My Awesome/Awful Popularity Plan (17 page)

AH!

It was all I could do to stop myself from running to his locker, screaming, “I’m a-comin’, Chuck!” and giving him my grandmother’s engagement ring she promised I could give to my fiancée one day.

But then I thought there must be a reason he left me a book and didn’t just come right out and tell me. I decided I should read the book. And by “read” I mean “scan.” I looked at the first story, which was about a jock like Chuck (ice hockey, though, not football). He had a girlfriend all through high
school even though he’d known he was gay from the time he was twelve. He wrote that he couldn’t admit it to anyone because he was so scared of disappointing his parents. Is that what Chuck’s going through? I’ve never met his folks, but they’re probably typical sports parents and want Chuck to be the All-American straight kid.

Hmm. I couldn’t really identify. With my parents, it’s almost as if they
want
me to be gay. They keep politely asking about Becky, but I can tell they’re hoping we’re not together anymore.

I continued reading (see previous definition of “read”). Most of the stories had the same themes. The fear of parents turning against them or the fear of losing all of their friends.

I thought about the friends part. I realized that one of the reasons Chuck wouldn’t date me is because I’m not on his popularity level. If he dated me while I was at my current status, he’d definitely lose half his friends. That’s when I realized how perfect my plan is to make everything work out tonight. If my song brings down the house (which I know it will), my popularity could rise to heights I’ve never achieved before. I would be almost at Chuck’s level. If I had
that
kind of school-wide acceptance, I wouldn’t be scared of coming out to everybody (including Becky). And my newfound status would then open the door to me and Chuck dating! I wouldn’t be able to do anything about his parents approving of him or not, but my soaring popularity would hopefully make Chuck realize he could date me and still be the king of Cool U!

And, yes, I know the relationship will not last a long time. Even if Chuck is 100 percent gay, it doesn’t change the fact that we don’t have much in common. I just want to know what it feels like to kiss him and then have the most popular kid in school as my boyfriend. Even for a few days.

So, the good news is I may finally get to kiss Chuck, but the bad news is, it won’t be my first kiss like I’d always planned. I can’t stop thinking about that night Becky told me it’s something you never forget. Great. I’ll “never forget” the image of trying to avoid those unwanted, incoming lips mixed with the feeling of my butt freezing. It’s so unfair that Becky has the romantic images in the garden with Chuck and I have depressing flashbacks to the horrible night in the gazebo. It’s not really her fault, though. I made her think I had already had my first kiss. She didn’t know she was forever ruining something I’d always fantasized would be perfect. Speaking of perfect, I have to get my outfit ready for the dance. So much is riding on this night, I can’t afford for anything to go wrong!

HMM … IT’S HARD TO KNOW
what went wrong first.

I’ll start from the beginning. I got home from school, did my homework, had dinner, and then started a long vocal warm-up. I had only one chance to impress the whole school and I didn’t want to blow it because I had a phlegm attack. I sang through my song twice, took a long shower, and then put on my Spring Fling outfit—dark jeans, new black cowboytype boots, and a gray and black button-down shirt from H&M. I wore the shirt out in an “I’m so cool I don’t have to tuck in my shirt” kind of way, even though it was really in an “If I tuck my shirt in, you’ll see my stomach flab hanging over my pants” kind of way. I may have lost weight in the last few months but not enough to dare tucking anything in.

I went over my lyrics as I walked to Becky’s house and finished the song right when I walked up her driveway.

Her father answered the door and ushered me in.

“Becky!” he called upstairs. “Your prince awaits you.” Then he laughed so hard he had a small coughing fit.

Becky arrived at the top of the stairs in a dress that was tight in the right places but didn’t make her look like she was trying to show anything off. She wore a green necklace that made her eyes even more stunning.

She came downstairs and gave me a little smile. “Hello, Justin … 
finally
.”

“Finally?” said her dad, looking at his watch. “He’s actually early.”

Becky glared at him because he ruined her moment. She was obviously trying to bust me for avoiding her. I was happy he distracted her and took the opportunity to ask if we should go.

“I’ll drive you,” said her dad, putting on his coat.

Yay
, I thought,
Becky won’t be able to confront me while her dad is in the front seat
.

“I have to go anyway,” he continued as he got his car keys. “I’m a dance chaperone.”

My
yay
turned into
nooooooooo!!!!!
I had no idea her dad was going to be lurking in the gym all night. It sucked because that meant Becky really couldn’t spend any time with Chuck … meaning she’d be with me the whole time … meaning I’d have to endure nonstop barbed comments or, worse, another smooching session.

Becky and I drove there in silence while her father
chattered about medicine and, for some reason, the pituitary gland. He knew we were studying the endocrine system in biology and kept talking about how “the pituitary gland is overlooked by the majority of the medical establishment.” It’s also overlooked by anybody wanting to have an interesting conversation!

When we walked into the school, Quincy was sitting at the door of the gym. I hadn’t seen him since our awkward non-conversation at the salad bar. He had a camera and I realized that he was in charge of taking photos of all the couples entering.

“Hi, Quincy!” I said as Becky and I walked up.

He went pale immediately and dropped his camera.

Becky and I stood there while he picked it up and put the batteries back in.

“Uh …,” he said, not making eye contact, “you can stand there.” He pointed to a backdrop that was supposed to look like a garden. Since it was the Spring Fling, everything was spring-related. Quincy nervously positioned Becky so she faced away from me. Huh? Was she supposed to look like she was ignoring me? I stood awkwardly until she angrily grabbed my arms and put them around her waist. Oh! It was that kind of pose. I had never come to the Spring Fling with a date, so it was all new to me.

