My Steps Are Ordered (19 page)

“Oh, Michael,” Lauren purred, replete with passion. She twisted her body and snuggled under the covers. Michael prided himself on being a tender, considerate lover, but tonight he had been like an animal. If he were honest, it was because he was trying to exorcise the guilt he was feeling.

He hadn't been as unaffected as his mannerisms bespoke. He was hurting. He was angry, and he thought he had every right to do what he did. Michael knew his vengeful nature had alienated everyone he treasured. He had irrevocably damaged his relationship with Gina. His mother was also going to be hurt and disappointed in him. Michael had even felt pain at the sight of his brother's discomfort.

When he sat there and listened to Keith's impassioned address to the viewers, Michael admitted to himself that he'd been moved. His brother was a gifted speaker. His sincerity and grief were apparent.

Michael felt a strong pull to help his brother, but he resisted the urge. He'd gone too far to turn back and admit his error. He jutted his chin. Keith was paying for everything. Even now, Michael knew he was using Lauren only as a means for overcoming his grief and guilt. He had to admit he welcomed the ball of anger churning inside him. It gave him a sense of freedom to do whatever he wanted. He relished not feeling anything and not caring what anyone else thought.

He felt like a king and enjoyed watching Gina rush to do his bidding. Yes, there were times when he battled with his conscience, but selfishness won out every time. He had to look out for himself, even if it meant he would end up alone.

Trey's trusting face came before him, ruining his enjoyment. Michael felt a sharp pain pierce his heart at the thought of hurting a seven-year-old. He loved his son and wanted to protect and nurture him. But his need for revenge won out. Every time he second-guessed himself, Michael had only to think about Epiphany—the product of yet another betrayal—and his heart would harden.

Try as he might, Michael couldn't love her as a father should. Epiphany was like another slap in the face to him. Michael just couldn't drum up any tender feelings for the little girl, who looked so much like Gina that it hurt.

She'd been another blatant reminder of his infertility and his failure as a man. Epiphany had been the result of Keith once again being the better brother.

He welcomed the resentment, for it fueled his vengeance. Gina hadn't favored the name Epiphany, but he'd insisted on it. Epiphany aptly suited the situation. Gina had given in, but she had also included Joy in the child's name, which further rankled, for his Epiphany was her Joy.

“You're ignoring me.” Lauren pouted.

Playfully, Michael slapped her exposed leg. “You're one woman who is hard to ignore, Lauren. You're smart, beautiful, and a pleasure.”

Michael watched his words take effect as Lauren basked under his knowing gaze. He reached over to caress her, willing himself to feel more than what he was feeling. It was like the anger had wrapped around his heart and devoured every other emotion. It left him feeling dry and dissatisfied. But he was powerless to extricate himself from the pit he'd dug, and then jumped into, with both arms held high.

Spotting a used rubber on the sheets, he reached to dispose of it, but Lauren swatted his hand. “Let me,” she offered. “I think there's another on the floor. I'll toss them both.”

Michael nodded his assent and went to shower.

It will take time,
Michael reasoned. This wad of pain that had desensitized him and turned his heart cold would recede with time. He was now free to be the man he was before, and he'd reaped the fruits of his hard labor.

He'd planned and schemed, and his efforts had paid off.

His endeavor was, for all intents and purposes, a resounding success.

Then why did he feel so empty inside, and why was he alone? To those questions, Michael had no answers.

He'd stick to the plan.

Natalie pretended to wait for him in the back of the building. She told him she'd “leaked” information regarding his arrival. Her manipulations were a success, because photographers had swarmed the rear of the complex. They were waiting with cameras in their arms, eager to capture the winning shot of the man who had created millions of hits on the Internet.

Keith peeked out the window and saw the reporters waiting to peck at him like hens. He saw the car service limo pull up and the camera flashbulbs go off. He urged his driver to pull up to the front of the building.

With a brisk pace, Keith entered the building, knowing he had mere seconds before the group of photographers recognized his decoy. He made it inside before the flash of a lens was mirrored on the glass door. He maintained his composure and kept his face straight. He was not trying to help anyone make thousands of dollars off his distress.

Like he had many times before, Keith looked at his iPhone, checking to see if Gina had called, texted, or something. His screen was blank. With a sigh of resignation, Keith put his phone in his pocket.

