My One and Only (9 page)

“The odds are against them, Father.”

“No, dear. The odds are actually in their favor. One in three might divorce, but that means two in three don’t.”

“Have you run the stats on how many marriages last when the bride and groom have known each other for a month? I bet they’re higher than one in three.”

“I’m trying to reassure you, Harper. You don’t make it easy.”

“Oh. Thanks. Sorry.”

There was another silence. “Have you seen your ex-husband?” the good father asked. “Yep.”

“How was that?”

“Crappy, Father. Extremely crappy.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

I glanced at my watch, did the time adjustment. “You have bingo tonight, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“I’ll let you go. Thanks for listening.”

“It’s what I live for. Call me tomorrow, all right? I want to hear how you’re doing.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Have fun. Hope you win big.”

I put my phone back in my purse and sighed. Lay back on the rock, using my bag as a pillow.

It would be nice to cry, I mused. Normal people cried and they always seemed to feel better. But, as I was apparently stunted, crying wasn’t my thing. And, case in point, if I were crying now, I wouldn’t be able to see these stars. Well worth seeing, holy cow. They swirled above my head, the Milky Way in all its vast magnificence spreading out against the deep purple sky. A meteor shot across the sky and was gone, just like that.

Maybe I should move out here. Become a cook on a ranch somewhere…not that I cooked very well. Okay, well, I could…divorce people. All twenty-nine people who lived in Montana. Clearly, if I was going to run away, I’d need some life skills. Maybe I could become a cowboy. Just me and the cattle and my trusty horse, whom I would name Seabiscuit.

Running away…it had its appeal, that was certain. Times like this, I could almost understand doing it. Let the record reflect that Dennis would find another woman in a matter of hours. I had no illusions about that. He loved me, sure, but he was a guy. He might miss me, but he’d find someone else, and fast. Hard to avoid, the way women threw themselves at his head or groin or any other body part they could aim for.

As for BeverLee and Dad, they wouldn’t miss me too much. Kim would, but she’d befriend whoever moved into my house, just as she’d befriended me. Willa would call occasionally, maybe swing through on her travels like a bit of milkweed seed, cheerful and light. Father Bruce would find other souls to save. My coworkers would replace me, only mentioning me once in a while when a dusty postcard arrived from Bearcreek or Grass Range.

The sky seemed to settle around me like a giant blanket, comforting and soft and unspeakably beautiful. Somewhere—hopefully very far away—a wolf howled. The wind rustled the long grass, and the nighttime sighed with pleasure.

Dennis would be sound asleep, as once he was horizontal, he generally fell unconscious in a matter of seconds. Willa and Christopher were probably wrapped around each other, gazing with adoration into each other’s eyes. BeverLee and Dad, best not to go there.

Nick…I didn’t want to think about Nick anymore.

And what was my mother doing tonight? I wondered if she could tell when I thought of her, if there was some primal tingle that touched her heart or brain or uterus.

Probably not. After all, she’d left me the day I turned thirteen. I hadn’t heard her voice since. She wasn’t dead, that I knew. In fact, though roughly a thousand miles separated us, I was at this moment closer to her than I’d been in decades.

For whatever that was worth. But under this arching, velvety sky, my heart sore from seeing Nick, it was hard not to want my mother.

CHAPTER SEVEN

T
HE NEXT DAY
—F
RIDAY—BEGAN
with a females-only breakfast. The men were off fly-fishing, which would’ve made Theo happy. I had to admit, it was nice not to have to deal with Nick. I liked to have at least two cups of coffee before picking relationship scabs, after all.

After the meal, BeverLee, Willa and I went upstairs to the small suite where Willa was staying so the bride could try on her dress, which had obviously been bought in haste. For all my reservations, a lump came to my throat at the sight of her, looking like the proverbial fairy princess in the layers of puffy white. Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “I just know this one will take,” she said.

“Of course it’ll take! Of course it will! Third time’s the charm, just look at your mama, right, sweet knees? Inn’t that right? Jimmy and I, well, we couldn’t be happier!” BeverLee darted a nervous glance at me, then refocused on her only child. “Oh, my! You’re prettier than a spotted pup, bless your heart! I just love weddings!” She rustled in a bag and knelt at Willa’s side, tucking up the hem of the dress and pinning it. The gown was a little long, but BeverLee had always been good with a needle.

