My Heart Can't Tell You No (58 page)

What was that? Tears? He wondered how many times she had used them to get what she wanted. Did she have tears in her eyes when she told Bob Green she was pregnant and left alone? Did she have tears in her eyes when she returned home from the flood and begged forgiveness? And what about when she informed her husband she was pregnant for the second time with his old friend’s child?

“I don’t think so,” he said simply, moving off the bed to look down at her before going out the door, going to the kitchen for the object that had helped to turn him to this point.

Returning with the knife, he looked down at the beauty on the center of the bed. Even in his drunken state he could feel the intense tightening in his loins as he silently watched her trying to free herself. Her hair was completely tumbled now, its darkness framing the face still unaware of his presence. Her creamy breasts were straining against her bra, a creaminess as tempting to him as mountains of gold. Her figure was perfection, he thought, as he watched her from the doorway; a perfection that increased the tightening in his groin. His gaze moved to her thighs, spread open to him as she tried to move farther up the bed to release herself from her bonds, giving him the sight that was turning his tightness to a heavy throb of need. He looked back to her face, the face he had kissed and held; the face that had been constantly in his memory during their years of separation; the face that had caused him more pain than any other soul in his life; the face that had brought him more joy.

He’d leave her now. He’d done enough. He’d done what he was capable of doing to her. He knew this was nothing in comparison to what she had put him through over the years. But he couldn’t bring himself to do more—not to her—not to his Maddie.

“You useless bastard! Untie me right now!” she growled at him.

The arrogant bitch! Leave her, he would, but not before bringing her down a level or two. She deserved that much. His gaze dropped to the knife he held before slowly moving to the bed where he sat near her waist. He put the blade to one leg opening of her panties, sliding it inside and straining it against the material until it sliced through the lace.

“You tried to kill me out there, Maddie.” His voice was quiet as he slid the blade over her stomach and up to the front of her bra, her movements stopping when she realized she was endangering herself. He reached her shoulders, easily cutting the thin straps. “Or at least that’s what you wanted me to think. Now, you can lay there and think about it yourself. Does Joe want to kill me?” The knife slid back down over her breasts, tossing the material of her destroyed bra aside.
“
Or does Joe just want to play games?” He flicked the other side of her bra off her body and moved down to slice the last bit of her panties as she lay exposed to him. “He could just be playing games—he probably is.” The knife slid across her smooth skin, up to her left breast again, resting just above its center. His eyes followed his movements, then flew up to meet hers. “But there’s always the possibility he figures what was stolen from him is worth it. He could always plead insanity. Or tell them he was too drunk to know what he was doing. After all—why would he want to kill me? I’m his
Maddie
. I’m the woman he’s been in love with all of his life it seems. I’m the woman that stole what I knew he wanted most.”

“Move that knife, you son-of-a-bitch! Or I swear—when you let me go I won’t hesitate to tell Dad and John and Tom. And believe me—you won’t get off with just scratches and bruises,” she threatened as she looked at him with a steady gaze, bringing a low chuckle from him as he placed the knife on the floor, then stood up. “Now untie me and get the hell out of here! You can get the rest of your things in the morning!”

“Do you really think I’m going to leave right now? Sorry, witch, but the spell you cast is a strong one. I couldn’t leave you now if I wanted to—and believe me—I want to.” He pushed his pants down over his hips, freeing himself into a throbbing erection. He removed the pants completely, then moved back to the bed, seeing the anger seething through Maddie as she watched him. He smiled at the way she held her legs together tightly, then tried to move away as he knelt one knee on the mattress. “Don’t be foolish, Maddie. Use your head—you can’t get away.”

“Damn you! I don’t
want
you!”

“No?” He leaned down to kiss her, but when she turned her head, he kissed her cheek then sat next to her. “We’ll see.”

His hand moved to her stomach, lightly tracing a circle about her navel before flattening his palm and bringing it up to caress a breast that hardened beneath his touch. He was only fooling himself when he told himself he could leave without tasting what she was so reluctant to give. He leaned down, meeting the breast with his mouth, taking what he could of its sweetness as his hand retraced its path down her stomach before meeting the softness at its bottom. As his tongue circled the stone hardness of her nipple, he found resistance as she continued to press her thighs together, preventing the access he wanted. His hand found the softness of those curls, probing farther to stroke the bud she couldn’t deny. But although he felt small indications that she was beginning to feel some pleasures from his caresses, she continued to resist him. His decision was based on past experiences with her. He knew how to make her want him just as intensely as he wanted her at that moment. He trailed hot kisses down her chest to her stomach, hearing her whimper as she tried in vain to move her hips away from him. It told him she knew what he was doing. She knew she would become just as helpless as he intended. His hands were on her thighs, using a gentleness that was making her skin begin to quiver as they barely touched her. His mouth moved lower until his tongue probed as deeply as her muscles would allow, but it was far enough; he heard her moaned gasp of defeat and felt her give up her resistance as she spread her legs to him.

He took his pleasure in this act, just as he always did. But how many times had he done this to her, his satisfaction coming with the knowledge of the pleasure he was giving her? How many times had she reached for him in the night to offer the same sort of pleasure to him, filling his heart with love when he had always thought it could hold no more, but forever filling it again? Now it wasn’t his
love
driving him; nor was it the satisfaction of giving her pleasure. It was the knowledge that if she were excited enough she was incomparable in bed, and if he planned on gaining any satisfaction of revenge, he couldn’t stop until he had her completely and verified to her that she wanted him just as desperately.

