My Love Break (7 page)

“W-What are you doing?”

“Shh, good girl. It’s okay.”

Damian’s sweet words along with his hand stroking my flushed cheeks was enough to calm me. I leaned into his strong touch, letting my nervousness fall away with each pass of Damian’s hand. I whispered his name.

He answered the question lurking beneath.

“I’m doing this for you, little girl, so you can be free.” His lips pressed sweetly against my brow. “It’s hard for you to let go, especially because you’ve never done it before. That’s why it has to be like this. I’m going to take everything from you tonight, Risa, and you’re going to let me do it. It won’t be easy but you’ll see in the end that it’s better this way.”

Oh God. What would be better? Did he mean about tonight or all of it?

I couldn’t read his face. The darkness suddenly seemed unbearable. I reached up to take the blindfold off. Damian stopped me.

“Talk to me, Risa. Tell me why you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared!”

I lied.

I was scared out of my mind but I didn’t know exactly why. Scratch that. I knew things felt uncomfortable. I was way out of control and if I couldn’t see Damian’s face, how was I going to read him?

Damian’s chiding sounded like a countdown. “Lying is unacceptable, little girl. You’ve already earned a lengthy discipline. Do you truly want to add to it like this?”

I avoided the question and the wicked longing stirring inside me at the quiet threat. “You never explained your rules for discipline. It’s not fair to apply it without going over the rules first.”

I felt Damian’s dry chuckle more than heard it as he lifted me off the bed. “Knowing the rules won’t help you in going around them, naughty girl. Besides, they’re incredibly simple. Do as I tell you. Don’t lie. Always use your words. See? Simple.”

Damian still held me up as he sat down. He sat me upright. I automatically linked my arms around his neck. It was strange but erotic to sit on his lap. I knew I wouldn’t mind repeating the experience many times over.

“I think I can follow those easily.”

“Do you now? Then why are you on my lap, little girl?”

The world tumbled over as I found myself face down over his thighs. My heart pounded, sending the drumming of my heartbeat to echo loudly in my ears. “What are you going to do?”

“Discipline you.”

I licked my lips. A pounding of a different sort appeared low in my belly and between my thighs.

“What does that mean?”

“Exactly what the position implies. I’m going to spank you soundly, my girl. Only when your beautiful ass is red with my marks will I know that you’ve gotten the message.”

Oh my God.

I’d never been spanked before. Not as an adult at least. And definitely not during sex.

“What if I don’t want you to do it?”

Damian took no time in answering. “Then I leave and this is as far as it goes.”

I received the message loud and clear. I just couldn’t believe what it meant.

“If I don’t let you spank me then you won’t see me again? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

Dread joined to beat a tattoo in my brain. “That doesn’t seem fair. You get all the power and I get nothing.”

“I already told you, Risa, I wasn’t going to be easy. I don’t do easy and if you’re with me, neither will you.”

“This isn’t about easy. It’s about fair. You’re controlling everything and that’s not fair.”

Damian’s large hand settled between my shoulder blades. “You’re getting worked up because you’re scared. I can’t help you with that, Risa. I won’t play games with you and then lie about what I really want from you. I’m not going to trick you or seduce you into compliance. What you do with me you do of your own free will. But if a game is what you truly need then I’m sorry to say you’ll never find happiness with me. Is that what you need?”

Need and want splintered. I didn’t know what I needed or wanted anymore. Other than Damian. He was the one constant I could count on craving.

I laid there over his lap silently. Damian did nothing to push me along. His hand stayed motionless.

The seconds ticked by as my mind, heart, and pride battled over what to do. Damian wasn’t going to accept anything less than complete capitulation. I wasn’t sure if I could survive it, especially since I’d just promised myself to keep my heart intact.

“I don’t need the game, Damian. I just need to know...” My throat closed up. I tried again. “I just need to know that you want me.”

“Oh Risa.” It was a sigh that went through both of us. “I can’t help but want you, little girl
.
I can’t imagine anything that will make it stop anytime soon.”

