeply and started to wander about. “Hah, it’s good to be back on the deck of a pirate ship again!” he exclaimed, slapping the main mast.
The crew of the
Apollo
watched in
open-mouthed
amazement as the stranger swaggered around the ship as if he owned it.
“Hi,” said Sam. “So, erm, what’s your name?”
The stranger spun round, stared at Sam and smiled broadly.
“They call me,” he paused dramatically, “Goldstar.”
There was a gasp and a thump as Comet struggled over the rails with Goldstar’s cases and landed in a heap on the deck.
“Why do they call you that?” asked Barney, completely ignoring the captain and staring at
Goldstar excitedly.
“Who knows?” Goldstar replied with a wicked smile. “It might be because I always wear gold…” he flicked his cape. “It might be because of this…” he tapped his golden peg leg on the deck. “Or it might be because of this!” With a flourish he opened the bag he’d been holding and revealed a solid gold bowling ball.
The crew gasped as one with a sound like a Paloovian snotwhale about to sneeze.
“What?” Sam asked. He knew bowling was every space pirate’s favourite sport, but he’d never seen a gold ball before.
“A golden ball!” Barney explained in a hushed whisper. “It’s the prize for winning the Interstellar Bowling Championship!”
Goldstar lifted the ball from the bag and turned it so that everyone could see five diamonds glinting on its surface. “Five years in a row,” Goldstar grinned at the awed audience. “Eventually they had to ban me so others could have a chance. One of my strikes in the last championship was
voted Shot of the Millennium by the Tri-Galaxy Federation. They carefully pulled up the bowling lane and re-installed it in the Hall of Fame.”
Everyone looked on in dumbstruck awe. Vulpus and Piole exchanged amazed glances; Jonjarama, the gassiest member of the crew, trumped loudly with excitement; even Pegg, the grumpier head of the first mate, looked amazed.
Only Comet didn’t seem impressed as he bent against the ship’s rail, trying to catch his breath.
“Now, how about a glass of grum to celebrate being rescued!” said Goldstar.
Everyone cheered. Grum, a sort of lemonade milkshake, was a pirate’s favourite drink. The only thing they enjoyed as much as bowling was a tankard of grum and a singsong.
“Actually,” wheezed Comet, “we’ve got lots of chores to do today to get the old girl space-shipshape—”
“And if you guys point me in the direction of a bowling lane,” said Goldstar, ignoring Comet, “then I can show you how I did that strike.”
With another cheer Goldstar was rushed below decks by the crew. Comet and Sam were the only ones left. They stood looking at the empty deck in stunned silence.
“Well,” Comet muttered to himself, “I suppose a little glass of grum would be fine, just this once, welcome him aboard and all that…”
“You all right, Captain?” asked Sam.
“What? Yes, yes, absolutely fine. Come on, come on, let’s get a move on or all the best lanes will be taken.”
Sam followed Captain Comet down to the lower deck where the bowling lanes were. All space pirate ships had at least one bowling lane, but the
Jolly Apollo
had more than most. That was because the
Apollo
used the space that other pirate ships used for storing treasure and laser cannons – two things that Captain Comet’s ship didn’t really have – for extra bowling lanes. They’d never been successful enough to find any treasure, and they’d managed to lose most of their laser cannons years ago in an unfortunate incident involving Comet and the oozing quicksand of planet Swampiola.
But when Sam and Comet got to the bowling deck no one was bowling; instead everyone was
crowded around Goldstar, who was regaling the crew with his stories.
“So that’s how I ended up being marooned,” said Goldstar as he finished another story. “And I believe Admiral Mercury is still trying to find his telescope – and his trousers!”
The crew burst into laughter and someone raised a toast to Goldstar. Comet sniffed jealously.
“How did you come by that peg leg?” asked Vulpus, the fox-like pirate.
“Ah me old peggler,” said Goldstar, looking at the golden stump at the end of his leg. “I lost me leg to a grumigator – he bit it clean off.”
“Oooh,” Barney sighed.
Sam had had a close encounter with grumigators himself and knew they were big enough and ferocious enough to bite off a leg and a whole lot more.
“Anyhow, the way I saw it,” Goldstar continued, “if he was going to have my leg, then I should have something of his in return – so I took these.”
He felt inside the neck of his shirt and pulled
out a necklace made of grumigator teeth. Barney gasped and Sam had to admit that they were the biggest teeth he had ever seen.
“Turns out that particular beast had been terrorising the local village on this particular planet, so the natives made me this leg as a thank you for ridding them of the beast.”
Goldstar lifted his golden peg leg to show it
off to them in more detail.