His lips and tongue moved with her as the sounds she made excited him to the point of near mindlessness. Her hips arched against him, telling him she was ready for his completion. He moved on the bed, kneeling between legs she willingly held open to him. But his mistake for
full
revenge came when he paused before entrance to look down at her. The sight of her with her arms bound to the bedposts tore at him. Never mind that she deserved worse. Never mind that he felt betrayed and used by her. The fact was that he loved her. She was the only woman he had ever loved, and much to his disgust and despair, ever would. As she looked up at him, her eyes held the tears that had threatened to surface earlier. A helpless child was before him. A child he had carried on his shoulders. A child whose spoiled temper he had encouraged and laughed at.

He leaned over the bed quickly, bringing the knife up in a single swoop as he towered over her. He saw only an instant of fear in her eyes as he leaned over her; then a quick understanding replaced it as the knife sliced through the stocking that held her left hand. He glanced at the belt at her other wrist, then threw the knife across the room, back toward the door. He quickly untied the knot, easing the leather through the buckle to free her hand then reaching for her other hand and tearing the remainders of the stocking away.

His strongest desire at the moment was to reach for her, to soothe her, to tell her how sorry he was and that he’d never hurt her again, but for his own salvation he pushed that aside. Reaching instead to her hips, he lifted them and tilted them for his quick entry. The usual slowness for added pleasure was gone. He had released her—that was enough. He heard her small gasp at his unusual roughness, making him look away from her face. If this were to work to his advantage he had to treat her like any common whore. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to envision one of his other lovers—anyone he had lain with—had sex with aggressively—with only his own satisfaction in mind. His was an aggression on the verge of brutality. How many times had the circumstances been reversed, trying to envision Maddie’s face as he tried to lose himself in the arms of other women? How many times had he tried to imagine that he was making love to Maddie just so that he could show an ounce of concern for what he was giving them? The thought opened his eyes as he looked down at her. Her legs were about him, providing the only assistance their position allowed, but an assistance that told him she could take his roughness and with a pleasure that quickened his blood.

“Joe. Please. Let me touch you. Let me help,” she breathed as her hands moved over his arms.

It was his undoing. He released his tight grip on her hips. He almost fell on top of her, his mouth searching for hers as her legs entwined with his and her arms encircled him. God, this felt so right. How could she do this to him? He could have stayed there forever, but as her legs moved up around him and she started rocking against him, his body told him total fulfillment was needed and very close. He pressed his tongue into her mouth, sliding and twisting it with her tongue that answered his passion as she clung fiercely to him. Their hips met with a force unusual for them, an intensity that quickened their pace, not considering prolonging their mating, the need for fulfillment running too strong through them. His hands held her head, his fingers entwining in her long hair as he opened his eyes and looked down at her again. A red flush of passion highlighted her cheeks as her head arched back on the pillow. The spasms of her body around him made him lose his grasp on anything but what was happening to them. As he thrust into her, he knew he was angry with her about something—but exactly what it was, he couldn’t remember. He felt it hitting him, rolling over him as he buried his face against her, pounding into her to release himself in a hot explosion that he had never experienced before.

“Maddie! God, Maddie!” His loud exclamation came as he clutched her shoulders, forcing her down even farther for a final thrust. “Maddie, I love you.”

This final admission was much quieter, his head reeling as he lay on top of her, his breathing labored, his pulse racing. How long did it take for his heartbeat and breath to return to normal? He didn’t know. He was aware only of the arms still around him, the silky legs entwined with the hairiness of his own.

“Joe.” Maddie’s soft voice finally broke through to him, its weariness reminding him of what had happened. “Why did you do this?”

He slowly pulled away from her, staring at her as he moved off the bed. She
was
a witch and her spell
was
strong. Too strong for him. He had to get out if he were to save himself. He continued to watch her as he dressed, seeing how she watched him in return as she pulled the sheet around herself, uncertainty filling her eyes as she examined his face and waited for his answer. He had his jeans and shirt on, deciding he would give her that answer—the same way he had discovered it. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the birth certificates, opening them and holding them for her to see.

“Look familiar?” he asked coldly.

He watched as her face paled; then in a flash she was on her knees, grabbing for the papers.

“Give me those!”

“
No
.” He stepped back, seeing she made no attempt to try again as he refolded them and put them back in his pocket. “They’re mine now. They’ve got
my
name on them—so they’re mine now.”

“How did you get them?” She wouldn’t look at him anymore.

“I’ll buy you a new safe. It seems a crowbar made your old one unlockable.”

Suddenly her eyes flew up to meet his, fright filling them. “Where are the boys? Why aren’t they here?”

“They’re in a safe place. And, like these papers—they’re mine now too. But don’t worry, unlike you, my selfishness doesn’t threaten to keep them from you permanently. Just for a week or two. Then we’ll see about visitation rights for you.”

As he watched her, he knew he couldn’t have hurt her more if he had actually plunged that knife into her heart. But it made little difference to him—she was just getting what she gave.

“You can’t keep them. I want them home!
Now
!” Maddie commanded.

“It doesn’t matter very much to me what you want anymore. But I will tell you this, and God, you better listen close. I’m keeping them for two weeks—completely to myself. You won’t come near them. If you do—I promise you—I’ll leave and you’ll never see any of us again. And if you get close to finding us—I’ll move again. So, if you want your sons—no, I take that back—
my
sons, stay away from them for two weeks. Do you understand that?”

The tears were falling freely now, reminding him of the eleven-year-old who had just lost a brother to war. She was silent as she nodded her head, but slowly her words came to her.