My Girl (2 page)

He waited several moments then peered out the window again. Seth and his car were both gone. Nicky pressed his hand against the window, wishing he was anyone but who he was. He hated his life.

Nicky turned away from the window when his cell phone rang. He quickly crossed the room and picked it up off the kitchen counter, looking at the caller ID before he flipped it open and put it to his ear. "Hello, Detective Storm."

"Nicky, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Elliot."
Nicky smiled even though he knew the detective couldn't see it. "Hello, Elliot."
"That's better," Elliot said. "Now, did you get settled okay?"
"Yes, I got everything moved in and the rental truck returned just as directed." Nicky glanced around the room at all boxes stacked everywhere. "I'm up to my ass in boxes but it shouldn't take me too long to get moved in."
"It won't be forever, Nicky, you know that. The trial will be here soon enough and then you can move back home."
"If they don't find me first."
"These guys are looking for Nicholas Rylander, a gay man with short dark brown hair who lives in Boston. They are not looking for Nicky Ryland, a woman with long light brown hair who lives across the country. Just remember to stay in character and you'll be fine."
Nicky frowned and glanced down at the two small bumps hidden under his shirt. "Easy for you to say. You don't have boobs."
"Neither do you, Nicky." Elliot sighed. "Look, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know it's tough but until the trial, this is the best option for you. We've already had one close call. I don't want you to go through another one."
"Yeah, so much for witness protection," Nicky snorted. "I thought those marshals were supposed to be the best at hiding someone."
"I don't know what to tell you, Nicky," Elliot replied. "They are supposed to be the best. I don't know how Morales' guys found you. It wasn't supposed to happen. We're just lucky you were able to get away. If they had caught you…"
"I'd be just as dead as Juan." Nicky swallowed past the lump in his throat. He knew how close he had come to dying, just like his best friend, Juan. If his body wasn't so small and he hadn't been able to squeeze out the bathroom window Morales and his goons would have caught and killed him, just like they killed Juan.
"I swear we're working as fast as we can to build a case against Morales. We'll get this guy, Nicky, and then you can come back home."
Nicky felt bad. Detective Elliot Storm did everything he could to protect Nicky. It had been Nicky's idea to go undercover as a woman and move. Elliot was against it but Nicky had been adamant. He wasn't going to let the marshals protect him again, not when they almost failed once.
"It's not so bad," Nicky said. "I even met someone."
"You met someone?" Elliot said. "Who? Where?"
"My neighbor," Nicky replied. "He helped me move in some boxes. He seems like a nice guy."
"Nicky, you can't trust anyone," Elliot said. "Give me his name. I'll look him up and see if he has any connection to Boston."
Nicky rolled his eyes. "His name is Seth Leighton. He lives just down the hallway from me in 4C and I doubt he has any connection to Morales. He was already living here. He even warned me to avoid Mrs. Ferguson in 2B. He basically said she's a crotchety old bitch."
Elliot chuckled. "Okay, but I'm still going to look into this guy. We can't be too careful, Nicky. Your life is on the line here."
"I hear you."
"Remember to check in with me regularly and only call me on this number, okay? No one but me knows where you are. I want to keep it that way."
"Yes, Detective Storm," Nicky said. "I'll be a good boy and not play with any strangers."
Elliot chuckled. "Girl, Nicky, you'll be a good girl."
Nicky frowned and glanced back down at the two small bumps in his shirt. "Yeah, right." Nicky hung up the phone and headed for his shower. It was the one place he could go and feel like a man again.
He pulled his shirt over his head then pushed the shorts off his legs. Beneath that was the specially made underwear he wore. There was a custom plastic cup that fit into a hidden pocket in the front. It kept his
maleness
hidden from anyone that might be looking. It was uncomfortable as hell.
But it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as the bra he wore with the false breasts sewn into it. Marla, the drag queen who helped turn Nicky into a woman, suggested he have smaller breasts. He was a B cup, whatever that was, just enough to point him out as a woman but not enough to draw attention. Apparently, straight men liked women with big breasts.
He hated pretending to be a woman. However, he hated being dead even more. If pretending to be a woman was what he needed to do to stay alive, then call him woman and hear him roar.
Nicky pulled the bra off and tossed it across the room before walking into the bathroom. The shower was his one solace, the one place that could truly be a man. Too bad he had to do it all by himself. It would have been nice to have a little company.
Maybe even one really hot and sexy neighbor? CHAPTER 4

Nicky kept an eye out for Seth over the next couple of weeks while he settled into his apartment and his new life. He'd see him occasionally, coming in from
somewhere, and hurry to take out his garbage or something so he'd meet up with Seth in the hallway.

