My Steps Are Ordered (9 page)

Keith forced his eyes open. His alarm clock was blasting, telling him to get up. Lethargic, he reached over and put the clock out of its misery. He had slept only about four hours.

With an angry grunt, he made himself sit up. He needed to get over to the hospital. He wanted to see Trey. His progeny. He also needed to be present to deflect Michael's cantankerous disposition as his brother wavered between feelings of love and hate.

The news that he was infertile had to be driving Michael up the wall, and the natural reaction was for Michael to transfer all those emotions right to Gina. But Keith would not allow that. It was not Gina's fault that Michael was infertile. But it was her fault—well, both their faults—that Trey wasn't his.

On the other hand, Keith admired Michael's restraint and deference in the face of what were delicate circumstances. Finding out that you were infertile and that the child you thought of as your son was not your own was no easy dish to be served. Keith could attest that Trey was the sole reason why Michael was trying to be a better man. It was a tough pill to swallow, and Michael had told him as much.

After a quick shower and a small breakfast, Keith drove over to the hospital, arriving just after eight o'clock. On impulse, he decided to enter the chapel on the ground floor. He opened the door to the small vestibule and then sauntered up the aisle to his usual spot in the front pew. There was a Bible on the bench. Its worn pages testified to the many people who'd sought comfort by reading the words.

A bookmark protruded from the book. Keith slid it out to take a look at what was written on it. It was “Footprints in the Sand.” He knew this poem, and at the moment he really appreciated it. Though he was strong and capable, he needed someone. He closed his eyes.

Right at this moment, he felt alone. He wished he had his own woman to talk to right now and give him a little solace. He had dated—and hadn't been a monk—but he was in love with Gina. He wouldn't do that to another woman. Keith sighed. He needed to unburden himself, because he was conflicted. He knew that Trey was his son. He didn't know if he could remain quiet about that for long. He wasn't the sort of man who would deny his own child.

Keith did not know how he had ended up in this situation.

How?
His conscience jeered him.

Okay,
he thought. He knew how.

Keith slumped over and clasped his hands. He stayed in that position but couldn't summon up the words. However, somehow, he felt surrounded by a comforting presence. It was like God was giving him a hug.

Keith stayed in the chapel until Michael texted him.

Keith met up with Michael and Gina by the elevator. The three of them got on the elevator and went up to the lobby. When they walked out into the lobby, Michael grabbed Keith's arm, indicating he wanted to talk in private. The two men lingered, allowing Gina to walk ahead so they could talk.

“I'm not going to do it,” Michael confessed. “I'm not going to confront her. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

Keith nodded his assent. “I'm impressed with your decision. Right now Trey is who is important, and I applaud you for being the bigger man.”

After spending the entire day and evening at the hospital playing with Trey, Keith bid farewell to Michael and Gina but not before he grabbed his Bible from the backseat. He felt a strong pull to read God's Word. He wanted to experience again that closeness that he had felt in the chapel.

When he arrived home, he took care of his nightly ablutions before settling in bed. Keith opened the Bible and scanned the crisp pages. He turned the pages back and forth, unsure of where to begin reading. Finally, he decided to look for a passage that sounded interesting, figuring that since the whole book was from God, it shouldn't matter what he read. His eyes caught a phrase. “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” It was from Psalm 56. Curious, Keith decided to read the entire chapter. He read another part that said, “In God I will praise His word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.”

He was hooked. He noticed that there were little italicized letters on the page and, being a quick study, realized that it must be a reference. The reference note read, “Ps. 118:6 and Heb. 13:6.” Keith wondered what on earth Ps. and Heb. were.

Then he chuckled, realizing that they must be books in the Bible. He brought the Bible closer to his eyes, and sure enough that “Ps.” and the “Heb.” had periods at the end, signifying they were abbreviations. Keith thought for a moment. Then a light bulb lit up. He looked at what he called the table of contents at the beginning of the Bible.

Aha!
He found it.

“Ps.” stood for “Psalm,” and “Heb.” was Hebrews. There were also page numbers listed, so Keith could find the books. He read the introduction, which revealed that the Bible was divided into two sections: the Old Testament and the New Testament. It was then divided into books, and then into chapters and verses, so that locating scripture would be easier.

