My Steps Are Ordered (4 page)

Looking at the cherub, Gina had rejoiced with her. However, she couldn't stem her bitter feeling about her own situation.
God doesn't hear my prayers.
She couldn't see God coming through twice, but she had kept that to herself.

By the end of the week, Trey was home and in his own bed under Althea's watchful eye. For the first time in weeks, Gina slept through the night. She didn't even know that she had fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes at 3:58 p.m., Michael was standing over her with a pensive look on his face.

Gina shot up, with alert, wide eyes. She clutched her chest. “What? Is it Trey?” Her heart was in her throat. Gina jumped out of bed and grabbed her pants. She slinked into them before Michael took her in his arms.

“Calm down.” He kissed her forehead. “Trey's fine. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

But before he could continue speaking, their door opened and Trey bounced into the room. Thrilled to see him, Gina embraced him, forgetting that Michael had something on his mind. She didn't even notice when Michael left the house.

“I want to play, Mommy.”

Trey took her hand, and they ventured into the living room area. He ran to his toy chest and started playing with his Legos. He loved creating all kinds of things with the little connecting pieces. Even at a tender age, he showed signs of ingenuity and giftedness. His artwork and reading comprehension skills were beyond his years. He was the product of good genes. Gina was so proud of him.

Keith must have heard them, for he came out of his room.

Since Gerry had retreated to her guest room, Keith and Gina had a moment alone. They walked out of Trey's earshot, but Gina kept her son in her line of vision.

“I can't believe this is all happening. I'm having a hard time processing everything. It's sort of surreal to me,” Gina said before shifting gears. “How are things with your job?”

Keith waved his hands in a dismissive gesture. “My job is secondary to everything going on here. There was no way I could've gone back to work with Trey sick. I would have been too busy worrying about both of you to be of any real use to anyone.” He touched her cheek. “Gina, I can't leave, knowing you are facing one of the most traumatic experiences of your life. Unless I'm a complication and you want me to go.”

“No. I do want you here, and it is selfish. I know I shouldn't, but I depend on you.”

“I love you without any strings attached. You're not only family, you're also the love of my life. I wouldn't be anywhere else right now.”

Gina's heart expanded. How could she respond to that? She put her index finger across his lips to stop him from saying anything further.

“Gina,” Keith said with a fierce whisper. “I've never minced words, and I'm not about to start pretending. You're the love of my life, and I have to live with that. I have to live with seeing you in my brother's arms.” He pointed over to Trey. “I had to see you carry Michael's child. I had to be happy for you, all the while wishing he was mine. And now that he's sick, I want to be here for you, but not as a brother-in-law.”

Keith pulled her into his arms. She pushed against his chest. His muscles bulged beneath her palms. Keith refused to release her. She stole a glance in Trey's direction. He must've lost interest in his Legos, because he was watching television in the family room.

“Keith, your mother could come in here,” Gina reminded him in low tones.

“Right now,” Keith informed her, “I don't care. I just . . .” Keith stopped as his voice broke. With regret, he released all but her hands. “Anything I say will only sound distasteful, considering the circumstances.”

Still holding both her hands, Keith nudged Gina until they were hidden in the shadows in the hallway. He had a good vantage point and could see anyone approaching. Leaning over, Keith pressed his mouth against hers.
You should stop this,
Gina told herself, though she yearned for more.

Lucky for her, Keith took a deep breath and ended the kiss. With a tender smile, he touched the tendrils of her hair. Since he'd moved his hands, Gina took the opportunity to move out of his arms.

“You taste as sweet as I remember,” he moaned.

“I have to put distance between us,” she said in a shaky voice. “I can't be responsible for my actions when I'm close to you.” She released three huge breaths to regain control of her emotions. Against her will, Gina honed in on his lips. They looked inviting. She touched her own lips, remembering the brief kiss he had planted there moments ago. “I can't think. I need to focus on Trey. You're making me question the kind of mother I am. And I am your brother's wife.”

Her barb hit its mark. “And whose fault is that?” Keith snarled.

Gina took two steps back. She knew he was lashing out at her because his man juices were flowing and she had put a brake on his groove, but his comment was undeserved.

“I'm sorry,” Keith said, apologizing, and groaned. He ran his hands over his head. “That was uncalled for. I'm the one who was at fault. I caused this.” He motioned between them, moving his hands back and forth.

