My Star (4 page)

I’m speechless—both from his coldness and from realizing how likely it suddenly seems that we won’t make it back alive. It’s my experience that very few things happen exactly according to plan. In fact, I believe that the bigger the plan, the bigger the margin will be for failures and delay. So in essence, it sounds to me like it’s the plan that we’re not returning alive.

Captain Alvah looks increasingly amused while he studies the look on my face as I process the information. I wonder what reasons he may have to dislike me, and why he apparently wants to fill me with fear.

“Is this a suicide mission?” The words spurt out of me quite unexpected.

“Considering that all previous Apollo’s had a 10% contingency of extra provisions, air and fuel than needed in case of delays—and we don’t—then that could be one conclusion. But then again, another conclusion could be that not everyone is expected to make it back. Fewer crew members would mean the supplies will stretch longer and provide the needed margin.” Captain Alvah is full-blown triumphant. I almost expect him to break into a little dance of victory, that’s how satisfied he seems. “And being the captain, the commander in charge of this vessel, I already know which members of crew are expendable... And remember—you’re bound by a strict code of confidentiality, you’re not to speak of this to anyone, no one at all.” He lowers his voice into a sneer as he finishes his sentence, and then walks off.

It feels like I can’t move. I feel empty.

Was I just given a death threat? Really? A death threat? Or was he just trying to shut me up and scare me off into a corner, where I’ll stay isolated, invisible and submissive?

I quickly run to my laptop and look up the facts of the mission. It turns out he’s right. There’s no real margin for errors or delay in the provisions of food, water and oxygen on the ship.

I don’t want to be here. I want to go back to Earth.

I feel like screaming.

No way am I going to die! I’m certainly not going to sacrifice myself for anything that has to do with that dick-head of a captain. He is not going to get me where he wants me. I’m going to do my best to ensure that we stay on schedule, and we’re all going back together.

What a prick!

FOUR

the light

I go to lie down in my sleeping quarters. We’re bunked up two people together in each cabin, and I still haven’t met my bunkmate. Fortunately, she isn’t here now either, and I have the cabin to myself. The thoughts and feelings are thundering through my head and body like a tornado. I wish I could turn it all off, relax and calmly make well-considered decisions. I lie down and do my best to do exactly that—relax and switch off the turmoil inside.

I think I’m dozing off and possibly dreaming, when I suddenly sense these vivid lights around me. Then something strange happens—I hear a voice inside my head. It’s not like any of the internal ‘voices’ I’ve come to know as my own—it’s not the voice of my thoughts, and it’s not my intuition, although it appears in much the same way. This seems to be a voice that is not mine at all. And it speaks to me...

Hello.
The voice is gentle.

Hello?

Who are you?

My name is Millie Hunter.

Are you a human from Earth?

Yes, I come from Earth.

Where are you going?

I’m going to find love.
I hear my answer and it surprises me how honest I am. I seem to have forgotten my fear and anger towards Captain Alvah, and the somewhat suicidal mission we’re on.

Is that your official task?
The voice sounds curious.

I write about what I experience and what the others find.

What are they looking for?

They’re looking for fuel, collecting samples and recordings, and I believe some are looking for intelligent beings too.

Are they looking, or are they spying?
The voice is calm.

I don’t know.
I wonder where this is going.

Do you know that ‘intelligent beings’ have already made contact with humans on Earth?

No, I don’t... have they?
In my mind I start searching for ‘alien encounters’ I heard or read about in the past.

Yes. We’ve made contact frequently over the last many centuries, and have found that your evolution is fast and accelerating quicker than any other species we know of.
The voice sounds genuine.

How have you made contact?
I reckon it’s my turn to ask questions now.

We have sent out scout vessels to monitor your evolution. We have sent out knowledge of valuable technology.
The voice sounds so sincere that I find no reason to doubt it.

I have never heard of anything like that. Have you really been to Earth? A lot?

