My Forever (13 page)

She puts an arm around me and rubs my back. I feel like I might cry again
,
but I really don’t want to.

Collet
t
e gives me the brief tour of the rest
of the house.
It’s
small but set up really well. There are three bedrooms, a kitchen
,
and a laundry room on the main floor. Her room is the loft above the kitchen and dining area. The house is also on the lake
, but
probably one of the oldest places here.

After showing me around she has to
leave to finish up her workday, and
I feel bad again, like a big inconvenience.

“Try to get some rest Dani. I’d guess you didn’t get any sleep last night.” She
r
ubs my back one more time. “I have to get back to work, but I’ll be home for dinner.”

“Thank you,” I say. It just doesn’t seem to cover it.

She leaves, and i
t’s so
quiet
. I sit on the couch with very little idea of what to do with myself. Why am I not tired anymore? I suddenly need a shower. After spending the night in a Denny’s, anyone would need a shower.

It feels strange, helping myself to a bathroom I’ve never been in before.
I rub my hands over the small bump of my stomach
. It’s growing
so
fast. I wonder if I’ll be able to finish the school year without obviously being the pregnant girl.

Standing in their bathroom makes me realize how little I have. I have nothing. I’m using their shampoo. I’ll have to borrow Tracy’s deodorant. I do a quick wipe with my hand both before and after I put the stuff on my armpits. I’m not sure what time it is or when Michael will be home so I wrap the towel around me tightly as I go my new room.

The contents of the pack that Daniel
brought to me are better than I
expect
ed
. My cheeks heat up when I realize
he emptied my underwear drawer—or maybe Hannah did
.
There’s
also a pair of pajamas and some socks. Not a lot
,
but more than I thought I’d have this morning. I slide on my pajama pants and the Mr
s. Pac-Man shirt
.
Thoughtful of him.
My sweatshirt has been my constant companion since I found out I was pregnant. I slide it
back
on.

I brush through my long dark hair and
sit on the pale couch
. Even after using the bathroom and putting my things in my room, I’m afraid to touch anything. I lie back against the cushions and fall asleep in the
quiet
. I startle awake when the door opens.

Michael walks in from school,
but
Tracy isn’t with him. “Tracy’s at school
for a student government thing.
M
om’s going to pick her up on her way home.
Is it okay that it’s just us here?”
h
e a
sks as he stands close to the front door.

Like what would we do about it if it
wasn’t
?

I laugh. Wow, I’ll be living with Michael. Another thing to go on my list of things I never thought I’d do.

“So, it’s okay?”
h
e asks again.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I do have brothers. I can handle boys.”

“I see.” He
cocks a brow before sitting
down on the love
seat across from me. “I’m sorry.
I feel partially responsible for getting you kicked out of your house.” He’s leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees
,
and looking through his thick lashes at me. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to his deep eyes that see
so much more than he lets on—
because I’m sure they do.

“No.” I shake my head. “I haven’t done anything that I didn’t either ask for or choose myself.”

“Well, I disagree. No one deserves to be kicked out of their parents’ home.” His eyes don’t leave mine.

I don’t respond. How am I supposed to when he’s looking at me like this? Then I notice that his left eye is swollen up and bruising quickly.

“What
happened
to you?” I stand up and step toward him.

“It’s nothing.” He shakes his head,
and
heads for
the kitchen.

“It’s not
nothing
.” I follow.

“Promise you won’t feel bad if I tell you? And that you won’t tell my mom?” He looks over his shoulder.

Oh
no
. I stop. Sinking, sinking in my chest and my stomach, this is not good. “Daniel?” I ask. Why do I ask, I know I just really, really don’t want it to be Daniel.

He nods once. I want to cry again, only I don’t want to cry again because I
never
want to cry again. I bite my lip instead.

He reaches over and touches the side of my face. “It’s okay, Dani.” His eyes look soft and keep me breathless for a moment. He looks at me the way I want him to look at m
e. His hand is still on my face, slowly melting me. It’s
warm and smells like him.

I close my eyes and enjoy
the butterflies in my stomach.

He suddenly turns around
, dropping his hand and pulling me from my happy place
. I watch as he grabs a Ziploc and stuffs it with ice.

“Michael, I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t be here.” I’m afraid to move.

He picks up his ice and walks back into the living room. “Please don’t say that. He was sure I was the dad, that’s all. I might have done the same thing.” He sits down on the couch and flops back, lounging
like he gets black eyes all the time
.

I sit sideways on the couch and chew on my lower lip. I don’t know how to make things better. I’m so ashamed of my stupid brother. He can be so pig-headed.

“I’m going to ask you something personal
,
” Michael warns me.

I feel so bad I’d tell him anything right now. My breath holds still, waiting.

“Where’s the dad?” He cocks his head to the side and watches my expression.

The dad… it sends me right back to that weekend. So funny, my parents thought it would be good for me to get a taste of college life. They did their best to make me excited about going.  They felt like I wasn’t moving in good directions. I can see Lucas in my mind. I remember our evening perfectly.

~
~
~

“Sorry you have to babysit me for the weekend,” I apologize
d
to Lucas.

“It’s not babysitting Dani. W
e’re friends
,
and you’re vis
iting. It’s that easy.” He looked at me more intently than I was used to from him. He’d
looked at my older sister
like that many times.
Yes, I
noticed
.
But never me.

“So my
dad sent me up with some money. W
e should get out and spend at least some of it.” I shrug
ged. I was suddenly worried that he’d
turn me down. I pull
ed
my lower lip into my mouth
,
and chew
ed on it, wondering what he’d
say.

“Yeah.” He started
toward the door. “Let’s go out to eat, it can be like a real date and everything.”

I took a deep breath before I could answer. “Great.” I was in disbelief that the boy who was
three years older than me,
who I’d had a crush on forever, wa
s happy to be taking me out.

He wa
s a ge
ntleman
the whole time. He held my hand. H
e introduced me to anyone he saw that he knew
,
and he knew
a lot of people. I expect
ed
him to be embarrassed by hanging out with a high scho
ol kid
,
but age never came up. It just did
n’t matter. We end
ed
up with a small group of his friends
,
from the physics department
, at Pizza Hut. They we
re surprisingly un
-nerdy—
m
ost of them anyway. I had
enough money to spot everyone for pizza so they pull
ed
out their coins
for video games when the pizza ran out
.

Lucas stood behind me as I went through level after level of
Pacman
. Pretty soon his hand wa
s
on my shoulder, then his chin was on my shoulder and his hand rested on my waist. I lost
concentration then
, but mad
e it third from the top of high scores
. There happened
to be one at the ga
s station near my house, which was the only reason I was
so good.
I was
alway
s searching for places that had
the original arcades.

“Impressive.” Lucas smiled and kissed
me on
the cheek. I tried
to play it cool.
Did the kiss mean something? What he just being friendly? I did
n’t know what to say. “You just beat all the guys at the table.”

I shrug
ged
.
Because sometimes,
sometimes
, I could
be cool like that.