The silence ate me alive. I yearned to hear more from him but Damian, stingy as ever, kept me dangling.

“Damian, I...ah...” I was suddenly grateful for the blindfold. “I am scared about losing control to you. I’m scared about a lot of things actually. But I do want this...I want you.”

And I want everything I can get from you—even the things that scare me.

He exhaled. “Do you submit to me?”

I tensed my muscles as if to spring off his lap. I felt the subtle shift beneath me. But would Damian keep me or let me go? I knew what would come next would change the course of us—good or bad.

Answering him would strip me naked, far more than I already was. But I knew my answer.

“Yes.”

Damian carefully moved my hair off my shoulder. He kissed the nape of my neck gently. The tenderness of his gesture brought me a sense of contentment. Everything would be worth it. I would do anything for him just so that he’d continue kissing me like I was the only woman that mattered. 

Lost in a tide of pure emotion, I could barely rein in the soft words of devotion yearning to tumble from my lips.

I love you. I love you so much. I’ve never felt this for anyone ever before. I’ve never done this with anyone before. Please take care of me. Please don’t break me.

“You’re such a good girl to trust me this much, Risa. Thank you.” Damian left a hot, lingering kiss on my shoulder. I could feel him sit up. “I’m going to discipline you now, Risa. It will hurt, but you are not to fight me. You are to take it and be my good girl.”

His expectant air compelled me to answer. “Yes, Damian.”

“So sweet.” He gathered my wrists and crossed them at the small of my back in one hand. I instinctively tested his hold. It wasn’t painful or tight, but I wasn’t going anywhere.

There was a part of me that wondered if I was insane to go along with this. I wasn’t ignorant of BDSM, but only through books. Not in practice. Panic shot to the surface.

“Damian, wait!”

He didn’t sound annoyed or impatient. “Yes?”

“What happens if I cry?”

“It’s not a question of ‘if’, my pretty girl. You
will
cry.”

Dread knotted in my stomach. “Is that because you’re going to beat me, Damian?”

“Absolutely not. I’m not an abuser, Risa.”

Hysterical laughter bubbled out. “Pardon me for being so offensive about the terminology concerning a lover who has me on his lap and is going to spank me until I cry!”

Damian didn’t reply. He simply stroked me all the way from the top of my head to my wrists. I calmed down bit by bit. It was unspoken but clear nonetheless—Damian would wait for me as long as I needed him to. He wouldn’t do a thing unless I gave him my consent.

The flipside of it was I’d also make him leave if I didn’t give into him. Unfair.

I wanted to trust that I wasn’t making a mistake. Damian already entranced me with the unspoken promise of carnal delights that was sure to come.

I could do this.

It was only a spanking. It couldn’t be too bad. This was simply part of the process I didn’t yet understand. I didn’t have to fear it. I could choose to embrace it instead.

Being vulnerable, losing control…being messy.

Even though my blood pounded throughout my body, I managed to keep my voice steady.

“I’m ready, Damian.”

He didn’t ask me if I was sure. He simply tightened his hold on my wrists and said, “You earned three from before. You then lied to me in this room. That is an offense punishable by twenty. I won’t go easy on you just because this is our first session. It would be unkind to you otherwise. Understand?”

“Not really.”

“Good girl.” 

His praise made me happy until I realized he’d set a trap for me. As if he’d heard the outrage of my thoughts, Damian said, “You’re right. It was a trick. I’m happy to see you were paying attention and being honest.”

“Do I get a reward?”

It was only after I asked the question that I wondered if being flippant would also earn another set of strikes. Thankfully, Damian took it in stride.

“Later, little girl. Any other questions?”

This was it. My tummy tingled and my heart quickened. It was like being on a rollercoaster right as the car started its ascent. There was no turning back.

“No.”

“Good.” 

Damian’s hand cracked down across my ass and I let out a yelp. I couldn’t believe how much it already hurt!

Another one fell. And then another. I pressed my body harder against his muscled thighs, seeking comfort and an irrational way to escape the heavy pressure of his hand.