We’ve been visiting most frequently around the mid 1900’s when what you call the atomic bomb was developed and tested. It’s dangerous technology and the test bombings resonated throughout the Universe. Clearly, you had no clue of the power of destruction you created. But it seems like you’ve resisted the urge to use it for much else other than intimidation among yourselves.
The voice is strangely caring.

Yes, and as a source of energy for a brief period too.
I don’t mean to belittle the point that the human race can appear as careless and selfish. In fact I largely agree with that fact.

Why don’t you know of our existence when we’ve contacted you so often?

I don’t know. I suppose there are forces at play that have an interest in keeping it quiet. I’d like to find out why.
I feel the light around me increase intensity and disappear.

I wake up as the door to the cabin opens. I open my eyes and feel well rested. It’s Rosie entering the cabin, and she doesn’t seem thrilled when she recognizes me. I’m not entirely sure what I just experienced, but it stays clear in my mind, and doesn’t fade into oblivion like a normal dream.

“Hi Rosie. I guess we’re bunk buddies then.” I try a smile.

“I guess so.” Rosie looks quickly at me and then gets on with her business.

“I’m sure we can get along just fine.” I take a baby step to patch things up with her.

“Hmm.” She doesn’t seem to agree.

Then again, we’ve not been occupying the cabin at the same time at all so far, so perhaps we’ll be able to stay mostly clear of each other continually. Then we won’t even really need to worry too much about getting along. Still, it pains me a little, that I’ve managed to vex her enough to shut me out. I would actually like to get along with her, and be able to speak to her again.

Rosie burns something in the little incinerator.  They are installed in all rooms instead of trashcans. Then she finds what she was apparently looking for and leaves the cabin. I breathe more freely now that she’s gone. I suddenly can’t wait to speak to Kurt, and jump in my shoes to go find him.

“Did you see the lights?” Kurt sounds eager to speak to me when I find him sitting in the dinning hall.

“Lights? What lights? The only lights I’ve seen were in my dreams.” I try to be funny.

“I was in the sample room organizing containers, and suddenly these vivid lights lit up the room, and were skating around everywhere. I tried to see where the lights came from, but I couldn’t tell, and then suddenly they were gone again.” Kurt is all enthusiastic about his experience.

“Did they speak to you?” I stumble upon my own question.

“Who?” Kurt looks confused.

“The lights... did you hear a voice speak to you?” It suddenly strikes me that I might now myself appear like the crazy kooks with a silver foil hat.

“What voices? I didn’t hear any voices. I’m talking about the lights. What are you talking about?” Kurt sounds puzzled.

“Yes, I saw the lights too. And then I think I heard a voice, but I might just have been dreaming.” I’m biting my lip to see his reaction.

“Oh, you were sleeping?”

“Yes.” I feel like a full-blown ‘silver hat’ kook.

“Well, I was awake and saw the lights, and it was just like last time—they were moving vividly around as if they were alive and trying to communicate—and after about 10 seconds they were gone again in the blink of an eye.”

“Ten seconds?” I’m trying to figure out how long I was hearing the voice in my dream for.

“Yes, about ten seconds, and then the lights were gone. It was much longer than before, and this time I’m certain that it’s got something to do with intelligent life in space. It must have.”

“It sounds like it. And you’ve experienced it before.” I’m certain that my ‘conversation’ with the ‘voice’ was over one minute long if not two minutes, so somehow it doesn’t match Kurt’s experience. Perhaps I really was just dreaming. Still, some interesting points were aired, and I’m going to look into them no matter if the voice was Extra-Terrestrial by nature or just a figment of my imagination.

“I don’t know what the lights were, but I want to find out.” Kurt sounds very uplifted and excited about the lights.

“What if others have already found out and are just keeping it secret?”

“Why would they keep something extraordinary like that secret?” Kurt’s question sounds so innocent, that I’m wondering if he’s naive.

“I don’t know why. What interest could they have in keeping it to themselves?”

“Could the light carry knowledge or invaluable information that someone wouldn’t want everyone to know of?” Kurt dwells on his own words.

Clearly, I find it a very pertinent question. The lights and the voice in my head coincided, and I wonder if there’s a connection between them. And if they indeed are connected, then how?

