My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding (35 page)

I’m gobsmacked at these revelations. Callum never likes to talk about his deceased father. And every time Brenda mentions him she always paints him in a healthy light. I had no idea about the reality of the past situation.

Callum points to a picture in the album. “This is dad before we found out he had lung cancer.”

The photo shows a large middle aged man with a big beer belly sitting on a chair. He’s smiling and so is the sweet chubby kid who’s standing next to him in the photo; his son, and now my fiancé.

“This is dad after the chemo-therapy began.”

Callum has turned the pages and I’m shocked when I look at the photo he’s indicating. His father looks like a completely different person in this picture. He’s lost all but a few wisps of hair. He’s got liver spots and skin blemishes all over his pale skin. He looks like a man who aged forty years rapidly and he also looks like a person who lost a lot of weight. Too much weight.

“I was the one who drove my dad to the hospital every time. Mum couldn’t bear it. Whenever she was with him though, she never left his side. Every time I’d sit with the two of them Mum would just beg and beg him not to leave her. The only conversations she had with him during that time was asking him not to die.”

“Oh, Cal.” I take my fiancé into my arms as a tear spills from his eye onto the page of the tattered photo album. “I’m so sorry, honey. I had no idea.”

“Nah, you couldn’t have known, silly. I never told you and I think I now realise why.”

I look up at him.

“Mum changed when dad died. I fully expected her to break down, but she picked herself up instead. She became a health-nut and started pushing me into getting fit. I was only young at the time. I was sad that I’d lost my dad, but I was happy to see my Mum keep it together. If my exercising was what kept her happy, then I was glad to do it.”

So that’s why he never argues when his mum tells him to do something involving fitness. He just wants to keep his mum happy. “She doesn’t want you to become unhealthy and leave her like your dad did.”

“Exactly.”

Well, I for one definitely view Brenda under a much different light now. “I guess this means your mum really does love me too.”

“‘Of course she does, babe. But what do you mean?”

“She wants me and you to stay physically fit so that we don’t leave her like your dad did.”

The tears flow again. Here we two sit crying like babies on a day that’s supposed to be filled with smiles instead. But you know what? These are happy tears. To hell with ceremony’s that are supposed to express love by signing a piece of paper. This is all we need to make this day a special one whether we get legally hitched or not.

That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do the right thing. I do need that piece of paper in a way because it will enable me to show my fiancé just how much I love him.

***

“I’ve got some bad news, honey.” Callum helps me into my wedding dress — sans control underwear.

“Oh no, what now?”

“I think we’re a bit late for our own wedding.”

“You think so?” I look at the wall clock. “You’re right. Two hours late really is ever so unfashionable of us.”

We both laugh, but I choke a bit when Callum starts tying up the back of my corset. “Not too tight please.”

“Oh right, sorry.”

We get my dress onto my body in the end and I feel a bit more comfortable in it without the slimming wear on underneath. “I’ve got some bad news for you as well, I’m afraid.”

Callum crooks his eyebrow showing interest at my statement.

“I’m going to have to delay the wedding further to speak with your mum.”

“I think Mum will be okay.” He snorts. “She’s been one tough cookie for me over the years as it is.”

“Fair point, but I’d still like to apologise to her.”

“What for? You’ve been a star, babe. I’m the one who should apologise to you.”

Turning, I give my fiancé a strange-faced look because I have no idea what he could possibly be on about.

“You’ve put up with Mum forcing you into her aerobics classes. When I stopped you from having that enema done, I kind of realised I’ve been letting her have her way for a bit too long now. So if you do want to have a chat with my Mum, I’ll be speaking with her as well. She’s not going to be pressuring you with any more exercise suggestions and I definitely won’t allow her near your colon for any sort of irrigation purposes.”

Shaking my head I grin at him. “You certainly have a way with words, even if they are words about my bowels.”

“Don’t worry,” He says. “I haven’t written anything about your digestive system in my wedding vows.”

“Pah!” I snort a laugh. “Thanks for that.”

Callum dons his groom tuxedo once again. Gosh but he looks like a handsome James Bond. Like my favourite Piers Bronsnan Bond, not the more recent Bond who I just don’t fancy in the slightest.

The drive back to the wedding venue is a pleasant one, made luxurious by the fact that we’re sat in the newest type of expensive Range Rover on the market.

“I saw this thing on an episode of Top Gear the other week.” I stroke the dashboard with my bare hand. “I never thought I’d get to ride in one in my lifetime!”

“Sometimes it pays to have a friend who owns his own manufacturing business.” Callum steers us straight into a ditch. The suspension on this vehicle is so incredible, I barely feel the pothole as a slight bump.

“Maybe you should close the cafe and I’ll start up my own manufacturing business.”

“What exactly would you manufacture?”

Callum glances briefly at me before putting his eyes back onto the road ahead. “I don’t know, but it definitely wouldn’t be robots.”

Oh dear god. I can’t believe he even went there as a joke. Now that I think on it though, I’m sort of glad he’s broached the subject. “What was up with that massive robot of Oliver’s?”

“Don’t worry about that now, honey. We’ve got a wedding that we’re about three hours late for already. Do you think our guests will still be there?”

I highly doubt it, and I tell Callum as much. I’m not all that fussed though. It’s not like I know what’s going on in the minds of those who cancelled on me anyway. The fact that they’d pulled through today still doesn’t replace all the suffering I endured last night.

