My Body-Mine (27 page)

“
Let me state this for your benefit so we can get past this awkward point in the conversation: I’m exactly where I want to be.”

He reached out and touched my cheek.

I folded my arms over each other on the edge of the car door, inclining my head and allowing the reality of my life to spill down my face. Chase rubbed my shoulder as he drove us to his apartment in Fort Lauderdale.

As
he
parked his vehicle in the underground parking of a tall building,
I dried my eyes and
said, “I am truly grateful
that you came
to my rescue, but I feel like I need to apologize for dragging you into my drama. I hate drama, and yet I’m smack dab in the middle of it again.”

“
First off, you needn’t feel guilty or apologetic. But just so you’ll feel better, there are a few things you can do for me.” He winked.

“
Oh, yeah? And what are those things?” I asked as we made our way toward the elevator.

He remotely locked his car and scooped up my hand in his. Leading me to the elevator he said, “Let’s get inside first.”

The elevator? I thought.

After stepping into the lift, he inserted a key, pressed 8 on the panel, and said, “First things first … Let me see what’s under that coat.”

I blushed from head to toe, and although part of me wanted to protest, a larger part of me—my pussy, nipples, and crazy libido—insisted. Unbuttoning the short trench, I kept my eyes on my hands instead of Chase. Right before I opened the jacket to display what little I had on, our eyes locked. He held my gaze for a few moments before he allowed himself a glimpse of my slutty yet elegant attire.

His eyes opened wide and he shook his head slightly. “Wow, Jane. I have to give Marcello credit, he has excellent taste.”

I laughed a bit at his comment but mostly at his expression, which was that of a kid in a candy shop. He too blushed.

“
You look really amazing. Wow. I know I already said that but—”

The elevator sounded, announcing our arrival as the doors opened straight into his condo.

“
Now it’s my turn to say ‘wow.’ Are you rich?”

“
I do well enough, but this place once belonged to my folks. They used it as their vacation
getaway
, but for years now they’ve been spending the winters on the west coast of Florida. I bought it from them a few years ago and haven’t gotten around to changing the décor.”

“
The view is incredible,” I said, strolling over to the wall of windows.

“
Yes, it is,” he said, excitement of a different sort in his voice.

When I turned to face him, I knew he meant me and not the skyline. I wrapped the coat around myself and said, “Can I borrow a pair of sweats and a T-shirt?”

“
I’ll see what I can do,” he said, and then disappeared into a room off the main living space.

Out the window I could see boats tied up to rows of dock space on the Intracoastal Waterway. I wondered if the view out the far right side faced the ocean. I couldn’t discern if the lights I saw on the horizon came from boats on the water or cars on a distant street. I still loved my beach house but Chase’s place—with its nothing-to-sneeze-at view—came close.

Even though my life, as I knew it, hung on the precipice, I wanted to hug Chase for being my savior, and kiss the secret right out of his mouth.

In that moment I felt so good and safe, even though my life was crumbling around me. At least this time I stayed whole and sane. I hadn’t traded any part of myself away. Although I didn’t relish the idea of disengaging with Marcello, I knew, deep within myself, that I had made the right decision. The only choice I could make.

Surveying Chase’s place, I admired the uncluttered ambiance and pale wood floors that gave it such a modern feel. A dark wood bar with a white marble top stood against the far wall, and over to the left a large gray area rug covered the ground beneath a long, low beige couch with white throw pillows. A floor to ceiling mirror, sandwiched between two wide bookshelves, reflected into the room. A large black and white photograph mounted on the wall near the bar of a father and a son strolling hand in hand captured my attention.

My curiosity satisfied, I sat on a large, curved wicker love seat facing the windows and waited.

“
Here you go,” Chase said, as he re-entered the living room, holding out blue plaid pajama bottoms and a white T.

He had changed from his dark blue jeans and a short-sleeved button down shirt into cut-off jean shorts and a T-shirt that said, “Life is Good.”

“
Bathroom is through the second door on the left.”

“
Thank you,” I said, taking the clothes from him. In the bathroom, I struggled to get the corset untied. Once loosened, I managed to unhook the clasps in front. I swam in his clothes. I had to roll the top of the PJs to tighten the waist and cuff the legs so I wouldn’t trip over them. Glancing in the mirror, I decided to wash off my makeup. I felt refreshed when I returned to the living room.

“
You look adorable in my clothes
.
” Chase
sat
by the windows in
the
chair big enough for two.

“
Thank you, but—”

He cut me off. “I understand, truly. My second request is that you share with me what happened. Of course, that’s up to you.” He patted the seat next to him.

I crawled in beside him, careful not to let my leg touch his. I brought my knees to my chest and stared out at the lights on the horizon.

“
Do you know what type of club the monastery is?” I said.

“
I’ve heard of it before, yes.”

“
I see. I never had until I laid eyes on it. An interesting use of a religious sanctuary, to say the least. Anyway, I got roped into—no pun intended—witnessing Janice’s punishment. I became upset and overwhelmed, so I ran out. The rest you know.”

“
What did Marcello do to her?”

“
Marcello kept me company and didn’t do anything to her directly. I found the first part rather enjoyable. She did a striptease for the crowd.”

“
And you watched?”

“
You bet. She’s a stunning woman and really knows how to dance.”

“
So then, what happened to make you leave?”

“
After she disrobed, the scene kept escalating. The events leading up to my departure had less to do with the actual scene—although that was part of it—than the clarity that came to me as I watched. I knew that the submission I was witnessing is exactly what Marcello ultimately wants from me. I could never, ever, comply. Not again.”

