My Forever (22 page)

The room is small
,
but it’s mine. The bathroom is so small it looks like something that belongs on a real boat, but I don’t care about that either. The walls of the bedroom are all rich panels of wood
,
and there are small cabinets and cubbies in every possible space. The bed is nestled inside these large cabinets. There’s a huge window just a foot or so above the bed with a view of Lake Union. I know
already that
I’ll spend a lot of time here reading.

“Do you like it?” s
he asks.

“I love it.” I say, and
mean it.

“I stocked you
r bathroom with some essentials.
I don’t know what kind of
shampoo and stuff
you use, so I just bought extra of what I like. I also took a little side trip to the mall and put a few things in your closet.” She sings out the last part of the sentence, sounding like someone truly excited. “I think I got the sizes right.” She opens the small closet door to show me what a
“
little side trip
”
looks like if you’re Jackie.

I reach my hands in and flip through a whole wardrobe of clothes for a pregnant girl. I’m a little overwhelmed again
,
but she looks so ex
cited that I say thank you
and smile more. I feel a bit like a pet, but at this point,
but
I don’t care.

Michael raises his hands in the air. “She asked me t
o guess your sizes.
I should have known she’d go a little overboard.”

She shrugs, still smiling. “It was fun! I’ve never shopped for maternity clothes before.”

“I…” I’m once again
at a loss for words. “Thank you.”

“Oh, no problem.” She rubs my back a few times. “
We’re going to be great friends.
I just know it.”

Michael sets my bag on the bed. “I need to get going. This is weird. It’s been kind of nice living with you. I’ll miss that.”

I nod
.
I’ll miss it too. And
I’ve been doing a lot of that—
nod, smile,
thank
you… I’m afraid if I say anything, it’ll give away too much.
That I’m not sure what I’m doing here with strangers.
That I’m terrified of not having Michael around.
That this baby’s coming, and still has no parents. There’s too much.

“Well, I need to warn you that I’m going to be working a lot and probably won’t see you as much as I’d like to
,
but my dad always does a big dinner on Sunday, so we’ll see you then.” He stands in my room, leaning first toward the door and then toward me.

“T
hanks for…
everything.” I say. He hugs me
.
Almost as good as la
st night.
My belly
keeps him further away than I’d like.

“I’ll let you get settled. If Jackie starts driving you crazy, just let her know.” He laughs as he stands back.

Jackie pushes him out the door but follows him. “We’re leaving you now, Dani,” she says. “I’ll go drop Michael off. You can walk around the house. The upstairs is just my room but help yourself to anything else. It’s pretty small.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Again. Time alone. As much as I’d love to sit and talk with just Michael, time alone is second on my list.

They walk out my little windowed door to the front porch, or deck, or whatever you call something like this on the water. A dock?

I immediately climb on my bed because any bed that looks like an oversized window seat needs to be sat upon. It’s my place. It
feels
like my special place. How long will it take me to get used to being here? What will happen after the baby comes? Will I still have a place to stay?
One day at a time, Dani.

I open the window to get some air and even though Jackie and Michael are walking on the far side of the house, I can hear every word.

“You are totally in love with that girl,” she says it accusingly.

My heart nearly stops.

“Why do you say that?”
Nothing for a moment.
“She’s become a really close friend.”

“Come
on
, are you aware of how you move around her? How
she
moves around
you
?”

“She
…?” Michael starts, sounding
surprised.

“I just hope you’re not giving her the wrong impression
. S
he’s going to go through a lot.” I can see Jackie in my head, hands on her hips, staring at him.

“I don’t… I
t’s just not…” I can tell he’s searching for words. As much as I want more from him, I know it won’t happen. Graduation night is proof enough of that. Look at the
baggage I carry around with me…
literally. I rest my hands on my belly.

“He’s not giving me the wrong impression,” I say it loudly through my window.

They’re silent for a moment.

“See you soon, Dani.” Michael says
with
laughter in his voice.

“See ya,” I holler back. That will hopefully end any wannabe-private conversations behind the house. I’m glad. I don’t like to be a keeper of information I’m not supposed to have.

When I’m taking my first shower in my tiny bathroom, I try to make sense of all the toiletries that Jackie got for me. Shampoo for curly hair, shampoo for straight hair.
Special styling balms, wrinkle cream.
Really? I’m eighteen. I open the shampoo bottle and it smells like heav
en. I look at the bottom. Fifty-
five dollars. I choke. My parents buy nothing but Suave. It’s only
one
bottle! I am definitely living in a different world now. O
ne thing is for certain though—
it’ll probably be my only bottle of the stuff. I need to enjoy it.

15

“Sister
LeClaire
, I’m Bishop Phillips. It’s nice to meet you.”
He’s a tall, clean-
cut man who looks not quite old enough to have his job.

“You, too.” I shake his hand.

“Have a few minutes?” he asks. Church m
eetings have just finished up
,
and there’s a swarm outside his door.

“Do
you
?” I joke. I remember my first meeting with Michael’s bishop and how scared I was. It seems silly now.

He laughs. “Yep, you just follow me in. Don’t let anyone elbow you out of the way, alright?”

“I’ll do my best. People are generally nice to the pregnant girl.”

“I would hope so.” He chuckles a little as I follow him into his office.

“What can I do for you?” I ask as I sit down on the opposite side of his desk.

“Oh, nothing, really. I’m about to ask you the same question.” A corner of his mouth pulls up as he leans back in his chair.

“Well, as overwhelming as Jackie’s family is, they really want to help me out
.
I have a little money saved up
.
I’ll be looking for a small job to last me the summer
,
and I think that’s it.”
I shrug.

“You’re a new member.”
He reclines in his chair.

“Very.”

“Well, I want to warn you now, this downtown ward is kind of an odd one. There are a few trendy apartments that attract the poor college students who want to be part of the downtown scene
,
and you’ve seen some of the houses next to you girls
and around you on the lakeside—
we get them too.”

“And where do you fall?” I ask.

“Somewhere in between. I’m a quasi-retired architect who lives in a building I turned into a house.”

“Cool.” It seems impressive and interesting.

“Well, Jackie has all the ward lists. You have good home teachers and don’t ever be afraid to call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.” I shake his hand again. “I’m headed to church social services and my new doctor this week.”

“A little overwhelming?” he asks. “This is a lot to deal with. You’re going to get to grow up fast.”

I laugh a little. “I don’t see how that’s possible, mooching off people the way I do.”

“Don’t say that.” He shakes his head. “It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. No one wants to do it. Remember that you’d help someone in your same position and love doing it.”

“Thanks again.” I stand up. He’s nice. “I think you’re needed.” I gesture to the door with my head.

“I’m sure I am.”

How can I be doing this? Living in Seattle, going to my new Mormon church and talking with someone I’ve ne
ver met like a regular person and n
ot some kid?

~
~
~

“Welcome back Dani. L
ooks like we haven’t scared you away.” Clint takes me in a big hug when Jackie and I arrive for dinner.

“No, you didn’t scare me away,” I smile already more comfortable with him that I thought I’d be when I left Alaska. I feel pretty. I’m still in the
red
dress Jackie picked out for me to wear to church.

“Is that you Dani?” I hear Heidi call out from inside.

“Yep! It’s me!” I call back. This feels good. I get through the entry and Michael gives me a big hug before I can get to the kitchen where Heidi is. I hug him back and breathe him in. I
love that he’s less reserved here.

“Okay, break it up you two or no one will believe you’re just friends.” Jackie laughs. She pecks Michael on the cheek on her way to help her mom in the kitchen.
I’m envious of her easy way with him.