My Love Break (2 page)

DAMIAN

The woman was crying. I didn’t like it but I didn’t know why.

My gaze fixated on her tiny form, one that looked out of place and lost in the Swiss countryside. I saw my brother Leon standing guard over her. I wondered if she was perhaps his lover.

Something inside my gut twisted at the thought.

I was too possessive by far over an employee. Still, her presence soothed me. She often spoke to me about the most mundane things, never really requiring a response.

Coming to from that endless night, the woman was the first person I saw. Her devotion was impressive and my attachment to her was understandable.

I associated her with rebirth and salvation.

Still, I didn’t like the idea of her belonging to Leon. I liked the idea of her belonging to me.

I frowned as a shaft of pain pierced the spot behind my left eye.

“What’s wrong, Damian?” Elaine asked me in Russian. Given her Cold War purpose, her English was as perfect as her Russian, but when we were alone the mother tongue was our preference.

I waved off Elaine’s question. “Nothing.”

My guardian, the woman who’d raised me since I was a newborn, stared at me with an impassive expression. Only I could see the tiny spark of concern twitching once at the corner of her mouth. Compelled, I added, “It’s just a little pain. Nothing much to concern yourself with.”

Elaine gave me short nod. “What happened with Risa?”

Ah. So that was her name? Strange that I didn’t remember hearing it before.

“I don’t know what happened. I just asked her for clarification.”

My guardian’s expression tightened in confusion. “Clarification?”

It was then that I realized I was missing something important. “I’ve forgotten her, haven’t I?”

Elaine’s ice-blue gaze widened fractionally. Her miniscule sign of shock was all the confirmation I needed.

“What do you mean?”

I looked away from Elaine and resettled my focus back on Risa’s faraway figure. She was on the ground now, violently weeping while Leon stood over her stiffly. My gut tightened and my hands curled into two fists.

It seemed wrong for her to be alone with him.

“I asked her who she was. She bolted after that.”

Elaine exhaled softly. Although I wanted to still stare at Risa, I forced myself to turn back to Elaine. It was important to watch for her reactions. The words didn’t matter as much as the reactions. Those would tell me the truth.

“You don’t remember her.”

“No, I don’t.”

Elaine’s expression smoothed over. She was concealing her thoughts from me and I didn’t like that at all.

“Who is she, Elaine?”

“The doctor needs to know about this. We need to determine just how much memory you’ve lost and whether this is temporary. I’ll be back.”

“That can wait. Tell me. Now.”

Elaine answered without further hesitation. “She’s your PA.”

“I don’t employ PAs.”

“Yes, but you decided to employ her. She’s new.”

My PA? I tested it against the frustrating blankness in my memories. If Risa was truly my PA then it would explain why she’d held a vigil by my bedside all this time. However, wouldn’t she had been better served at HQ?

It felt about as right as seeing Risa walking beside Leon.

Our gazes connected. Her soft mouth parted just enough for me to imagine I could see the tip of her tongue. I thought once again to Leon’s uncharacteristic closeness to her.

My half-brother was a cold man and not given to gentleness, much less tears. Although we hadn’t spent much time together throughout the years, I knew enough about him to know that he went through women like one indulged a sweet tooth.

Intensely between long droughts of self-discipline. 

The idea of that luscious mouth and tongue being Leon’s filled me a white-hot rage. For him to hover by her side proved she was important and not a woman to be discarded like the others.

Deliberately, I broke my gaze from Risa’s.

She wasn’t mine to look at even if she was my PA. Besides, why was she by my side to begin with? Where was Gretchen? Did she even know that I was hospitalized?

Gretchen.

I hadn’t given any thought to her until now. This proved what I’d been suspecting for weeks. We were on our way out.

Maybe it had already happened?

My traitorous thoughts slithered back to my apparent PA. I was drawn to her without a doubt, but I wasn’t so much a bastard as to interfere with another man’s woman.

