My Mind's Eye (Pub Fiction #1) (14 page)

“Now, about last night. Tell me, tell me. I am dying to hear all the details from start to finish,” she says, nudging my arm and raising her eyebrows in a suggestive manner. I laugh her off as she continues to torment me with her sharp elbow. “Did you get to work close to Ryker? Do you need me to hook you up, or did you get in on your own? Will you be paying off the saved-your-snatch-debt?” she crows.

I can’t help but laugh at her by this point.

“Could you now be preggers with what would be the most adorable baby ever?

“Oh, my God, Claire. Let’s slow things down a bit, eh? It was one shift and we barely spoke,” I tell her, thinking how she’s going to flip when she finds out what really happened last night. She will totally lose her shit when I tell her about Seth showing up. Claire hates Seth with a passion because of the way he treated me and how he still won’t leave me alone. I decide to talk about the shift itself first.

As I get ready to tell her all about my night, I think back on how his touches made me feel, as well as how incredible he was with the whole Seth incident. I can no longer deny how badly I want Ryker. No longer deny it to myself, or to my best friend. More so now after the way he helped me with Seth and how he cared enough to stop by to make sure I was okay. But still, I’m scared to go down that path. He’d be no good for a girl like me. I’m not the one-night stand type, and I have a feeling that the more I get to know him, the more I’m going to want to keep him, which is not something he does. Ryker doesn’t do relationships.

“The shift itself was both hectic and a lot of fun. I have to admit, I might have overreacted about the uniform after all; it appears to have its uses. I can’t believe how much I’ve been making in tips! I actually told Levi the other day not to bother ordering me the new size.”

“Oh, yay, I’m glad. See, I’m all-knowing it would seem, eh?” she gloats.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’re a savant, but I have to tell you, you were totally right about working Fridays, Claire. Friday nights are crazy, and I was like the shiny new toy; all the boys wanted a shot from the new girl,” I say.

“I knew you’d come to appreciate the look. You need to listen to me more often, lady. When will you learn that I’m always right?” she adds.

I give her another ‘yeah, yeah’ response, then decide to woman-up and finally tell her about the interesting part of my shift. The part I have been dying to share with her since she walked through the door this morning. I need to tell her what happened with sexy honeybutter after a six hour shift, one that was filled with sexual tension and recurrent thoughts of Ryker that were leaving me weak in the knees and wired as I hustled around the bar all shift. Then I tell her how I’ve been thinking about it all night along with the now-constant movie reel replaying highlights of the staff room incident over and over in my head, and how I am no closer to figuring out what the fuck happened than I was before. I need Claire’s advice. I know she jokes, but she really can be a great sounding board when I need her to be, and right now I need her opinion and guidance on how to proceed. All I have so far is that I’d like to have Ryker mount me like that again…but
naked
next time.

“Jesus, Kitty Kat, that is sexy as hell. I can’t believe you didn’t pass out with him staring at you practically naked. I guess you’ll be checking the door like a person with OCD now, eh?” Claire says, and I can’t help but laugh nervously because she’s right on both accounts.

“I don’t know what the hell was going on,” I tell her, exasperated. “I was just too stunned. Then I was trying to play it off all cool, and, well, you heard how well that turned out,” I say, making a pouting face, and she just smiles.

“Well, chicka, once again, I’m proven right. I did tell you that you’re one hot piece of ass, and I’m sure seeing that rack of yours in your little lacy bra only helped Ryker to react like that when he opened that door. I can only imagine his face; I would have loved to have seen both of your faces, actually.”

As we chat a bit more, she is a perfect ear. She listens to everything I tell her and reassures me it will all work out. She convinces me that my little tantrum is the last thing Ryker will remember.

“Now speed it up.” She taps my knee as she rocks up and down with excitement while sitting on the couch. We’re now facing each other, and she’s pushing me to move on to the good part. “Okay, enough shop talk, I wanna hear how Mr. Mountain o’ Sex ended up on top of you. I cannot believe you didn’t start with that shit, now go. Eeep, this is killing me. I’m glad you worked for me last night. But before we go on, I need to take a quick pause to ask a very important question. One I really need you to consider, okay?”

