My Steps Are Ordered (6 page)

“Where's Terence?” Gina asked when she noticed Colleen was alone. “I actually thought you were Diamond. She is a college student and my part-time babysitter. I help her with her papers. She lives right down the block.” Gina strolled down her driveway and pointed a couple houses down. “It's been a while since I've seen her, as I've been caught up with Trey.”

Colleen smiled. “Well, you'll have to settle for plain old me. Terence is at the hotel with the girls as Francine and Lionel flew back to New York last night. They send their love by the way. I'm here to drag you out of the house, and I'm not taking no for an answer. I made reservations for us at Good Hair by Shelley's.” Gina had been going to this salon on Butner Road for years. “We're going to get our hair and nails done. It's my treat.”

Gina hesitated. “Trey's my main focus right now. Not my appearance.” She touched her hair, knowing she did look like a hot mess.

“Well, I took the liberty of calling Michael and he assured me that he and Keith will watch Trey. He promised to call if anything changes.” Colleen put her hands on her hips and waited.

Gina caved. “Okay, let me get a quick shower.”

Once she'd showered, Gina decided to wear a sundress. It was a nice blend of browns and pinks. She matched it with a pair of brown, strappy sandals.

Several hours later, Gina and Colleen's hair had been relaxed and styled. Colleen's tresses had been straightened out and hung by her waist.

“Your hair's gorgeous,” Gina declared.

Colleen pooh-poohed the compliment. “Please. It won't last. Terence will have it frizzy by midnight. He loves when I get my hair blown out. But then his hands will be all in it, and that will be the beginning of the end.”

Gina saw her secret smile and giggled. “I can imagine. Well, Michael knows better than to touch mine.” Her shoulder-length hair was so full of body that it moved with every turn of her head. It looked like a wig or a weave, but Gina could claim every strand as her own.

They prolonged their excursion by going to a diner for an early dinner. Both women ordered frozen strawberry lemonade and garden salad with chicken. Ever the persnickety eater, Gina ordered her salad with French dressing and declined the onions and Roma tomatoes. The two women chatted about any and everything, with Colleen doing most of the talking, and Gina a lot of laughing.

Near the end of the meal, Colleen wiped her mouth with a napkin and asked, “How is Keith?”

“Keith?” Gina was stymied. “I would never have expected you to ask about him.” A thought occurred to her. “Are you asking because of the other night?”

“Yes,” Colleen admitted. “He seemed touched by the Word. I sense Keith is on the brink of making a decision.”

A vision of Keith becoming a Bible-thumper floated through Gina's mind. Her heart rate escalated from fear and denial. “A decision about what?” Gina hated asking questions she already knew the answers to, but she could not help this one.

“Accepting Jesus as his Savior and allowing God to take control of his life.”

“I don't know,” Gina said with caution. She didn't want to have this conversation. It was making her feel uncomfortable. She loved gospel music and singing inspirational songs, but she was no fanatic. Gina felt like she was under a spotlight. Soon Colleen would turn the questions in her direction. She liked having money and being able to do what she wanted. To her, serving God was all about sacrifice, and there were some sacrifices she was not ready to make.

Be honest with yourself,
she thought, her conscience prodding her.
This is all about Keith. You don't want to stop thinking about him and the way he makes you feel. You want him all to yourself. If he decides to serve God, it means you cannot continue this emotional affair. You would have to let him go. Gina, you cannot be jealous of God. That's plain ridiculous.
She scolded herself and prayed that Colleen would talk about something else. Not knowing what else to do, Gina toyed with her straw and then picked up the dessert menu.

Colleen leaned forward. “I told Terence to give him a call.”

Gina lifted her head and closed her eyes. Colleen was not going to let the matter rest. “What Keith does is none of my business.” This time she busied herself with her napkin.

Colleen smirked. “Tell that to someone who does not know you well. I have seen you come close to giving your heart to the Lord, but every time you come close, something pulls you back. Or, rather, someone.”

Her tone grated on Gina's nerves, but she played innocent. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” she declared with a resolute shake of her head, denying the truth. Her hair whipped her in the face. Gina sputtered when a strand of hair hit her tongue. She hated when this happened. She used her thumb and forefinger to snag the pesky strand.

“I think you do,” Colleen replied, pressing. “You want to hold on to this dead-end road with Keith.”

“Colleen, what are you talking about?” This time she wasn't playing dumb. She needed clarification.

“You revel in your feelings for Keith. You love the fact that such a gorgeous man is all about you. You don't want to let him go. You'd rather let God go.”

Gina was put out by Colleen's frank observations. She remained silent, opened her pocketbook, and dug through its contents for her hand sanitizer. Her fingers felt yucky after sticking them in her mouth to retrieve that errant strand of hair. When Colleen rose from the table, Gina did the same and trailed behind the taller woman. They took care of the check at the cash register and departed the restaurant.

