My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One

MY BEST FRIEND'S BUCKET LIST

Volume 1.

a novella

by

Shane Grey

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2015 Shane Grey

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and purchase your own copy.

This novella is dedicated to
Brenda Bryan, if not for her existence, none of this would
exist
.

CHAPTER 1

ME AND DICK MEET LORRIE
LOVITT

(Six months before his
death)

It was 2:46am and I was very close to giving
up on finding the perfect porn clip to gratify myself to. I had
work the next day at 3pm but sleep was the last thing on my mind. I
had gone to Xhamster.com, Hardsextube.com, even dusted off
Pornhub.com one of the first tube sites I had ever encountered.

I shut the lap top, rubbed my eyes, grabbed
the car keys. A drive would ease the mind. Nothing ever went wrong
while going for a little drive, I thought. The night was slightly
cool despite the triple digit heat we had been having. It was 3am,
exactly.

I pulled out onto the main street and headed
south, windows down, cool air on my face, through my hair. The
local college station played some classical guitar concerto. The
guitar peaceful and surreal. The idea that I had to return to work
that day vanished. Dealing with the hard headed, sometimes violent
customers, vanished. I was one with the world around me, the
Universe even.

Once again, I had the thought, the same as
always on nights like these.

Just keep driving. Don't stop until you're
sleepy Then stop at a cheap motel and sleep. Only to arise again,
continue down the road headed, Nowhere. That's where I want to be,
Nowhere.

My train of thought came to a crashing halt
with the shriek of a woman. I opened my eyes in time to avoid
hitting a homeless lady pushing an empty shopping cart. I hollered
my apology out the window of the moving vehicle, hoping she could
hear me.

Looking back I don't think the car was that
close to hitting her. I imagine the blaring of some classical
guitar concerto, screaming out of a speeding '79 Mercury Zephyr at
3 in the morning, probably spooked her as she to walked a crosswalk
illegally.

The fantasy of kissing this city goodbye and
French kissing my current life behind evaporated back into the
apathy that was the current life I was leading. The sodium lights
that lit up the overpass of the train tracks made everything look
like bad tint on an old television. I breathed in the city air and
realized if I had a pistol and a suit, I would be living in some
Noir Film. The setting would be that I'm a private detective.

I'm a private detective, investigating the
murder of a prostitute. I was hired by her twin sister who was the
original target. I pass shitty hole in the wall bars, streetwalkers
give the old evil eye. I think, it's been a long time since a belt
of scotch, on the rocks of course. Because I'm fat paid, the best
in the business. Just me, the cool city streets, and my case of the
murdered twin prostitute.

That fantasy was slapped away by the
vibrations of my Blackberry. I sped up to avoid a camera ticket on
a yellow light, I made it, barely. Like we all do, I'm sure.
Reaching deep into my jean pocket, I pulled out the phone. It was
an Incoming Phone Call From, Dick. Though the screen read, Auntie
Fucker.

“
Yeh.” I said into the
phone.

“
Hey, where you at?” Dick
said.

“
This ain't some ghetto
phone commercial. What do you want?” I said.

“
Are you as bored as I
am?”

“
You know I am.” I
replied.

“
How fast can you get to
downtown Chino?” Dick said.

“
Kinda just down the
street from there. Where you at?”

“
This ain't a shitty cell
phone commercial. I'm at the 24 hour McDonald's. Across the street
from-”

“
I know where it is. See
ya in five.” I said.

One thing you should know about me, I love
fast food. I could eat it everyday and more so. Though I went to
the gym 4 nights a week, it didn't matter. My diet consisted of:
Water(H20), Mountain Dew Pitch Black(the best soda ever), Fast
food(McDonald's, In-n-out, Tommy's Original Chili Burgers, Del Taco
and Taco Bell). I had muscle, but still had body fat. But I was not
gross looking. Women and girls called me handsome frequently. It's
hard to describe so I will just say, Kevin James meets Johnny Cash,
with less belly than Kevin James. Google the names if you don't
know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Now, Dick, looked like a ridiculously tall,
Paul Walker. Google him of you don't know what I mean. Women loved
a really tall Paul Walker versus a stocky Johnny Cash.

The sad part was I had had more sexual
partners in my life versus Dick's 15 sexual partners. All of his
were fat, because he loved that. Dick loved large women. I
preferred mine, petite and sweet.

The irony of it always killed me. A tall
skinny guy loving large women. A stocky, chubby guy loving small
petite women. But we never fought over girls. We had our
preferences and even though most of the women I fell for
relationship-wise always tried to be with Dick, he refused, and the
fatties that tried to hit me up, I turned them over to Dick. It
worked, somehow it worked until that night.

I pulled into a random parking space of the
McDonald's. Dick sat on a grassy area, leaning against a large palm
tree, California rocks.

Turning the car off, which was always a
risk, I got out and headed toward him. His head was down and he
seemed in very bad spirits.

“
Hey, what's up, man?” I
said and attempted to sit down next to him, Indian style. I fell on
my ass, legs slightly crossed, ready to listen. “You
awright?”

“
Nah. I guess not.” Dick
replied, seemingly devastated. His gaze straight ahead.

“
What happened?” I asked
as gentle as could be mustered.

“
Where were you right now
when I called you?” He asked, darkly.

“
Driving, man.”

“
Driving where?” Dick
said. For some reason his tone gave me chills.

