My Steps Are Ordered (13 page)

Gina had rushed to the hospital early in the morning so Gerry could go home and rest. Her head throbbed from a lack of sleep and from crying. After Keith left the house last night, her heart had screamed that she should've left with him. But in the light of day, Gina was sure she had made the right decision. She could make a good life with Michael, and she refused to pine for Keith for the rest of her life.

Gina entered Trey's room, intending to be there when he woke up. She stopped short, surprised to see Jeff sitting there. With last night's showdown, she had simply forgotten about him. In her defense, though, it was not like she knew him.
Okay, that isn't nice,
she thought.

But it was true.

What does one say to a father one didn't know existed?

“Where's Gerry?”

Jeff stood up. He looked her square in the eyes. She took a step back when she saw eyes so similar to her own. It was spooky—but sort of comforting. He glanced at his watch before answering her. “She left five minutes ago. Trey's fallen back to sleep. Gina, let's take a walk.”

Gina debated his offer for a moment before nodding her consent. She led the way. The two took the elevator down to the courtyard.

Jeff began, “I never knew about you, Gina.”

Gina's eyes widened. She turned to face him and grabbed his arm. “What? I don't believe that.”

“I mean, before Michael contacted me, I had no idea I had a daughter.”

“But . . . I thought . . . That's not what my mother told me.” Gina felt like she had sucked in a roomful of bad air. She walked a few steps away from him as she strove to compose her thoughts.

“You thought that I had deserted you? No wonder . . .” Jeff trailed off. He too looked stumped, like that notion had never entered his mind. He wandered over to a nearby wooden bench and plopped down. After a moment's hesitation, Gina joined him.

“No, Gina. Had I known, I wouldn't have been an absent father. You'd best believe that. Regina and I didn't have children of our own, but how I wanted them. I wanted them. And to hear that I have a beautiful daughter and a grandson . . .” His voice broke, and he scrunched his lips to contain his emotions.

Tears dimmed her eyes, but Gina was focused on one word. “Regina?”

Jeff twisted his body. This time he couldn't look her in the eyes. “My wife of forty years.”

“Forty . . . years.” Gina couldn't prevent her harsh intake of breath. She understood what Jeff was trying to tell her. She covered her mouth with her hand.

Her father took her hand in his. “Yes, Gina, I was married—and young and stupid—when I met Lucille. Your mother didn't know that at the time. Our affair went on for a year before I told her the truth and she broke things off.”

“Wow.” Gina found it all hard to grasp. She shook her head. Okay, so he wasn't a deadbeat, but he'd been a cheat. She squirmed. That didn't sit well with her, even though she'd been a cheat too.

“My mother didn't tell me much about you. I think it pained her to talk about you. All she said was that you didn't want me. So as I got older, I didn't press the issue. Why didn't she tell me that you were married, and why didn't she tell me that you didn't know about me?” Gina eyed him with doubt. His explanation seemed too convenient, considering her mother wasn't here to clarify the matter or defend herself.

“I don't know her reason, but I can try to fill in the blanks.” His voice took on an airy tone as he went back in time. “I still remember what she was wearing the day we broke up. She had a flower in her hair, and though it was late September, she had on a jean skirt and a bright yellow top. She had asked me to meet her, as she had something important to tell me.” He turned to face Gina with a sad smile. “I now realize Lucy wanted to tell me about you. Well, as it happens, I never gave her a chance. I insisted on speaking first.” He looked away. “I told her about my wife, Regina, and that I intended to end things with her and make my marriage work.”

“So, let me guess. Heartbroken, she never mentioned me.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice.

“Yes, that's what I'm saying, though I can tell from your tone that you don't believe me. Your mother was mad that I was married and hadn't told her. Lucy was independent, and she had a lot of pride, so she wouldn't have told me about you.” He sighed. “But I can assure you that had I known about the pregnancy, there was no way I would've abandoned her—or you. Maybe she didn't want me to be with her because of an obligation.”

