My Enemy, the Queen (20 page)

will be there at midnight.

ake care, my lord,I mocked. ou will be watched.

am accustomed to it.

o many are interested in you. You are as talked of as the Queen herself and so often your names are linked in the same snippet of gossip.

evertheless I must see you.

He had to return to the Queen, who was tapping her foot impatiently. She wanted to dance, and with him, of course.

I could scarcely wait until midnight. I took off my gown and wrapped myself in a robe of lace and ribbons. I had much to say to him, but I did not think it would be possible to be alone with him without our passion overcoming all other needs. I wanted to be seductive as poor Douglass could rarely have been and Elizabeth never. I knew I had that in my power; it was my strength as the Queen crown was hers. I had quickly ascertained that Douglass was not of the party and must have gone home to her soners and Robert.

He was waiting for me. As soon as I entered I was in his arms and he was attempting to strip off the gown beneath which I was naked.

But I was determined that first we should speak.

He said: ettice, I am mad with my need for you.

ethinks, my lord, it is not the first time you have been maddened by your need of a woman,I replied. have made the acquaintance of your wife.

y wife! I have no wife now.

did not mean the one who died in Cumnor Place. That past history. I mean Douglass Sheffield.

he has been talking to you!

ndeed she has, and telling me an interesting tale. You married her.

hat a lie.

s it so? She did not seem to lie. She has a ring you gave her a ring which was to be given only to your wife. More important than a ringhe has a sonittle Robert Dudley. Robert, you are sly. I wonder what Her Majesty will say when she hears.

He was silent for a few seconds, and my heart sank, for I desperately wanted him to tell me that Douglass story was untrue.

He seemed to come to the conclusion that I knew too much for him to protest, for he said: have a son, yes son by Douglass Sheffield.

o all she says was true?

did not marry her. We met at the Rutlandsplace and she became my mistress. Good God, Lettice, what am I supposed to do! I am kept dangling.

y the Queen, who does not know whether she wants you or not.

he wants me,he replied. ave you not noticed?

he wants you in attendanceogether with Heneage, Hatton and any handsome man. The point is does she want to marry you?

s her subject I have to be ready to obey her if she wishes me to.

hel never marry you, Robert Dudley. How can she when you are already married to Douglass Sheffield?

swear I am not. I am not such a fool as to do that which would finish me with the Queen.

f we were discovered here tonight that might finish you with the Queen.

am ready to risk that to be with you.

s you were ready to risk marrying Douglass Sheffield to be with her?

did not marry her, I tell you.

he says you did. You have a child.

e would not be the first to be born out of wedlock.

hat of her husband? Is it true that he threatened to divorce her on account of her liaison with you?

onsense!he cried.

heard that a letter you wrote to her was discovered by him and that he had the evidence he needed to put you in a very uncomfortable position with the Queen. And he died just as he was about to do this.

ood God, Lettice! Are you suggesting that I had him removed!

he whole Court found it strange that he should die so suddenly and at such an opportune moment.

hy should I want him dead?

erhaps because he was going to disclose your relationship with his wife.

t was not important. It was not as you have been led to believe.

he Queen might have thought it important.

he would have seen it for the trivial matter it was. Nay, I did not want Sheffield dead. It was better for him to be alive from my point of view.

see you have the same sentiments for Lord Sheffield as you have for the Earl of Essex. If you wish to make love to a woman, it is more convenient for her to be someone else wife than a widow. Otherwise she might begin to think of marriage.

He had placed his hands on my shoulders and was pressing the robe from them. I felt the familiar excitement creeping over me.

am not Douglass Sheffield, my lord.

ay, you are my bewitching Lettice, and there is none to compare.

hope those words never reach the Queen ears.

he Queen is outside all this. And I would risk her knowing for this.

obert,I insisted, am not a light of love to be taken up and cast aside.

know it well. I love you. I never ceased to think of you. Something is going to happen, but you must not believe evil tales of me.

hat is going to happen?

he day will come when you and I will marry. I know it.

ow? You are committed to the Queen. I have a husband.

ife changes.

ou think the Queen will turn her favor in some other direction?

ay, I shall keep it and have you too.

ou think she would agree to that?

n time. As she grows older.

ou are greedy, Robert. You want everything. You are not content with a share of life good things. You want yours and everyone else.

do not expect more than I know I can get.

nd you believe you can keep the Queen favor and have me too?

ettice, you want me. Do you think I don know that?

admit I find you personable enough.

nd what is your life with Walter Devereux? He a failure. He not your kind. Admit it.

e has been a good husband to me.

good husband? What has your life been? The most beautiful woman of the Court moldering in the country!

may come to Court providing I do not offend Her Majesty by attracting the attention of her favorite man.

e must be careful, Lettice. But I tell you this: I am going to marry you.

ow and when?I laughed at him. am no longer the young innocent I was. I shall never forget that when she sent for you, when she hinted that she knew you were not indifferent to me, you let me go. You behaved as though I meant nothing to you.

was a fool, Lettice.

h, never that! You were a wise man. You knew where the advantage lay.

he is the Queen, my dearest.

am not your dearest, Robert. She, with her crown, is that.

ou are wrong. She is a woman who will be obeyed, and we are her subjects. Therefore we have to placate her. That is why things are as they are and must be. Oh, Lettice, how can I make you understand? I never forgot you. I longed for you. All those years I was haunted by you and now you have come back lovelier than ever. This time there must be no parting.

He was beginning to win me overlthough I only half believed him, but desperately I wanted to.

hat if she decrees otherwise?I asked.

e will outwit her.

The thought of our standing together against her intoxicated me. He understood very well my weaknesses as I understood his. There could be no doubt that we were meant for each other.

