My Forever (16 page)

It feels both more formal and more casual than what I’m used to. I don’t feel as out of place as I thought I might. I like the hymns and spend a good portion of the meeting looking through the hymnbook.
New music to play.
The meeting ends with a prayer.

I recognize a few kids I know from school that I didn’t know come here. I guess they’re not all as close as Tracy and Michael’s group.

John, Calvin, and April all come over to say hi before leaving for class.

“Well, Dani, since you’re an adult, you come with me. These two still go to their teenage classes because they like it.” Collette makes a face. Neither of them
are
moving quite yet.

“Oh. Okay.” I nod.

The Bishop comes toward us.

“Michael.” He reaches out his hand to Michael and then to me, Tracy
and Collette. “We need to talk.
I know yo
u want to get your paperwork in. W
e have to
set up a time for your official interview
.” His eyes are on Michael’s.

“That’d be great.” Michael
’s smiling
wide
. I’m guessing it has something to do with the mission I don’t want to think about.

“And you must be Dani
LeClaire
.”

“Yes sir,” I say. That’s one thing my father had drilled into me.

He laughs. “Do you have a minute Dani? I’d like to talk with you.”

My whole body tightens in anticipation
. What does he want from me? My eyes go to Michael’s
,
an
d he nods at me briefly. But then he
lean
s
back
like he’s trying to keep his distance
,
and I’m not sure why.

“Yeah. Sure.” But will my feet move to follow him? What does he want?

“I wo
n’t keep you from class long.” Maybe h
e’s trying to make me feel better
by smiling
.

I follow him to his office with my arms folded in front of me, chewing on my lower lip
, nerves running through me
. I sit where he motions for me to sit
,
and I feel a little like I’m in the principal’s office, only I’ve never been called there before so I don’t know what to expect. I try to tell myself that this isn’t the principal’s office
,
and I’m not in trouble and everything’s going to be okay…

“Don’t look so nervous, Dani.” He smiles as he sits back in his chair. “I jus
t want to get to know you,
and I don’t want to make
S
ister Mason drive all the way back to the church later on today to do it.”

“Okay.” But I still have no idea what he wants.

“You’ve
talked with the missionaries
.” He says it like a statement, not a question
,
but I nod anyway. “With Michael and Tracy,” he continues.

“Yes. They’ve been really great.”

“They’re good kids.” He stops for a moment. “Now Dani, I don’t want you to feel like you need to answer me or like you’re going to be in trouble if you don’t want to talk with someone you barely know. Okay?”

“Okay.” I’m still nervous
, and
at this point I don’t think anything he can say will help me relax.

“Your father is the pastor over at the Christian Life Center.”

“Yes sir.
” My brain can’t formulate what he’s after.

He laughs again. “This isn’t an inquisition. You don’t have to call me sir.”

“Okay.” I let out a breath, trying to relax. “My dad’s been the pastor there since we moved to Alaska when I was about ten.”

“And is this what he’s always done?”

“Yes. Since before he and my mother met.”

“But you don’t live there now.”

“No. I think he could have survived the
pregnancy thing, maybe. B
ut the Mormon thing put him over the edge.
I don’t know why I told Michael.
H
e’d just said something a long time ago about being adopted
,
and when I found out I was pregnant, I told him.”

“Well, that answers a few of my other questions.” His hands fold together. “Michael is the best kind of person.”

“They’ve all been really nice, sitting n
ext to me, eating lunch with me. T
hey all watch out for each other.” I’m afraid to agree with him about Michael. Would he get in trouble for liking someone like me? I’m not sure.

He smiles wide. “Well, that’s what we want our youth to do, that’s for sure.”

“Is that all you wanted from me?” I ask. It wasn’t so bad.

“Almost. I’m curious about you. You’ve spent a lot of
time learning about our church. D
o you think you’ll get baptized?”

“I…um…
I don’t know. I started to learn because something about the adoption process felt good
,
and I’ve just been trying to do things that keep that good feeling around.” I hope he understands because I don’t know how to explain it any better than that.

“That’s great, Dani. Keep following
that. I
t will always lead you down the right path. But, you should also remember that there’s always more than one way to get what you want. You may head down an unexpected path and still make it to the end you set out for in the beginning.”

“Okay.” I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Michael likes you a lot.”

“He’s bee
n a great friend,” I answer
. I’m worried people will think there’s more going on
,
and I would guess that Michael would rather not have people think that.

“Good.” He
rests his hands together in his lap
. “You’re in need of good friends right now. If you ever need somewhere to stay, my wife and I a
re rattling around in our house. A
ll the kids are gone
,
and you’d have a choice of rooms.”

“Thank you.”

And that’s it. No pressure, no hard questions. He really did just want to know me a little. I feel surprised and then relieved. Tracy sees me walking down the hallway and grabs me so I can spend the rest of church with our high school friends instead of with the adults. I realize it was Collette’s idea. She might be okay with me living there
,
but she still has her reservations about how much I’m socializing with other kids my age.

~
~
~

When we get home from church, the house stays
quiet
.
Such a change from home.
I’m sitting in my bed, using an old laptop of Michaels. Tracy has another one of his old ones. It’s bizarre. What high school student has more laptops than they know what to do with? I’m looking through the pictures I’ve taken when I hear a knock on my door.

“Come in.”

“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t be in here. Mom and Tracy went out to run an errand
,
and I just wanted to say hi.” I love Michael’s voice. It moves through me and fills me and makes the world disappear.

“Hi.” I wave. “Thanks again for the use of the computer.”

He just shrugs it off and sits next to me.
Close enough that our knees touch, sending my heart into a weird flutter.

“
What’cha
working on?”
he asks.

“Photos.”

“Can I see?”

“Of course.” I turn the computer so he can.

“Wow.” He flips through a few. “I know this is our school but the shapes and colors…” He scrolls through a few of people. Shots I took on the morning after I got kicked out of my house.

I know in a couple of shots will be the one of Michael, my favorite picture of him, looking relaxed and happy to see me. “You did a great job capturing all the people.” He stops at his picture. “I didn’t know you took that.” He looks at his picture carefully.

I’ve spent some time looking at that one too.
An embarrassing amount.
He gaze shifts to mine.

I shrug. “It’s what I do. You know for the yearbook and the paper.” If he knows how much I like him, it will feel like rejection when we continue to be friends because that’s what we’ll continue to be. Friends. I’m sure of it. No matter how he occasionally looks at me, he doesn’t feel it. Not like I do.

“Right.” H
is eyes rest on mine for a moment longer,
and then back to
my photos. He flips through a few more. “I’d love to see the world the way you do.”

Michael’s
small comment
fills me with pride that I don’t think I’ve ever fully felt over my photos
. I smile at him next to me
and bump his shoulder with mine
.

His smile spreads as we touch, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kiss someone as badly as I want to kiss him right now.
I swear he leans
in, just slightly. Just enough that I forget to breathe.

“We’re home. W
here are you two?” Collette
calls
.

“See you.” He raises his eyebrows
at me once and sprints out of my room
.

Guess he’s not supposed
to be in here. I laugh a little. I
t’s no
t like he could get me pregnant, even he was interested.

11

Monday morning I sit for a few minutes in front of the mirror
,
and with just a little work, I manage to fix my hair up the way Tracy did yesterday. I borrow her mascara and use some lip-gloss that Collette brought me from the store. I slide on
her ballet flats
and follow Tracy
and Michael out the door.