While they walked, their sundresses swayed in the wind. Colleen's long legs were briefly exposed, and Gina laughed at her efforts to keep her dress down. Gina took a deep breath. She could smell bread as they walked by a bakery. It called to her, but she fought the craving. Carbs were not her friend.

It was such a beautiful afternoon that Gina did not want to continue with the topic at hand, but she was no chicken. She fought to speak with a semblance of calm and addressed her dearest friend. “You think I would put a man before God? Colleen, I'm married to someone else. His brother, I might add.”

“Admit it, Gina,” Colleen said, prodding her. “I'm not going to let you cop out. You've got to face the ugly truth. Keith is your stronghold, and you will not let this thing between you two go.”

“Then why won't God let me have him?” Gina demanded, though she already knew the answer.

“Because you are married, Gina, and you cannot commit adultery and expect God to condone that. And every moment you spend pining after Keith, that's what you are doing—committing adultery. You have a good man and a son, Gina. It has been five years. Let it go. You chose Michael over Keith. That is the end of it. Accept what you cannot change.”

“I . . .” Gina paused. She came to a complete halt, heedless of the other pedestrians, who now had to circle around her. Colleen's supplication had hit the bull's-eye. Her love for Keith had her twisted and turned upside down. What was wrong seemed right. Gina knew her morals and values were now in question. “Maybe you're right. But if I cannot be honest with God, to whom can I tell the truth?”

“Talk to God, Gina. Tell every sordid detail to Him,” Colleen urged. “But at some point or another you're going to have to let that man go and grab on to God. He will give you everything your heart desires.”

Gina thought a lot about Colleen's words as they walked. The two stopped into a gospel gift store and looked at the Bibles. It had been an eternity since she had read the Bible. Gina bought two of the Bibles, one for herself and one for Keith. She paid extra to get his Bible engraved with his name and a dove on the front. Gina also bought DVDs for Trey to watch and one of the Noah's ark play sets.

Miraculously, Colleen didn't comment on her purchase, and for that Gina was grateful. Gina didn't think she could have tolerated Colleen putting her two cents in.

At home that night, Gina practiced what she would write on the dedication page. She didn't want to make any errors or have the ink blur. Then she penned, with careful precision, the following note.

He couldn't believe it. This couldn't be true.

Michael walked out of his physician's office, deflated. The envelope he held slipped out of his fingers. He bent over and picked up the envelope, the contents of which had left him dumbfounded. He crumpled the envelope and clutched it tight within his fist.

Robotic, he used every ounce of resolve he possessed to locate his truck and jumped into the driver's seat. He slipped the key in the ignition. But instead of starting up the engine, Michael sat there, frozen in time, like a zombie.

He opened his fist and hurled the envelope onto the passenger seat.

The only part of his body that moved was his eyes. Their rapid blinking indicated a valiant attempt on his part to come to terms with what he had seen.

The August heat penetrated his senses. He turned the ignition to blast the AC. Michael grabbed his chest. He felt as if his heart had been crushed into a million pieces. Overcome, he rested his head on the steering column and stayed in that position for several minutes before he lifted his head off the wheel and reached over to retrieve the envelope. He extracted the crumpled letter within, smoothing it out with his hands.

Michael hoped his eyes had deceived him. He could have misread or misinterpreted the letter's contents. He looked again at the printed information, even while knowing the words in black and white would be the same.

He sobbed as tears flooded his eyes. He swiped his face with the sleeve of the shirt, not caring that it had cost the equivalent of someone's weekly earnings.

Michael knew he was on the verge of a breakdown. Never in his life had he felt this kind of despair and disillusionment. He felt as if someone had taken a hammer and smashed his heart into shards. He used the back of his hand to wipe his forehead.

Michael looked out his window and saw he was attracting the attention of a passerby. After starting up his truck and putting it in gear, Michael backed out of the parking spot with such force, his tires squealed. Heads turned in his direction. Someone even shouted that he needed to slow down.

Michael was past the point of caring. He needed to get to the bottom of this. He needed answers. If everything on that paper was true, then his life as he knew it was a farce.

 

 

On the other side of town, Keith called Gina on her cell as he pulled next to her SUV at her home. “We're in your driveway,” he said and waited for her to come outside. He and his mother had decided to tag along with Gina when she took Trey to the medical center for his checkup and blood work. He'd headed to her house where they agreed to meet up once he had picked up Gerry. They all piled into her car and were in good spirits until the results came in.

The findings weren't good. Dr. Milliner decided to admit Trey, as he had a fever.

Gina and Trey joined Keith and Gerry in the waiting room. She was frantic as she relayed the bad news. “Let me try to get ahold of his father.”

Keith looked at Trey. No matter how good he looked, his nephew was terminally ill. He couldn't fathom life without the little boy. Keith shook away the bad thoughts.