Gina could believe that. It would have been just like her mother to decide to raise her child on her own. Maybe that was why her mother could never speak about her father. Had she died loving Jeff? She'd never married, so that seemed plausible.

Of one thing, Gina was certain. Her mother had been in love once in her lifetime. “I've had a love I know I'll never find again,” Lucy had said on many occasions when Gina had pressed her about dating.

Gina crossed her arms. Still, a part of her blamed Jeff Alton. She'd grown up without a father. No explanation could change that.

But he was here, and she knew he was willing to be a donor for Trey. She was grateful for that. She cleared her throat. “Thanks for being here for my son. We should go and check on him. I imagine your results should be in soon.”

Jeff nodded and gave her hand a small pat, signaling that he would let the matter rest.

Keith was sitting with Trey when Gina and Jeff entered the room. She greeted him with civility, but her eyes drank in the sight of him. She'd made a mistake. She had. Then she looked at Trey. No, she hadn't. She'd done the right thing for her child. He needed his parents—both of them.

Michael and Gerry walked in five minutes later. All the occupants of the room stood on pins and needles. The tension in the room continued to build. But then Doctor Milliner entered with the good news.

Tears of joy and laughter filled the room. Exultant, Gina clapped her hands. God had sent a miracle. Jeff was the match needed to save her baby's life. A grandparent as a donor wasn't common. But who cared? He was a match! Trey was going to live! He was going to live!

Jeff pulled out his cell phone to call his wife at home and update her on the news. “Baby! I'm a match! I'm a match!” When he ended the phone call, he announced that Regina was delighted and would be en route to Atlanta within hours. Michael then offered to pay for her flight from Phoenix and take care of all the arrangements. Jeff was more than willing to foot the bill, but Michael was adamant.

Gina herself was skeptical. At the most discreet moment, she pulled Jeff aside—she couldn't think of him as her father yet. She wasn't sure if she ever would. “How did your wife react to your pulling a grown daughter out of the woodwork?”

Jeff couldn't quite look her in the eyes.

Gina tugged his shoulder. “Tell me.”

“She was furious. She felt hurt and betrayed. She left the house for two whole weeks. I was beside myself with worry, but I'd married a praying woman, and I had never prayed like that in my life. I prayed round the clock and sought God's face. Then, at the end of the second week, I heard the door open. Regina had returned. You don't know how I praised God. Her first words were, ‘Start talking,' and I told her everything.”

Curious, Gina tilted her head. She didn't know her father was saved. Was this how saved people handled things? Come to think of it, everybody around her was getting saved.

Without knowing her thoughts, Jeff answered her question. “Oh, it wasn't easy, let me tell you, but she loved me enough to forgive me. We did do counseling—as old as we were.” He smiled. “And my pastor told me about myself, but Regina packed my suitcase and sent me up here. Now, forgiveness is a process, mind you, but we'll be all right.”

Gina couldn't fathom Regina's apparent love and understanding. She found herself eager to meet her stepmother, who, according to Jeff, was “ecstatic to meet her.”
If that doesn't beat all,
Gina thought. She thought about Michael. If only he were so forgiving . . . But his second chance came with a hefty stipulation.

Jeff left soon after that for his consultation with Dr. Milliner. He would need more blood work and an even more in-depth physical examination to make sure he could indeed donate.

Two weeks.
Gina clasped her hands with glee. In two weeks her son would be delivered, thanks to Jeff, who, she could see, already loved his newfound family and grandson. She didn't realize that God deserved the thanks, as this had been His doing and His answer to many prayers.

Her eyes locked with Keith's. Gina could see unshed tears in his eyes. He came over to her, filled with relief and jubilation, and embraced her. She sniffed. He smelled so good. Hugging him was like returning home. Gina felt a bolt of electricity surge through her veins. Keith felt it too. He hugged her a little tighter.

“I don't like it, but I guess I understand your decision,” he whispered in her ear.

