My Hot New Year (3 page)

How am I going to be calm enough to see him tonight?  Meeting in his hotel room?  I'm a soccer mom, who is still long overdue for new lingerie and a good waxing.  It would take a lot more than the snap of the fingers for me to transform into the woman that Jake deserves.  What does he see in ME?  How am I going to meet him with my MOTHER in town?  I open my eyes and reach for the phone.  As my fingers hit the numbers, I remember I have to tell Mom about New York City, too.  This should be interesting.

When Mom answers, I can't say that she seems shocked at my call.

"Hello, Honey.  I'm on my way.  Do you need me to help carry your boxes?  You aren't crying, are you?"

"No, Mom, I'm NOT crying!"  I exclaim sharply.  "I didn't get fired."

"You didn't?  Oh good!" she says with a sigh of relief.  "I never said you would,” she hesitates.  "I just wanted to offer you my support."

My parents watch too much daytime TV and right-wing political talk show hosts.  You know those hosts, the types that make people believe that the President will personally come to their homes in the middle of the night and steal the money they have hidden in their mattresses.  In fact, Mom probably thinks her least favorite Massachusetts Senator is individually involved in my potential job loss.

"Mom, I am NOT getting fired, though, there is some other news," I admit.

"Well, what is it?"  I can picture the panic on her face.

I squeeze my eyes shut and blurt it out.  "Scott is part of an investment group who bought my company."

"Scott?  You don't mean...?"

"Yes…THAT  Scott.  My ex-husband!"

"Oh, dear," says Mom gently.  "Honey, what are you going to do?"

"I don't think I have a choice.  Me and the kids are going to have to move.  They offered me a promotion and a raise to move to New York City," I say reluctantly.

"Oh no..." says Mom in a brittle voice.  "The kids will never see their father, and you will be in that crazy city with all those liberals in charge.  I don't think that's wise."

"I have to have a job, Mom.  This will pay more than what I'm making now, and it will look good on the resume, I suppose."

There's a long pause, and I wonder if we got disconnected.

"Well, why don't I pick you up and take you to lunch and we can talk about this?"

I suppose that's not a horrible idea.  Talking to Mom is probably the best way to calm down, but the problem is that I can't tell her about Jake.  She would flip out and tell me I'm not ready for a relationship.  Just 36 hours ago I was tied up like a porn star.

"I'll be right there,” I respond.

I hang up the phone and stare blankly at my computer monitor, wishing the answers to all of life's questions would scroll across.  Gosh, how did I get myself into this mess?

A slight wave of nausea passes through my stomach.  For just a moment, I consider walking into Jim's office and telling him that I won't accept the transfer.  But even as I'm considering it, I know I'm not going to do it.  I don't even want to acknowledge the fifteen elephants in the room.  I want to forget all about them.  It seems like only 30 seconds have passed until I get a wakeup call.  The ringing of the phone startles me out of my deep denial.

"Hello?"

"Are you ready for lunch?  I'm parked outside,” Mom says.

"I'll be right down," I say and hang up.

Mom really does make me feel safe.  As I walk out to the car, I am feeling lighter.  Relief is starting to sink in.  It's about damn time.  Thank God I have a good family to rely on.  Without them...

Oh…My…God.  Mom is standing outside of the car talking to Scott.  Oh, no!  Stop!!  I hit the door handle in a panic and race outside to be greeted by the sounds of Mom's elevated voice.  Oh, no!!

"My daughter should not have to be transferred to another city, just because you decided that you want to punish her again.  First, you left her for that tramp...Now--"

"STOP!"  I scream.  "MOM!"

They both turn and stare at me angrily.  For an instant I'm paralyzed.  My throat feels dry; my knees are weak.  How am I going to fix this mess?

"Scott, please excuse my Mom.  She's just very concerned about me.  There's no need to fight."

"Oh yes, there is, dear.  He could change all of this, but instead MY daughter and beautiful grandchildren are being forced to move away."

Scott gives an impatient sigh.  All six-feet three of him towers over Mom and me.  He is wearing a suit that I know costs more than his child support payments, and he looks mad…REALLY mad.