“
Didn’t you mention a contract between the two of you that says what he can and can’t do?”

“
Yeah, but it’s only for six months and he has adamantly declared that the next contract will be different.”

“
Different
? I think I get it. What will you do now?”

“
Get a job, find another place to live. I know Marcello is angry at me right now but he’d never kick me out until I had another place to go.”

“
Well, you could—”

“
Don’t even say it,” I said, punching Chase’s shoulder as if that might
knock
some sense into him. “Damn. Here I was really mad at Andre, but now I see why he’s worried for you. I took it personally but evidently you
are
a glutton for punishment and
need
to be watched over.”

“
You don’t even know what I was going to say!” he protested.

“
Are you not having a déjà vu? If not, you should be. I’m having one for you.”

“
Are you saying you’re like Kennedy?”

“
No, but I’m saying the circumstances are similar. Look, Chase, you’re a great guy and have been an incredible friend in the short time we have known each other, but I’m not hoping to jump from one fucked up situation to another.”

“
Hang on there! I’m not a fuck—”

“
You’re right, I’m sorry.
You’re
not, but I like you too much to screw up the friendship we’re cultivating. I need you as my friend, okay? I can’t keep allowing other people to take care of me anymore.”

“
Even if they want to?”

“
Even if.” I touched his arm. In that moment, I wished I had run into him instead of Luke at the crazy house party close to a year earlier. Maybe I would’ve had the ivory wedding of my dreams instead of the all the madness I found instead.

“
Jane, I understand you need time, but at some point you’ll be ready again,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I’m a patient man.”

“
I don’t feel comfortable with you waiting on me. I’m really sorry about tonight and ruining your date.” I removed my hand from his and placed it onto my lap.

In some ways I felt too old for Chase, as if the past year had aged me tenfold. Mostly I cared about him too much to subject him to me and my perverted desires, and the time had come for me take care of myself again.

“
Does Marcello know where you are?”

“
No, but I did text him that I was getting picked up and would talk to him tomorrow.”

“
Are you tired?”

“
Hungry, actually.”

“
I love a woman who can eat,” he said, laughing.

“
That would be me. I’m always hungry.” I gave him a grateful smile.

“
I’ll order something up. Want to play cards or watch a movie or something?”

The only TV turned out to be in his bedroom, where the modern décor matched the rest of the apartment. I found an odd dichotomy between Chase’s casual demeanor and the formally decorated condo. The wall behind the bed had silver foil wallpaper that made it appear like a backdrop of metal. A pillow-top mattress sat atop a dark brown platform, with a light blue cover and matching pillows. The plush gray carpet felt soft on my toes, but the unusual chandelier above the bed really grabbed my attention. Intricately woven lines of delicate metal wire crisscrossed halogen bulbs, providing a starry night affect.

“
One of my mother’s hobbies,” he said, tossing his head in the direction of the hanging light.

“
Decorating?”

“
Yep,” he said as he retrieved extra pillows from the closet.

We stacked them behind us on his bed and ate pizza while we watched
G
alaxy Quest
. The distraction worked its magic, as did the company. I crashed in his bed and he respectfully kept his distance.

I slept soundly until my phone chimed with an incoming text, waking me to the reality of unfinished business.

“
What time is it?” Chase mumbled.

“
Your clock says 4:35 a.m., is that right?”

“
Yeah, I think so, who is it?”

Checking my phone, I found a text from Janice.

Janice:
You need to get home right now. Marcello’s mother has had a stroke and he needs you.

“
Fuck!”

“
What is it?” Chase said, sitting up in the bed and turning the overhead lamps on low.

“
Marcello’s mother has had a stroke.” I got out of bed and frantically tried to figure out what I could wear to the house. “I need to get home. Can you loan me some money for a cab? Let me borrow a pair of flip flops?”

“
I’m driving you.”

We both hurriedly gathered my clothes and he called the elevator. Once in the car, I texted Janice.

Me:
I’m on my way.

W
hen we arrived at Marcello’s home, I jumped out of Chase’s car and ran around to his side. He stepped out of the driver’s seat and gave me a full-body hug. I silently wished I could stay right there, in my rescuer’s arms. Well aware that Chase’s interest in me went beyond friendship, I still knew he’d respect my boundaries as he had the previous night. For the first time, maybe in my entire life, I had a friend who’d be there for me without judgment. I would not screw that up.

Leaning away from the hug I said, “You’ve been incredible tonight. I can’t thank you enough.”

He lowered his arms and said, “You have, and please stay in touch. I’m here if you need to talk or anything else.”

Leaning in, I kissed him on the cheek. At the moment I couldn’t fathom why I deserved such a friend and marveled at how he had made me feel far less alone in the world. Gratitude filled me as I gathered my things from the passenger seat.

As I trudged up the path to the front door, I knew that my vow to end the relationship with Marcello had to be put on hold so I could offer him the support he needed.

I opened the door and found Janice on the couch, in shorts and a tank.

She looked me up and down and said, “Put on some other clothes and go to him. He needs you.”

“
Are you okay?” I asked.

“
We can worry about me later, okay? I’m not good in these situations and I have no idea what to do or say to him.”

Waving for her to follow me, I asked, “When did he find out?”

“
About an hour ago. We had just gotten home.”

I threw the clothes in my arms on the floor of my room and hurriedly peeled off Chase’s shirt and pajama bottoms. Slipping on my gray sweats and pink T-shirt, I asked, “When is he leaving?”