“Aside from the obvious, Wills,” I said carefully, “um, what is it that you love about Christopher?”

“Oh, Harper, he’s so dreamy!”

“Okay, maybe something a little more…solid?”

“Nothin’ wrong with dreamy, Harper,” BeverLee chided. “Your young Dennis, he’s pretty easy on the eyes, if you know what I’m sayin’.” She paused in her pinning. “Not to mention how handsome that ole Nick is.”

I resisted hissing. “Right. But BeverLee, we hardly know Chris. I’m just asking about his qualities.”

Willa glanced at me in the mirror. “He’s really smart. And so creative! Did you hear about the Thumbie?”

“I
know
I’ll use mine
all
the time,” BeverLee said staunchly around a mouthful of pins. “I’ll buy a whole pack! Willard, hold still, sugar, I need to fix this hem, it’s all catty-whompus.”

“And what else?” I asked mildly. “Has he ever been married before?”

“Nope. Never married.”

“Does he know about your…um…other ventures into matrimony?”

“Sure! Of course! I think we covered that in the first hour,” Willa said happily.

“Is he hardworking?”

“Definitely. But you know, most of his work goes on up here.” Willa tapped her temple. Super.

“Will he be working at a job where he gets paid?” I asked sweetly. “You know, financial disagreements are a leading cause of—”

“Harper! Darlin’! You just don’t know how to let go and let God!” BeverLee cried, shooting me a sharp look. “Now Willard, go and change, honey. I’ll get that hem up lickety-split. Brought my Singer for just this reason.” Willa slid out of her dress, then gathered her clothes and went into the bathroom. “Harper Elizabeth, don’t you rain on your sister’s parade!” my stepmother hissed. “Did anyone lecture you on your wedding day? Huh?”

“Well, no, Bev, but looking back, maybe someone should have. Given how things turned out, remember? And today’s not the actual wedding day. We still have till tomorrow to talk some sense into her.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “BeverLee, I’m not saying that Christopher isn’t a good guy. I’m just saying they should take some time.”

“How much time? Two and a half years, honey? I don’t see no ring on your finger.” She shoved her fists into her ample hips and raised a painted eyebrow.

Touché. A pity, because the ring I’d bought myself was bleeping beautiful.

“Willard can make her own choices,” my stepmother said more gently. “Besides, I want grandchildren, and I’m not fixin’ on waitin’ if I don’t have to, and since there’s no bun in your oven, I figure she’s my best bet. Some things are just meant to be, and there’s no point in wastin’ time.” She finished pinning the dress and stood up. “Now turn that frown upside down, missy. We got horses to ride.”

A
N HOUR LATER
, I
WAS
eyeballing my horse, who was not named Seabiscuit and certainly did not look like he could come from behind to win a race or, in fact, make it out of the corral, as he was too busy dying.

“Is this horse really okay for me to ride?” I asked the person in charge. Alas, the person in charge wasn’t a rugged cowboy with gentle laugh lines and dusky blue eyes, as I had imagined…nope. She was maybe eighteen years old, tattooed and pierced, full of eye-rolls and exasperated sighs.

“Yeah,” she said, stretching it into two syllables of clearly hard-won patience. “The horse is fine.” She had a slight lisp from the stud in her tongue. “So like, okay? Can you, like, get on, or do you, like, need help?”

“I’m fine,” I said. “It’s just…Bob…” And that was another thing. Bob? Bob the horse? “Bob here doesn’t look so good.”

“He’s fine. Does this all the time. Been doing it for eons.”

“Yes, that’s clear,” I muttered, but she was already gone.

Everyone else had already mounted, and only Bever-Lee had required assistance. Dennis, looking wicked good astride a bay horse named Cajun, exuded a Clive-Owen-as-King-Arthur vibe, despite the fact that he was texting someone. Several of Christopher’s park friends apparently did this all the time and sat astride horses that didn’t seem to have one hoof in the grave. Dad, aboard Moondancer, seemed quite comfortable, reins in one hand, leaning on the saddle horn as if he was about to take a thousand head of sheep up to Brokeback Mountain. BeverLee (steed’s name: Cassandra) appeared less comfortable, despite her Texas roots, her pink studded jeans whimpering at the seams, purple leather cowgirl boots at awkward angles in the stirrups, anxiously patting her overpermed cloud of blond hair. Christopher and Willa had claimed Lancelot and Guinevere and maneuvered their horses together so they could make out, which they were doing quite enthusiastically.

