My Body-Mine (31 page)

“
More than …” he said, dead serious.

He took my wine glass out of my hand and the intensity of his expression took my breath away. Clutching the hair at the nape of my neck, he forced me against the wall near the entrance to the bedroom. He spread my arms above me in a Y, and pinioned his body fully against mine. He swiveled his hips until I spread my legs so he could seat himself tighter against my mound. I could feel his profound interest. As he teased and nuzzl
ed
my neck, I groaned, feeling him nip his way up to just under my right ear.

His dominant charge took me completely by surprise, causing my nipples to peak and clit to pulsate. I panted even before his lips claimed mine.

Beaming down at me, he said, “I’ve wanted to kiss you from the moment I first saw you flustered at the bar and every second since then.”

Countering my feeble efforts to fend him off,
Chase
encompassed my mouth with his.
His
natural scent would be forever embedded in my senses, along with the first touch of his lips. At first we enjoyed a soft, reverent kiss, but then we both wanted and needed more. I could hear Adele crooning in the background as he let go of my hands and buried his own in my thick wavy hair. With my arms now free, I wrapped them around his neck, driving my hips against his. He groaned audibly and rifled my mouth with his tongue. Thrilled to finally taste him, I moaned and heard him do the same. Quickly we found a rhythm that suited us both as we savored our connection.

I wanted with all my being to completely lose myself in his kiss, strip off my clothes and his and let him fuck me up against the wall. However, I wouldn’t do that until I could truly give myself to him. I believed him when he said that we didn’t have to think about the future, but I also knew he wanted more from me … he wanted all of me.

As if sensing my wayward thoughts, he yanked my hair and bit my neck, causing me to gasp. My resistance finally broken down by blind desire, I gave myself fully to his kiss.

As our lips met again, my mind thankfully shut off, allowing me to become immersed in the sensations our union had awakened. I no longer could hear Adele serenading us or see my surroundings. I felt lightheaded, wholly turned on, and pleasantly surprised at his aggression. Wetness flushed my pussy as I wondered what his cock would look like, feel like. The sexual tension kept rising until I thought I’d explode. Needing to come up for air, I suddenly shoved him away.

His chest heaved as he caught his breath, gazing at me with a fervor that almost frighten
ed me
. Before I could speak, he swept me up into his arms and carried me into his bedroom, where he gently set me down on my feet, next to the bed.

As he hugged me to him, I sighed and snuggled closer. I stepped in, pressing the entire length of my body against his. The fit felt exquisite. If I could just stay there for a week in his arms, I knew I’d have the strength to tackle all that had been heaped onto my plate.

Released from his embrace, I felt all the challenges still facing me come hailing back down.

Lifting my chin to look into my
eyes
, Chase said, “The kisses and hug didn’t help?”

“
I wish I could just stay here …”

“
You can,” he said, bringing me down with him on the bed.

I landed right on top of him. Th
is
time I took the initiative and started the kissing again. As his velvety tongue meshed with mine, I realized how his technique differed from the men who came before him. The way he caressed my lips thrilled me. First he showered me with soft, slow kisses that coddled my lips, then traveled on to a deeper plundering that held me fast and tugged at my soul. His hands, running along my spine, found their natural resting place at the base of my neck, cupping my face.

Drawing back to read my expression, he asked, “Feeling better?”

“
Much,” I said, laying my head down on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and just held me. “You feel like home,” he said, and I knew what he meant.

The music switched from Adele to Florence + the Machine, and I reveled in our similar taste in music. I had to put up a wall against hope. I needed to come to terms with who I really was and what I really wanted before I could fully welcome another man into my life. However, Chase did present a significant challenge to that resolve.

I loved Marcello but ultimately we didn’t want the same things, or the same lifestyle. He had given me the fatherly nurturing I needed—when he wasn’t ravaging or disciplining me. Would I miss his harder touch? I imagined I might, but Chase clearly had potential in that regard. He believed that I could enjoy being dominated sexually without all the daily control.

Marcello
’s
obsession with Luke’s return made it impossible for him to see the real issues between us. I’d have to wait until he came home to have a real conversation with him.

Chase shifted my weight off him and moved to the top of the bed. I followed suit, and he spooned me as I melded into him. He massaged my leg from just above my knee to my hip. It felt glorious and reminded me how long it had been since I had received a massage.

Luke would massage me as a kind of apology after disciplining me—often brutally—for some infraction. I didn’t allow myself to think of Luke much but I did wonder if he planned to stay in town, if our paths would ever cross, and if so, whether I would survive it. I had mixed feelings about him living in our house again. I wanted the house for myself, but at least his presence meant that no stranger lived there. I pictured him like a ghost haunting the empty shell of our relationship.

Chase brought me back to the present by nipping at my neck. I giggled and rolled over so that I could see his face.

Smoothing my hair out of my eyes, he said, “You’re an incredible kisser and oh mama, your smell. Do you wear perfume?”

“
I don’t because it makes me sneeze, and I figure between my shampoo, conditioner and soap, I have enough scents going on.”

“
Well, you
are
simply intoxicating.”

“
Thank you,” I said, fluttering my eyelashes at him.

“
Now who’s the silly one?”

“
Silly, happy, and oh so content. Thanks, dude.” I laughed so hard I made the mattress shake.

“
Ha, ha,” he said, his smile huge. “You’ll have to give me a bit more before we get to the point where you can call me Frank, Steve, or dude.”

“
Or late for dinner?”