The crew applauded wildly. Comet cleared his throat loudly. Sam looked over at him and smiled. Comet did not like being upstaged by anybody – especially aboard his own ship. Sam wondered what Comet could possibly say that would top that last story.
“Fighting with lake lizards is all well and good for a hobby, I suppose,” said Comet, giving a large pretend yawn. “But I’m just too busy for that kind of thing. You see,
I’m
going to be the first pirate to find Planet X!”
Goldstar gave a loud booming laugh, which echoed around the bowling alley and gave him a strike on at least three lanes. He wiped his eyes. “And how, pray tell, are you going to find it,
eh
? What makes you so different from all those other hopeless dreamers who have searched for it before?” he asked.
Suddenly Sam had a horrible idea of what Comet was going to do – surely he wouldn’t be so stupid as to show the map to a total stranger,
especially after his sworn enemy (and the most fearsome pirate ever known), Captain Black-Hole Beard, had tried to steal it? Only a person of intergalactic idiocy would do that.
“The difference is, I’ve got a map,” said Comet, puffing his chest out proudly.
Sam groaned.
“Ha – a map he says!” barked Goldstar, shaking his head. “By the rings of Jalangar, you’re a funny one. As if such a thing existed!”
Don’t show him, don’t show him
, willed Sam. “Er, Captain—” he started, but it was too late.
“It does, I have, and here it is!” said Comet, flashing the map at Goldstar.
Sam slapped his hand on to his forehead in despair. Goldstar grabbed Comet’s wrist and peered at the scrap of silver cloth, and his eyes hardened for the briefest of moments. It was only for a flash, but to Sam it seemed as if a mask had slipped, revealing the true Goldstar underneath – and it was not a pretty sight.
“Well Captain, I’ve got to hand it ye,” laughed
Goldstar, “you’re a better man than me.”
Comet visibly swelled with pride.
“It’s a rare thing you have there, me hearties; a map to the greatest treasure hoard in the entire Universe. Unimagined wealth of immeasurable value…” Goldstar leaned back and stroked his gold peg leg thoughtfully. “You are blessed indeed, and possibly even luckier than you imagine. I noticed from that there map of yours that you’re going past the Ninth Vector – near a little planet called Bowlopia. I think you’ll find it interesting.”
“Why’s that?” asked Comet, all eager and pleased with himself.
“Why? Because you’re pirates! And Bowlopia,” Goldstar’s voice rose until he was shouting, “BOWLOPIA IS A PIRATE’S PARADISE!”
“A
h, me hearties!” Goldstar cried out, fixing the pirates with a manic glare. “What can I tell you about Bowlopia? It’s a strange world; there’s only one sport played there…”
The crew looked confused.
“…and that’s bowling!” cried Goldstar.
The crew cheered.
“There’s only one type of drink on Bowlopia…” said Goldstar.
The crew began to grumble.
“…but that drink is grum!” shouted Goldstar. The crew cheered again.
“And if you ever want a break from the bowling, there’s a gigantic funfair, too!” said Goldstar, his arms spread wide to demonstrate the size.
The crew cheered once more.
“And the best thing is, we’re only a day’s sail away!” shouted Goldstar.
Everyone was beside themselves with excitement. Jonjarama was so thrilled he did a massive fart but everyone was so caught up with the idea of Bowlopia that no one cared.
“But what about Planet X?” said Sam, struggling to be heard above the noise. “What about rescuing my parents?”
Goldstar gave a smarmy smile and went over to slap Comet on the back like an old friend.
“I’m sure your good captain here would approve,” said Goldstar, ignoring Sam. “After all, a leader of his strength, good-looks, wit and experience knows how to let his hair down – he’s a proper pirate, so he is.”
Comet swelled with pride. “Well, I do think a little bit of rest and relaxation would do us all the world of good. Ain’t that right?” he blustered. “Set course for Bowlopia!”
Barney and the others started dancing around the deck singing, “We’re going to Bowlopia!” at the top of their voices.
Sam seemed to be the only one who was disappointed. “Oh, don’t worry!” Comet told him. “It’s only one day off course. We’ll be there for a day at most and then we’ll get back on track. And who knows, with a fair solar wind we’ll
probably actually make up time!”
Goldstar grinned, the occasional gold tooth visible in his wolf-like smile. “They say you’ve never truly bowled until you’ve bowled the ring of Bowlopia.”
Barney raced over to Sam, a huge smile plastered across his face and a tankard of grum clutched in each of his tentacles.
“Is it just me, Barney, or is there something a bit odd about Goldstar?” Sam asked. “Did you see his face when he looked at the map?”