I mean, why put me through that? Was it some sick joke organised by everyone involved with our wedding? Come to think of it, I never even spoke to Lara or Tina at the venue about how they’d both cancelled on me. I have to wonder if they both know something I don’t. Maybe everyone knows things they’re keeping from me.

Even though I’m sitting in what’s probably considered the world’s most luxurious on and off road vehicle, it’s not filling me with anything other than pleasure in how comfortable my backside is.

My stomach is stressed out. We have to go back to the venue and see everyone now. How will they all react to how late we both are? Shouldn’t I be feeling more guilty about the entire mess?

I don’t know. I’m one big ball of confusion. Between phoning wedding guests to say the wedding was off yesterday, and recalling them to say it was back on again, I don’t know if I’m coming or going lately. Well, I do know that we’re definitely headed in one direction right now. And that’s straight towards the wedding venue that I’m not sure I want to exchange vows at with my husband-to-be.

“Maybe we should just elope, Cal.”

“We could,” he replies. “But the paperwork is already available at the venue.”

“Oh yeah!” Well that’s lifted my spirits. Maybe if I call ahead and ask Georgina if all of our guests have left, then I won’t have to kick everyone out when I get there.

I sulk for a bit in the opulent car seat before realising how selfish I’m being. Not every single one of our wedding guests cancelled on me yesterday. When I think about the boredom they must all be enduring at the venue, I get a sinking feeling in my gut.

“Shit, Cal. We really are late, aren’t we?”

“It’s okay, honey.” He reaches over and pats my hand. “I’m sure our guests know that these things sometimes happen.”

“What?” I look at him, astounded. “Brides often leave their grooms at the altar, do they?”

“Actually, we both left the wedding.”

I nod in agreement. We both did indeed leave. And now we’re both returning for the main reason and purpose of this infernal day.

Finally! I’ll be marrying the man of my dreams.

Chapter 23

It’s only when I walk into Mortsbaton Court that I realise the bottom of my dress is quite dusty now. “I’m so sorry, Lolz.” I apologise to Lara who’s actually been here waiting this entire time. “I’ve mucked everything up completely.”

“No you haven’t, darling.” She puts her hand on my bare shoulder. “Here, you’ll be needing this now.” She hands me a bridal bouquet of white roses with real pearls pined into the centre of each blossom.

Callum left with Vince when we returned and I find I don’t like being parted from him again so soon. I just want to hurry this wedding up now. It’s been a real pain in the backside these past couple of days and honestly I’m tired of arsing around.

“Wait!” Tina shouts as she runs down the corridor towards us. Panting and gasping for breath, she sets down a box of paraphernalia. “You weren’t going to walk down the aisle without at least letting me pin your hair up, were you?”

I smile at her. “No, of course not, Tina. Thank you.”

With Lara’s help I kneel and Tina whips my hair up into a quick chignon. She twirls a few solitaire pearl pieces into my blonde locks to match my bouquet. They both help me stand up again and I’m off. I push my way forcefully through the big double doors of the ceremony room.

Everyone is here. All my wedding guests stayed and waited for three hours! I have a feeling I’ll be doing a lot of apologizing at the reception this evening.

Some pleasant music starts up and I lock arms with Lara. Together we hurry down the aisle and I crash into Callum when Lara releases me. “Sorry,” I apologise to my groom. “I just don’t think anyone wants to wait any longer for me to walk down the bloody aisle. Besides, I don’t want to wait any longer to marry you.”

I kiss and kiss my fiancé on the mouth until Vince shouts out from the crowd of about twenty-five. “Save that for after the wedding vows, you two!”

“Right!” Callum steps away, embarrassed and I do the same.

“Sorry.” I mouth a whisper to everyone as we finally take our places at the proverbial alter. We aren’t getting hitched in a church, so the front of this room obviously doesn’t have an altar. It’s just a highly decorated one step raised platform we are standing on.

I’ve gone into a trance as the registrar says a few words about the ceremony. This is it. It’s finally happening. After being with my soul mate almost ten years and being engaged to him for about a year, it’s finally happening.

We’re getting married to one another.

I keep sneaking glances at Callum to find he’s peeking my way too. We smile at each other like naughty school children. How silly! We’ve been together for such a long time and now here in this moment it’s as though we’re meeting again for the first time!

Oh well. I’m just going to go with it. Whatever feelings and nervousness overcome me, I’ll embrace them. I’ve never experienced anything like this, so I might as well enjoy it while I can. Okay so some people get married more than once in their lifetimes, but I’m certainly not thinking about that right now. As far as I’m concerned, this is it, Callum is the one for me, and I for him. For now. For always.

I’ll revel in thoughts of eternity. Today is our wedding day and to me it means all the cliché’s and everything you’d expect when tying the knot. After everything that’s happened. Through all our ups and downs. This makes up for everything. Now I truly know the bliss felt and expressed by friends who have been married. I remember being a bit bored when girlfriends would relay their wedding stories to me. As I stand here today, next to my husband-to-be, I finally understand. I’m overwhelmed with emotion and I know what my friends were talking about when they gushed about true love to me.

I feel like the Princess Bride! It’s one of my favourite classic films and I’m seriously as happy as Buttercup right now.