My Body-Mine (18 page)

He followed my directions, finally parking his vehicle up front. I led him around to the back and we carried chairs to the edge of the deck facing the ocean.

“
This would never get old,” he said as the breeze bounced through his brown curly hair.

As I’d hoped, the strong wind off the water soothed my spirit. “So,” I said, “what happened in your life that has Andre worried I’m going to take advantage of you?”

“
He said that?” Chase said, moving his chair around to face me.

“
In not so many words, yes.”

“
Huh.” He scanned the house, taking in the covered pool and trunk that held the towels and the lounge chairs off to the right of the French doors. When he faced me again, I could see the pain in his expression.

Achingly familiar with the pain of love lost, I said, “Tell me.”

“
It’s an old story and one I never thought could happen to me.”

“
Andre said you are a glutton for damsels in distress.”

“
Is that what upset you?”

“
Partly. Go on.”

He sighed and I almost took pity on him. I knew all too well what it felt like to have your tragic mistakes laid out for everyone to pick over. “I won’t judge and it can’t be as bad as—”

“
Yeah, but as I’m sure you understand, talking about it is like reliving it to a certain extent. It ended over a year ago.”

“
Yep I do. I also understand if you’d rather not.” I stood. “Would you like some water?”

“
That sounds great.” He gave me a grateful smile.

I went to the car in front of the house and grabbed the house key out of the zippered compartment of my black purse. Unlocking the front door, I marched straight to the French doors and opened them wide, letting in the temperate wind. I wanted to give the house a chance to breathe again. Leaning against the door jam, I lingered in the breeze for a few minutes, remembering why I loved our beach home so much. Returning to the present, I went into the kitchen and filled two glasses of water from the dispenser on the refrigerator. I then made my way around the pool to our seats and handed a glass to Chase.

“
Thanks,” he said, taking a swallow. “She, Kennedy, had just gotten out of a long volatile relationship when we met. I had joined a writer’s group—”

“
You write?!” My mouth hung open.

“
Why do you look so astonished?”

“
That’s why you understood why I hadn’t opened the email.” I wondered what kind of things he wrote but didn’t want to interrupt his sharing by taking us off topic. “She wrote too?”

“
She did fancy herself a writer and thought it romantic but never really did the work of a writer. As the saying goes, ‘writers write.’ She was like that about a lot of things. She had this vision of herself and her life but wanted it to happen to her instead of making things happen. Anyway, we had instant chemistry and I allowed myself to get caught up in helping her out of her marriage. The papers for divorce were already filed but they still lived together in the same apartment. So, in my not-so-infinite wisdom, I let her move in with me.

“
It didn’t take long before I knew I had made a huge mistake, but she didn’t have a job and I couldn’t kick her out on the streets.”

“
How long did you live together?”

“
Two years.”

“
Wow.”

“
Yeah, not the best time period of my life. Andre hated her and made no bones about it. He tried to encourage me to end it but she could be so warm and sexy and frankly loved my cock. The sex was outstanding … Then at the drop of a hat she’d turn into a raving bitch. I lost myself during that time, my equilibrium and center.”

My heart hurt for Chase. I understood all too well. I wanted to hug him. Instead, he lifted my right leg onto his lap, connecting us both in the way we needed so he could continue.

“
How did you get out?” I asked.

He removed my sandal and rubbed my foot as he shared, “One day I came home early to surprise Kennedy. It was her birthday the next day and I planned to take her away for the weekend.”

He paused and made eye contact with me and I knew what he’d share, the story you read about all the time. Everyone knows at least one person who has had to live through it.

“
I found her fucking her crazy ex-husband in our bed. Although it hurt like hell initially, I soon felt grateful for their cruel stupidity. She moved out that day. I have no idea how long they’d been carrying on, and frankly at this point I don’t care.”

A tear escaped down my cheek and he reached over to wipe it away. “Don’t cry, Jane. It’s long since over.”

“
I can relate and I know what it’s like to lose yourself in a relationship. Something I will never let happen again.”

We sat in silence as I got my emotions under control. He continued the foot massage and I almost moaned out loud, it felt so good. He placed my shoe onto my foot and then lifted my other leg into his lap.

“
You’re really good at that.”

“
Thanks,” he said. “So are you ready to explain why you don’t live here? Why live anywhere else? This place is a dream.”

“
I’m not sure I could live here again. I love this house and I’ve had to mourn it along with my relationship with Luke.”

“
Have you heard from him?”

“
No.”

“
Wow.”

“
Yeah.”

“
Not even after you tried to—”

I cut him off, not wanting to hear the words
kill yourself
said out loud. “No, I haven’t heard from him at all. Months ago I saw him briefly after I had finished running on the beach but we didn’t speak. He appeared so much older and sad and I had no idea what to say or what I wanted to hear at that point.”

“
I understand.”

“
Have you heard from Kennedy?” I asked.

“
No, I haven’t, and hope I never do. Can I tell you something funny?”

“
Sure.”

“
When she left, she stole my stereo and television.”

“
Oh that’s horrible,” I said. I tried to hold back the giggles but once Chase started laughing I couldn’t help myself.

“
Yeah, it was,” he said after the mirth settled down. “Thanks for listening.”

“
Thanks for trusting me enough to share. At least now we’re on more equal footing.” I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the massage and the breeze dancing around us. When he finished, he replaced my sandal and lowered my leg. I asked, “So what kinds of things do you write?”

