My Soul To Take (16 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Xan rolled over and was met with an elbow to his face and a knee to his stomach.

“Fi,” he groaned, “How is it possible that someone so tiny is able to take up so much of a bed?”

Pulling his arm around her, she hugged the limb tightly to her chest.

“I smell flowers,” she murmured, a smile on her lips. She yawned and stretched and his hand fell to her exposed stomach. She stiffened and he immediately snatched his hand away. Gently, he began running his fingers through her hair, the only way he knew to soothe her.

She was doing well, better than he would have ever expected anyone to be doing after what she’d gone through. But she still had a long way to go. She refused to go home, refused to be around more than a few people at a time and if he wasn’t by her side when she ventured out of his trailer, she ended up in the throes of full blown panic attack.

The only people aware of what had happened to her, and by whom, were her own family, all three Popa’s, and him. Tobar had done well. By the time Xan had returned from killing Nicu, Tobar had hitched up the RV to Nicu’s truck, drove several miles out with Gunnar following and together they’d set fire to everything Nicu had ever owned.

The one piece of Nicu they couldn’t eradicate was the damage he’d done to Fifi.

Calm again, she rolled over and snuggled against his side as a child would their parent. “I want to leave,” she whispered.

He blinked down at her. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I heard you, fată. I’m just not sure where you think we could go.”

He felt her slight shrug. “We could go look for Trinity.”

He froze.

It wasn’t as if the thought hadn’t crossed his mind every now and then, or every single second of every single day, but then reality
would set in. Trinity could be anywhere. She could be on the other side of the country. She could be dead. Fuck, she could be a Skin.

God dammit, here comes the ache in his chest again.

“Just listen to me,” Fifi murmured. “I know you, and if you don’t go after her, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You’re not happy here without her and I’m not happy here at all.”

He shook his head. “If we leave, chances are we’re going to end up very, very dead. Or worse. I say we stay here, get hitched and live happily ever after.” He started laughing. “What do you think?”

“Really, baby?” she whispered. “Is that what you want?”

He stared down at her, saying nothing.

“Xan Daniel, I’ve loved you all my life and I’d marry you in a heartbeat if that’s what you wanted from me. We’ve never had a problem getting along. God knows I can handle your temper and put up with your excessive drinking. And the sex…you know it’s always been amazing between us. Then maybe someday, when I can bear the thought of being touched again, I would be happy to give you children.”

Bile rose in his throat. Handle his temper? Amazing sex? Give him children? Hell yes, he wanted all those things. Just not with Fifi.

“That’s what I thought,” she said knowingly. “Baby, I know you don’t think you deserve happiness, but you do.”

He blew out a breath. “You make me happy, Fi. You always have.”

“Mmhm,” she said. “But not the same way Trinity did. Xan, I knew you wanted her the first time I saw you watching her. We were kissing, remember? You were hard as a rock and ready for me, but you took off after her. Never before, in all your life, had you walked away from a sure thing, baby. Never. And after, seeing you two together, I was envious. I don’t want to settle for you either, baby. I want what you and Trinity had. The real deal. I want love.”

He grinned. “You know you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me, right,
fată?”

“I know,” she sighed, rolling onto her back and away from him. “But now it’s time to go find the very best thing that’s ever happened to you. A sexy Greek Gaje with a stunning pair of –”

“Tits?”

“Eyes,” she said, laughing. “You damn pervert.”

Laughing, he pulled her back to him and hugged her tight. “I love you, kid. Always have and always will.”

She swallowed and her eyes filled. “Me too, baby,” she whispered. “Me too.”

******

News had always traveled fast around camp. After telling Becki and Nico about their plans to take off on their own, within hours the entire clan knew.

This was how he found himself facing off with Nadya, Pesha and Simionce.

“For the last time, you’re not coming.”

He was not going to be responsible for the lives of this crazy bitch or these two kids. Especially Simionce, Shandor’s little brother. No fucking way was he coming. He’d be leaving Kizzy all alone.

“I’m going,” Pesha demanded. “Fuck this place.”

“There is nothing here for me anymore,” Nadya whined.

“My big brother would have gone to the goddamn moon for you, Deleanu, so count me in.” Simionce stepped forward and flashed him a grin so much like Shandor’s his throat closed up.