You'll
s
tay away from Keith
. Michael's warning haunted her. He'd left to talk with the doctors, but she pulled herself out of Keith's arms, nonetheless. Something told her that despite Michael's exuberance, he wouldn't tolerate her bending the rules.

When she didn't say anything, Keith left the room.

Standing there, Gina was not okay with her decision. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that she shouldn't have let Keith go. She should've grabbed on to his love with everything she had. But now it was too late.

Keith made a beeline for the chapel. He raced inside and fell to his knees. “Thank you, God. Thank you for saving my son.”

He felt a small hand touch his shoulders. Gina. She'd come to him. Had she heard him? He spun around and saw his mother standing beside him. Keith swallowed his bitter disappointment and cracked a smile. Gerry sat on the bench and Keith joined her. His mother hugged him, and Keith held on to Gerry for dear life.

He had gained a son.

But he had lost his life.

He had nothing left.

“It's time for me to go home,” Keith declared. “I'll go after the surgery, once I'm assured that Trey will make a full recovery.”

“I didn't tell him, son. Your brother found out the truth on his own, and I'm glad he did.”

He'd wondered about that. “How did he find out?”

“I had taken my photo albums out. He saw your baby picture and put it together after that.” Gerry then asked him, “Did you know you were Trey's father?”

“No, not until Michael told me he was infertile. I felt so blessed to know Trey was mine. I should have told him the truth then. I hesitated. But the truth had to come out, and when it did, I thought . . . I thought this was finally me and Gina's chance, but she chose him.”

Gerry shook her head. “As she should. I wish that you'd move on. What kind of spell are you under? You have to get her out of your system.”

“Yes, but she's the love of my life, and Trey is my son.
My
son. How can you even think to ask me to turn my back on him?”

“If you love him, you can't do this. The time isn't right. You're going to confuse that little boy.”

Why not?
“I'm going to tell her, Mom. She has a right to know. I've never lied to her, and I don't see the need to start now.”

She grabbed his arm and pleaded, “I'm begging you, Keith. Listen to me. Gina's not the one I'm worried about. No good can come of this. I'm not saying never to claim your child, but in time. Not now, when he's fighting for his life. He's going to have a rough recovery ahead, and he doesn't need any kind of confusion or to see his family fighting.” Choked up with tear-filled eyes, she added, “That's what parents do, Keith. They do the best for their children.”

Keith shook his head. “You're asking for too much, Mom. Would you do it? Would you turn your back on me or Michael?”

She didn't answer his question but asked him another instead. “How much of this is about you and Gina, and how much is about doing what's best for your son? If you love him, leave tonight. Since you know he's going to be all right, say good-bye to Trey and
move on.
I'll be here to keep you posted. I'm going home to freshen up, but I'll be back tonight.”

Her words stung Keith's heart. His mother felt she was right, but his heart rebelled, telling him that it was very wrong.

An hour after she left, he still grappled with conflicting emotions as he sat alone in the chapel. Looking upward, he wrung his hands and sobbed, “God, what should I do? Tell me, please.”

God was silent.

No.
Keith gulped. He couldn't do it. He couldn't deny his child. His heart bled like someone had plunged a knife in it and twisted it.

Standing, overcome with emotions, he swayed, feeling faint. He exhaled. No, this was too much. His mother meant well. She had said what she thought was best, but in this instance, she was dead wrong. He didn't know why she'd even encourage him to perpetuate a lie—it was so unlike her. But maybe she was thinking about Trey. Well, so was he. He used his hand and swiped his face clean. He had made up his mind.

With unsteady feet, he headed to the elevator to go see his son.

When he neared Trey's door, he saw it was cracked open. He placed his hand on the door to swing it open even wider, then froze. Michael was in there with Trey. He could hear their voices, which were crystal clear, and he wasn't above eavesdropping.

“I'm scared, Daddy,” Trey said in a weak voice. “And I don't like this place.”