And Nick. Apparently his equestrian-enthusiast father had taught him something about horses, because he looked quite at ease on a black horse, ignoring me and talking with Emily, his employee, whose horse’s name was Sweetheart (please). I wondered if she was more than his employee…she was tossing out a lot of doe-eyed looks and dimpled smiles.
Good luck, kid,
I thought.
My condolences.
Oh, and by the way, guess what Nick’s horse was named? Satan. I know. You’re telling me.

I turned back to Bob, tried to grab the saddle horn and get my foot into the stirrup. Bob may have been at death’s door, but he was still standing, and he was very tall. And wide. And somewhat swaybacked. After four or five tries, in which one foot was trapped in the stirrup and the rest of me was hopping madly to bridge the gap, I finally managed to crawl up Bob’s side and sling my leg over the other side. By now, Bob’s head was almost touching the ground, as he was fast asleep. I gave the reins a gentle tug, which resulted in absolutely nothing.

“Bob? Time to go, big guy,” I said.

“Okay, people, my name is Brianna and I’m your guide today, welcome to Glacier National Park and thank you for choosing Highland Stables,” Brianna called in a long-suffering, well-practiced monotone. “For those of you who’ve never ridden before—” pointed look at me, still trying to wake my steed “—to make the horse go, give a firm kick to the horse’s side, you will not hurt the horse, to make him stop, pull back gently and firmly on the reins, to go left, lean the reins to the left, to go right, lean the reins to the right.” She heaved a mighty sigh. “Everyone set, okay, let’s go, the horses know the way, just sit back and enjoy nature’s splendor, please stay in line and in case of grizzly sighting, do not panic.”

“That’s not very reassuring,” I said to Dennis’s back. “Don’t bears eat horses?”

“They’re probably hibernating. Don’t worry, hon. I’ll protect you.” My boyfriend turned around and tossed a confident grin my way.

I gave a reluctant smile back. “Thanks, Den.” Such a good guy. And maybe me cutting him off was working, because last night had been full of heavy sighs, tossing and turning from his side of the room. Perhaps a change of heart was coming for young Dennis. One could never rule out the motivation sex provided, after all.

As the other horses left the corral, Bob sleepwalked forward, plodding gloomily and with great effort. Needless to say, I was dead last. The path led into the woods, Lake McDonald glittering in the sunshine on one side, pines and aspen and huge chunks of gray rock sloping upward on the other. Sunlight fell in patches through the forest. The trail was wide and covered in pine needles, the leather of the saddle squeaked, the sounds of the others talking and laughing drifted back to me. The air was so pure here. Even though it was only mid-September, it was cool; someone had said snow was predicted for later in the week, which apparently was par for the course. Clouds scuffed along the mountain on Lake McDonald’s far side, and the woods were rich with birdsong.

My reverie was cut off as Bob veered over to a tree and began eating leaves. “Come on, Bob,” I said, pulling on the reins and trying not to hurt his mouth. “Let’s go, pal. No snacking.” Bob, who may have been deaf, ignored me. The other horses continued on. “Bob, come on! Behave.” I gave another tug. Nothing.

Just then, Brianna cantered down the line of horses. Thank goodness. Or not…she stopped up ahead at Dennis’s side. Perfect.

“Brianna,” I called, “Bob here keeps trying to—”

“Have you, like, ever ridden before?” Brianna said to Dennis. “You’re totally a natural.”

“Thanks,” Dennis said, smiling his
I’ll save you, little lady
smile. “Nope. This is my maiden voyage. I’m Dennis. I’m a firefighter.”

“Shut
up,
” she sighed, her face glowing.

“Brianna? Bob keeps eating leaves,” I said as my horse once again swiped a mouthful from a tree, practically yanking my arms from their sockets.

“Have you ever, you know, saved someone’s life?” Brianna asked.

