My Own Mr. Darcy (31 page)

“Yes. I’m just getting
ready to go. Have a nice evening.”

I turned around and leaned
over my portfolio, putting all the pictures back inside in a haphazard way.
Tears were stinging my eyes and I blinked furiously. “I’ll give Sam a call and
tell him we want to go ahead,” I said when I could trust my voice.

“Elizabeth,” Matt said. I couldn’t
look at him. I took the drawing from Matt’s hand and shoved it into my case.

“This should be fun. I’ll
start placing the orders. Did you want to give me an expense account or a
credit card?” I lingered over my papers, not wanting to look at him.

“Elizabeth.” Matt pulled
me up and turned me toward him. I still couldn’t look at him so I focused on
the third button of his blue shirt.

“I’ve got to go,” I said.

“I think we should talk.”

I shook my head. “I don’t
think so.” My voice broke. Matt tried to pull me into his arms, but that was
too much. I wrenched myself away and started toward the door. I forced myself
to walk, refusing to create extra drama. “You can tell me later how you want to
handle the money,” I said.

Matt moved quickly. Before
I was even to the door, he was standing in front of me. “Please let me
explain.”

“I don’t want an
explanation.” I really did, but I didn’t want one now. I wanted one when I was
in control and I wouldn’t cry in front of him. I tried to move past him but he
put out his arm and held the doorframe. Now my choices were to either stand
there or wrestle my way past him. I didn’t like either option but since I didn’t
want him to touch me, wrestling was out of the question. “What Matt? What do
you want? You want to explain? Explain. Tell me why you told me you had
meetings over the weekend when it was really your Mom. Tell me why you and your
mom would have dinner with Meg but not me. Tell me why, even though we’re
dating exclusively, you don’t want to introduce me to your family.”

There was silence for a
moment and then we heard the front door of the bookstore quietly close.

Meg! Meg had just left.
She’d just heard every word I’d said. Hot red anger swirled together with my
hurt feelings, creating a wildly combustible mix. I could imagine her smug
expression. I wanted to call her every name I could think of. I wanted to slap
Matt in the face for letting me go on like that while she was still here.
Humiliation and rage and hurt were boiling up and threatening to explode.

“I want out of here. Let
me past right now.” Matt didn’t move. “RIGHT NOW!” I yelled.

Matt slowly moved aside
and let me walk past. The door hit the wall when I threw it open.

“Can I call you in a
little while?” Matt asked. “When you’ve cooled off?”

“Call Meg,” I yelled over
my shoulder.

I cried all the way home.
I left the sample board and portfolio in the car. The last thing I felt like
doing was working on a project for Matt. I felt like Janessa as I banged around
the kitchen noisily trying to find something to eat. Nothing sounded good.
There was nothing I wanted to do so I did what I always did when I was spitting
mad. I put on some sweats and my running shoes and went for a run. I didn’t
care that it was dark. Janessa wasn’t home to give me motherly advice and at
the moment, I’d have enjoyed beating the crap out of someone trying to hassle
me.

After twenty minutes my
lungs were burning. I either needed to get angry more often or start running no
matter my mood. I turned around and headed back home, even angrier that I felt
so awful and out of shape.

When I got home, I took a
long, hot shower. Slowly the anger melted away leaving only the raw, savage
hurt of what Matt had done. My tears flowed down the drain until I couldn’t cry
anymore and I turned off the water.

I rummaged through the
cabinets again but nothing sounded good. The only thing left to do was go to
bed.

I’d been in bed with the
light off for about twenty minutes when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the
number. It was probably Matt, thinking I’d ignore a call from his regular
number. I answered the phone.

“Hi Lizzie, this is Lola
Keller.”

“Oh. Hi, Mrs. Keller.”

After a minute of small
talk, Mrs. Keller continued. “Every year, Dave and I host a little get-together
for the partners at his law firm and some of their best clients. It’s not a
formal thing, more of an open house and mingling thing. Dave has a client whose
wife is Emma Cho.”

“From Emma Cho Interiors?”
I asked.

“That’s the one.” I
suddenly felt even more humbled. They knew Emma Cho and had hired me to be
their designer. “The Chos will be invited so I was thinking you should come.
I’ll introduce you and she’ll be able to see the beautiful job you did here. I
don’t know if anything will come of it, but it can’t hurt.”

“It sounds wonderful,” I
said, “and I appreciate the thought, but . . .”

“Please don’t turn me
down. If you’re worried about your boyfriend, don’t be. Chad said you were
dating someone and I should invite both of you.”

I knew it would be awkward
for Matt. He wouldn’t want to go. Of course, maybe since it was for Mr.
Keller’s work, Chad wouldn’t be there. That would make it easier on both Chad
and Matt.

But wait. Why was I
worrying about Matt’s feelings? He hadn’t worried about mine. And besides, this
was for my career. This was a big opportunity. Emma Cho’s design company was
one of the most sought after in all of Portland. Matt could deal with it. Or he
could not go. At the moment I didn’t really care whether he came with me or
not.

“I’d love to,” I said.

“Oh good. I was hoping
you’d say that. I’ll put you down for two.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Keller.”

The phone rang again a
half hour later. This time it was Matt and this time I wanted to talk to him.

“Hello.”

“Elizabeth, don’t hang up.
Please.”

“I knew it was you, Matt.
If I wanted to hang up, I’d have just ignored the call.”