Keith laughed at his own ignorance. He appreciated that little introduction, which made navigating the Bible much easier and less daunting. It was obvious that his law degree was of no use here. He was going to need divine assistance.

Keith checked out the rest of the Bible and found a concordance and even topical studies in the back. It was interesting to note that there was a Bible verse for almost everything. He learned that the little numbers by some of the verses meant that there was commentary on those verses below. He knew that he would be absorbed in this book for hours. When he read Psalm 118:6 and Hebrews 13:6, the references there led him on another escapade.

Getting on his knees, Keith prayed a short but earnest prayer. “God, I'm not an expert at praying, but I know you can hear me. I thank you for this Bible. Please open my mind so that I will be able to understand what I'm reading.” Then Keith ended his prayer with, “And, please bless Gina and Michael and Trey. Amen.”

He grabbed a pencil and wrote little notes and questions while he was reading. He was not sure if people wrote on the pages of their Bible, but that was what he had done with his college texts. He was going to purchase a highlighter, as well, so he could mark those verses.

Keith read and studied for hours. He was so engrossed in the Word that it was 4:00 a.m. before he knew it. It was the first time that Keith had been able to put Gina out of his mind.

Before going to sleep, Keith returned to Psalm 118:6. It read, “The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?” Keith reread the verse, liking this man, David, who had been inspired to write the words. He could relate to David because he too was a man who didn't seem to fear anyone or anything. But there were certain things that were beyond his comprehension, like Trey's illness. So what that scripture said to Keith was that he needed God on his side and on his son, Trey's, as well. As long as God was with Trey, Keith would not worry about the outcome.

People's words and predictions were nothing for God.

Keith knew that if nothing else, he could pray for his son. Feeling a little nervous, because he was still uncertain God would even hear his prayer, Keith slid to his knees. He did not have much to say, but he did say a few heartfelt words. “God, please send a miracle and save my son.”

Why hasn't he called?

Maybe Keith saw the futility of their dead-end attraction and was keeping his distance. Gina hated herself for even obsessing over his not calling, but it was so unlike him.

Sitting in her computer room, Gina swiveled in the chair. She creased her brows and bit her bottom lip. It was perplexing. Perhaps Colleen was right. Maybe she was selfish. She couldn't fault Keith if he decided to move on. That was what she'd urged him to do on so many occasions in the past. She moaned. Deep in the inner recesses of her heart, she admitted that she didn't want Keith to get over her, not when she didn't have any realistic hope of ever shaking her addiction to him.

Gina held her chin while she stared at a blank screen on her iMac. Was it her unsolicited kiss in the elevator that had precipitated his sudden elusiveness? Maybe he'd found her brazen action despicable, considering the fact that her son was on his deathbed.

No, that's not it.
That would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Since his arrival, Keith hadn't kept his hands off her. Gina remembered their passionate encounter in her kitchen hallway. She picked up a pencil and tapped her bottom lip.

No, it has to be something else.
“Why won't he call me?” she groaned. She snapped the pencil in half.
Ugh.
She threw the two halves in the trashcan located to the left of the computer stand. “Get yourself together, Gina.”

She opened the desk drawer, took out another pencil, and shoved it in the electric sharpener.

Michael had remained cool and distant. The two things had to be connected, Gina deduced. She could not feel settled in her spirit until she had answers. All day, throughout her entire visit with Trey, this issue had been at the back of her mind.

She knew that if anyone would tell her anything, it would be Keith. “But he's avoiding me.”

That's it!
She'd had enough! Her pressure level rose, and she snapped another pencil in two. Tossing it in the trash, she grabbed her phone and tapped in Keith's speed dial number.
He'd better pick up!
she thought. If he didn't . . .

A few seconds later Gina stormed out of the house, her cream linen suit wasn't warm enough for mid-September, but she was too heated to notice. She marched to her car and jumped in, slamming the door. She fumed the entire ten-minute ride to Keith's place.