Gina reached out and touched his arm before saying, “You fell in love, Keith. I did too. It was poor judgment on both our parts.”

Bitterness gave his voice a distinct edge. “
Poor judgment
is not the term I would use to describe a man who pursued his brother's woman with dogged persistence.
Traitor
is more like it.” He turned and headed to the family room to check on Trey.

Keith bent down in front of Trey and gave him a smile. The boy's color looked good. He slapped his knees and stood. At that moment Keith called himself every kind of a fool. How had he morphed from a decent and honest guy into someone who would feel up his brother's wife in his brother's home?

On the job, his discretion and integrity were applauded. He didn't use cutthroat methods and he never relied on charm and manipulation. He used his brains and wits to get ahead. But when it came to Gina, all his morals and scruples flew out the door. Keith detested himself, but he could not control himself around her. Anytime he came within five feet of Gina . . .

Keith shoved his hands in his pockets. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'd get out of this house. He'd get a rental and find somewhere else to stay, because being under the same roof as Gina was unbearable. He would lose his mind or do something stupid if he stayed. And his brother, Michael, didn't deserve this. He rubbed his hands on his forehead and squeezed his eyes closed. He groaned. He could still see Gina.

With an imperceptible nod, he retreated to his room. He stayed there until Michael returned. Then Keith borrowed a car and searched for a short-term rental in the neighborhood. The nearest hotel was too far, and he needed to be in the vicinity.

“We have six bedrooms, for crying out loud! So I don't understand why Keith felt the need to get his own place when there's more than enough room here,” Michael said, fuming. “He has found a place and is flying home to lock his house down and get more clothes.”

Gina watched her husband pace like a caged bull in their bedroom, nearly wearing a hole in the carpet. Perched on the tiny stool by her night table, she paused from brushing her hair as the news impacted her body. Her stomach constricted.

Keith was leaving.

Gina's insides trembled. She didn't want Keith to go; however, considering their encounter the evening before, Gina knew his moving out was the honorable thing to do. It was signature Keith to do the right thing. Well . . . er . . . to try to, anyway.

“Maybe he wants his privacy,” Gina said, though she knew the truth.

Michael stopped and gave his wife a piercing look, weighing her every word. Gina maintained eye contact, but her heart rate increased. She knew it might be her guilt working on her, but Gina could swear Michael suspected something. Her knees buckled, even though she was sitting.

“Oh, I see . . .” Michael replied, with a knowing grin. He wagged his eyebrows at her. He had arrived at a different interpretation of Gina's words.

Gina turned and continued brushing her hair, not wanting Michael to see her natural reaction to his insinuation. She attacked her hair with vicious strokes, acknowledging to herself that she felt a pang of jealousy.

Then she became upset at her irrational response. She didn't have any dibs on Keith. He was a normal, healthy male, and she couldn't expect him to remain celibate, waiting for any scraps she could give him. She continued brushing her hair, caught up in her thoughts. Correcting herself, Gina accepted that a part of her was hoping Keith would wait for her, which was selfish, because she had no intention of leaving her husband. Trey needed his father. Michael had given her no grounds to doubt his fidelity.

Unaware of Gina's turmoil, Michael threw a quick kiss Gina's way. She watched desire fill his eyes, knowing he would seek physical release. It was a good outlet for coping with their son's ordeal. Gina felt herself respond knowing she also needed the human contact. She opened her arms.

Their interlude was cut short when Trey called out.

Upon hearing Trey call his name, Michael grabbed a storybook and left the room. It was their bedtime ritual. Michael would somehow contort his huge frame and snuggle with Trey in his twin-size bed. He read everything from fairy tales to stories from Greek mythology with such exuberance that Gina could hear their peals of laughter from her bedroom.

She never intruded, knowing how much their bonding time meant to each of them. She would peer in to see Trey's little head crooked under Michael's arm, and her heart would melt at the sight.

Feeling faint, Gina grasped her chest. She grappled with the fact that her son was now on borrowed time. She could not even begin to think about how many of these moments would be lost to her if Trey died. Thoughts of also losing Keith magnified her uncontrolled emotions.

Tossing her hairbrush down in frustration, Gina walked into her bathroom and shut the door. Leaning against it, Gina felt tears come to her eyes. She wiped her tears away, feeling stupid for even crying over Keith.

What was she even crying about? Keith? He was not her husband. Losing him to another woman was in no way comparable to losing her son. But she still felt acute pain. Gina commanded herself to feel happy for Keith if he ever found someone. She knew that day was inevitable.