“I don't understand why he's not picking up,” Gina wailed. She looked at Keith. “I've tried calling Michael several times on the telephone, but I keep getting his voice mail. And he's not even answering my text messages.”

This was atypical behavior for Michael. He had not even called to inquire about Trey, and that was out of character. No one cherished fatherhood the way Michael did. Seeing her distress, Keith decided to give Michael a call and ended up leaving a message. Keith furrowed his brow in concern. He recalled Michael's suspicious behavior the other day and wondered what was going on. Keith knew it had to be something major for Michael to be missing in action.

Gerry told them that she would try her luck. She called her younger son and left a stern message. Once she rang off, Gerry touched her chest, worry evident on her face. “I hope he's okay. I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't help thinking he may have gotten into an accident.”

“Mom, don't drive yourself crazy with possible scenarios. If something were wrong, we would have heard,” Keith said, jumping in to reassure her.

Gina nodded her agreement and folded her hands in a protective gesture. But a moment later her own fears got the worst of her. “I wish Michael were here. Where is he? I'm trying not to imagine the worst, but what if Gerry's right? How do we know Michael's body isn't slumped over somewhere or his car isn't wrecked beyond recognition?” She sobbed. “And Trey will soon be connected to all sorts of gadgets and devices and beeping . . . I don't know if I can do this.” Gina cried some more. Then she wiped her face and walked over to the windows to look out at the visitors' parking.

Seeing Gina suffer in silence, Keith called his brother every evil name in the book. Whenever his brother decided to show his face, Keith was going to knock some sense back into him. Michael's absence was inexcusable.

Heedless to his mother's presence, he walked over and stood behind Gina. He leaned forward and hugged her. Cradling Gina against his large frame, Keith whispered reassurances in her ear. The botanical scent of Gina's hair filled his nostrils, and Keith inhaled, taking a sharp, quick breath. He tightened his grip and snuggled closer to the petite woman. She felt so fragile in his arms. He wanted to protect her from monsters and dragons, but he was powerless against this disease.

A loud cough brought Keith to his senses. He dropped his arms and turned to face his mother's prying eyes. She rolled her eyes at him with disapproval. Keith raised a single eyebrow and dared his mother to voice her thoughts. Gerry remained silent. Keith excused himself to use the restroom. When he exited the restroom, however, his mother was waiting by the door. He stopped short.

She tapped her feet. Her face contorted into a frown. “Keith, do you know what you are doing?”

“Yes. I was using the restroom,” Keith quipped, knowing full well what his mother meant.

“Don't play dumb with me, Keith Ward. Those dimples and that smart wit do not affect me. Gina is vulnerable now, and she needs her
husband,
your brother,” Gerry said emphatically. “I make it a rule not to pry into your private affairs, but this time I'm not going to sit back. I see trouble brewing a mile away, and I'm not going to be embroiled in any mess.”

Keith fought his resentment. “I know whose wife Gina is, Mom. You don't have to tell me.”

“Yes, I do. She married Michael.
Michael.
Not you. Son, I know you've been hurt and you're in love with this woman, but you have to let it go,” Gerry begged.

Keith turned his head away from his mother, which was a sure sign that he was not going to heed her advice.

Nevertheless, Gerry persisted. She was more stubborn than both he and Michael combined, and she was going to say her piece. “Find someone else, Keith. Your love is going to lead to hurt and pain. Consider your brother.”

“I have,” Keith spat out. “I have, Mom. If I didn't put Michael's feelings first, then I'd be with Gina right now.”

“But you're not.”

Keith felt bitterness rise up within him. He felt his throat tighten. Keith was disgusted with his feelings but was helpless to quell the remorse that suffocated him every day.

“Envy and jealousy are terrible diseases,” Gerry said in a gentler tone. “You've never been this way before about anything in your life. Please give your actions serious thought.” She sighed. “I love Gina, but that girl is going to give me more gray hairs. She's turned my two intelligent sons into two unrecognizable bumbling idiots.” Though Gerry's words were harsh, she reached up and gave her son a tender kiss on the cheek.

Keith embraced his mom, conceding that she was right. He had to get some perspective and set his life in order. Keith thought about how he had felt when he was praying. He promised himself he was going to pray about this situation.

He didn't know why he could not shake his feelings for Gina. He didn't want to hurt his brother. He knew he was playing a dangerous game.

Keith felt grimy.

God still wants you.
The thought hit his mind.
Could that be possible, for real?
He wondered.

When Keith and his mother entered the waiting room, Gina was sitting with Trey. She was holding his tiny hand and whispering words of comfort. Gina turned with an expectant gaze at their entrance. Keith could see her looking around his shoulder for Michael. He watched as her shoulders slumped with disappointment.

Before long they were escorted to Trey's hospital room. When Trey fell asleep, Gina announced that she was going to get water, but Keith knew better. He could see the tears threatening to fall. Following his instincts and his heart, Keith grabbed a box of tissues and followed her out the room.