“Oh, sure. It’s just part of the job,” Dennis said. “This must be wicked awesome, though, living out here. Man.”

“It’s cool,” she answered. Or I thought she did…their voices were fading as the distance between us lengthened. Yellow foam dripped from Bob’s muzzle as he continued to chew placidly.

“Bob. Enough,” I said in my lawyer voice. “Giddyup.” That didn’t sound very commanding. “Bob. Move it!” He responded by lifting his tail and fertilizing the trail. I gave the horse a gentle nudge with my heel. He didn’t move. Tried again, more forcefully this time. Nothing. “How’d you like to be castrated, Bob?” I asked. That and another good swift kick got the horse moving, albeit at the speed of an earthworm. But at least we were moving. The sound of Willa’s laughter floated back to me, and I couldn’t help a smile. She was so sincere, so well-meaning, so kindhearted. She’d come a long way from that bed-wetting, pale little ghost I’d first met.

As we got further away from the lake, I could hear the constant shush and gurgle of a stream. Bob plodded along, occasionally favoring me with a grunt or a slight snore. I could see the tail of Dennis’s horse ahead of me, maybe twenty yards or so. He didn’t seem to notice my lag time. I didn’t really mind, to be honest—under the best of circumstances, family gatherings tended to give me hives. Literal hives—I was a redhead, after all. Very sensitive skin. Family events were, in a word, tough. My recalcitrant father, the constant cacophony of BeverLee’s often inane chatter, my endless worry over Willa’s many ill-fated choices. Dennis made things easier…his easygoing nature and ability to see the best in everyone was a good example for a porcupine like myself.

Despite my being far behind the other riders, it still felt as if a line connected Nick and me. That unpleasant buzz of electricity hadn’t stopped humming, and even though I couldn’t see my ex-husband at the moment, I felt as if I knew exactly where he was.

I was good at staying in control; you had to be, if you worked in my profession. You got used to people spewing bile or sobbing or hating you. The worst thing you could do was react. It was just harder than I expected, canceling out Nick. Even Dennis’s good-looking, brawny presence wasn’t helping on that front, and the significance of this wasn’t lost on me.

The beauty of the forest began to seep into my prickly soul. Sunlight cut in golden shafts through the thickening cedars and hemlocks, and the woods took on an otherworldly, greenish hue. Birds flitted and hopped in the branches. Their songs were so different from the throaty cries of the gulls or the rasping calls and clatter of the crows back home. A woodpecker drilled into a dead branch, and in the distance, I heard a strange, flutelike trilling overlaid with what sounded like the bark of a small dog. Too bad Coco had to stay behind at the lodge. She would’ve loved to trot off and investigate. And the smell here! The rich, sharp scent of cedar thickened as we plodded along, and I found myself gulping in great breaths.

God’s country. I was almost glad I was here.

Then Bob did an odd little twirl, nearly unseating me, and faced backward on the trail. “Whoa, big guy!” I said, clutching the saddle horn. Bob made a funny noise—blowing hard through his nostrils—and began backing up, off the trail and into the woods, jerking his head up and down. “Bob! Stop, buddy!” It was as if he was having a seizure or something, shaking and jerking. “Bob? We’re not supposed to—oh, crotch.” All the breath left my lungs in a rush.

About thirty yards behind me, where we’d been just a moment before, right in the middle of the trail, was a bear. A big bear. A grizzly on all fours, looking at his next lunch.

My limbs turned to water. “Oh, no, no, no,” I breathed raggedly, clutching the saddle horn as Bob continued to back further off the trail. “Go away, bear, please, please, please. We’re…um…way too…big…too big to eat…oh, crap.”

Bob came to an abrupt stop. My hair snagged on a branch, pulling hard, and I squeaked in pain, grabbing the lock of hair before it was torn right out. I risked a painful glance behind me…seven or eight tightly knit cedars in a little grove, almost a shelter. Or a trap. Forward was the bear…backward was a wall of cedar.

Swallowing convulsively, I tugged at my hair—damn it! It was really caught. If Bob bolted, I’d be out a fair chunk. Not that I’d mind, of course, it certainly beat being eaten alive. Could I climb the tree? Should I try it? Bears could climb, right? Oh, this day just got suckier and suckier!