“I know, son. I know you're scared, and guess what? Daddy's scared too. But we're men, and we're going to be tough. I'll be here with you, I promise you.”

Keith hated to admit it, but Michael was saying the right words. He heard Trey's coughing fit and, from his vantage point, saw his brother wipe Trey's face and mouth with such tenderness that his heart moved. He second-guessed himself, wondering if he shouldn't just leave well enough alone. He hesitated until the next words he heard sealed his choice.

“I'm so glad you're my daddy. You're the best daddy ever,” Trey said, lifting his arms to hug Michael.

“I love you, Trey. You're the best son any father could have.”

Keith put his fist in his mouth to muffle his sharp cry at those words. On leaden feet, he inched his way back to the elevator. With every ounce of willpower he possessed, he left the premises, knowing his son was in good hands, but how he hated it.

 

 

Gerry had told Gina the news of Keith's impending departure. Keith was leaving in the morning.

She was ready for bed, but instead of sleeping, she paced back and forth in her bedroom.

Keith is leaving. Keith is leaving. Keith is leaving.
The single thought bounced over and over in her mind.

No. No. No.
The words reverberated in her head.

She pulled her hair and groaned. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't leave her. He could not leave. He was her . . . her all.

Determined to sleep, Gina dove under the covers. She tossed and turned. Sleep teased but eluded her. Her mind refused to rest. All she could think about was that this was her opportunity. Michael and Gerry were both at the hospital. It was now or never.

Gina sprang up and squatted in her bed. Her heart compelled her. She had to go to Keith. She swung her feet to the side of the bed. She was destined to be with him.

Without allowing second thoughts, she rushed to change out of her pajamas and into the clothes she'd worn earlier. She threw a light jacket on and raced over to Keith's home.

She pressed the bell. “Keith, open up. Keith, please.”

The door swung open and Gina stepped back in shock when she saw Keith. He'd been crying. He looked awful. He looked broken. “What's the matter with you?”

“I knew you'd come,” he whispered and snatched her into his arms. He kissed her full on the lips, right there in the driveway in plain sight. He kissed her with the exuberance of a man drinking a tall glass of cold water on a hot summer day.

She couldn't control her response. Gina kissed him back with passion before reluctantly ending the kiss. Her chest heaved from his onslaught, but she needed answers. “Tell me what's wrong,” she demanded.

He didn't answer but grabbed her hand to pull her inside his house and slammed the door. Gina jumped. Her senses were on full alert. She was very cognizant of the fact that she was alone with Keith.

With a growl, he pulled her against him and held her as if he weren't ever going to let her go. Then Keith cried. He cried as if pain wrenched his soul. Gina patted him, but no matter how much she asked, he wouldn't say anything but “Oh, Lord, no . . . no . . . I can't. . . .”

“Keith, I love you.” Gina felt compelled to tell him what was in her heart.

“I love you too,” he returned. “I love you and Trey so much, it hurts.” Dried tears streaked his face, and fresh ones followed. He took her hand and placed it over his chest. “Feel how my heart beats for you. Gina, you've got to know . . . ” Keith trailed off. He didn't or couldn't say more.

With her own water-filled eyes, she copied his gesture. “As does mine.”

He opened his mouth, maybe to insist she stay with him. She placed her index finger over his lips. “Don't. Let's have tonight, please. I need you. Trey's going to be all right, and I want to celebrate this moment with you.”

She saw his struggle before he nodded. He was grappling with something, but she didn't know how to help. He honored her request and placed a light kiss on her neck. Like a crescendo, it built into passion. Keith muttered endearments and his tears blended with hers as he loved her like he never had before. It was as if he couldn't get enough . . . couldn't give enough . . .

Is he saying good-bye?

She dismissed that thought as her ardor rose. Surely this meant he would stay. But this wasn't the time for conversation. Their bodies were talking a different language, and together they travelled to a blissful place and for a moment found peace.

Gina fell asleep in his arms, spent and satisfied. But when she awoke, Keith was gone.