Captain Alvah interrupts my train of thought as he walks up to Kurt in the hall.

“Kurt, I want to see you in my quarters.” Alvah speaks firmly and completely ignores me.

“Is there a problem?” Kurt sits up straight.

I feel an urge to punch Captain Alvah in the nose.

“Now.” Alvah walks off.

Kurt jumps to his feet to follow, and throws me a quick glance, as he exits the dinning hall.

I would prefer to get off this ship just to get away from Captain Alvah. He brings up the worst in me—fear, anger, adrenaline. I really don’t want to be around him. He’s got a bad attitude, bad karma, even bad breath! Just thinking of Alvah makes darkness creep up on me.

I shake it off. Alvah isn’t going to steal my mojo. Sure, it’s bad that we’ve got very limited oxygen. And if I could get off this ship and away from Alvah, I would. But I can’t. I’ve signed my ass over to them. We’ve left Earth far behind already. And on the bright side—if I return alive, it’ll probably be the biggest thing I’ll ever do in my life.

“Whew! That Captain Alvah sure is something.” Kurt comes back.

“What happened?”

“Well, I’m not quite sure, but he was speaking about you, and secrecy, and all kinds of stuff, and I think he’s really trying to ‘divide and conquer’.”

“How do you mean ‘divide and conquer’?” I think I know what Kurt means, but I want to be sure.

“He’s trying to plant mistrust between us. Turn me against you. I suppose he’ll do that with all of us to keep us apart. Make sure we don’t talk, share intel, speculate, and fraternize amongst each other. So it’s easier for him to control us. Then none of us will know what’s really going on. None of us will get the big picture or be able to form an opinion or even opposition, if he’s making bad decisions. Then we’ll be isolated, alone, and weak puppets in his hands.” Kurt is sharp as a knife.

It surprises me. I suppose I saw him more like a puppy that was eager to please everyone. Now I know better. Kurt is nobody’s fool.

FIVE

asteroid

We’ve stopped close to a huge asteroid. The asteroid looks quite different from other asteroids we’ve passed. Kurt is making arrangements to go and explore it. Everyone has gathered around Captain Alvah.

“This is our first stop. We’re prepping to exit for samples. We need someone to suit up and go with our samples expert for assistance with the equipment. Does anyone volunteer, or do I get to make a pick?” Captain Alvah enjoys flaunting his power.

No one volunteers, and the silence clearly compounds the fact that nobody wants to go. I find it strange. Why wouldn’t everyone jump at the chance to step on an asteroid? Hang weightless in space? Is there something I don’t know? ...apart from the obvious ‘plenty’! I’d certainly like to experience floating around in a suit in empty space and step on an asteroid—it’s a once in a life time chance! But I’m just a log-keeper—I’m a ‘noxpert’ without any special skills, so surely it’s not justified that I should get to go.

“Come on people! It’s max 15 minutes on the asteroid.” Captain Alvah sounds impatient.

But the silence prevails. I want to volunteer to assist Kurt. My only fear is lack of air, and my only vexation is Captain Alvah—but Alvah isn’t coming, and so far we’ve got plenty of air, so surely it should be safe to leave the ship.

“I’ll go.” I lift my hand halfway up in the air.

“You?” Alvah looks like a question mark. “Can I have someone with an actual area of expertise to volunteer please?” Alvah ignores me.

The rest of the crew remains silent.

“It’s not complicated at all. I just need someone to help me carry the camera and the sample containers. It’s straight forward.” Kurt sounds cheerful, and now I really want to go.

“Okay, let’s send the Recording Officer then.” Captain Alvah sounds indignant.

Everyone walks off in different directions to man their posts. Martin and a guy called Tim help Kurt and I into the suits. Kurt shows me how the equipment works. It’s very simple, and even the camera only has one button—fool proof!

“Okay guys. Go and do your thing.” Martin is trying to encourage us, and is clearly relieved that he’s not going.

We climb into the hatch and adjust the air supply in the suits. We’re ready!