“
I have dabbled here and there, mostly short stories. What I’d love to do is interview my grandfather and write the story of his life. He always loves to share his adventures from his time in the Air Force, and the way the world was when he was growing up. I do hope he lives a long time so he can share his stories with my kids.”

“
You want children?”

“
Definitely. I’m close with my family and my two older brothers are already married with kids.”

“
Are your parents still together?” The wind caught the hem of my dress, causing it to puff up. I folded the sides of my skirt under my thighs.

“
Not only still together …” He paused distractedly, glancing at my legs. His hazel eyes blazed into mine as he added, “But in love.”

I felt the heat of his attraction and the tangle of emotions it stirred in me. I quickly broke the contact by watching the moon’s reflection on the waves rolling softly to shore.

“
My grandfather still pines for my grandmother,” Chase said. “He says he is from a day and age where it’s inconceivable to marry anyone else. Plus he said there is no improvement on the perfect love.”

“
That’s very sweet but unfortunately out of my frame of reference,” I said. “I’m not sure I’ll ever marry again.”

“
Because of what happened with Luke?”

“
Yes, and the fear of losing myself again.”

“
I don’t know all that happened between you and Luke, far from it. But I do understand the dire effects it had on you. If you limit yourself by the damage of that relationship, then you never truly recover from it.”

“
If you don’t learn from the lessons of your past,” I countered, “then you are doomed to repeat them.”

“
You don’t strike me as a pessimistic person, Jane.”

“
Have you dated since Kennedy?”

“
Well, no.”

“
So which of us hasn’t really moved on? Last time I checked, I’m the one who’s currently in a relationship,” I said.

“
Well, up until now I hadn’t found anyone who interested me enough to date.”

“
Take Andre’s advice and move along. I’m definitely not the woman for you.”

“
Jane, you and I know differently. I get that you aren’t ready for me yet and let me stress the
yet
part.”

“
You sound just like Marcello when I met him. What’s with you men? We are friends and only friends and I’m enjoying getting to know you but don’t fuck it up by getting invested in it being more than it is.”

“
I’m a patient man—”

“
Who clearly wastes his time on lost causes.”

“
Can we just agree to disagree on this one point?”

“
I’ll think about it.” Standing up, I stretched my arms above me and rose up on my toes. “It’s time,” I said.

Strolling back to the house, I quickly washed the glasses and put them away. Leaving the house to return to its dormant state, I flicked off the lights and locked the front door behind me.

Chase sat in the car waiting. “I put the chairs back from where we got them.”

“
Thanks,” I said, pulling on my seat belt.

We rode to Marcello’s house in silence and just before I jumped down from his SUV, I gave him a warm hug. “Thanks for tonight,” I said, stepping down from the car. “All of it. I think if you can keep things in perspective, we can be good friends.”

“
But can you?” he asked just before he drove away.

I
broke down and wrote about Chase in my journal. Needing to sort out what happened that night, I recounted everything he’d shared and how I felt about his disclosures. If his childhood had been so happy, why had he chosen someone like Kennedy? Maybe even emotionally healthy people made mistakes in love.

I looked forward to Marcello’s return but worried over how he’d feel about the time I’d spent with Chase. As I got ready for bed, I wondered if he’d give me a hard time about picking up my car from the café.

Later, as I started drifting off, I wondered what kind of man was really best for me. I also fantasized what it would be like living in the beach house again.

* * * *

“
Jane,” a man said as I slowly opened my eyes. “Where is the car?” Marcello perched on the edge of the bed,
brooding over
me.

Shaking myself awake, I said, “Hey Marcello!” I threw my arms around him and he returned my hug. “You’re home early.” I smiled, genuinely happy to see him.

“
The car,” he said again.

“
Oh, yeah. I left it at the club. I had too much wine and didn’t want to chance it.”

“
And my text?”

“
Oh shit, I mean sorry. I haven’t checked my phone since last night.”

“
Obviously. So I guess last night went well?” He didn’t seem pleased.

“
Yes and no. Can I have a few to brush my teeth and such before we share?”

“
Sure, I’ll wait here.”

Oh fuck
, I thought as I scurried to the bathroom.
Lucy, you have some ’splainin’ to do
. Quickly peeing and brushing my teeth, I took a deep breath and reentered my room.

“
Who brought you home?” Marcello asked as I settled on the bed, covering my naked body with the sheet.

“
Chase,” I said, placing my hands in my lap and avoiding his eyes.

“
Was that the good part?” He tilted my chin so he could see my
face
.

“
I enjoyed spending time with Chase and getting to know him better.”

“
Hmmm. And the bad part?”

“
Andre is concerned for Chase and rather offended me with his expression of that concern.”

“
Is Chase in love with you?”

“
Marcello, please, he barely knows me.”

“
Jane, you’re smarter than that.”

“
You’re the one who encouraged me to go out with them. I would’ve happily stayed home.”

“
I don’t want you to become isolated like you did with Luke.”

“
I agree. I like having someone outside of all of this to talk to. I won’t lie … he wants me, but I am exactly where I want to be and that’s what should matter.”

As Marcello lay down next to me, it felt odd not to be able to decipher his mood. I rolled over and placed my head on his chest, feeling the stiff cotton of his shirt against my cheek. I draped my arm across his stomach and my leg over his cock. My naked body lay over his clothed form. He breathed in deeply, taking in my smell. “I’ve missed you,
bella
.”