"What the fuck are you doing calling home to Mommy?  Seriously, Jillian, you're so unstable that you need to call her to pick you up?  What is this…kindergarten?"

"Please, Scott!  This doesn't need to be so ugly."

"Clearly, you can't handle the pressure.  Maybe my company should rethink keeping you on the payroll at all."

Okay, so much for being nice.  I'm really going to explode now.

"Don't you threaten me!"  I yell.  "Don't you try to turn this all on me!  This was your decision, not mine.  And if you really think that I should be off the company payroll, than I guess we will have to consider alimony payments, won't we?"

And without giving him a chance to reply, I motion to Mom.  We both jump in the car and drive away.  I don't look right, and I don't look left.  I arrive in the passenger seat panting slightly, wondering what just happened.  I swallow hard in my throat.  I lower my head in disbelief.

"Mom!  How could you do that?  Do you know how awful this is for me?  Why would you attack him the parking lot?"  I bark.

She gives me a look of frustration.  Her face is flushed, and her hands are shaking fiercely.  I almost feel bad for her.  I know she's just trying to protect me, but enough is enough.  I look out the window. The only sounds are of my purse rattling against the door.

"Jill -- Jillian," she says shakily.  "This man is trying to destroy our lives.  He can't just march in here and tear everything apart."

"Yes, he can.  He did it once, and now he's doing it again.  But, Mom, I'm a big girl.  I'm going to handle this!"  I yell.

"Okay…okay!”  She reinforces her point by pounding on the steering wheel.  "I know I should have stayed out of this.  You are right,” she concedes.

We slow for a stop light, and she looks over at me.  Her face looks like it did when I had a bad day at school.  I know that she just wants the best for me.

I massage a sudden pain in my right shoulder blade.  Damn stress is getting the best of me.

As she slowly pulls into a parking lot down the street, I point to a deli on the corner.  She nods her head.  This is going to be anything but a nice chat.  We both get out of the car without speaking and head for the entrance.  Joe's Deli is full, buzzing with the lunch crowd.

"Where shall we sit?"  says Mom.

I point to the table in the corner, hoping to keep our conversation as discreet as possible.  The dirt I have to share would make anyone to squirm.

We both slip into our seats, and I lean in to give Mom a heavy dose of honesty.

"Mom, there's something you don't know," I blurt out.

She raises her eyebrows, and I begin to wonder if she can handle what I'm about to unleash.

"I think I'm in love."

There, I said it.

"You are what?"  shrieks Mom.

"Shhhhhh..." I insist.

"With whom?  Jillian, you are walking on the edge of a cliff here."  She shakes her head at me.

"It's really complicated.  But, you have to know that I didn't know who he was when I met him."  I stare at the table, unable to look her in the eye.

“WHO, Jillian?" she demands.

I flinch at the tone of her response.

"Jake Sterns."  I hear myself say.  "My boss.  Scott's business partner."

There's silence, and I'm scared to death to lift my chin.  I feel as if I'm about to be grounded for a month.

"Jillian!  You can't be serious?  You are just one drama after another!  What are you doing with your life?"

Yep, here comes the guilt.  Can I have a side of fries with that?  Gosh, I can't believe my life, even as I'm describing it.  She's right.  It's ridiculous.  Pathetic.  Irresponsible.  To my relief, a tall, dark haired waitress arrives, and I am more than ready for a break from Mom's glare.

"Hi, ladies.  Have you decided what you want?" she asks.

Mom looks up at her and says exactly what I expect.

"I'll just have water, thanks."

That's Mom's code for, “I'm pissed off and there's nothing but anger going down this throat.”

"Make that two waters..."  I say apologetically.

"Okay, I'll be right back with two waters."  She nods and quickly heads for the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm sorry.  I know you are right.  I FEEL like a mess.  I just don't know how all this happened.”

Well, come to think of it, it started with Jake lifting my skirt and bending me over a bookshelf on Christmas Eve.  And then there was something about his tongue licking my...

"You are a mother, Jillian!  Two children count on you to be the most important role model in their lives, and you are going down a path that frankly makes me sick with worry,” she confesses.

"You are right." I gulp.  "I need to think more like you."