I laughed again. would she could hear you now,I said.

He laughed with me, for he knew he was winning. e are going to be together. I promise you. I am going to marry you.

ow would that be possible?

tell you I have made up my mind that it shall be.

ou do not always get your will, my lord. Remember you once made up your mind to marry the Queen.

he Queen is set against marriage.He sighed. have come to believe she will never take a husband. She plays with the idea. She likes to be surrounded by suitors. If she had ever married I should have been the chosen one. But in her heart she has decided never to marry at all.

o for this reason you feel you may turn to me?

et us face the truth, Lettice. If she would have had me I should have married her. Of course I would. Only a fool would not. I should have been a king in all but name. But that does not prevent my loving the most beautiful, the incomparable Lady Essex. Oh my God, Lettice, I want you. I want you to be my wife. I want to see our children a son to carry on my name. Nothing but that will satisfy me. It is what I shall aim for and I know it will come to pass.

I was not sure whether I believed him, but how I wanted to! And when he talked he spoke with such conviction that I was carried along. He was the most plausible of men; he could talk himself out of any difficulty as he must have so many times with the Queen. Few could have lived so dangerously and yet preserved themselves as Robert had.

ne day, my dearest,he assured me, t shall be as I plan.

I believed him. I refused to look at all the obstacles.

nd now,he said, nough of talk.

We knew what we were risking, but we could not leave each other. The dawn was just appearing in the sky when we parted and went to our rooms.

The next day I was apprehensive, wondering whether the events of the previous night might be obvious, but none looked at me questioningly. I had reached my room without being detected and Robert evidently did too.

The children were excited by all that was happening in their home, and, listening to their talk, I learned that they were already fascinated by Robert. In fact it was difficult to know whom they admired mosthe Queen or the Earl of Leicester. The Queen was remote of course, but she had insisted that they be presented to her, and she asked them several questions, which I was proud to see they answered with intelligence. Clearly they had found favor with her as most children did.

There was an occasion when Leicester was missing and had been for some time. The Queen had asked for him and he was not to be found. I was with her at the time, and her growing impatience worried me. I wanted no display of the royal temper in my house which would make the visit a failure and all our efforts in vain. Moreover I was growing as suspicious as the Queen. Memories of our encounter were still strongly with me. I could not stop thinking of his protestations and imagining that we were indeed married and that this was our home. I thought then that I should have been quite content to stay in the country with Robert Dudley.

But where was he now? Douglass Sheffield was not here, but was there some other beauty whom he met in the night, to whom he had promised marriage, always supposing the Queen would permit him to marry and the prospective bride existing husband be conveniently removed?

The Queen said she would look at the gardens. Quite clearly she suspected he was out there with someone and she was determined to catch him. I could guess what her fury would be liket would match my own.

Then a strange thing happened. As we stepped into the grounds we saw him. There was no beautiful young woman with him. In his arms he carried my youngest, Walter. The other three children were with him. My Lord Leicester looked slightly less immaculate than usual. There was a smudge of dirt on his cheek and another on one of his puffed sleeves.

I felt the Queen relax beside me and I heard her low chuckle.

She cried out: o my Lord Leicester has become a stable lad.

Seeing us, Robert hurried forward, put down Walter and bowed first to the Queen, then to me.

trust Your Majesty did not need me,he said.

e wondered what had become of you. You have absented yourself these last two hours.

How magnificent he was! He was facing his royal mistress and that other mistress with whom, shortly before, he had been passionately preoccupied, and none would have guessed the relationship between us.

My Robert ran up to the Queen and said: hat Robert pointing to the Earl of Leicester, ays he never saw a falcon to match mine. I want to show it to you.

She put out a hand and Robert took those white slender fingers into his grubby ones and started to pull her forward. ome on. Let show her, Leicester,he shouted.

I said: obert! You forget to whom you are speaking. Her Majesty

et be,interrupted the Queen, her voice soft, her eyes tender. She had always loved children, and they took to her immediately, probably for that reason. am about to be engaged on an important mission. Master Robert and I have a falcon to inspect.

e will only obey me,young Robert told her with pride. Then he stood on tiptoe and she leaned down that he might whisper. l tell him you are the Queen, then perhaps he will obey you. But I couldn promise.

e shall see,she replied conspiratorially.

Then there occurred this spectacle of our magnificent Queen being dragged across the grass by my son and the rest of us following while Robert chatted about his horses and dogs, all of which he was going to show the Queen, Leicester having already seen them.

She was wonderful. I had to grant her that. She seemed but a girl herself among the children. She was a little wistful, and I guessed she was envying me my pleasant family. The girls, being older, were a little restrained. But they behaved rightly of course, for too much familiarity from them would have been frowned on. In any case it was my elder son who had caught the Queen fancy.

He shouted and laughed and pulled at her gown to take her to another side of the stables.

I heard his high-pitched voice. eicester says this is one of the finest horses he ever saw and his opinion is worth something. He the Queen Horse Master, you know.

did know it,answered the Queen with a smile.

o he must be good or she wouldn have him.

he certainly would not,said Elizabeth.

I stood back watching, Robert beside me.

He whispered: h, Lettice, would to God this were my home, these my children. One day, though, I promise you, we shall have our home, our family. Nothing is going to stop us. I going to marry you, Lettice.

ush,I said.

My girls were not far off, and they were full of curiosity about everything.

When the Queen had made the required inspection we returned to the house and the children took their leave of her. She gave the girls her hand to kiss and when it was young Robert turn, he took her hand and scrambled up onto her lap and kissed her. I saw by her soft expression that the gesture had found great favor with her. Robert examined the jewels on her gown and then looked searchingly into her face.