“Oh no, do I really want to hear this, Claire? You are being way too giddy about this,” I reply, my voice skeptical.

“Well, because it’s clear it’s inevitable.” She grins at me before continuing. “Well, are you going to tap that?”

Oh brother, this girl is way too much sometimes, but, unfortunately, I can’t help but roll my eyes while I scowl at her. “Ah, Claire, just a reminder: You’re a girl. I don’t think we call it ‘tapping that.’”

“Meh, equal rights,” she replies, rolling her hand impatiently. “Get on with it.”

I continue with the part I consider the
good stuff
, the part where my arms are pinned above me with Ryker whispering in my ear:
You smell too fucking good, baby. Jesus, you are…

“Wham! There it is! The part I couldn’t make out,” I say, louder than I intended to. I’m clearly more affected than I was hoping to let on to Claire, but I can’t help it. I’m pretty giddy and radiating excitement. I’m not going to be able to deny it anymore. There will be no more trying to hide and deny my real feelings on the subject of hooking up with one Ryker Eddison. My voice has started to fluctuate all over the place. “And, that’s all I got.” I’ve been trying so fucking hard to guess what the last word he whispered in my ear had been before he bolted out the door.

“Fuck, that is hot, Kat, but why didn’t you hear what he said? I mean, he was whispering words into your ear, how the hell didn’t you hear? You’re killing me!” Claire states, annoyed.
I’m killing
her
, ha!
Meanwhile, I’m dying a little inside.

“Damn it, I know. But it’s like as soon and I heard him call me ‘baby,’ I melted. It was like that word and his growling tone caused me to short circuit. Maybe he was mumbling, or maybe it was just that him growling ‘baby’ like that caused me to go half-deaf at the worst fucking time, and that’s why I didn’t hear the last word?” I say with a long, deep sigh, now restlessly prowling around the living room.

I’m not a virgin by any means, but sex has always been very…
vanilla
. “Vanilla” seems to be the term everyone uses to mean
boring
, right? So, yes, it’s definitely been vanilla. Vanilla in the sense that it has never been an all-consuming, ‘I need you
now’
kind of act. Sex for me has always happened when I was in more of a relationship situation, never one-night stands, and it’s been mostly plain old missionary, which is sweet, I guess, but not how I imagine it would be like with a man like Ryker. God, just thinking about Ryker evokes a kind of wantonness I’ve never felt before.
Jesus.

“I’m not really sure why it’s hard for you to understand why I can’t be sure what he said to me. I mean, after all, Ryker was pinning me down, whispering in my ear. You try having that man pin you down like that and see how much you can focus.”

“Relax, Kat. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think you liked it and wanted more,” she taunts and smirks at her.

“What the fuck did you expect to happen? A girl can only take so much, you know. I think my brain just shut down. Fuck,
look
at him!”

It doesn’t go unnoticed that I have now let on just how much into Ryker Eddison I might be.

Claire starts bouncing up and down on the sofa, and squeals, “ERMAHGERD, O-M-G! Kitty Kat, you soooo want to tap that! I knew it! You little lying bitch! I knew it. You can’t deny what’s written all over your face. Hellooooooo! Kitty Kat needs her catnip, people.” God, I love to hate this bitch sometimes. My bestie howls and holds her stomach as she enjoys my squirming way more than is strictly necessary.

Part of the problem I have with admitting to Claire that, yes, I might be finally warming up to the idea of having a one-night stand…and with
Ryker
, is that I’m inexperienced. I’m nervous and not really sure how to even go about it. I’ve never been that type of girl. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging. It’s not that I think one-nighters are wrong, it’s more that I’m not sure I could pull one off. Truthfully, I’m not sure I’m built to be the ‘love ’em and leave ’em kind. I think I’m too much of a stressor to not allow my emotions to become involved when I think I’ll always want more than a one-night stand. Besides, I kinda really like the idea of being wooed and all that fluffy stuff that I’ve never had. I’ve just always been the relationship type. However, that route hasn’t always worked out for me either; at this point, who the hell knows which is better?

I attempt to get Claire to drop the current topic of conversation, but to no avail. She is relentless about hooking me up with Ryker.