Especially when it came to my brother’s woman.

I don’t even know if she’s his though. I might just be jumping to conclusions.

The pain behind my eye faded enough to let me smile faintly.

RISA

I stopped long enough to visit the restroom before going upstairs. I didn’t let myself think too much on what it might’ve meant for Damian to look away from me the way he did.

Anything could’ve occurred. He might have been speaking to Elaine. A doctor or a nurse could’ve came in. Maybe even a member of his security detail. It didn’t have to be personal.

Yet, it felt personal. It felt like a dismissal and that wasn’t something I wanted Damian to do to me. Ever.

Get it together, Risa. Don’t fall apart again.

Without my purse, there wasn’t anything I could do about my reddened nose and puffy eyes, but I did the best I could. Several splashes of cold water and then I was as presentable as I could be.

I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I was ready to face it. Damian hadn’t given up on me when I’d run from our relationship. I was going to be just as committed to him, especially now that he needed me more than ever.

I wasn’t going to lose. Him, our love, our relationship—all of it. I’d earned them through my tears, devotion, and sacrifice. There was no way in hell I was walking away from Damian.

I was unstoppable when I set my mind to something. Come hell or high-water, I’d hit my goal. That was how I operated in my business and I saw no reason why I couldn’t apply that mindset to my love life.

I just had to believe in us. And I did. I believed in our love, no matter strange it turned out to be.

Opening the bathroom door, I saw Leon waiting for me. I felt awkward in his presence considering the last fifteen minutes. I needed to thank him again before facing Damian.

“Thank you for being there outside. I appreciate it.”

His silver gaze was as cool as ever. “No thanks are necessary. It was my duty.”

I fought the urge to duck my head. I couldn’t help but feel I made his duty that much more unpleasant with all my weeping and wailing.

“Thank you anyways.”

He said nothing so I took off at a fast clip. Not because I was running away from Leon, but because I was eager to get back to Damian.

Reaching the top floor, I hurried even faster when I saw Damian’s mother waiting in the corridor.

She took my disheveled appearance with one glance. Considering her always-immaculate exterior, I was sure it offended but I was just as sure that she didn’t hold it against me. Although she was a woman of few words, Elaine had been the epitome of kindness during the harshness of the last months.

“You know.”

It wasn’t a question. I swallowed, feeling tears prickle my eyes again.

Elaine didn’t offer condolences. “Damian’s with the doctors now. They’re going to do another MRI. They won’t know if the damage is permanent or not—even with the scans. Head injuries are tricky.”

I heard her warning.

“He’s forgotten me.”

“No.” She shook her head once. “He doesn’t remember you. There’s a difference, Risa.”

Comforted by the reminder, I wiped the wayward tears away. “You’re right. Can I go see him now?”

“Not yet. There’s something else.”

Fear tingled in the pit of my stomach. “What?”

“I told him you’re his PA.”

I replayed what she said and still couldn’t believe it. “Why would you tell him that when you know I was definitely not?”

“To give you both time. If Damian thinks you are his PA then you will be allowed to stay with him. Otherwise, we will have no choice but to send you home.”

What an odd way to say it...

“Why couldn’t you just tell him I’m his girlfriend?”

“He doesn’t remember you. He might decide that if he can forget you, then maybe you weren’t that serious to begin with. He’ll dismiss you. If he does remember you later the damage will be done and it will be too late for you both.”

Each cool statement was like a shard in my heart. I drew in a shaky breath while my mind frantically tried to fit the pieces of her logic together. I had to go carefully.

“Thank you, Elaine, for thinking of us. It’s just that I’m not comfortable lying to Damian. You really don’t think it would be better if I just tell him the truth?”

“No, I don’t. Not yet.”

I didn’t want to argue with his mother and potentially offend her, but I couldn’t fully understand her reasoning.

Leon, forgotten by me until then, said something in Russian. Elaine answered back instantly. More than ever did I wish I hadn’t taken French. All I caught was Leon’s “
Nyet
.”