“And if you come, you’re going to end up like your brother! And your mamă will have no one left!” he shouted. “That’s not something I can fucking live with!”

“It’s not something you have to live with!” Simionce shouted back. “I already talked to her! She understands why I gotta go!”

“No,” he muttered. “No way am I taking two kids with me.”

“Since I’m twenty-eight, does that mean I can go?” Nadya asked.

“I’m twenty-one, asshole!” Simionce bellowed. “Same as Fifi and you’re taking her!”

Pesha nodded in agreement. “You need to stop thinking about us as kids.”

“Being so hellbent on dying is only proving my point,” he growled.

The three of them stared at him, their facial expressions varying between pleading and pissed off. God dammit.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Come along and we’ll all fucking die together.” He stalked away, feeling sick to his stomach, wanting nothing more than to grab a bottle and a blanket and drink himself to sleep. But God wasn’t quite done with him yet. Sitting on his doorstep, waiting for him, was Onyx. She stood up when she saw him and gave him a lopsided smile.

“I only have hand rolled,” he said, studying her. She looked quite a bit healthier than she had the last time he’d seen her. Oddly, he felt somewhat proud of her for getting her shit together.

“I’m not here for a smoke.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m not gonna fuck you."

She smirked. “Aw, really? Shucks. And here I was looking forward to putting my body through the ringer just to go another round with you.”

Laughing, he opened the door and gestured for her to enter. Fifi and Adriana, who were sitting on his bed, went wide-eyed at the sight of her.

“So what’s up?” he asked, leaning back against the closed door.

She met him eye to eye, her demeanor serious. “I want to go with you when you leave.”

It took him a full minute to process what the hell she’d just said.

“Are you high?” he asked. “You do realize we’re not going on a joyride, right? The plan is to find Trinity.”

“I’m not gonna kill her!”

He gave her a wide-eyed stare.

“I’m not gonna try to kill her either!”

Still, he could only stare.

“Xan!” She grabbed his shoulders and tried to shake.

“I won’t tell her what we did! I swear!”

To his left, Fifi was cursing up a storm. Something about him being a manwhore and Onyx being a psychopathic slut.

“I can’t let you come.” The thought of his wife finding out what he and Onyx had done…

He’d thought he’d seen everything, but then again, he’d thought he’d seen everything before people started eating other people for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. So seeing Onyx, the same woman who can kill without a conscience, who’d begged him to tear her apart, sobbing in his arms like a child was a bit bizarre.

“I can’t stay here,” she cried softly into his tee shirt. “Nobody will talk to me. They won’t even look at me. I’m in hell, Xan. I’d rather die out there than live in here surrounded by people but still alone.”

“You tried to get Trinity killed!” Fifi yelled.

Her hands fisted in his shirt. “I know!"

She looked up at him, pleading. “If it hadn’t been Trinity, if you hadn’t loved her, would you have even cared?” Onyx already knew the answer to that. And so did Fifi.

If he hadn’t loved her, if she’d just been some Gaje
fată interloping on Romani turf, he wouldn’t have given two shits if Onyx killed her in a fit of jealousy. In fact, for the right price, Onyx could have probably convinced him to do it for her.

“No way, Onyx,” Fifi snapped, probably figuring he was caving.
“You are not coming! All you’ve ever done was fuck with people for your own amusement! For fuck's sake, even if Trinity forgives you for trying to kill her, do you really think she’s going to forgive you for fucking her husband?”

He wasn’t sure fucking was the right word to describe what they’d done. Torture, maybe? Sadomasochism?

Turning, Onyx glared at Fifi. “Are you serious, Horváth? Are you actually going to sit there and point fingers? The morning I went home with him, after he’d left your place, while he was fucking the hell outta me, I could smell that goody-two-shoes pussy of yours all over him!”

Fifi turned bright red and looked away. Adriana gaped at him, disgusted. For the first time in his life, he wished he wasn’t such a goddamn whore. Which was weird. He’d never given two shits before.

And if Shandor weren’t already dead, he would have just dropped dead from shock.

“This isn’t going to work,” he muttered. “If by some miracle she’s still alive and we do find her, how am I going to be able to face her after everything I’ve done? She’s going to hate me.”

