My Heart be Damned (9 page)

“It’s your birthday soon...whoa – what happened to your face?”

I slammed my locker shut and sucked in a deep breath. The next day, the bruises had disappeared, but the cut hadn’t yet.

“I fell down the
fricking
stairs,” I lied. “I never thought I’d say that.”

Mercy scratched her head and raised an eyebrow. “You expect me to believe that? Something really weird is going on with you,
Amerie
.”

“What? Like what?” I asked, my voice was slightly shrill with panic.

“I
dunno
. Like, you’ve changed. Not personality wise, but all these little things. Like, you’re all strong now and really good at sports. Last year, you couldn’t catch a cold, let alone a ball. And you seem as though you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time.”

Though it shouldn’t have surprised me, I
realized
that Mercy had actually been paying attention. It made me love her more than ever, to know she’d caught on to changes in my life. Not that I could explain it.

“I
dunno
. Guess I just developed hand-eye coordination late. And you know things at home aren’t great. I’ve had to grow up a lot.”

“Yeah, I get that what happened has been hard for your family, but I’m talking about physically. Like the time that Sarah called you an orphan and you punched a hole all the way through the wall. That’s not normal,” she said, walking to our first class.

“Adrenaline?”

“Whatever,
Amerie
. It’s totally not. I’m gonna change the subject before this becomes a big deal. So, your birthday is soon. What’re we doing for it?”

“I don’t want to do anything for my birthday,” I said, ducking into the classroom and hoping she’d drop the subject. “And anyway, it isn’t for like a month.”

“
Erm
, I think you’ll find it’s in nineteen days. Really not a month.”

I turned to give Mercy a pointed stare just as Sam sat down in front of us. He swung around on his chair so that his legs were on either side of the back.

“You wanna do something for
Amerie’s
birthday?” Mercy asked him before I could stop her.

“When is it?”

“End of the month.”

“As in Halloween?” Sam asked, incredulous.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, laugh it up. My birthday’s on Halloween. I already know I’m a joke, don’t rub it in.”

Sam and Mercy exchanged looks of wariness.

“What’s up?” Mercy asked, nudging me.

I shrugged, subtly edging away from her. “Nothing.”

“You’re in a foul mood. So tell me why.”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I answered.

It wasn’t a lie. All night I dreamt of the Damned I hadn’t killed – the ones still after me for whatever reason. My brain produced scenario after scenario. Different ways in which they defeated me just like the ones that had killed my mother. And I was scared. I couldn’t stop picturing all the ways my mother may have died.

At the hospital, they wouldn’t tell me much. Just her cause of death – blood loss. My dad wouldn’t let me see her body, so I had no closure on her death at all. Had she met a Damned and lost the fight? Did he stab her with her own knife? Slit her throat? Had it been a group of them? Had they held her down, and then done other horrible things to her, before they took her life?

I knew that thinking about these things was only going to drive me crazy. There was no way I could find out what had actually happened that night without tracking down the Damned who had killed her. How the hell would I find that out if they were even still alive? I kept imagining that the way that I would die would be exactly like my mother’s death. How ironic that I wouldn’t even know what that was until it was too late.

“Are you working tonight?” Sam asked.

“No, but I’m not in the mood to do anything. I’m just gonna stay here after school, go to the stables for a while, clear my head. That okay?”

“Sure,” Sam quickly said. “I was only wondering.”

“Meanwhile,” Mercy started. “We’ll get started on your birthday plans.”

I thought about her arguing parents on the brink of divorce and forced myself to try to be on board with Mercy’s birthday plans for me. It was obviously a distraction from her own problems, and who was I to take it away from her?

The teacher started the class, and I rested my head on my hand, trying not to drift off. It would be so easy to slide into a sleep-filled wonderland, but then I might not wake up. So instead, I counted the ceiling tiles, and once I’d done that, I began to scribble on the inside of my workbook. When the bell rang at the end of class, I looked down at my work for the first time. In all different sizes, I’d written the word ‘Seal’.

The end of school couldn’t have come quick enough. I practically jumped out of my chair as soon as the last bell rang, and raced to my locker without waiting for Mercy or Chuck to catch up. Having some alone time had been what I’d most looked forward to all day. Though it was getting chilly outside, if I layered up enough, the weather wouldn’t even matter. Not when it was me, the horse, and as many fields as I could possibly need.

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Mercy said, appearing beside me.

At the look of disappointment on her face, I felt bad. “Aw, I’m sorry, Mercy. But it’s getting closer to that time, and I just need a bit of space. You get that right?”

She nodded. “Yeah, completely. I just thought distraction would be better than moping and wallowing. But it’s cool. We all deal differently, don’t we?”

“Yeah, we do.”

