My Blood Approves (30 page)

When I finally convinced Milo that I would
see him again, he hugged me tightly once more for good measure, and
then I escaped.

“
We could’ve just bought
you new clothes,” Jack pointed out on the car ride back to his
house. “That probably would’ve been easier and less
painful.”

“
I know, but Milo needed to
see me. I needed to prove that I wasn’t just gonna forget about
him.” I looked over at Jack to see if he understood my sentiments,
but he just stared ahead and didn’t say anything. “I will see him
again.”

“
I’m not arguing with you.”
He wasn’t, exactly, but his tone wanted to contradict my
claim.

“
You don’t think I will.”
Just saying it aloud hurt. “Why would you let me promise Milo
anything if you knew it wasn’t true?”

“
I don’t know anything,”
Jack said. “But I do think that Ezra will be home when we get back.
And it might be good for you to talk to him.”

“
You always know more then
you let on,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest and sinking
low in the seat. “You pretend to be dumber than you actually
are.”

“
Have you considered that I
really might just be that dumb?” he asked playfully.

“
I have. Many
times.”

He laughed at that but didn’t say anymore
until we got to his place. There would be very little he could say
that would comfort me anyway. I was beginning to realize that I
might have underestimated the cost of being with him.

When we went into the house, Jack called for
Ezra and Mae, and they appeared in the living room almost
instantly. Mae swooped in to hug me as if she hadn’t seen me in
ages when reality it had been an hour.

Ezra smiled warmly at me, and somehow, it
still made me blush. He had returned today early from the trip,
citing that he couldn’t stand to be away from Mae for that long,
but Peter wouldn’t return for a few more days. He could apparently
stand to be away from me until the end of time.

“
So I heard that you’re
going to be staying with us for awhile,” Ezra said, and I tried to
decipher if there was any disapproval in it.

He sat on the couch and Mae curled up next
to him. They had only been apart for a matter of days, but being
around him made her giddy.

I wondered if Peter would react anything
like that when he returned, but I’d probably be lucky if he even
looked in my direction. Something tugged painfully at my heart, and
it amazed me that I still even wanted into this.

“
Yeah.” I sat on the chair
across from them, and Jack sat by my feet, rubbing Matilda’s belly.
“Is that okay?”

“
I don’t see why it
wouldn’t be.” Ezra played with a long, wavy strand of Mae’s hair
absently, and she buried her head in his chest. I realized that I
hated people who were so comfortably in love, especially when my
“love” life was bogged down by all sorts of unnecessary
stipulations.

“
What’s going to happen?” I
asked bluntly.

“
You’ll have to be more
specific. There’s a lot of things up in the air for you.” He didn’t
mean anything by it, but it stung just the same.

Nothing for me was set in stone, which
should’ve been a relief, but I didn’t like having everything feel
so uncertain and precarious.

“
Exactly.” I took a deep
breath. “Am I just gonna live here forever? What happens when Peter
gets back? He doesn’t want me around. Should I even stay here with
him? What if he keeps rejecting me? Am I supposed to just go back
to my life? Are you planning on me someday being a
vampire?”

“
You can stay here as long
as you want, regardless of how Peter feels. He has other places he
can go if need be. You have made yourself an indispensable part of
this family.” Ezra looked down at Mae, carefully choosing his
words.

“
Peter… No matter how any
of us feels, there is a bond between you and Peter that is not
easily broken. For his sake, as well as our own, it is essential
that you remain a part of our lives.” His russet eyes rested warmly
on mine. “As such, yes, it would be in everyone’s best interest if
you were to turn.”

Looking down at the floor, I exhaled and
tried futilely to slow the frantic beating of my heart. I knew they
all could hear it, and Jack especially was susceptible to it.

The thought of being a vampire, which had
crossed my mind much more frequently than I had ever imagined it
would, both excited and terrified me, but that was par for the
course. Nearly everything about them was simultaneously exciting
and terrifying, and I could never seem to reconcile the two.

“
Alice, it’s really
awesome,” Jack chimed in helpfully. “You’ve seen me. I’m
awesome.”

“
Jack,” Mae scolded
him.

“
It’s not a decision you
can take lightly,” Ezra went on, and Mae had gotten a particularly
solemn expression. I didn’t fully understand it, especially based
on how much she loved having me around. “This is something that
changes everything about your life, and it’s irreversible. If you
decide that this is what you want to do, you cannot go back. But if
you decide not to turn, we won’t hold it against you.”

“
It will make your life
harder, though,” Jack interjected.

“
Jack!” Mae snapped. “You
can’t make this choice for her!”

“
I’m not trying to!” Jack
sighed dramatically and shook his head.

“
If you do turn, the thirst
is a bit overwhelming, as Jack can attest to,” Ezra gestured to
Jack, who nodded heavily in agreement. “All your senses become much
more heightened, and all your movements feel exaggerated. Your
emotions are stronger, too. They’re all right at the surface, and
you’re volatile. You’re libido increases, as does your general lust
for anything.”

“
It’s almost like being a
child again,” Jack elaborated. “Everything feels so new, and you’re
clumsy.”

“
Your body has to acclimate
to a whole new way of being. It’s not a simple process,” Ezra
continued. “The hardest thing to deal with at first is the
bloodlust. The hunger you feel now can’t even compare to what
you’ll feel then. It’s a hard thing to learn to control, but it is
very manageable once you do.”

“
So, you guys are always
hungry?” I asked nervously.

“
In a way,” Ezra admitted.
“But it’s not that intense. If it was, you wouldn’t have survived
this long.”

“
Thanks.” I wondered how I
could feel so safe in the house with them.

“
It’s not meant to be a
threat,” Ezra laughed. “It’s just the way things are. For the most
part, being a vampire is a wonderful, amazing gift. But there are
two things that are double-edged swords.