Her heels clicked on the short path up to his door. Gina pressed the doorbell. She wasn't going anywhere until he answered. Keith swung open the door with an irate look on his face. He must have awakened moments before, because he was wearing only pajama pants. Keith's manner was that of a bear awakened from hibernation. She clutched her chest as her heart hammered. In his state of undress, he was eye candy, but she wasn't going to be distracted.

“Why haven't you returned my calls?” she asked, knowing she sounded like a harried housewife, but who cared?

Keith raised his eyebrows at her possessive tone, but he stayed quiet
. Good move.
He backed up. “Okay, calm the storm. I feel like I'm about to get struck by lightning. I was reading my Bible,” he finally answered with a soft tone.

Gina's mouth hung open like she was a fish out of water. “Oh.” She hadn't expected to hear that. Now she felt dumb, but she couldn't think of a comeback to save face.

Keith lifted one eyebrow and folded his arms in a gesture that was meant to make her back down. He was making his displeasure known at her unexpected visit. He shifted to stand on one leg, which showed off his well-toned muscles and six-pack. Keith did not have any hang-ups with his body, and why would he, when it was stuntman perfect?

With a huge swallow, Gina strove to hide her discomfort.

“What did you think?” he asked.

She wasn't going to even answer that one.

He continued. “I have an idea why you're so upset. You're used to me always being at your beck and call, and you're spoiled.”

She watched Keith bite back a smile while she fumbled with her response. That dimple of his was messing with her senses. “I was worried when you didn't call me back,” she hedged. Gina turned around and started to walk away from the still open door.

Keith reached out and snaked his hands around her arm and pulled her into the house. As soon as he closed the door, he whispered, “Seeing you is like fire. I wonder if you smell as good as you look.” He planted a kiss full on her lips, nipped at her ears, and let out a low growl in her hair. “Yes, yes, you do.”

Goose bumps popped up over all her body. In his arms, Gina couldn't contain her relief. There was no one else. She could feel Keith's desire and delighted in every moment. She was still the one. She acknowledged to herself that this was the true reason that she had come over here.

She ended the embrace and stepped out of his arms. With sadness, she admitted, “You're right. I'm spoiled and selfish.”

“I know. I'm the same way when it comes to you.”

Their eyes met. Gina had to get her lustful thoughts under control. She had another, altruistic motive for being here. “What's going on with Michael?”

Keith blinked. “I do know, but it's not for me to tell. Michael will open up when he is ready.”

“So I am right!” Gina sighed. She pinned him with her gaze. “Do you think he suspects us?”

“No,” Keith assured her. “If that were the case, I would've told you, and Michael wouldn't take that sitting down, believe me. He'd erupt.”

She couldn't take it anymore. She moved farther into Keith's space.

He put his hands up. “What are you doing?”

She reached out and touched his flat stomach. His muscles flexed under her hands. She luxuriated in his sheer maleness. It was intoxicating. She stood on her tiptoes, kissed his neck, and inhaled his woodsy scent. What was she doing? She didn't recognize herself at the moment. She knew this was a temptation and that she should resist. It felt so exquisite that she lingered a little longer before finding the restraint to stop.

Keith smiled and tucked her under the chin to meet her gaze. “I can't,” he explained.

“You don't want to?” she asked, batting her lashes.

“You know I want to. Please don't tempt me,” Keith begged.

Gina nodded. Keith was right, but her heart wanted what it wanted. She reached over and played with his chest. Keith swung his arm and covered her hand to quell her movements.

“Gina, you're going to get me in big trouble.”

Knowing that she was going too far, Gina stilled herself. She didn't know why she was behaving like a territorial animal. Usually, she tried to fight this attraction, but a raw craving had arisen from Keith's alleged abandonment, and she was staking her claim.

He doesn't belong to you.
Gina ignored the voice.

Keith's cell rang, and he moved to answer it.

Gina was annoyed while Keith spoke on the phone, and she showed it.

“You'd better go,” Keith warned after ending the call. “That was Michael, and he is on his way over here.”

In a panic, Gina smoothed her clothes and then rushed out the door. It wouldn't do for her husband to catch her running out of his brother's house.