My Big Bottom Blessing (11 page)

It is common knowledge that human beings have emotional needs. Depending on where you look, the list of these needs can be quite detailed and lengthy. Even though mental health professionals may state these needs in slightly different ways, the following list is an accurate summary of the four basic emotional needs of mankind.

 

1. Unconditional love.
   This refers to love that is expressed (spoken) to us in appropriate verbal and physical ways such as words, hugs, and kisses.
   
2. Security.
   This means a
   feeling
   of total security, a physical and emotional safety which is more than just having a roof over our heads.
   
3. Praise.
   This means being verbally affirmed, valued, and admired by another.
   
4. Purpose.
   This is a reason for us personally to be alive and to have a feeling of hope for the future.
   

 

Now, in God's perfect plan, our parents were meant to take care of these needs for us as a model of what God Himself intended to do throughout our lives. But, as Dr. Sandra Wilson says, “Even the most well-meaning parents unintentionally inflict hurts by being unprepared, unavailable, or, more likely a combination of both.”
¹⁰
A wound is created no matter the motivation of the “wounder.” It doesn't have to be a direct assault such as in sexual abuse. In fact, some of the worst wounds are caused when a fulfillment of a need has been
omitted
rather than an abuse
committed.
And wounds don't have to be the result of our parents' actions. Even in our adult years, we continue to suffer wounding at the hands of people in our lives—sometimes people we've put our trust into.

Because there are no perfect parents (or people in general, for that matter), there isn't one of us who has had all of our emotional needs met completely. And even if we had a wonderful childhood, there are times throughout our lives when our emotional needs don't feel met. So, think of this: If you were denied water for several days, what would be the first thing on your mind?
Getting water.
You would be tempted to drink anything resembling water—even a counterfeit—to get that need met, right? People will even drink their own urine in times of extreme thirst.

Now, what if we talk about an emotional need such as the need for praise? Say when you were a little girl no one ever told you how beautiful you were or how important your existence was. Or, now that you're grown, maybe it's been a really long time since you heard someone affirm you. What do you think becomes essential? That's right,
getting praise.
Now, even though you might be totally unaware of the reason, you might become compelled to get approval from anyone who will give it to you. A great analogy describes it this way: it's like walking around with an IV needle inserted in your arm and holding on to the other end, ready to stick it into anyone who comes your way so you can suck what you need out of them.

And what if your need for love seems unmet? That won't just go away. You'll still have a need for physical affection, and you may just settle for lust (maybe your own lust, or someone else's toward you) rather than real love.

Or if your need for security doesn't seem fully met, maybe now you'll feel driven to have the biggest and best of everything. Money has become your source of security and your need for it seems to grow and grow.

And what about purpose? If you don't feel you have a purpose, you might work yourself to death trying to make it to the top of the corporate ladder. Or you might offer to serve everywhere there's an opening at church so your pastor will pat you on the back and say, “What would we do without you around here?” Or maybe, in order to feel
really
important, you might have to start a ministry—any ministry.

The truth is, if we are doing any of these things in order to get our emotional needs met, we are going to counterfeit sources. The only real way to get needs met is from God Himself.

We can't be truly effective disciples of Jesus Christ when we are being led by a wounded heart because our motives will be twisted. Before we discuss what this means, let me say that I don't mean that
all
we do for the Lord in our wounded state is worthless. Absolutely not. In His goodness, our heavenly Father works all things for good in the lives of those who are called by Him for His purposes (Rom. 8:28). He uses our lives in spite of ourselves.

What's important to see, however, is that our motivation for service won't be totally pure if we are driven to serve
because
of our wounded heart, and that's sure to have a negative effect on whatever we are doing, be it serving, parenting, or whatever. Whether we are aware of it consciously or not, we will be seeking to meet our unmet emotional needs in almost everything we do. Our motives will be selfish rather than selfless like those of our Lord. His heart was whole. He wasn't emotionally wounded. To follow Him means to walk with Him closely, to know Him, and to know how to become more like Him. To be whole.

I remember that ever since I became a believer, I had a passion to serve the Lord. I wanted to do anything He would ask me to do, no matter what the cost. But it wasn't until I began to see my woundedness, and to receive healing for those wounds, that I have been able to truly serve
Him
rather than myself. This is a process, and I don't expect to be completely healed until heaven, but it is getting better all the time. I'm finally able to experience what it's like to love people with no strings attached.

So what does God think about this issue of emotional wounds? Isn't it like telling Jesus His work on the Cross wasn't enough when we admit to still being wounded? No, it's not. In fact, God knows we are wounded and tells us so in the Bible:

 

• For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds. (Jeremiah 30:17)
  
• The L
  ORD
  builds up Jerusalem; He gathers together the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:2–3)
  
• The Spirit of the L
  ORD
  is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed. (Luke 4:18)
  

 

These verses show that God is aware of our brokenheartedness, and it is His desire to heal us. And the wonderful thing is that He loves us enough to heal each and every one of our wounds individually—to take us to the places deep within us that need a divine touch by Him. He doesn't expect us to just get over anything. He cares enough to heal every wound inflicted upon my heart since the time of my birth. He loves me enough to take me there—to escort me to the entry point of each and every lie I've believed so that He can displace the lies with truth. He wants to do that for you too.