“
You definitely deserve a tickle for that one,” he said, rolling on top of me and poking his fingers into my sides.

“
You fight dirty, but you have no idea who you are messing with,” I said, as I tried to wrap my legs around his shoulders to pull him off me.

“
Silly, silly girl! You’re too small to force me off.” He clutched my wrists and pinned me down.

“
Woman
, not girl, you brutish beast. Let me go,” I said, giggling as I tried to squirm my way from under him.

He subdued me by leaning over and stealing my breath away with a deep and hungry kiss. As I felt his cock growing between us, he abruptly broke away.

“
Where did you learn to kiss like that?” he breathed out.

“
You don’t want to know,” I said, sticking out my tongue.

“
Give me that tongue,” he said, diving down to capture the offending protrusion into his mouth yet again. He released my wrists and stretched his body beside mine, rolling partially on top of me.

Chase’s kisses took me on a journey of flight or free fall. Up and up we climbed, and just before it became too much, he eased off and we’d float down to the ground in a swarm of soft nuzzles.

“
Whoa,” he said as we parted to catch our breath.

“
Yeah,” I said.

I wished the rest of the world would just go to hell and I could start over, right then, with Chase. I wanted to swim in the lightness and comfort he offered,
but as my first priority I had to
ground myself and regain my autonomy. I
would
not jump ship into the arms of yet another man. The time had come for me to leave, because if I stayed a moment longer, I might never go.

“
Thank you so much for today,” I said, as I sat up in the bed.

“
Running away again?” he said
.

I
not
ed
the sadness in his eyes.

“
Chase,” I started, as I reached out to touch his arm, “I … I will see you before the signing
party
and we can chat before then, but yes, I’m leaving.”

“
We have another hour before I need to jump on the call …”

I leaned over and gently kissed his warm lips, slightly swollen from all the kissing. “It’s time for me to go.”

“
Okay,” he said.

He got off the bed and reached out to me. Our fingers locked and he drew me to my feet before him. I followed him into the main space of the apartment and gathered my things off the bar.

“
Do you want to take the food home?” he asked me.

“
Will you eat it?”

“
Definitely.”

As we waited for the elevator he gathered me into his arms. Allowing myself one last hug, I glided into the place that comforted me. His energy and scent swirled around us, intoxicating me.

The elevator doors opened, and as we broke the embrace, we kissed and breathed each other in.

“
I’ll miss you,” he said as the doors closed.

As I drove home, I alternated between elation and sadness.

W
hile avoiding Facebook and more to the point, Chase, I made arrangements with Parker for the evening of the signing party. She promised that she and Andre would behave. The party would take place at the Fort Lauderdale Conference Center. Several authors would sign their novels at the wine and hors d’oeuvres event. I decided on a long, flowing teal skirt Luke had purchased for me a lifetime ago with a fitted batik blouse that flared at the wrists. I wore the boots I had found in the closet at the beach house. Overall I thought I appeared bohemian chic.

In the bathroom, after shaking out my
hair
, I darkened my eyelashes with mascara. Forgoing any other makeup, I chose long dangling earrings that would still show through my thick
waves
.

Crazy as it sounds, my nervousness about seeing Chase again overshadowed my qualms about attending the event. It was unlikely that anyone would be at the party because of my memoir, so the most I had to contend with would be meeting my publisher in person. I, however, worried about how to act with Chase after all of our kisses, most especially around Parker and Andre.

Driving to a bistro not far from the
conference center
, I resolved to behave naturally with Chase and not worry about Parker or Andre’s concerns.

Arriving early, I decided to wait in the car. When the door swung open, I
jumped
. Chase leaned in, and his cheeky smile made me want to ravage his mouth. I couldn’t help admiring the handsome man before me. He wore beige Docker pants that hugged his muscular thighs and a green plaid short-sleeved button-down shirt that made his hazel eyes greener. My body responded instantly,
enticing
me to touch the longish brown curls that hung just past his collar. I
behaved and
kept my hands to myself.

“
You scared me,” I said, sliding out of the vehicle and dragging my purse along with me.

“
Let me make it better,” he said, easing me around the car door and closing it behind me. Wrapped in his arms, I relaxed into him. “I missed you too,” he said as he tilted my head up and kissed me firmly.

“
Mmmm,” I murmured against his mouth.

After he broke away from the kiss he asked, “Is it always going to be this way?”

“
What way?” I asked, snuggling against him.

“
You running off into hiding after we spend time together?”

“
There
will
be
a time, and I hope it’s soon, that I can come to you in the way I’d like. At that point we will see what we might mean to each other. But right now, for both our sakes …” I trailed off. “I’m doing my best to … keep this … to prevent it from growing past the point—”

“
No, I get it. It’s just that it hurts not to hear from you. I think of at least ten things a day I want to share with you.”

“
And I, you, but I can’t let that happen, not yet. I’m asking for more time. Let me come to you as a whole person, not as someone jumping from one crisis to another.”

“
I can do casual until you’re ready.”

“
I can’t, and I don’t think you can either.”

“
You’re right. I already want to fuck you hard against your car with everyone watching.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond. Clutching my head in his hands, he roughly took my mouth, commanding the groan that escaped me. He leaned into me, jostling me against the side of the Camry, his lips and tongue declaring their ownership.

“
Ahem,” I heard over Chase’s shoulder. It reminded me of my mother’s “tut tut” and I broke off the kiss.

Parker and Andre stood on the sidewalk next to the bistro.