“
The first is the blood,”
Ezra went on. “Its life giving, and there aren’t words to describe
how wonderful it makes you feel. But when you can’t feed for any
prolonged length of time, say several weeks, it is the most
excruciatingly pain imaginable. Before you get your bloodlust under
control, the frenzy of feeding can have horrendous ramifications.
It is an immeasurable pleasure, but unless it’s properly
controlled, it is devastatingly dangerous.”

“
That’s good to know,” I
swallowed hard.

“
I’ve got it under control
for the most part, and I have horrible impulse control,” Jack
offered.

“
The second thing is
immortality.” Ezra breathed deeply and looked down at Mae. She had
a faraway, sad look, and I hoped that someone would explain it to
me. “We’re not truly immortal. If you damage our brain or our
heart, or we go long enough without feeding, we will die. But
barring another vampire attacking us, there really is very little
that stops us. We are slow to turn other vampires as a result of
it. So, please, don’t think this is a casual invitation we are
giving you.”

I felt humbled. It actually hadn’t occurred
to me that there would be a limit on vampire membership, but it was
incredibly flattering knowing that I was even being considered.

“
But there is a very heavy
price with that,” Ezra continued gravely. “Everything around you
will die. Even this town, it will change, and things you loved and
held dear will be destroyed. You will outlast everything. There is
more of a burden in that than you can possibly imagine.”

“
Does that mean that I
can’t see my brother? Or just that it will be painful watching him
grow old?” My voice felt small and shaky, and my hands
trembled.

Ezra shared a look with Mae, who nodded, and
then she stood up, saying, “I have to show you something.”

“
You’re gonna take her?”
Jack groaned and got up. “She doesn’t need to see it.”

“
You’re just saying that
because you think she’ll change her mind,” Mae told
Jack.

“
Uh, yeah!”

“
If it would change her
mind, then it should!” Mae snapped. “If she doesn’t have all the
facts because you kept them from her, and she makes a decision that
she later regrets, then she’ll spend the rest of eternity resenting
you. Is that really what you want?”

“
No,” Jack muttered and
rubbed the back of his neck.

“
What’s going on?” I asked
nervously, standing up.

“
I’m going to take you to
see something,” Mae forced a smile at me. Then she turned back to
Ezra and kissed him. “We won’t be gone too long.”

“
Okay. Be safe.” Ezra
looked sad to so her go, but he smiled reassuringly at me. “It’ll
be alright.”

“
What’s going on?” I asked
Jack, feeling strangely frightened as I followed Mae out of the
living room.

“
I guess you gotta go,”
Jack sighed and sat back down. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“
Where are we going?” I was
right behind Mae, but I could see the drawn look on her face, and I
was afraid of where we were going that would cause her to look so
pained.

“
I’ll explain in the
car.”

- 20 -

By the time I got into her Jetta, nervous
anticipation filled me. Whatever she wanted to show me could scare
me off becoming a vampire. I half-expected some horrifying monster
or a stash of human corpses or something equally disturbing. What
else could there be that would completely change mind about
turning?

The soft music of Nina Simone playing out of
the car stereo did little to make me feel good, and I stared
apprehensively at Mae, who in turn, stared straight ahead, looking
rather tragic.

“
I was born in Reading,
England in 1928,” Mae explained in a voice so sad, it barely
sounded like her. “When I was very young, the second World War
broke out. Towards the end, American soldiers were stationed all
over England. Philip was the most dashing young man I had ever
met.” She smiled lightly at that, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Despite my best attempts at being virtuous, I ended up pregnant at
sixteen, and Philip was an upstanding man, so we were wed. My first
child, a son I named Samuel, was born while he was still fighting
in the war.

“
Samuel was five months old
when Philip finished his tour of duty, and we moved to the US, to a
small flat in St. Paul, where Philip and his family were from,” Mae
continued. “The first few months we lived here were truly
wonderful. Then, one night, three weeks before Samuel’s first
birthday, I went in to check on him, and he wasn’t breathing.” A
solitary tear slid down her cheek, but she chose to ignore
it.

“
The pain never gets
easier. Don’t listen to what anyone tells you. Losing a child is…
an impossible loss.”

“
I’m sorry,” I said, unsure
of what else to say.

“
Everybody kept saying, ‘At
least you’re young enough to try again.’” Mae smiled bitterly at
the memory and glanced over to me. “But I didn’t want to try
again.

“
After Samuel died, I spent
months curled up in bed. My family, everything I had known and
loved, was a million miles away, and my husband, as much as he did
love me, was very young himself and he was busy trying to work and
start a life for us…” She had a faraway expression for a moment,
but then she remembered I was there and snapped herself out of
it.

“
I was just a little older
than you, so you can imagine what it would be like,” Mae looked at
me warmly, but I sensed an uneasy warning underneath her gaze. “I
understand the excitement of being offered a whole new life with an
attractive stranger. But you isolate yourself from everything you
know.”

“
I don’t feel isolated,” I
offered lamely.

I tried to understand her reasoning for
telling me the story. My guesses were leaning towards Samuel’s
headstone, and she wanted explain the immeasurable the loss a
person goes through when they out live everything around them.

But she would’ve outlived her baby whether
she was a vampire or not. It had nothing to do with the choices she
made.

“
Nevertheless.” Mae stared
straight ahead, her knuckles turning white from the way she gripped
the steering wheel. “Philip, bless his heart, stayed by my side,
when a lesser man might’ve shipped me back home for my parents to
deal with.

“
Eventually, I managed to
pull myself out of the depression and go on with my life. I got a
job at a deli to keep myself busy and made a few friends. And one
day, I decided it was time to start trying for a family
again.