Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

To the Revolution that Heralds Our Evolution

Recently, I invited my longest-standing erotic partner to read Diana’s book on conscious sex. Our “love connection” had been dead for more than twenty years. No ecstatic experience left, dead, dead, dead.

We naturally, effortlessly started following the instructions in the book, inspired and transported by something in it, something new and loving, some energy and wisdom emanating from its pages. Lo and behold, we spent the next two weeks in five-to nine-hour sessions, reaching a state so beautiful I wanted to stay there forever.

I had never understood why people called sex “making love” and here we were making, within ourselves and between us, a tangible love energy. My intelligent penis “knew” when my partner’s vagina was open. It knew to stay cool, in that receptive state where
it
was guiding me,
it
knew when to penetrate and how. My heart was in joy, my whole body felt touched by her vagina. We remained for hours in this glow, losing all sense of time. A few times I felt her heart touching my penis from very deep in the vagina. She had not self-lubricated in decades; she had lost contact with the vagina, now
it
became alive. At one point she said, glowing in deep appreciation and love: “I feel like a woman for the first time in my life.”

SLOW
SEX

“Like everything else in this fast-forward world, our sex lives have been infected by the virus of hurry.
Slow Sex
is the perfect antidote. With warmth and wisdom, Diana Richardson shows how slowing down in the bedroom can bring us better sex, better relationships, and a better world. What are you waiting for? The time has come to unleash your inner tortoise in the bedroom!”

C
ARL
H
ONORÉ, AUTHOR OF
I
N
P
RAISE OF
S
LOWNESS

“How rare it is for a book to appear about sex and sensuality with a truly fresh and innovative approach. Diana Richardson has crafted a masterpiece that is warm, evocative, timely, and accessible to everyone. Her wise and inviting style will welcome you into a fascinating new world where your experience of sexuality will be forever changed. If you’ve wanted just one book that could give you the most simple and powerful access into the ancient, beautiful world of Tantra, here it is . . .”

M
ARC
D
AVID, AUTHOR OF
T
HE
S
LOW
D
OWN
D
IET
AND
FOUNDER OF THE
I
NSTITUTE FOR THE
P
SYCHOLOGY OF
E
ATING

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My heartfelt thanks to Marc David, whose book
The Slow Down Diet
arrived in my life as if by divine hand to become an inspiration far beyond anything I had ever anticipated. I am very grateful for his generosity in allowing me to use his words, which appear as short extracts throughout this book.

I also wish to extend my deepest gratitude to the couples I have met in my workshops over the years for their trust, and for giving me endless inspiration and encouragement by being living and loving endorsements that man and woman thrive and flourish on slow sex.