She knew she would never be ready for it, but in all fairness, Keith needed to get married and have children of his own. He was going to be a devoted husband to one lucky woman and a wonderful father to a lucky child. Gina shrugged her gloom away, feeling ridiculous and selfish. She lifted her hands, physically trying to swat away the twinge of jealousy. If Keith found someone, it would serve to help put their relationship in proper perspective. He wouldn't be honing in on her anymore. She pursed her lips, conceding she wouldn't like it. She could relate to how Keith must feel and agreed his moving out was the best thing for both of them.

 

 

The next day, Gina and Michael took Trey to the hospital to get a CAT scan and blood work done. Since they had no choice, Gina and Michael headed to the waiting room after handing off their son to the nurses.

Gina's eyes widened when she saw a couple seated in two of the chairs in the waiting room. Squealing, Gina ran into the room. “Colleen!” Her emotions bubbled to the surface, and she started crying. She needed to see her best friend more than she'd realized.

The two women hugged and cried. They stood apart and laughed and cried some more, happy to see each other.

“I can't believe you're here!” Gina said. She had called Colleen to break the news about Trey and insisted her friend stay in New York. But now, seeing her lifelong confidante in person, Gina was glad Colleen hadn't heeded her instructions. Colleen and Gina had met in middle school. The two had been inseparable from their first meeting.

“We had to come and check on our god-son,” Colleen insisted.

“Where are the girls?” Colleen and Terence were the proud parents of twins. Their daughters, Kimberly and Kaye were two years old.

“They're at the hotel with Francine and Lionel,” Colleen answered, referring to Terence's mom and step-dad. “We didn't want to bring them here to the hospital with us.”

Gina nodded with understanding. “I can't wait to see them.”

Terence tapped her on the shoulder to give her a hug. He'd already greeted Michael while she and Colleen had been chatting. The four sat down.

Terence pulled out his Bible and flipped through the pages. “Colleen and I have been praying nonstop. We have our prayer warriors on the job, as well. I wanted to share a verse with you, which has encouraged me time and time again. It's Psalm 91:2.” He held out the Bible, pointed the verse out to Gina, and asked her to read it.

“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

“I know you're going through a difficult time, but God is with you. You can trust Him. He can get you through anything. He's a miracle worker, and I believe Trey will receive his healing,” Terence told them.

“Amen,” Michael said.

Gina nodded at his words. For Trey's sake, she hoped against hope he was right. There was a time not too long ago when Gina could not stomach being in the same room with Terence Hayworth. She had been staunchly against Colleen marrying Terence and had not been shy about airing her opinions, but Terrance had proved himself to be worthy not only of her friend, but also of her admiration.

Dr. Milliner entered the waiting room. He gestured that he needed to speak with Gina and Michael. They followed him out of the room.

In a serene tone, the doctor addressed Gina. “Your husband called me and said you two were considering having another child.”

Gina's mouth hung open. She was a private person, and right now it felt like her personal life was on blast. Of course, she wanted more children, but she wanted it to happen naturally in a year or two, when Trey was in school. This all seemed so . . . contrived. She looked back and forth between both men, not wanting to have this conversation with the doctor standing right there. Right now she felt more like a receptacle than a human with feelings.

“A sibling is often a viable candidate,” Michael noted.

“I don't feel comfortable with the idea of having one child for the sole purpose of saving another,” Gina confessed.

“I'm surprised you feel that way. It's not as if we haven't spoken about having another child,” Michael replied. “We would just be doing it a little faster. I am thinking about Trey here. I want my son to live, and if this is the only way—”

“Are you saying that I'm not thinking about my son?” Gina snapped.

Dr. Milliner must have sensed her volatile emotions. He cut in the conversation and addressed both of them. “Mr. and Mrs. Ward, I know this is a lot to take in. Please take all the time you need to think about it. In the meantime, we will keep searching for a donor.”

“Thanks, Doctor,” Michael stated.

Gina and Michael joined Colleen and Terence in the waiting room. About an hour later, Keith arrived at the hospital and found the four friends in the waiting room. After greeting Keith, Colleen and Terence reluctantly announced that they had to head back to their hotel to get their daughters tucked into bed. Before leaving, both Colleen and Terence volunteered to see if they were potential donors for Trey. Gina appreciated the gesture and told them so.