I knew what that meant. Why did he say no?

I wasn’t about to find out anytime soon because Leon turned around and left us without another word. Curiosity itched, but the bulk of my focus was on what I was going to do next.

It was one thing to be forgotten. Another thing to pretend there was never anything between us.

“If I tell Damian about our relationship won’t that help him remember faster?”

“No. It will add another layer of stress that might harm Damian’s long-term healing. We can’t take that chance.”

Once again I heard what she wasn’t saying.

Tell him now and you take responsibility for harming him. 

That obviously wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. But the idea of denying who I was to Damian was repugnant. I wanted nothing to do with it.

“There has to be another way.”

“There isn’t.”

“How can I pretend that he doesn’t mean anything to me, Elaine? I love him with all of my heart. I won’t be able to hide it.”

She settled the full weight of her ice-blue gaze upon me. “It’s because you love him that you will do this. You will hide your feelings and channel it into aiding him until he can remember you on his own. You will hide them
because
you love
him.”

Even though Elaine’s tone didn’t change, I could feel the passion in her words. She spoke from experience. Looking at her, I wondered who she’d loved so intensely.

“And if he never remembers me? What will I do then?”

“Don’t fail.”

That simple, huh?

“You have a lot of faith in me.”

“Of course. Aren’t you the one he picked? Besides, you will make him love you again. You did it once. You can do it again.”

What if I couldn’t? That was just one of my many, many fears. How would I know what to do? I didn’t even know why Damian fell in love with me in the first place.

I spoke aloud to bolster my courage. “I need to keep it a secret. For Damian’s health.” I inhaled deeply. “He needs to concentrate on getting better. He doesn’t need the pressure of me.”

“He
will
remember you, Risa.”

“I hope so.”

“Damian will remember you and he will understand this sacrifice you’ve made for him. You’ll see.”

Although my smile trembled, I’d made up my mind. I’d bury our relationship. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I would do this thing for him.

For Damian.

Now that my mind was made up, I needed to methodically go through the pitfalls I could see.

“I was an Account Executive at my company. I’ve never done admin work before. Damian will probably fire me the first time I forget to put something on his calendar.”

“Don’t forget.”

A wry smile traced across my face. Both of them were so curt and matter-of-fact. The family resemblance was showing again. “I’ll do my best.”

“Besides, I told Damian you were new. You’ll also be his first PA so you have that excuse.”

“He’s never had a PA before? But why?”

“Damian is private.”

That was true. Thinking further, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by it. Damian was very particular and exacting when it came to his work. It was probably easier for him to do things himself rather than risking someone else making a mistake.

Which meant that I would have to be flawless.

My body, deadened for so long, abruptly came back to life.

Unbidden, heat swarmed through me as I remembered kneeling at Damian’s perfect feet as he softly tallied up my infractions and the kind of punishment I’d earned as a result.

A moan worked its way up my throat. Was this the perfect way back to Damian? Would being his PA awaken the same hungers in him? I prayed for it to be so.

Oh, my God. This is what I had been reduced to? A woman hoping and praying for her lover to find fault in her just so that she could feel again?

Yes. A thousand times yes.

The Risa of before had been replaced by a new version, one that would do anything to keep the man she’d come
this
close to losing.

Hope born by desperation, but born nonetheless, flooded me.

Impulsively, I reached up and hugged the taller woman. “Thank you so much, Elaine. I don’t know why you’ve been so kind to me all these months but I’m so glad that you’re on our side.”

She patted me awkwardly on the shoulder. “Damian wants and loves you. That’s reason enough for me.”

Although the words were few, I understood exactly what she meant and appreciated her even more for it. I never bothered to ask her how she knew of my relationship with her son and I wouldn’t ask her now.

I would wait until I got a chance to ask Damian himself.

He’ll remember me. I know it.

I just needed to help him. Even if it meant keeping my silence and becoming someone new.