Not that he would blame her. He pretty much hated himself.

“Maybe,” Fifi agreed. “But maybe she’ll forgive you. You’re never going to know if you don't try.”

Running his hands through his hair, he exhaled noisily. She wouldn’t forgive him. Who the hell in their right mind would forgive what he’d done? More importantly, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d survive it if she rejected him.

But Fi was right. He’d never
forgive himself
if he didn’t try. And if he did find her, he’d tell her the truth about his past and…the women. All the women. And he’d take whatever punishment she doled out, even if it meant losing her all over again.

“Fine,” he muttered.

“But, fată…” He looked at Onyx, “You do exactly as I say. And if you fall out of line, I will fucking end you.”

Jumping up, she wrapped her bony arms around his neck. “Thank you,” she croaked. “Thank you so, so much.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he hugged her back.

Behind her, Fifi was shaking her head and mouthing “Pushover”.

He raised an eyebrow. Hell, he’d been called a lot worse.

“Hey,” Adriana said, looking back and forth between the three of them. “Can I come, too?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Not yet. Oh gods, please, not yet. I’m not ready.

Terrified, I could only stand and watch as Gerik writhed in pain on the cabin floor. His mouth was frozen in a silent scream; his skin was splitting, ripping wide open and revealing more scale. His hands flew to his head, where his horns were growing and thickening. His chin was thinning, lengthening; his nose had widened, flattened, and his cheeks now jutted out at wide, inhuman angles.

He was covered in scales; his forehead, his cheeks, his impossibly thick neck, both arms, his chest, stomach, hips, legs, and feet. Large curved talons, like the ones on his hands had taken the place of his toes. And he was huge. His body alone took up half the width of the wall and if he was standing I had no doubt he wouldn’t fit.

I fell to my knees. “Oh gods, Gerik…please…don’t leave me.”

“I can’t…stop…it,” he choked.

Suddenly his arms flung backwards, bones broke, cracked, and began shifting under his bloodied scales. Roaring in pain, his body bent backwards and folded in half. His ribcage rippled inside of his chest as more bones cracked and expanded, reforming to fit inside his new body.

“Go,” he rasped. “Go…”

I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Never.”

Breathing heavily, he sunk to the floor. Each individual vertebrae of his spine had grown and bent, broken through the skin and formed elongated plates, much like a dinosaur.

I sat with him the entire time, cleaning the sweat and blood from his body.

“It’s still me.” I barely made out the thick, guttural words.

I reached out and caressed his smooth, scaled face. “I know.”

“I don’t have much time left, but you’re going to be okay, yeah?” His claws trailed across my cheek. “You’re strong and you’re brave and you’ve already survived so much, you’re going to survive this, too.”

“Don’t say that,” I whimpered. “I can’t—”

“Shhhh… I need to love you right now, one last time.”

I nodded frantically and pressed my lips against a face I no longer recognized.

Wound around one another in a tangle of desperation, we made slow, needy love. He was relentless with my body, pleasuring me until I was quaking beneath him, full of nothing but mindless bliss.

“I’d do it all again,” he whispered, crying as he cradled me against his chest. “I’d go through the hell of losing you to Xan; I’d welcome being cut off from my family and turning into this…this animal. I’d happily deal with all that pain as long as it led me right back here, right back to you. It was all worth it, Trinity, just to be with you. To be loved by you.”

******

As the weeks went by, Gerik quickly worsened. Soon, he could barely stand on two legs. His back had arced in such a way that when he did stand up straight, he was hunched over. He could no longer fit into clothing, at least not any that I was capable of making, even when I’d tried adding extra material to accommodate his strange shape and immense girth.

He rarely spoke and when he did, it was so garbled I didn’t bother trying to decipher the words anymore and instead plucked the thought from his head to know what he wanted or was trying to convey.

He began growing distant, colder, and angry.

At first, I’d thought the anger inside of him stemmed from his circumstances until one morning I’d woken up alone and went in search for him.

I gaped at the stack of body parts piled next to the fire pit. In Gerik’s grasp was a Skin Eater – a young, blonde female who couldn’t have been any older than fifteen or sixteen. She flailed wildly while Gerik held her over a large fire. When she was badly burned, he pulled her out of the flames and allowed her to heal before burning her again. He was purposely torturing her.