Once they left, she couldn't get the conversation with Dr. Milliner out of her mind. She felt stifled. She wanted another child, but she did not want it that way. It seemed kind of cold to have a child for the purpose of saving another. Gina left the waiting room. She needed air. She wandered to the gift shop. It was a little after six thirty, and the gift shop didn't close until eight o'clock.

Michael watched Gina's departure, and his mental radar beeped. He strolled over to Keith. “Gina is ticked off at me.”

“What's going on, Mike?” Keith asked.

“I called the doctor to speak about us having another child. A brother or sister is often a better match than parents or even grandparents.”

“Well, I can understand that.” Keith arched an eyebrow, indicating that Michael should continue.

“I didn't speak to Gina first, though, and Dr. Milliner mentioned it before I had a chance to speak with her.” Michael scrunched his lips, knowing he'd made a grave error.

“Not cool.” Keith shook his head. “I can understand Gina's agitation. You should have spoken to her in private, instead of airing your personal business in front of everyone. You know better.”

“I know.” Michael exhaled. “Unfortunately, hindsight is twenty-twenty.” He paused, as if he was trying to figure out what to do. “Can you talk to her for me?”

Keith shook his head. “Michael, you're pushing it. Gina is your wife. You have to be the one to fix this.”

“I know, but I know you two have a special relationship. I know I should be jealous, but it's times like now that it comes in handy.” Michael chuckled.

Keith lifted both eyebrows. “A special relationship?”

“Yeah,” Michael replied. “I'm not blind, you know. She respects you. I can tell. So go talk to her.”

Keith put his hand on his chin and contemplated Michael's request. Then, without another word, he rose and strolled out of the room to search for Gina. He shook his head again. Without knowing it, his brother had given him an opportunity to do the one thing he wanted to do . . . spend time with his wife.

 

 

“There you are,” Keith called out, beckoning Gina to him with a slight nod of his head. He'd checked a couple of rooms before venturing into the gift shop. He'd seen the top of her little head as she roamed the aisles.

She'd bought a small pack of honey-roasted peanuts and a pack of gum. She offered him a handful of peanuts, but he declined. Gina unwrapped a stick of gum and stuck it in her mouth. They walked out to the benches near the entrance.

“Michael sent me,” Keith said, sitting next to her.

“I had a feeling. It's not the first time he's sent you in to do his dirty work.” There was an edge in her voice.

Keith knew Gina was referring to one particular time. His memory took him back to the night when Gina found out that for the entire time she and Michael were dating, he'd had Karen Newton living in his penthouse. Gina's anger had known no bounds, and Michael had sent him to mend fences. But that was the night they made love, their emotions too raw to ignore. It had been unforgettable.

“So I guess Michael told you,” Gina said, unaware of Keith's darkening pupils and his shallow, quickening breaths. Gina continued her tirade. “I can't believe he went behind my back to talk to Dr. Milliner without talking to me first.”

Gina turned to Keith, unaware that she was entering a lion's den. A hungry, dangerous lion. She raised her hands in a gesture meant to curtail his response. “Now, don't get me wrong. I'm going to do whatever is necessary to save my son. You'd best believe that. But I don't like the way in which Michael went about it.”

“Michael is only acting on Trey's behalf,” Keith said, defending his brother. He willed himself to ignore her heaving chest and the heat rising within.

“I know,” Gina said. She bent her head to study her shoes.

“You're exhausted. Your feelings are getting the best of you,” Keith explained. He was fighting a serious distraction, because she looked real good in the V-necked shirt she was wearing.

“I guess so.” Gina picked her head up and gave Keith a rueful grin.

“Come back with me. Michael is out of his mind with worry, and Trey must be asking about you.” Keith wiped his sweaty palms on his legs and held out his hand.

Gina and Keith rode the elevator to the third floor. In the close confines of the elevator, he reached over and his hand brushed against her chest by accident. That was his undoing.

Keith pressed the STOP button. The elevator jerked to a halt. By then he was already having second thoughts. He could've kicked himself for giving in to the impulse. It would take backtracking, but he figured he could still do the right thing without Gina catching on to his original intentions. She locked eyes with him and arched an eyebrow. He knew she must be wondering what was wrong with him.

“I wanted to apologize for kissing you,” he said quietly.
Great.
Why did he mention kissing? Now he
really
wanted to kiss her.

“I had no right letting you,” Gina said, letting him off the hook. She licked her lips.