He'd been trying, without avail, to find Gina. It had been four long weeks since that horrible interview, and still there had been no word from her. Keith had called Colleen several times, but Colleen had not been in contact with Gina, either. She too had left countless messages, all of which had been unanswered.

He rubbed his head. He didn't know what to think. It was not like her to be out of contact with her friend for so long. But he had to trust God that Gina and his children were safe in God's hands.

Keith entered the elevator and whispered thanks to the Lord that he was alone in the elevator car. He rode up to the top floor to get to his meeting with Ned Winthrop. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. Ned Winthrop was the head of the broadcast station. There could only be one reason why he'd been summoned now. It was D-day.

Today was the beginning of the end of his televangelist career. Keith was surprised it had taken the bigwigs this long to call him in for a perfunctory dismissal. He knew his shows had been yanked off the air following his scandalous interview. It all seemed surreal to him, but Keith knew this was no nightmare. It was real, and it was his life.

Keith didn't realize how much he had valued the television show until this moment. He knew there were souls out there whom he'd been able to lead to the Lord. Keith could only offer up continuous prayers for them. He hoped his folly hadn't been a stumbling block to those converts.

That thought had accounted for some sleepless, guilt-racked nights.

Keith walked out of the elevator with a confidence that belied his nervousness and headed toward the main conference room. He ignored the curious stares from the various staff on duty.

He was not afraid of their faces, but he did not want his old self rearing its head, because of any possible negativity. He gave a brief knock, signaling his arrival, and opened the door. All the chief executives were present.

Keith was not concerned about any of the individuals in the room save for Ned Winthrop. Ned was a keen businessman, and over the years, he had become one of Keith's chief supporters and even a friend. Keith's gaze traveled to his.

At that moment, Ned's face was unreadable. Not even his days as an attorney could help Keith ascertain what the older gentleman was feeling. He felt a sharp sense of shame. He didn't want this man's disapproval. He cared about what Ned thought of him as a person.

It is what God thinks that matters.

The thought washed over Keith and calmed his being. He needed not to fear losing a mere human's respect. What mattered was what God thought of him. He knew that God loved him, and he straightened his spine. He would not fear any repercussions from men. God had already washed and cleansed his sins. He had sinned only against God. He would not fear the wrath of men.

The minute felt interminable as Keith sat while Ned scrutinized him. He knew it was impossible, but Keith felt as if the other gentleman was looking deep into his soul.

Keith resisted the unnatural urge to fidget.

Then Ned dismissed all the other occupants of the room.

Keith watched in silence as all the executives and producers departed the room. They were dying of curiosity, but no one dared question Ned Winthrop. When Ned Winthrop requested something, you moved to see that it was done.

Keith repressed the urge to smile at their speedy departure. He was also grateful for the one-sided glass, which allowed him to see them outside in the hallway but did not permit them to see what transpired inside the conference room. Ned had paid a fortune to have the room designed that way.

Once the door closed behind the last executive to leave the room, Ned shot to his feet and wandered over to the window to look out at the skyline. Keith watched him put his hand on his chin, in deep thought.

Anxious, Keith marched over to stand beside the man. He hoped that invading his space would give him a hint that he should get to talking. Keith also took in the view.

Ned chuckled at Keith's obvious impatience. He imagined he would be pulling his hair out if the situation were reversed.

“Do you still love her?” Ned asked.

“Huh?” Keith was unprepared for that question.

“Gina Ward,” Ned said.

Keith creased his brow in confusion. “I fail to see what importance . . .” His speech faded away when Ned turned to face him. “Yes. I love her. She's the only woman for me.”

“Hmm . . .” Ned nodded.

That's it?
Keith wondered, perplexed. When Ned remained silent, Keith decided to take matters into his own hands. “I see that this is difficult, so I want to take the time to thank you for the opportunity. I also want to apologize for letting you down.”

His quiet sentiments captured Ned's full attention.

“Keith, sit down.”

Keith complied, but he was losing patience. He wished Ned would get on with it.

Ned looked him square in the face. “There has been an overwhelming response to your on-air debacle.”

Keith nodded. He had expected the fallout to be tremendous.

“The station has been bombarded with e-mails, phone calls, and thousands of pieces of snail mail. We have a small cubicle that is overflowing with letters from your viewers. Your name has gotten more hits and blogs than even the biggest scandals of the past decades.”

Keith raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had expected an outpouring, but nothing close to that magnitude. He opened his mouth to utter yet another apology, but Ned suppressed any comment.