“Becky, why don’t you smile?” asked her dad, who unfortunately hadn’t started his chaperoning duties yet.

Quincy started counting, “One, two …” as her dad traced
upward lines next to his lips to indicate to Becky that she should smile. I think she ignored him because as soon as the picture was taken, her father muttered to Quincy, “Hopefully the camera broke when you dropped it.”

Becky and I walked in with her father, and I chose to believe she wanted to keep up the same pose we had in the picture and that’s why she was still completely turned away from me.

The inside of the gym was a spring paradise. Savannah was on the design committee and the place looked gorgeous. She had commandeered the art class into making fake flowers out of some material that looked real and they were
everywhere
. Covering the floor and the stage, hanging from vines, and blanketing every tablecloth.

“Well, I have to go monitor the punch,” said Becky’s dad. “I don’t want any kids having hangovers tomorrow.” He laughed and was met with silence from us. “Uh … have fun,” he said, then added, “Or at least talk to each other.” As Becky’s dad walked away, she started walking in the opposite direction.

“Becky!” I called after her. When I got near, I whispered, “Are you going to look for Chuck?”

“Why should you care?” she said without looking at me.

“I just meant you should be careful because your dad’s here.”

“My dad?” she asked. “Don’t worry, Justin. I know how to
handle
jerks
!” She made the first eye contact of the night when she said “jerks.”

As she walked away, I began to feel guilty for how I’d treated her since that kiss at the pond. Argh! How was I supposed to win over Cool U with my amazing performance
and
snag Chuck if a part of me was wracked with guilt?

I was feeling so stressed that I knew I needed some potato chips to deal with my anxiety. I turned to walk over to the food area and suddenly saw Spencer. He was holding hands with someone. I looked closer.

It was a girl!

What the—? I thought he was gay. Well, I was, too, and
I
was here with a girl, but that’s different. I looked closer but couldn’t tell who the girl was. She had long hair and a pretty face. But there were little marks on the sides of her nose from where glasses probably sat. And the dress looked like it was made of organic cotton. Wait a minute …

It was
Mary Ann Cortale
!

I knew she’d look good with no glasses and her hair down, but was she really here with Spencer as a date? I had decided they were just here as friends when I saw him give her a quick kiss on the lips before she walked toward the drinks. I stood frozen, which put me in line with Spencer’s eyes. He walked over to me.

“Hey, Justin.”

“Spencer,” I said slowly, “are you here with Mary Ann?”

“Yes,” he answered simply.

“On a date?” I asked, in total shock.

He sighed. “It’s complicated,” he said, which was an even more bizarre answer than I’d expected.

“Spencer,” I said, lowering my voice, “you told me you were gay. Are you now experimenting with—”

“Shhh!” he said, and looked around. “I don’t want to have this talk now, but there
is
something else we need to discuss.”

Phew
, I thought.
He finally wants to start being friends again
. Being so close to him made me really feel how much I missed him. I wanted to tell him everything that’d been happening—Pamela’s crying jags, Becky’s unwanted kiss, Chuck and his possible coming out—but mostly I just wanted to hang out with him. I couldn’t wait to pick up where we left off.

“Yes?” I asked, waiting for his apology for ignoring me, which I would accept graciously.

Instead he asked, “Are you happy?”

I was confused. “At the dance?” I asked. “Not really. I wanted potato chips but when I saw you and Mary Ann—”

“No, Justin,” he said, cutting me off. “Are you happy in general?”

It was such an odd and non-specific question. Was he offering support? Advice? I thought about it. Happy? I was excited about the chance to perform tonight. And I was
hopeful it could win me some real friends
and
my first kiss from Chuck. But I wouldn’t say I was happy. And, thinking about it, I realized that I hadn’t been for a while. More like stressed, guilty, lonely, and anxious.

“No,” I simply answered.

“Well,” he said with a little smile, “I’m glad you didn’t lie.”

“Why would I lie?” I asked.

Then I remembered.

NO!!!!

The public dare! I told Spencer months ago (to get him off my back) that my whole popularity plan would make me happy and if it didn’t, he could make me do a public dare at the Spring Fling! I had assumed that whole bet was nullified when we stopped talking, but apparently Spencer didn’t.

“Justin,” he said solemnly, “you made a promise and I know you’re going to keep it.”

He was right. The public dare was sacred. I knew if I didn’t follow through with it now, we could never have another one when we became friends again.

I took a deep breath. “What is it?” I asked.

He spoke slowly and clearly, like he had practiced it. “You need to start being yourself in front of people.”

THAT was the public dare? Act like myself? I do that already. Pretty much. Except for the things I keep a total secret.

Uh-oh.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’ve been telling me forever that you’re in love with Chuck.”

“Yeah …?” I asked nervously.

I did say that, didn’t I. Hmm. I don’t know now if
love
is exactly the word anymore. More like
lust
. But I can’t admit that to Spencer because he’d been saying that all along. Suddenly, he revealed what I had to do.

“Your dare is to admit it tonight.”

Hmm … that sounded pleasingly vague
. “What do you mean by ‘admit it,’ Spencer?” I wanted to hear what Spencer had to say so I could spin the dare to my advantage.

Spencer could tell what I was doing and got annoyed. “Justin, you need to admit—”

At that moment, we both noticed creepy Doug Gool slowly walking by, obviously looking for someone to harass. Spencer clammed up because he knew that if Doug overheard, it would ruin the public dare of me admitting anything since Doug would tell everyone first. Spencer started talking in code. “Justin, you need to admit to the
person
you’re in love with that you’re in love with
them
.”

Hmm. I guess I could tell Chuck I was in love with him and then later tell him I was joking.