Damian didn’t pause in his correction of me and my offenses even though I squirmed. He remained steady and solid. I took odd comfort from it.

Still by the time we reached to number ten, my legs started kicking out. My eyes burned about as badly as my ass did. He had to stop. I couldn’t handle this much.

“Damian! I can’t!”

He didn’t stop. He simply said, “Yes, you can and you will.”

I yelled loudly. “I can’t! Please.”

“You’re halfway there, Risa. You can do this. I know you can.”

“Damian...” His name came out as a strangled whine.

“Do it for me, Risa.”

Ah. The magic words to switch everything. I was no longer struggling over having something done to me. I was struggling to do something for him.

I gritted my teeth and focused on a mental point. My breathing slowed even as the fire in my tail burned out of control and my legs involuntarily kicked up a storm.

Pain fractured my concentration more than once, but somehow I held on until the very last crack.

“Done.”

My breath came out in a loud sigh of relief. I survived. Then the floodgates broke.

Ugly tears erupted from me in a humiliating torrent. Gasping sobs threatened to choke me.

Damian immediately sat me up and cuddled me close. I was afraid he’d remove the blindfold, so I buried my face against his chest. I didn’t want him to look at me. Not yet.

My ass throbbed with each breath. Damian’s warm hand pet my back, paying special attention to the hot and achy parts of me he could reach.

“There, there. Cry it all out, little girl. Let it all go. You’ll feel so much better once it’s over.”

Gentle and sweet. Two words I would’ve never imagined giving to the man who’d just spanked me like a naughty child.

Shifting gingerly in his lap, I felt the hardness of his cock straining beneath my thigh. He hadn’t been unmoved by me at all. Desire slammed into me, drenching my folds until I was sure he’d feel it.

My bottom may have been spanked thoroughly but my feelings for Damian was definitely not those of a child.

Trapped in the darkness, my thoughts circled about.

What’s happening to me? Am I wrong to go along with this? What does it say about me that I was even willing to try this?

Confused by the conflicting emotions firing off between my body, brain, and heart, I let out a ragged sob.

“Why did I let you do this?” I warbled pitifully into his naked chest.

“You let me do this because it would please me.”

“A blowjob would please you too.”

I expected him to dump me on the bed or at the very least, pull off my blindfold to give me a chilling glare. Instead, he laughed and kissed my ear.

“Yes, that would please me too. But not as much as this.”

Damian’s arms tightened immediately around me. I felt safe and secure, treasured and adored. I also received my answer. I would suffer a hundred smacks of his hand if I could get this afterwards.

“Did I…did I do well?”

Damian didn’t take his time and stretch my nerves to their breaking point. Neither was he coy.

“You took your discipline so well. You submitted to me beautifully. Risa, I’m so proud of you.”

I hugged him tightly, sobbing loudly against his chest. I did it. I made him proud of me. I proved to him through my sacrifice that I wasn’t a mistake. I could make him happy.

I was a
good girl
.

Damian didn’t seem unnerved or uncomfortable by my loss of emotion. His comfort was there. His voice remained a gentle beacon for me to sway towards.

“Shh, Risa. I’ve got you for as long as you want. I’m here, little girl. I’m here just for you. Always.”

Overcome, I let out another choked cry. He was right. It felt good to cry, to release all the tension in my body. Damian kept his word, hugging me as if I had all the time in the world to receive his comfort.

Eventually, I wound down. The pain had already dulled even though my skin felt hot and splotchy. This was definitely a new experience and one I’d never dreamed I would accept, much less actively agree to.

Frightening. Strange. Arousing.

Blindly, I rubbed my cheek against his skin. Soon I kissed the spot beneath. I felt Damian’s response like a jolt. It was electric. Entranced by his response, I did it again, this time letting my tongue curl out to taste his skin.

He groaned softly in my ear.

I opened my mouth wider. Damian’s skin tasted so good. My tears stopped. Everything was all right. In fact, it was better than all right. I was here with Damian.

I’d won him over with my pain and I liked it.

If that made me fucked up, well, so be it.