“I think it's brilliant.”

“Wh-what?”

Ned gave a little laugh. “You heard me right, Keith. It goes without saying that your future shows will be canceled.”

Keith's shoulders hunched with disenchantment. He felt like he was on an emotional roller coaster. He could've uttered words in his defense, but he remained silent. The Spirit held his tongue.

“But I've got something else in mind,” Ned continued. “I took the liberty of reading a few of the letters. There was hate mail, but the majority of the letters were from those people who did not know salvation was possible to them. They were sharing their life stories and asking if God still loved them.”

Keith lifted his eyebrows but said nothing.

“That's when a new idea began to form.” Ned clapped his hands. He jumped with excitement and came to sit next to Keith. Still jubilant, Ned reached over and pounded him on the back in commiseration.

Keith shook his head, still not understanding. He was missing a clue or something, because he wasn't following. Or Ned was nutty, and he hadn't known it or seen the signs. Because how could he be so delighted with this mess?

“Six months,” Ned stated. He glanced at his watch and jumped to his feet. “I have to head down to address the press. Keith, this is great news.”

“Spell it out for me, Ned, because I think I am missing something,” Keith said.

“
Second Chances,
” Ned offered. “I'm launching
Second Chances with Pastor Keith Ward
in six months. This episode will soon be a distant memory. People love you. They like looking at you. They want to hear from you.”

“You're offering me another show?” Keith's mouth hung open in amazement.

He saw Ned's nod.

Keith repeated the question verbatim. He wanted to make sure he had heard right. “You're offering me another show?” He was filled with total disbelief. This could not be happening. He should have been fired, but instead he was being offered another more lucrative position. How did that happen?

God.

Keith uttered a silent “Hallelujah.”

“Well, of course,” Ned said on his way out the glass doors. “You'll have a prime viewer slot, and the salary package is generous.” The older man pointed to a manila folder resting on the table.

Keith took the hint and walked over and opened it. It was a contract. There was also a letter.

“I swiped one of the letters, which I think you should read.” With that, he was out the door to meet the press.

Keith stood still for a few seconds before whooping for joy. “Thank you, Lord. Thank you, God.”

Only God could have done this. It was a divine miracle. God had turned his mess into a message. Keith perused the show proposal and the contract. His hands shook with amazement at God's awesome power. He knew this was the hand of God at work.

The letter was the last thing that he read. It was typewritten on parchment paper.

Keith's eyes popped open when he deciphered the scrawled signature.

Ned had written the letter. Ned, his boss, had written that letter. No wonder he had never married. Keith had never wondered about Ned's married state. He had assumed that Ned was too busy to care about having a family.

Both he and Ned had more in common than he'd realized. They had both nursed broken hearts over a woman they could not have. No wonder they had bonded on a more personal level.

Ned, though, was not going to end his life this way. He was going to get his girl. Keith chuckled to himself with admiration.
Go, Ned.

He reread the letter, filled with awe at how God was using his sinful life to bring Himself glory.
Go, God.
Keith folded the letter as if it were fine gold. Then he saw Ned's bold scrawl at the bottom.

He saw the door open in slow motion. Keith shoved the letter in his pocket.

Natalie peered in. “Well?” She needed to know what was going on.

“See for yourself.” Keith remained noncommittal and handed her the manila folder.

His assistant reached for the folder, saying, “I hope they at least gave you a sizable severance package.”

Keith was touched by her loyalty but said nothing. He couldn't wait to see her face when the truth was revealed. He watched the anger leave Natalie's expressive face. She gave a yell of elation. She raced around the table to give him a tight hug. Her happiness was evident.

“You could've told me!” Natalie punched his arm, signifying that all was forgiven.

Keith laughed. He could see the wheels in her head already turning. The Hawk was back.

Natalie reached to fix his tie. “Mr. Winthrop sent me to get you. He wants you penitent for the press.”

Keith was touched by her loyalty. “Natalie, you're a godsend. I mean that.”

Her eyes glistened with tears, and she fudged a response. “Please, I know it. You will too when you see the raise you'll be giving me.”

Keith laughed as she swept through the door. Before he left the conference room, he headed over to the shredder. He fed Ned's letter into the machine and waited until it became a distant memory.

With quiet determination, he walked out of the room and shut the door on his past, already anticipating his future.