Now she's staring at me to see if I'm serious.  This is horrible.  I hate when Mom makes me feel like a misbehaved child.

"I'm glad you understand, because this isn't a conversation I ever want to have again,” she says.

"I understand," I say and swallow.  "The thing is...this guy…Jake is an amazing man, and he isn't like Scott at all."

There's silence between us.  I don't dare look at her face again.

"And how long have you known this man?" she questions.

"Ahhh...long enough."  I say after a pause.  "He actually wants to see me again tonight," I say boldly.

"Really?" she says.  "You think that's wise after all we've just discussed."

At that moment the waitress returns, and Mom continues to stare me down.

"Here's your water, ladies,” she says, politely placing the glasses in front of us.  "Have you decided on anything to eat?"

Perfect timing!  I'm delighted over the interruption, and maybe it will give me a second to come up with an answer to Mom's well-crafted question.

"No, No.  I think we are fine at the moment, thanks," Mom responds.

Oh, boy.  Here we go again.

"Jillian, do you have an answer for me?”

Answer.  Hmmm...what is the proper answer?  I really need to start using my brain instead of allowing my emotions to direct my life.

"Well, you are right.  I should cancel my date with him tonight and start working on all my other problems," I say with stoic confidence.

She looks curiously at me.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes.  I'm completely serious," I say honestly.

Well, sort of...I mean, I will cancel tonight, but that doesn't mean I will never talk to him again, right?

I feel another sudden twinge of fear.  I lean back, full of anxiety over what I've just committed to do, but I know she's right.  I've got the kids to worry about, a new job, and a new city.  Jake is history…rear-view mirror material.  I need to get it through my head.

"I'm proud of you.  You are doing the right thing.  Besides, if this man is going into business with Scott, he's not the kind of man want," she suggests.

I'm gripping my water glass so hard that I think I might break it.  I've got to do something.  I've got to say something to get myself out of here.

"Mom, I think I better get back to work.  I should start taking all of this seriously.  It all starts with a solid plan.  I need to tell my boss I'll take the job in New York."

She gives me a squinty look, begins to open her mouth to speak, but then stops herself.

"It will be okay.  The change will be hard, but we can manage," I say hoping to comfort her.

"I don't think you should go.  I think you should tell your boss that you will be staying in Boston or else," she says with the attitude of a woman who has never worked a day in her life.

"Mom, it just doesn't work that way.  I can't just march in there and tell them what they have to do.  He told me New York is my only option…or I'm fired."  I repeat.

She looks at me blankly.  The more I try to argue the point, the more delusional she will think I am.  Oh, this just isn't worth the fight.  This is just pointless.  She will need to deal with this in steps.

"I don't agree.  Where there is a will, there is a way."

"Okay," I say, trying to gather my thoughts.  "Mom, I should get back to work.  Could we go now?"

"Sure, I understand," she says bluntly.  "Just don't sacrifice yourself and your family for these cold hearted businessmen.  You will regret it. Please, honey."  Her eyes fill with tears as she reaches for my hand and squeezes it.  "I beg you.  No matter what anyone says, I'm one hundred percent behind you." And then she looks at me even more seriously.  "What about you?  Are you sure that you are okay?"

"I'm fine.  I'm fine."

She nods again.  Then she smiles slowly.  "Your father is going to ask what's going on with you.  He asked if everything was all right with you, and I said it was.  But, you are going to have to talk to him."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you," I say, squeezing her hand tightly.  "Now can I get back to work?"

"Sure, but I want you to know I love you, too.  You are going to make a life for yourself, I just know it," she says wistfully, jumping to her feet.

I know she wants to believe that’s true, but I'm not certain that she really does.  As I round the corner toward the door, my smile gradually slips, and humiliation begins to fall on me with each step toward the car.  Of course, the whole thing is ridiculous.  I know I shouldn't care what Jake thinks about my cold feet.  Even so, I have to admit this is going to hurt.  Why haven't I been able to find someone since Scott left?  There isn't anyone else in my life, and Jake's going to be one hard memory to forget.  Telling him that I can't come by his hotel tonight is going to be impossible.  I'd rather have five root canals than go through with it.

Where is Tony Robbins when I need him?