My Blood Approves (32 page)

“
Are you saying that you
don’t want me to turn?” I asked thickly.

“
No, no, of course not,
love.” She reached out and gently stroked me cheek. “I would want
nothing more than to spend forever watching you turn into the
amazing woman I know you’ll be. But I know the price of turning
better than anyone, and if I can spare you from any pain, I
will.”

“
But as a human, people
will still die around me,” I argued. She dropped her hand from my
face but kept her sad eyes on mine. “I’ll be touched by even more
death as a human than I would be as a vampire. At least you guys
won’t die.”

“
That is true. But that
doesn’t make leaving your brother any easier.” She forced a smile
at me, then turned the car back on and drove away from her
daughter’s house. “It’s just something that I thought you should
think about it.”

“
Thank you.” I sunk low
into the seat.

I stared out into the darkness, watching the
houses and trees roll past us. Mae sang softly along with the
stereo in attempt to alleviate her own sadness by the time we got
back home. She had left me with an impossible choice. Leave behind
my brother, or leave behind them.

- 21 -

The covers were pulled completely over my
head in attempt to keep the daylight out, but when I finally poked
my head up, there was no light spilling in. Part of it was because
of the thick curtains that blanketed every window of the house, but
the main reason, according to the clock on my nightstand, was
probably because it was after six, and the sun had already set.

Last night, I had again
stayed up with Jack, watching his DVDs of
Mystery Science Theater 3000
, and
very deliberately not talking about the elephant in the room:
whether or not I planned to ever become a vampire.

I couldn’t understand all the ramifications
of my decision when I couldn’t even fully believe it was true. Last
night, I had spent the entire time watching an old TV show on DVD
and trying not to entice a vampire to bite me.

How could I possibly reconcile those two
ideas? The utterly mundane with the totally supernatural? One of
those things just didn’t belong.

Instead of dwelling on it any longer, I
rolled over and grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand. I vaguely
remembered the jingle of my phone interrupting my sleep, but I had
been too tired to answer it. When you’re still human, staying up
all night can be incredibly exhausting.

So what? Are you like
really sick or something?
That was a text
message from Jane. Along with,
Hello?
Are you ignoring me?
At least she still cared, which I found to be
kinda surprising.

There were three from Milo, and I was
reluctant to read them. I didn’t want to think about him being
alone in that apartment all the time. He didn’t really have any
friends, and on top of that, he had his current issues with his
sexuality. It was a very cruel time for me to leave him.

Are you done going to school now?

Mom asked about you. She’s worried. Maybe
you should apologize to her now.

I’m worried too. When are you coming
home?

I groaned and pulled the covers back up over
my head. How would I answer that? I was probably never coming home,
and I’d probably never talk to him again.

But I couldn’t exactly say that. I didn’t
want to. Just yesterday, I’d promised he’d be in my life forever,
and apparently, that was a total lie.

“
Are you up yet?” Jack
asked sunnily, and I assumed he was standing in my
doorway.

“
Define ‘up.’”

“
I’ll take that as a yes.”
The bed heaved as Jack jumped into it, and I lowered the covers
enough so I could peek out at him. My room was completely dark
except for a light from the hall, and I could barely make out the
cocky grin on his face. “Morning, sunshine.”

“
If you’re gonna be this
cheery, you can just go away,” I grumbled, and he
laughed.

I hated how wonderful his laughter sounded
and the way it filled me with pleasant tingles. I didn’t want to be
pleasant. I wanted to be grumpy and stay in bed all day, avoiding
the world until somebody else made a decision for me.

Having a choice in something as major as the
rest of my life was far too much of a responsibility for me.

“
Didn’t sleep well, I take
it?” He propped himself up on his elbow so he could smirk down at
me.

“
I slept great, actually.”
My phone was still in my hand, so I reached my arm out and extended
it towards him. “Milo texted me.”

“
I see.” He took the phone
from me and scrolled through the messages. “Jane still talks to
you? I thought you were over her.”

“
I was never under her. We
just eat lunch together at school and stuff,” I brushed off his
disapproving tone. “Never mind her. That’s not what has me all
depressed.”

“
You didn’t reply to
him.”

“
What could I possibly say
to him?” I asked honestly

“
Whatever you want.” He
shrugged and handed me back my phone. “He’s your
brother.”

“
Ugh, you’re no
help!”

“
Are you going back home?”
Jack asked quietly.

“
No. I don’t know.” I
looked away from him. “I have no idea what I’m doing!”

“
Why don’t you just get up
and take a shower? You’ll probably feel better then. Besides, you
don’t have to decide anything right now.” He rolled out of my bed
and looked at me expectantly. “Come on. Get up.”

“
Yeah, you’re probably
right,” I admitted and slowly pulled myself out from underneath the
covers.

“
You know, I really wish
you’d catch onto the fact that I’m always right.” To encourage me
to move faster, he flicked on the lights, and I squinted at the
sudden brightness.

“
Get out of here so I can
shower.”

My bedroom had an attached bathroom, so I
shooed Jack out when I started getting my clothes together. Like
the other rooms, I had a massive closet, and my paltry wardrobe
looked pathetic in there. Mae had offered to take me shopping, but
their generosity was overwhelming, so I declined.

After I finished getting ready, I lay down
on the bed and tried to think of a way to respond to Milo. Even if
someday I would have to faze him out of my life, I wasn’t quite
ready for that day to be today.

But that didn’t mean I was ready to move
back home and pretend like nothing was happening. Life as I knew it
had changed, and I couldn’t go back and act like things mattered
when they didn’t. Milo still mattered, but school and curfews
didn’t.

“
Are you done?” Jack
knocked on the door and pushed it open without waiting for an
answer. He leaned on the open door and grinned at me. “You’re
already back in bed? You just woke up.”