CONTENTS

Title Page

Dedication

Epigraph

Acknowledgments

Introduction: Curing the Speed Disease

Chapter 1—
Slow Sex: A Physical and Spiritual Revolution

Chapter 2—
The Sexual Power of Relaxation

THE BREVITY OF THE SEX ACT

RELAXATION IS VITAL FOR THE SEXUAL METABOLISM

THE GOAL OF ORGASM INTERFERES WITH RELAXATION

DEEP SLOW BREATHING INVITES RELAXATION

LINING UP THE BONES

CREATE TIME FOR SEX

Chapter 3—
The Sexual Power of Awareness

AWARENESS IS THE MISSING LINK

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO BUT HOW YOU DO IT

BEING CONSCIOUS INSTEAD OF MECHANICAL

USE AWARENESS TO REMAIN IN THE NOW

ENERGY FOLLOWS ATTENTION

COME HOME TO YOURSELF

Chapter 4—
The Sexual Power of Quality

GENITAL INTELLIGENCE

MALE DYNAMIC FORCE, FEMALE RECEPTIVE FORCE

EMBRACING POLARITY HERALDS A CHANGE IN DIMENSION

LUBRICATION OF THE GENITALS

SLOW CONSCIOUS ENTRY

STILLNESS AS AN ASPECT OF SLOWNESS

ROTATING POSITIONS AROUND THE GENITAL CONNECTION

SOFT PENETRATION, ENTRY WITHOUT ERECTION

SPONTANEOUS ERECTION

QUALITY IS BASED ON SLOWNESS ARISING FROM CONSCIOUSNESS

Chapter 5—
The Sexual Power of Rhythm

MAN AND WOMAN HAVE DIFFERENT RHYTHMS

WOMAN’S LOSS OF INTEREST IN SEX

THE OPPOSITE POLE IS CARRIED WITHIN EACH INDIVIDUAL

ALLOWING TIME

REGULARITY AND FREQUENCY

RHYTHM AS BREATH

Chapter 6—
The Sexual Power of Pleasure

SENSITIVITY, THE SOURCE OF PLEASURE

SLOWNESS ENHANCES SENSITIVITY

THE SHIFT FROM SENSATION TO SENSITIVITY

SLOW SEX IS COOL SEX

INCREASING THE CAPACITY TO PERCEIVE THE SUBTLE

Chapter 7—
The Sexual Power of Thought

THOUGHT AS DISTRACTION

THOUGHT AS SEXUAL CONDITIONING

THOUGHT AS DESIRE FOR ORGASM

THOUGHT AS SEXUAL FANTASY

POSITIVE THOUGHT AS VISUALIZATION OR IMAGINATION

RIGHT THOUGHT AS INTENTION

POSITIVE THOUGHT AS REMEMBRANCE

Chapter 8—
The Sexual Power of the Sacred

ENGAGING THE METABOLIC POWER OF THE SACRED

ECSTASY IS BEYOND PLEASURE

THE INNER ROD OF MAGNETISM IS THE SOURCE OF ECSTASY

SENSITIVITY IS THE BRIDGE TO ECSTASY

DEFEMINIZING EXTERNALIZATION OF THE GENITALS

THE SACRED BALANCES AND HEALS

SACRED SLOW SEX SUSTAINS AND STABILIZES RELATIONSHIPS

INNER SEX AS THE MOST EVOLVED FORM OF SEX

Chapter 9—
The Sexual Power of the Story

THE HUMAN STORY IS A SEX STORY

THE PERSONAL SEX STORY

SLOW SEX, A STEP IN HUMAN EVOLUTION

Chapter 10—
Your Personal Slow Sex Practice

GETTING STARTED AT YOUR SLOW SEX PRACTICE

SUSTAINING YOUR SLOW SEX PRACTICE

DEEPENING YOUR SLOW SEX PRACTICE

Appendix: True Male and Female Qualities versus Conditioned Distortions

Books and Resources

About the Author

About Inner Traditions • Bear & Company

Books of Related Interest

Copyright & Permissions

INTRODUCTION

Curing the Speed Disease

I
n keeping with the emerging Slow Food movement, I was delighted when my publisher suggested that I write a book entitled
Slow Sex
. This is a subject that is dear to my heart. My partner, Michael, and I have been facilitating weeklong “Making Love” retreats for couples since 1993. During these retreats we teach couples to take a fresh approach toward sex—to slow down and be fully present to each moment while having sex together, rather than practice more active sex that strives so intensely toward orgasm that it misses the subtler nuances of union along the way.

In short, we teach couples how to cultivate a slow sex practice. It is crystal clear to both of us that when couples engage in sex at a more leisurely pace, in which each moment is slowly savored and relished with awareness, they experience more sensitivity, sensuality, and satisfaction. Afterward they feel deeply nourished by love, empowered as a couple, and significantly, equally empowered as individuals too.

Recently a friend suggested I read
The Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, and Weight Loss
by Marc David. This book turned out to be an exceptional source of information, insight, and inspiration—not just in relation to food, but also in relation to sex. Marc David is a professional nutritionist with a master’s degree in the psychology of eating. Through his own personal experiences in the practice of yoga, he became acquainted with the existence of eight universal metabolic enhancers that are
transubstantial,
meaning “above and beyond the realm of matter.” Two examples of these universal metabolic forces are relaxation and awareness. When applied directly to eating, they are the greatest enhancers of digestion, nutrition, and maintenance of appropriate body weight. That is, when we slow down enough to be fully aware of the food we are eating—taste it, savor it, and make time for relaxation at the dining table—the food nourishes us in ways that no food can when it is wolfed down or gobbled on the run.