There was an awkward silence between us, so I used the time to grab my duffel bag out of my locker. Once I slammed the door shut, I turned to Mercy and gave her a small smile.

“I’ll text you later.”

“You better,” she said, smiling slightly. “Now I gotta get the bus with Chuck. He’ll probably be flirting with some girl all the way back.”

“Bright side: You’ll be so squashed and blocked in by other people, you probably won’t see it.”

“That’s an amazing bright side,” Mercy said sarcastically. “Anyway, see
ya
. Don’t wanna miss the bus.”

I watched her go, part of me guilty, the other part relieved. Heaving my bag onto my shoulder, I took off in the direction of the playing fields and stables. It was a long and winding route, but as soon as I neared the stables, the smell and atmosphere of a hobby I’d once loved lifted my mood perceptibly.

“
Amerie
! Always a pleasure,” the stable manager greeted me. She opened the wooden gate for me, and I walked onto the stable yard.

“Hey, Fran.”

“What brings you here? Polo isn’t on Mondays anymore.”

“I know. I just wanted to take one of the horses out for like an hour or so. Is that okay?” I gave her my best puppy dog expression. Technically, we weren’t supposed to take the horses out on our own, but Fran and I went way back.

“It’s getting
kinda
late,” Fran said, but I could tell she was wavering. “And it’ll be getting dark earlier.”

“I’ll be back before dark. I promise.”

She relented. “Okay, fine, but make sure you take out one of the seasoned horses,
Amerie
. I know you like taming the wild ones, but if you’re going out alone, I want you to be safe.” She grabbed the ends of one of her blonde plaits and began to play around with the hairs absentmindedly.

“Okay, okay. Take all the fun out of it.” I shot her a grin and made my way over to the changing rooms to change into my riding gear. Then set about choosing a horse.

My
favorite
was a beautiful black gelding called Darker, but he wasn’t available. A quick scan of the yard showed someone else riding him in the sand school. My next best was a temperamental, white mare called Halo. I grabbed a lead rope, unlatched her stable door and her outside so I could begin tacking up.

“Don’t forget your hat!” Fran called as she walked past, arms filled with horse coats.

“Yeah, yeah.” I waited for her to go before throwing my hat into Halo’s stall and climbing up. I didn’t need a hat anymore, even if the school’s insurance demanded I
did. It was highly unlikely that I’d fall – I was good even before I came into my powers.

At first, I took it slow, walking Halo through the big, empty fields and letting the breeze blow my hair back from my face. I stared around at all the nature: rabbits and hedgehogs that would flee at the first sound of me. Wanting to see more wildlife, I steered the horse to a secluded part of the fields, enclosed by trees. Huge trees that bowed at the top and towered over me like an amazing archway. This was one of my
favorite
trails.

I kicked the horse into a canter and lost myself to the sounds of Halo’s hooves, and her steady breathing. We rounded a corner and someone dressed in black stepped out from behind a tree, startling us both. She reared, and my hold slipped. I hit the ground with a hard thud, my head smacking against the tree behind me.

“Oh shit.
Amerie
, are you okay?”

Wincing, I rubbed the back of my head. “You’re definitely stalking me.”

Marshall glared down at me. “I am not stalking you.”

I got to my feet and grabbed Halo’s reins before she thought about galloping off. “Then what are you doing miles from the city and in my school’s private fields?”

“You go to school here?”

I shook my head at him, and in one swift movement, climbed back up on my horse. “Go away, Marshall. I’m gonna report you to the police. What’s the bet I won’t be the first one to accuse you of stalking?” I kicked the horse into a trot and rode away from him.

“
Amerie
, wait!” He jogged up beside us, struggling to keep up. “I need to talk to you. It’s serious.”

“So you did know I went to school here.”

“No, but since you’re here, I should talk to you.”

“And why are you here, then? If you weren’t stalking me.”

“I...I can’t tell you. Not yet. Please, let’s just talk...”

“The only person you need to talk to is a solicitor when I get a restraining order slapped on your ass. Go away. This really isn’t attractive or sane
behavior
.” With a final kick, I urged Halo into a gallop and we left Marshall standing amongst the trees.

An hour later, I was still fuming about Marshall when I
untacked
Halo and led her back into her stable. Only Fran remained, and she looked relieved to see me. Obviously, she wanted to go home.

“Thanks for today,” I said as we walked into the school together. It was always so creepy empty, like a drained swimming pool.

“No problem. I know you’re the best rider in this school. I might talk to your principal about setting up a competition schedule and get you to compete with other riders in the country.”

I grinned. “Thanks. I’d really like that.” I stopped off at my locker, letting my bag drop to my feet. “I gotta grab some books before I leave. See
ya
later?”

“Of course. Get home safely,
Amerie
.”