“
I’m not sleeping. I’m just
thinking.” I had my phone in my hands, and I was just staring at
it, as if it could magically come up with an answer to all my
life’s problems.

“
Well, I hope you don’t
mind, but I’m here to interrupt your thoughts.” He opened the door
wider and stepped inside a little bit, so I could see past him.
Looking rather sheepish, Milo stood in the doorway and gave me a
half-wave. “I thought you could use the company.”

“
Milo!” I sat up and smiled
at him. “What are you doing here?”

“
Jack called and asked if I
wanted to come hang out with you for awhile,” Milo shrugged and
came into my room. “I hope that’s alright.”

“
No! It’s great!” It wasn’t
until I saw him, his nervous brown eyes and his chubby cheeks, that
I realized how much I’d missed him. I’d only been gone for two
days, but since I’d barely even seen him when I was at home, it
felt much longer.

“
I think I’ll give you guys
some time.” Jack started backing out of the room, and I smiled
gratefully at him, but he just nodded and shut the door behind
him.

“
Nice digs.” Milo admired
my new bedroom, and I knew he was thinking the same thing that I
had; it was surprisingly me. “Did they do this for you?”

“
I think Mae did some
redecorating or something,” I shrugged.

“
So, how are they treating
you?” He sat tentatively at the edge of the bed, afraid that I
might kick him out at any minute for invading my privacy or
something.

“
Really good. They seem
happy to have me around.” I twirled my phone in my hands, watching
Milo carefully. “How’s Mom?”

“
Good. She misses you, I
think. I mean, she won’t say it. But she wants you back at home.”
When he looked at me, his worried eyes looked sad. “Are you gonna
come home?” Then he cast a derisive look around my room. “Nah, I
guess not. This is probably all too much to pass up for our little
apartment. There it’s just me. Here, you have Jack.”

“
It’s not like that.” Guilt
rushed over me. I pictured Milo sitting sadly in that apartment,
making exotic meals just for one, and I wanted to cry.

“
Then what is it like?”
Milo demanded. He wasn’t angry; he just wanted to know what was
going on with me. “To be honest, I was a little surprised that you
and Jack had separate bedrooms. Or is that just for
show?”

“
There’s nobody to show,” I
grumbled, avoiding his insistent stare.

“
Alice, why are you here?”
he asked wearily.

That was the question at the heart of it
all, the one that I couldn’t precisely answer. As much as they’d
given me the run around of being “meant” for Peter and “bonded”
with Jack, and to a lesser extent, Ezra, none of it was really a
suitable answer for Milo. It was just like I was supposed to be
here, with them, but an answer like that would only lead to more
questions.

“
It’s just where I want to
be for now,” I finally said. It didn’t sound good enough, and I
could tell by his expression that it wasn’t. “They’re really nice
to me.”

“
And I wasn’t?” Milo
retorted, sounding a combination of hurt and incredulous. “I mean,
if you’re not with Jack, and you’re not just about the money, then…
What do you do here all night long? Are you drinking? Is it
drugs?”

“
No, no, it’s nothing like
that.” I shook my head and had to fight the smile that wanted to
creep up at the word “drinking.”

“
I’m just trying to
understand why you won’t come home.” By then, he was nearly
pleading with me, and it broke my heart. “I can get Mom off your
back, if you could just try to get home before she does. And you
don’t have to hang out with me all the time, but I’ll help you with
your homework and I can make you supper. Then you could just come
out here and hang out with them. You don’t have to live
here.”

“
I’m not living here.”
Swallowing hard, I tried not to look at him. When he was sad, he
looked so young. He had big innocent brown eyes, and they were so
forlorn. “I just need some time here to figure things out, okay?
But don’t think for a second that I’m going to leave you behind.
You mean too much for me to walk away from you, not even for a foxy
guy and a lot of money.”

“
What do you need to figure
out?” Milo furrowed his brow, but I could tell that he’d relaxed a
little.

I decided to tell him the truth on this one.
“What I’m going to do with the rest of my life.”

“
You’re thinking about
college?” He brightened at that, and I knew that I’d inadvertently
opened the door for all sorts of college talk that I really didn’t
want to listen to.

“
Among other things.”
College had vaguely crossed my mind, as in, hey since I’ll be a
rich vampire I won’t have to go to college anymore.

“
I know you were mostly
being sarcastic, but I started doing some research on med school
and psychiatry for you, and there are lots of fabulous
opportunities because we’re so close to the Mayo Clinic.” The
tangent had started, and he was moving his hands and talking
excitedly.

“
Milo, you’ve seen my
grades,” I tried to nip his enthusiasm in the bud. “There’s no way
I could get into med school.”

“
You’ve got time to turn it
around,” he brushed me off. “The U of M has a lot of great programs
too, and if you really worked hard your first couple of years, it
would be so fantastic for you.”

“
I’m sure it would,” I
mumbled.

I decided to let him just go on, nodding and
agreeing when the conversation required. He was happy to be talking
about something he was an expert on, and something that still
included me in his future.

After awhile, he finally managed to run out
of steam and informed me that he’d brought over some leftovers to
eat. Mae had gone grocery shopping yesterday, so there was some
food in the house for me, but it didn’t compare to anything that
Milo made, particularly since nobody here could cook.

When we went downstairs to eat, Jack joined
us, claiming that he had already eaten, of course. He sat with us
at the table, scratching Matilda’s head and chattering along with
Milo.

It had been days since
Milo’d been able to have a real conversation, so he had plenty to
fill us in on. Like the impossibility of a level in
World of Warcraft
(something about orcs and letter abbreviations that seemed
completely random to both Jack and me, but sounded very grave when
Milo said them), and how bitchy Jane has been at school since I’ve
been gone.