The closer I came; I realized why she wasn’t screaming. Her tongue was lying on the ground near Gerik’s feet. He’d torn it right out of her mouth.

He’d become the predator he looked, unfeeling and self-serving.

The girl caught sight of me, her red eyes pleading and begging me to help her.

Gods, was it weird that I wanted to?

“Gerik?” I whispered hoarsely.

He glanced up, grinning, and my stomach lurched. He was enjoying himself. Through the bond, I could feel amusement and satisfaction.

Knowing he wouldn’t talk to me, I instead used our bond.

Gerik?

He blinked at me.

What are you doing?

He looked down at the girl in his arms and a single thought came through the bond.

Kill.

He was holding the girl over the fire again. The smell of burnt flesh wrought the air and I gagged reflexively.

I had to stop this; I couldn’t bear to watch the man I loved cruelly torture another living being.

Gerik!

His gaze snapped back to me.

What do you want to do today?

Pure lust came barreling through the bond. Flashes of Gerik’s memories followed, all of him taking me.

I swallowed thickly. We were no longer intimate. Not only was he terrifying to look at, and enormous, he was becoming a stranger to me.

With a quick twist of his hand, the girls head popped off. He dropped her tiny body into the fire and held her head up to inspect it. Her red eyes blinked twice before glazing over and turning blue. Gerik snorted in satisfaction and then tossed the head into the pile.

Determined and hungry, he began advancing on me. Backing away from him, I summoned
spirit. It wouldn’t kill him, it was his power.

But it would bind him, maybe long enough for me to get through to him.

Thankfully, he stilled when he saw the spirit shadows writhing angrily around me. Cocking his head to one side, he blinked at me and confusion came through the bond.

Mine?

I nodded.
Yes, I’m yours.

He dropped to his haunches and his posture relaxed. Relieved, I blew out a breath and extinguished my
spirit. I walked slowly to him and held out my arms, silently requesting to be picked up. He wrapped his enormous claws around my waist and lifted me onto his knee. I reached for the sides of his scale-covered face and ran my hands along the newly spiked edges of his jaw. His head bowed into my touch and his eyes closed.

A sense of fondness came through the bond. Protectiveness and possessiveness. He still cared, he just didn’t love me. Love was no longer in his sphere of understanding. He was running on pure instinct; acting as if I were his mate and, therefore, his responsibility.

Wary of his fangs, I pressed my lips to his. His mouth was much larger than mine, his tongue rougher and much longer. His fangs, his tusks, were sharp as blades and hard to maneuver around.

Surprisingly, he let me take control of the kiss. For a moment I let myself pretend this creature I shared a soul with was still my Gerik.

When I pulled away from him, he nuzzled my face with his moist snout and licked the tears off my cheeks. Before my heart shattered completely, I went back to kissing him, back to feeling the fondness he felt for me, hanging on to that last emotion, knowing soon he was going to feel nothing at all.

******

It wasn’t long before he’d stopped speaking altogether, and his thoughts turned freakishly basic, circling mostly around hunting. Unlike before, he now brought his kills home, sometimes dead, sometimes half alive, never cooked.

Like today.

Gerik burst through the door and swung a deer carcass, half-eaten and drenched in blood, on the floor of our living room. He crouched over it, tearing at the muscle, eating it raw. He watched me over his food; his thoughts filled with the pleasure killing brought him.

I moved into the kitchen, fighting back my nausea. His eyes tracked my movements. He was always watching me, dissatisfied when I wasn’t close by.

A deep, rumbling growl erupted from his throat and echoed throughout the cabin. The bond throbbed irritably.

I stopped moving and sunk to the floor. The bond pulsed with satisfaction and he went back to his meal.

I could do nothing but wait for him to finish and hope he would allow me to clean up the mess he’d made. When he’d sucked the marrow from the last bone, he stood and came for me.

Scooping me up, he slung me over his shoulder and carried me into the bedroom. Without releasing me, he lay down and curled his big body around mine, trapping me within his arms and wings. There would be no escaping him. Where I was concerned, he might as well have been a steel cage.

I had no choice but to sleep.

And when I woke, he was gone.