“He seems pretty cool to me,” Barney replied. “And he’s taking us to Bowlopia! Here, have a grum – enjoy yourself.”
Sam took the grum and watched Goldstar as he wandered around the bowling deck, laughing with the crew, slapping them on the back, shaking hands. Everyone else seemed to love him. But there was something about that wild black hair that bothered Sam…
His hair
? Sam suddenly shook his head, feeling bad. He couldn’t decide he didn’t like someone because of their hair.
He’d been worrying about his parents too much. Maybe a day at Bowlopia would be just what he needed. Sam took a swig of the grum. Yes, it was definitely time for some fun!
The closer the
Jolly Apollo
got to Bowlopia, the more excited everyone became. By the time Vulpus, the lookout, caught sight of the planet, the ship was buzzing.
Sam raced to look over the side. Bowlopia was a huge blue planet, with three dark patches on the surface like the finger-holes in a bowling ball. Around it looped a shimmering golden circle.
“See the ring around the planet, me hearties?” asked Goldstar. “That’s a giant bowling lane, the longest one in the universe! Your ball goes all the way around the planet!”
Sam felt his mouth drop open in amazement. All around him everyone else was
staring open-mouthed as well. Piole’s twelve mouths were making a puddle of drool on the deck.
“Before we get to the bowling, what say you we have a go on the funfair first?” said Goldstar.
“That has to be some funfair to beat bowling around a planet,” said Pegg sceptically.
“Oh, but it is – look!” said Goldstar, as the largest funfair any of them had ever seen in their lives came into view.
“It must be the size of a city,” said Legg, the other head of the first mate.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Comet said grandly. “Prepare to land!”
“I’ll fly us!” said Pegg.
“No – I will!” Legg wrestled the steering wheel away from him.
“I will!” Pegg growled.
While Pegg and Legg launched into one of their usual arguments, the
Jolly Apollo
was heading full speed towards the planet.
“I like a crew that’s keen!” Goldstar chuckled nervously. “But should we be slowing down?”
“I’m sure they’ll stop eventually,” said Comet. “They usually do.”
“Erm, we are getting a bit close,” Sam said anxiously.
“Reverse thrusters!” Comet yelled.
Pegg and Legg jumped, and turned to see a huge neon sign rushing towards them. It was an enormous picture of a bowling ball and ten hoverpins, with
WELCOME TO BOWLOPIA!
written across it.
They flipped on the thrusters, and the
Jolly Apollo
creaked and groaned under the strain as the engines tried to pull the rusting hull in the opposite direction to the one it was travelling in.
Sam grabbed the ship’s wheel and turned it sharply. The ship lurched to one side, but it was still travelling too fast.
“Batten the hatches!” shouted Comet, diving for cover. “She’s going to crash!”
With a horrible wailing of engines, the
Jolly Apollo
ploughed side-on into the massive sign. Huge hoverpins pinged off everywhere as the
Apollo
ground to a halt. Finally it stopped on top of the flattened sign, lying at a funny angle on
mangled metal, thin wisps of smoke coming from the thrusters.
“Now that’s what I call a strike!” shouted Goldstar, roaring with laughter.
Sam was still clinging on to the wheel, his knuckles white from holding on so tightly. Close by he saw Comet peering from his hiding place inside an empty grum barrel.
The captain patted himself over to feel for any injuries, and satisfied all was well, clambered on to the listing deck. He nodded with approval. “Well, I’ve had worse landings, I must admit. Nice work, Sam,” he said.
“Don’t mention it,”
Sam smiled.
Pegg and Legg started arguing about whose fault it was, but Goldstar interrupted grandly. “Look at it, me hearties!” he crowed. “Like I told you, pirate paradise!”
The crew looked on in wide-eyed amazement. All around them were the twisting tracks of the hovercoasters, whirling antigravity rides, bright coloured lights and pirates from all over the seven solar seas. The competing sounds of music playing from different rides filled the air, along with the sound of the crowds cheering and screaming, and stall holders crying out their
wares. The air smelt of supernova floss, hot Wumpfle dogs and grum.
“Come on then, lads,” shouted Goldstar, “it’s fun time! Follow me and I won’t let you down!”
“Captain, we’re only going to spend
one
day here, aren’t we? My parents still need rescuing…” said Sam, but Comet was already half way down the gangplank, following in Goldstar’s wake.
“What was that? Parents? Yes, yes, whatever…” he called back, not bothering to look at Sam.
Sam wasn’t convinced, but before he could complain Barney grabbed him by the arm, pulling him along.
“Come on, Sam, don’t worry so much. We’ll be back on the search for Planet X before you know it. Last one to the antigravity dodgems is a loser!”