Seth was always friendly but not overly so. He'd say hi, ask how Nicky was doing, and then quickly go into his apartment. He never stuck around to chat. After a while, Nicky got the message and stopped stalking the man.

That didn't keep him from watching Seth through his window. The man was just too gorgeous to ignore. Besides, Nicky could always fantasize, and he did a lot of that while in the shower, alone.

Nicky heard a loud bang outside his apartment door. His heart raced as he set his book down, another
man love
romance by G.A. Hauser. It seemed to be the one way he could escape and pretend there were happy endings for gay men somewhere. He certainly wasn't finding one.

He got up and walked over to his door, peering through the peephole. He frowned, opening the door just enough to look out, the chain still in place. Seth and another man were stumbling down the hallway toward his apartment. Seth was clearly drunk.

Nicky closed the door and took the chain off, opening it back up. "Seth, are you okay?"
"Nicky!" Seth exclaimed, stumbling over to him to wrap an arm around Nicky's shoulders. "Ricky, this is the beautiful Nicky, the woman I was telling you about."
Nicky tried to smile. "Hello."
"So, you're Nicky," Ricky said. "I've been wanting to meet you. Seth has talked about nothing but you for the last two weeks."
"I… uh…"
Nicky felt lips press against the side of his forehead. "Nicky is beautiful," Seth's said, his voice slurring horribly. "Isn't she beautiful, Ricky?"
"Yes," Ricky replied. "Nicky is very beautiful."
There was a look in Ricky's eyes, a glint that told Nicky that the man saw right through his disguise. Nicky wondered if Ricky was going to
out
him or let him keep his secret. Nicky tried to turn the attention away from himself and back to Seth.
"Is he always like this?" Nicky asked as he tried to keep Seth from falling on his face.
"Not until he met you."
"Me?"
"Oh honey, you have Seth tied up in all sorts of knots. He doesn't know if he's coming or going but I'm pretty sure he'd like to be
coming
." The way Ricky said the last word made Nicky's face heat up.
"Maybe we should get him inside where he can sit down?"
Ricky rolled his eyes and walked over to prop Seth up on the other side from Nicky. Together, they got Seth inside of his apartment, walking him into the bedroom and letting him lay down on the bed.
Nicky pulled his shoes off and dropped them on the floor while Ricky loosened his shirt and took off his belt. Nicky waited until Ricky moved away then walked over to stroke his fingers down Seth's cheek. Even plowed out of his mind, Seth still looked gorgeous.
Nicky started to turn away when a hand suddenly grabbed him around the wrist. He looked down to see deep chocolate-brown eyes gazing up at him. "Nicky. Pretty, pretty, Nicky," Seth whispered. "I never wanted a woman like I want you."
Before Nicky could reply, Seth's eyes closed and his hand slipped away, falling down to his chest. Nicky looked down at him a moment longer then turned and walked out of the room. There would be nothing gained from staying.
He found Ricky standing by the kitchen counter, a drink in his hand. He looked amused and curious. "He was telling the truth, you know. He's never wanted a woman like he wants you. But then, he doesn't know you're not a woman, now does he?"
Nicky clenched his fists as he tried to retain control. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Ricky snorted. "Oh bitch, please, I can see right through your little disguise. I'm just surprised that Seth didn't. I always thought he was more perceptive than that and I've known Seth for a lot of years."
"I need to go," Nicky said.
"Are you going to tell him?"
Nicky turned and looked at Ricky. "Are you?"
Ricky gazed at him for several long tense moments then shook his head. "No, I won't tell him but you should."
"I can't."
"Do you have any idea how confused he is right now? Seth has been gay his entire life and now suddenly he finds himself attracted to a woman. Only you're not a woman. Don't you think he would feel better if he knew?"
Nicky shook his head. "It wouldn't matter if he knew the truth."
"It might," Ricky said. "Right now he's so confused he doesn't know which way is up. For the first time since I've known him he's questioning his sexuality, what he wants, who he is. Knowing that he's attracted to you and that you're really a man might make a big difference to him."
"I—"
"You're a man?"
Nicky's eyes widened as he looked over to see Seth standing in the bedroom doorway. He felt his face pale at the dark look on the man's face, the tight lips and clenched fists. Seth was pissed.
"I wanted to tell you but I—"
"You fucking asshole," Seth growled as he stalked across the room.
Nicky started backing up, fear racing through him. He knew nothing of Seth Leighton beyond what Elliot had been able to dig up. He had no record of being violent but Nicky couldn't tell that by the angry look on his face.