“You have every right to
be upset, but please let me explain what happened.”

“I’m listening.”

Matt sighed and began. “My
mom called a couple of weeks ago and said she was flying up for the weekend.
She said I was so busy with opening the Seattle store she was tired of not
hearing from me. She was only going to be here for a day and a half. It wasn’t
like it was a long trip.”

Matt paused but I didn’t
speak. “Are you still there?” he asked.

“I’m here. Just
listening.”

Matt sighed again and I
was glad this was hard for him. “I haven’t told her about you,” he said
quietly. I waited. “I’ve wanted to but every time I start to, I just . . . I
don’t know. It just seems like the wrong time or something.”

“Why?” When Matt didn’t
say anything, I asked him again. “Why, Matt? Why is it so hard to tell your
family you’re dating someone?”

“Because of how they are.
They’ve always had some pretty strong opinions about who I date.”

“What kind of opinions?”

“Man, I hate this,” Matt
said.

“Just tell me.”

“There’s an expectation
that I should date people who . . . people that . . . girls that come from the
right families or have the right careers or connections.”

I felt like I’d been
slapped in the face. “And I guess I don’t fit the bill.”

“I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”

“They sound like charming
people,” I said.

“I know it sounds like
they’re terrible, but that’s not true. They just worry about me. They want me
to be happy.”

“And we all know it’s
impossible to be happy with a lowly bank teller who went to a state university instead
of an Ivy League school.”

“You have no idea how much
I wish I’d have hired you to do the Seattle Salamander. Then I could have
introduced you as our interior designer.”

“And that would have made
everything better?” I couldn’t believe this conversation. I was a nice, middle
class girl and suddenly I was feeling like a peasant. Like scum.

Like Elizabeth Bennet! I
was so familiar with this story. Matt’s mother was Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
I’d have to stand up to her someday, but Matt hadn’t even given me a chance.

Matt’s voice was quiet. “I
know how it sounds, but yes. It would have been easier to introduce you as an
interior designer than as a bank teller.”

I could hardly believe
this kind of prejudice existed. I thought it was only in old England that these
distinctions were made.

“Why did you invite Meg?”

“I didn’t. Mom did. I told
you before, our families have known each other for years. Mom likes Meg.”

“How nice for Meg,” I
said.

“She’ll like you too when
she gets to know you.”

“You have to introduce us
for that to happen, Matt. And you’re afraid to. You’re too ashamed of me.”

“Elizabeth, I love you.
I’m not ashamed of you. I wish your circumstances were different, but I’ve
shown you I can overlook that. I think you’re smart, and beautiful, and
talented. Except for your drawing of the mural.” His attempt at a joke fell
flat. I just didn’t feel like laughing.

“I know I hurt you and I
can’t even begin to tell you how bad I feel about that. I will tell my family.
And they will love you. I was a coward and I’m sorry. What can I do to make it
up to you?

I knew what I was going to
ask him to do and I knew he wasn’t going to like it. “You can go with me to a
party at the Kellers. They’re hosting a party for the partners at Mr. Keller’s
firm and some of their best clients. Mrs. Keller invited me and said I could
bring you. Chad said you should be invited.” I don’t know why I threw that last
part in. I really wasn’t trying to make him jealous. I guess I wanted him to
know Chad was a good guy.

“Why would she invite you
to a party for his office?”

“Because one of his
clients is married to Emma Cho and she’ll probably be there. Mrs. Keller wants
to introduce us.” I almost stopped there but the hurt, sarcastic side of me
would not be silenced. “Maybe, if I’m lucky, she’ll offer me a job on the spot
and then I’ll be worthy to meet your mother.”

Matt caught his breath.
“I’m sorry Elizabeth.” The line was quiet for a moment. “Of course I’ll go with
you.”

Well, that was easier than
I thought it would be.

“Will you forgive me?”

My body must have had time
to replenish its supply of tears because they started flowing again. “I don’t know
what to say, Matt. It isn’t that I don’t understand. I do.” I’d watched Pride
and Prejudice enough times that I understood him perfectly. “But that really
hurt.”

“I know, Babe. I promise,
I’ll make things right. I’ll get on the phone right now and call my mom if it
will make you feel better.”

“You don’t have to do it
right now, but you know if we’re going to keep dating, you’re going to have to
tell them about me. Even if I’m a bank teller.”

“I know. And I will. I
will because I love you.”

“I love you, too.” It was
the first time I’d said it. I was pretty sure I meant it but I wasn’t happy it
had been uttered in such an unromantic situation.

I couldn’t sleep for
hours. My restless mind kept playing through scenes from Pride and Prejudice. I
was surprised at the similarities between Mr. Darcy and Matt. I smiled at the
irony even though I didn’t feel like smiling. For the first time, I realized
that Matt had failed to live up to Mr. Darcy’s courage and character. I hoped that
someday he’d be able to measure up.

TWO BUSY WEEKS
passed. I
worked at the bank during the day and I worked at the bookstore most evenings.
I’d primed and painted all the walls a creamy eggshell. A carpenter had built
in all the bookshelves and now I was painting them. I’d also bought the low
table and chairs in unfinished condition and I was painting them, as well, to
ensure the colors matched. At the last minute, I decided to go crazy on the
little set. I used all four colors on each piece but no two were the same. The
table had four different colored legs and each of the chairs was a whimsical
rainbow of colors. I loved how cheerful they looked.