“Claire, Ryker and I haven’t talked much yet. All I know about him is hearsay and rumors and, of course, the weird interactions we’ve had, but I admit that, yes, there is something there. I do feel it. You were right. I think we might be great together. Even if it’s…if it’s just for one night. But the hard part for me, Claire, is can I do one night?” I ask, leaving it in the air.

“You little minx,” Claire shouts, but then looks me in the eye, like really looking at me for the first time since all this shit with Ryker started, realizing I’m considering all the facts. She’s looking at me like she’s really contemplating my words, her words, and the situation. Like she knows I might be about to make one of the biggest changes to myself, and it’s with her help. I just smile as she watches me in silence for a few more minutes.

Then I take a deep breath and get ready to tell Claire about the next part.

“But before we keep talking about Ryker, I need to tell you what happened after work. And I need you to stay calm. It’s not really a big deal, but—”

She cuts me off immediately. “Fuck that, Kat, what the hell happened? You never start like that unless it’s something big or something bad. Just tell me, but you know I can’t promise not to react.
Pssht
, please. You know better than to ask that shit of me.”

“Okay. It was Seth. He showed up after work. He was waiting for me at my car,” I say, broaching the subject of Seth with a calm voice, trying to show her I’m okay. Because, honestly, I am. Other than a few texts and phone calls, this was Seth’s first time showing up in person; well, as far as I know anyway. And I’m pretty confident that after Ryker talked to him, it will be the last.

“What the fuck! What a shitface douchebag!” Claire yells, pacing the living room now. She’s going on about what an ass he’s always been and how I need to call my dad and Wes so they can deal with him once and for all. She hates Seth and always has. Claire tried to tell me how he was a controlling asshole, but of course, I was too blind to see it.

Once she calms down, she makes me repeat the Ryker parts over and over. I swear, she’s getting a kick out of this now. Hearing how Ryker is a hero, how Seth got shut down, and blah, blah, blah, yes, yes, he is a pretty fucking hot—all hero—caveman of a being.

“Now tell me again, please, why the hell—after last night—you aren’t convinced this could work with this hunk of a man? I mean, he came to check on you, Kat. Come on, that is major swoon.”

Putting my hands up in surrender, I cave and tell Claire my true thoughts about him.

“Yes, Ryker Eddison does seem to have some sort of powerful pull on me, one that is starting to make me and my lady bits go crazy, and I’m realizing that, yes, maybe there is more to him than the player status. And, yes, seeing him last night has heightened his likability, a lot. He was all superhero-like, swooping in to save me from that asshead, and it was pretty fucking sexy.”

“Shit, yeah, that is such a sexy visual. I can picture him being all hot and seething. Now to think of a name and design his costume.” She strums her hand on her chin as if contemplating this. “Nah, but honestly, Kat, I really think you should just go for it, just put yourself out there and take a chance for a change. You can do it. You know deep down you want to; shit, I can see it written all over your face.” I sigh, preparing to share my final decision with her.

“With all this having been said, I’ve been thinking, and I really need you to really hear me now. Are you listening, Claire? Because this attraction, these feelings are something I will be
ignoring
. Us hooking up is something that will never happen. I need to focus on other things, like school and work. Besides, I’m really not build for that kind of relationship. It can never happen. It won’t ever happen. In fact, I will deny having
ever
felt attracted to him from this point on. I felt what I felt, but in the end, I know he’s just a player, and so I’m going to leave it alone.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, and smiles. “I completely understand, Kat.”

“
Claire,
” I draw out her name after seeing her sneaky smile. “I mean it, you got me? Please. Listen to me for once. I will not be, like I’ve said before, another notch on his bedpost. I refuse.” I go on, rambling now.

Claire just stares at me, smirking.

“For real, Claire Bear. I need you to tell me you understand. Seriously.”

Smirk
.

“Honestly, Claire, I don’t want to have to worry that you’re saying stuff to Ryker about me—and how we should hook up—when you’re working together.” I sigh and stare at her, waiting for confirmation. “Okay?”

“Argh, okay, I got you, Kitty Kat, don’t you worry. I gotcha loud and clear,” she sasses back at me, her eyes shining with mischief, brows raised with interest. “But I can thank him for coming to your rescue,” she taunts before she says good day and heads to her room for a nap.