"You lied to me," Seth said. He sounded so angry, but Nicky could hear hurt underlying his rage. "This entire time you lied to me. You knew I was attracted to you and you continued to lie to me."
"No, Seth, you don't—"
"Get out!" Seth growled menacingly as he pointed to the door. "Get the fuck out of my house. I never want to see you again. Don't stop me in the hallway. Don't call my name. Don't think about me. I don't even want you to acknowledge that I'm alive. I want nothing to do with you."
Nicky quickly looked over at Ricky, hoping he might help but he just shook his head. "You're on your own, honey," Ricky said. "You got yourself into this mess. You get yourself out of it."
Nicky's shoulders slumped. He looked at Seth again, hoping he might be able to get through the man's anger but the thunderous look on his face told Nicky that it was a lost cause. Seth was too angry to forgive him.
Nicky walked to the door and opened it. He paused for a moment, turning his head until he could see Seth's feet. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Nicky jumped when he heard a loud crash against the door as he closed it behind him.
He turned and stared at it for several minutes before walking back to his apartment. He closed his apartment door quietly behind him and sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands.
Nicky squeezed his eyes closed to keep the tears in them from slipping free. This sucked on so many levels. He liked Seth, really liked him. The few times that they talked were great. Nicky could easily see himself getting involved with the man, if Seth didn't hate him as he obviously did now.
Nicky jerked when his cell phone went off. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it, surprised to see Elliot's number on the caller ID. The detective never called unless it was something important.
"Hello, Elliot," Nicky said, hoping his voice sounded somewhat normal. "What's up?"
"Nicky, I don't want to freak you out but I think Morales knows where you are."
"What?" Nicky jumped to his feet and began pacing around his living room. "But how? We didn't tell anyone where I was going. I didn't even tell my mother."
"I know, Nicky, and I'm not positive. It's just a feeling."
Nicky pushed his trembling hand through his hair. “Fuck, Elliot, don't scare me like that."
"Look, Nicky, I just want you to take extra precautions. Keep your doors and windows locked at all times. Don't let anyone in that you don't know. Don't go anywhere unless you have to. Be aware of your
surroundings."
Nicky laughed. It sounded bitter even to his ears. "Guess that means I won't be getting drunk tonight."
"Nicky, are you okay?" Elliot asked. "You sound a little funny."
"No, I'm not okay… but I will be."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Seth found out I'm not a woman," he said quietly.
"I take it that it didn't go well?"
Nicky laughed again. "No, not unless you call him telling me he never wants to see me again going well."
"Oh, Nicky, I'm sorry," Elliot said. "You really liked this guy."
"Yeah, I did." Nicky rubbed his face then dropped his hand. "But I guess it doesn't matter now."
"Maybe when this is all over you can explain it to him," Elliot said.
"I don't think it would make a difference, Elliot. You didn't see how angry he was, how hurt." Nicky shook his head. "No, he doesn't want anything to do with me and I can't say that I blame him. I lied to him."
"You had to, Nicky, you know that."
"Fuck! Maybe it would have just been easier to let Morales catch me."
"Damn it, Nicky, you know that's not true. If Morales gets his hands on you he's going to kill you. There is no other option. You saw him kill Juan in cold blood. You're the only witness to the crime. He has to kill you before you can testify."
"Yeah, I know but this is all just so hard."
"I know, Nicky, believe me. But Morales needs to be put away before he kills someone else and as long as he's on the loose, you're never going to be safe. We need to put him away."
"I guess you're right."
"You know I am, Nicky."
"I just hate being alone," Nicky said, his voice breaking. He knew he sounded needy but he was. "I miss all of my friends. I miss my family. You're the only person I talk to. Hell, the other day I was grateful that Mrs. Ferguson stopped to talk at me, and she was chewing me out."
"Do you want me to come out for a few days?"
"No, Morales would probably just follow you out and then we'd both be up shit creek."
Elliot chuckled. Nicky gripped the phone harder. He wanted to beg Elliot to come out so he could see a friendly face, someone he knew, but he also knew that would be the worst idea he had. It was better this way, no matter how lonely he was.
"I'll be okay, Elliot, I'm just going to go to bed and see if I can start this day over again."
"You do that," Elliot said. "And remember that you're not alone, Nicky. There are people out there that care about you."
Nicky said goodbye. He closed his phone and looked around his apartment and wondered where those people were because they weren't here with him. He was completely alone.
CHAPTER 5