“
Honestly, dude, Nowhere.”
I said.

“
Yeah. Where might that
be?” He said, a hostility in his voice. My temper
reacted.

“
I was just driving,
hoping, like an idiot, to drive off to Nowhere.” Now I was
hopeless. I wanted to cry as I looked up. The sodium lamps in the
parking lot didn't unleash the same power as the ones on the
overpass. Dick looked at me, pure sadness behind his
eyes.

“
I'm down if you are.” He
said.

“
Huh?” I said.

“
I'm sick of it, TUCK!
Sick of the rejection! Let's just fuckin' go. I wanna go!” Dick's
eyes were red and he seemed to be on the verge of
hyperventilation.

“
Take deep, controlled,
breathes.” He complied. Calming finally. I said calmly, “What
happened?”

“
I was set to meet a girl
here. She was dynamite. Big thighs, ass, belly. We had been talking
for a month. A car pulled up, it was the car she told me she would
be in. I saw the car and got out of my car.” Dick paused here to
reminisce. “The driver, I'm sure was her, took one look at me,
shook her head embarrassed and fled.”

I thought about it, “Why would she flee in
embarrassment?”

“
Because, I told her, I
looked like you. Stocky and big.”

“
I told you a thousand
times to be honest. Big girls appreciate that.”

“
I know but I'm scared of
rejection. Big chicks, most of them anyway, don't want to be with
me.” Dick said. He was right. It was hard for a big girl to be
comfortable with someone who was fit and in shape. The truth was if
Dick and I had ever engaged in fisticuffs or some struggle, he
would perish. That didn't matter to most women, they wanted what
looked good.

They were as bad as men.

But chubby girls were real and down to
earth. Also most of them harbored insecurities and being with
someone in shape was hard for them.

I loaded a heart broken Dick into my car. My
own lack of a love life was becoming a weight on my shoulders as
well. I could relate to the situation.

I drove north on the main street. My head
full of the fantasy to driving far off, driving to Nowhere. I think
we both had enough money to make it work for a week. Then we could
get jobs at whatever place we ran out of cash in.

“
DUDE! WATCH OUT!” Broke
my concentration, yelled by Dick, I slammed the breaks to a halt.
We were stopped in front of a Sloppy Deb's Food and Gas.

“
Why the fuck did I just
come to a screeching halt?”

“
Because I need things.
Jerky, drinks, candy. It was just a long way until next
stop.”

“
Whatever, dude.” I pulled
into the parking lot of Sloppy Deb's. Right there under the
fluorescent lighting was the most stunning girl I had ever seen.
Not Scarlett Johansson stunning nor Kate Middleton stunning. But
like some Anime character that had escaped from animation into the
real world(not the MTV variety either,
real
reality
). She was mighty slender, one
would not think she was fit as a fiddle, but just plain slim. Her
eyes were of glowing chestnuts. Her skin of the smoothest milk. She
had to be some part of the Asian variety. But it was very faint in
her looks. She had long toast brown hair.

I didn't lose my stare at her until Dick's
shouts were loud enough and the crashing sound of my car going into
a newspaper dispenser at thirty miles per hour shook me. My
forehead smacked in the steering wheel on impact. I slammed the
brakes, threw the car into park, everything was hazy.

The Zephyr was fine, so was Dick, his head
and neck were fine. The newspaper dispenser had met its match. The
chestnut eyed angel sprinted to the drivers side.

“
Oh my god, are you OK?”
She said. I was hazily locked in her gaze, her eyes burning me
deeply like a thousand suns, light tears formed behind my
eyes.

“
We're good, ma'am.” Dick
said. “This car is pure American steel.”

Her eyes left mine to travel toward the eyes
of the voice in the car. She locked eyes with Dick, while my eyes
were still locked on to hers, I felt my heart explode. The look in
her eyes crushed me like the smallest insect in a stomping
contest.

“
Oh, hi,” The angel
blushed a deep crimson, her eyes still on Dick's. “I didn't see you
sitting there. I thought there was only one guy...” Her sentence
trailed off. She fluffed her hair nervously and smiled a smile that
I swore would've killed me if my heart hadn't already been broken
so many times.

I wanted to vomit. My fucking head was
killing me. I forced my eyes away from hers, as hard as it was,
forcing myself to look at the busted up dispenser. Suddenly I was a
third wheel.

“
Hey, back away from the
car, I need to back up off the sidewalk.” I said acidly at the
angel. More hostility than I meant.

“
Don't be rude.” Dick
said.

“
Fuck you.” Was my reply
to him. “Sloppy Deb is probably calling the fucking cops as we
speak.”

“
No she isn't.” Said
chestnut eyes.

“
How do you know?”
Inquired Dick.

“
'Cause she's my mom, she
hates the cops.”

“
Well how do you like
that?” I said as sarcastic and irritatingly as I could. Popped the
Zephyr into reverse, drove off the sidewalk, slammed it in park,
pushed aside the sinking feeling in my stomach, got out and fought
hard not to make eye contact with the chestnut angel.

Inside the store I apologized to Sloppy Deb.
Chestnut introduced herself to us.

“
I'm Lorrie Lovitt.” She
said. My heart hammered at her awesome name.

“
Dick Pickett.” Said Dick
and they shook hands. Now it was my turn.

“
Lorrie Lovitt, it's nice
to meet you, Tuck Sawyer.” I said charmingly, trying to convince
her I wasn't a total cock.