There is nothing we can do to get rid of our emotional wounds except to get them healed. We cannot yell them away (rebuke them), nor do we need to ask God to forgive us for having emotional wounds. That would be as ridiculous as pointing a finger at a deep, bloody puncture in our thigh and shouting, “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. Be gone with you!” And just slapping a bandage over the top of it isn't going to do anything either. What that bleeding sore needs isn't to be scolded or hidden, it needs to be healed. So does our heart.

So how does that healing happen? Well, the short answer is, supernaturally. It is a divine work of God that cannot be put into a one-size-fits-all formula. It truly is an
experience
and not a procedure. However, there is a basic description of what transpires when we are being healed. First, we admit we are wounded. (If you're still not sure you're wounded, check out the list of personality types associated with emotional wounds in
appendix B
.) Second, we entrust our hearts to Father God (which can only happen when we truly
know
Him and believe we are His child). Third, we allow the Holy Spirit to bring to mind times in our lives when we were hurt and to then reveal to us the lies we started believing. Fourth, we allow Him to tell us the truth of the matter. When we choose to believe it, the power of God's truth overpowers the influence of the lie, and healing starts to take place. It really does.

In his book
Telling Yourself the Truth
, Dr. William Backus calls this process the “steps to becoming the happy person you were meant to be.” He says we must locate our misbeliefs, remove them, and replace them with truth.
¹¹
I believe this is exactly what God means when He tells us to renew our minds (Eph. 4:23). The neat thing is
He
actually does the renewing. All we have to do is submit to the process by jumping up on the operating table and letting Him have His way.

Easier said than done, right? Some of us have been very deeply wounded, and trusting anyone—God included—with those places takes real guts. But you will never experience all the victory, power, and love that God has already deposited in your spirit if you don't give Him an all-access pass to your soul. We've got to allow Him to take us into His arms and pour the healing ointment of His love and truth right into every single crevice of our brokenness. Then we will be like King David when he prayed:

Search me, O God, and know my [wounded] heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23–24)

As healing occurs in our hearts, we will get more and more of our emotional needs met from the right source—God. After all, He's the one who created our emotions. Isn't He the most logical one to go to for their ongoing care?

Let's take a look at some proof from the Bible that our Father is taking care of us. The next time you doubt your worth, purpose, or God's love for you, consult His words to you:

• Jeremiah 31:3—My Father's love for me is everlasting. I have always been loved by Him.
  
• John 3:16—My Father gave His only Son to die so I could know how much He loves me.
  
• John 16:26–27—My Father loves me so much, He wants a personal relationship with me.
  
• Ephesians 3:19—My Father wants me to be so full of His love that I'm overflowing.
  

• Romans 8:38–39—Nothing (not even my faults) can separate me from God's love.
  
• Colossians 3:3—I am securely hidden in Christ in the Father.
  
• 2 Timothy 1:7—I am filled with power, love, and a sound mind.
  
• 1 John 5:18—The devil has no right to touch me.
  
• Isaiah 66:12–13—My Father wants to comfort and hold me tenderly.
  

• Psalm 149:4—My Father tells me that He takes pleasure in me.
  
• Jeremiah 29:11—My Father's thoughts toward me are always good and filled with hope for me.
  
• Song of Solomon 1:15–16—My Father tells me in poetry that I am beautiful and pleasant in His eyes.
  
• John 14:23—My Father approves of me so much that He made His home within me.
  

• Matthew 5:13–14—I am the salt and light of the earth.
  
• Acts 1:8—I am a witness of God's goodness to the world.
  
• 2 Corinthians 5:18—I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
  
• Philippians 4:13—I am a powerhouse in Christ.
  

 

Our heavenly Father definitely has all our needs covered. If we can see the truth of His heart in His Word, and receive His love into our hearts, it becomes easier and easier to trust Him. We can also trust that He will send
tangible expressions
of His love when we need it. We will get the healthy hugs we need. We will get an encouraging word. We will have the material items we need. But we won't be
desperate
for them. Any praise from man or any earthly achievement becomes the cherry on top—not the whole sundae.

Oh, Abba Daddy
,

I love You and thank You for Your amazing love for me. I choose today to receive Your love instead of resisting it, and I choose to trust my whole heart to You.

I ask You to continue to show me the dark places in my heart—places that have not yet seen the light of Your truth. I don't want to live my life believing lies anymore. I don't want to keep falling into the trap of ungodly thoughts and behaviors. I want to live the abundant life You've promised me. I need Your help to become whole, Father.

I hand over my complete heart to You. I lay down any pride that would keep me from being truly transparent before You.

And I ask You, Father, to forgive me for all the years my service for You was motivated by unmet emotional needs. I am so sorry. Please be quick to convict me each and every time my motivation slips off track again. I want to be like Jesus—loving others because all His needs were met in You.

And I ask You to forgive me, also, for going to counterfeits to get my need met instead of You. All You've ever wanted to do is provide for my heart. I am sorry I didn't believe that before, but I do now. Please help me to see more and more how much You love me. Change me completely, Father. I am Yours.

Amen

1. Take a look at
   appendix B
   in the back of the book. Which of these personalities do you find most difficult to deal with in your life? _____
   _________________________________________________________
   
2. Do you think your personality resembles any of those on the list? If so, which one(s)? _____________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   
3. Are you hesitant to admit that you are emotionally wounded? _______
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   
4. Do you think it's possible for any human being to have his or her emotional needs met perfectly at all times (apart from getting them met by God)? Explain. __________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   _________________________________________________________
   
5. Look at the scale below. Where do you think your beliefs fall with regard to how God views your emotional wounds: