My Very UnFairy Tale Life (6 page)

But there wasn't time to waste. The prince clapped his hands, reminding us we had to go.

“All right, all right,” said Halga. She clutched the bracelet with one of her claws and then bent her giant head so that we could climb onto her back.

I jumped on and grabbed hold of one of the monster's spikes. Prince Lamb got on behind me. A moment later, Halga shot off the ground and thundered into the sky.

Only when we were high in the clouds did my lungs seem to start working again. I looked down at Klarr's castle and realized that from overhead it didn't look like a castle at all. In fact, its rounded shape and colorful stripes were just like those of a circus tent. Of course.

“Bet you're relieved to be away from there,” said Halga over her shoulder.

Relieved wasn't the word. I could have kissed Halga's buggy face for helping us escape.

I scanned the horizon until I caught sight of the queen's palace far off in the distance in the kingdom of Speak. Then I tapped Halga on the shoulder and pointed toward it.

“Next stop, Ewe Central!” she said as she dove so sharply that my stomach started to protest. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Prince Lamb's face was turning green. I didn't want to think about what would happen to throw-up if it didn't have a mouth to come out of.

The thought made me feel even woozier, so I tried to focus on the countryside below to steady myself. As I peered at the rolling hills and scattered lakes, I realized that Klarr's kingdom looked a lot like a sprawling mini-golf course.

And how did you win at mini-golf? By getting the ball in the clown's mouth. Too bad this evil clown didn't have one of those.

Finally, we were above Queen Ewe's palace. It wasn't as huge as Klarr's castle, but it was much more inviting. There were white stone towers with bright blue roofs, and stained-glass windows overlooking large white balconies. Come to think of it, it looked exactly like the palace at Disney World. Maybe all those talking Disney animals were actually from the land of Speak.

Where
should
we
land?
I asked Prince Lamb.

It's best if we stay out of sight,
in
case
Klarr
has
spies
in
the
palace
. He thought for a moment.
Have
Halga
land
below
that
window.
It's near my mother's private chamber
.

The minute we landed, I tumbled off of the monster's back, glad to be on stable ground again. When my stomach finally calmed down, I turned to Halga and gave her a warm pat on the foot. Prince Lamb gave her a regal bow.

“You're welcome,” said Halga, flapping her shining wings. “Now if you could do me one small favor, adventurer girl.”

Halga held out a front claw so that I could put on the sparkling bracelet. I just barely managed to latch it around her littlest toe. The sight of it made Halga ooh and ah with joy.

“Best reward I ever got,” she said.

Even though it hurt to give the bracelet away, I still wished I could smile. The bracelet had made the monster extremely happy, and Halga had held up her end of the bargain.

“Good luck,” she said, giving us a small wave. Then she fluttered into the sky.

Prince Lamb boosted me up so I could push open the window. I took a deep breath and crawled through into the shadows.

Chapter 10

After I'd lowered myself onto the floor of a dark hallway, I turned and helped Prince Lamb climb through the window. The corridor was lined with unlit lamps, and thick tapestries covered the stone walls. Everything looked old and dusty, like no one had bothered to clean it in a long time. This had to be Klarr's doing. He probably wanted Queen Ewe's home to be as dark and depressing as his own.

Prince Lamb led the way as we hurried through one corridor and turned down another. Finally, we came to a doorway where two ferrets stood guard. They wore red sashes with pictures of the queen's face on them and held small but sharp spears. I was surprised to see that they both had mouths.

The moment the guards spotted us, they raised their weapons. They clearly didn't recognize the prince in his non-sheep state.

“Who are you?” one of the guards demanded.

Prince Lamb stepped forward and did a few intricate hand gestures that I couldn't understand. The ferrets peered back at him with suspicion.

“How do we know you're really the prince?” the other guard asked.

Again, the prince did more of the complicated signals. The guards' faces turned from suspicious to overjoyed. They fell to their knees and bowed their heads.

Prince Lamb motioned for them to stand and pointed at the door. The guards stepped aside, and I followed the prince as he went through.

What
were
all
those
hand
gestures?
I asked as we passed through one chamber after another. The rooms were all lavish but run-down and faded, just like the tapestries in the corridors.

The
few
citizens
in
my
kingdom
who
still
have
mouths
are
unable
to
mind-speak
, said Prince Lamb.
So
we
have
come
up
with
another
system
of
communication
.

Sign
language. That makes sense
.

You
have
something
like
this
too?
said Prince Lamb.

Yes
, I said.
But
there
aren't too many animals that can do it. Monkeys, mostly
.

Prince Lamb furrowed his brow. Maybe they didn't have monkeys in Speak. But there was no time to explain as we entered the final chamber.

Queen Ewe was reclined on a slab of tarnished gold. When she caught sight of us, she jumped to her four feet, ready to fight. Clearly, she thought we were intruders. But when the queen's gaze fell on me, her face changed. She looked back and forth between me and the prince, obviously confused.

Mother
, I heard Prince Lamb say.
It's me
.

The queen's eyes went wide.
Lamb? Can it really be you?

Yes. Klarr transformed me and trapped me in his dungeon. But Jenny helped me escape
.

The queen still looked uncertain, clearly suspecting a trap. She went over to the prince and sniffed him. Finally, she stepped back and shook her woolly head in disbelief.
It
is
you!
She bent her neck and nuzzled Prince Lamb's hand with her nose. Then she turned to me.
You
will
be
handsomely
reward
for
returning
my
son
to
me
.

I felt myself blush.
Oh, that's okay. If you can just figure out a way to send me home, that should be fine
.

The queen's dark eyes widened.
But
what
about
defeating
Klarr?

I
thought
you
were
going
to
help
us
, said Prince Lamb.

I
was
asked
to
rescue
you, and I did. I didn't spend all that time running away from Klarr so I could go running back to him
.

But
our
kingdom
needs
you
, said the queen.

I felt bad leaving Speak in Klarr's monstrous hands, but there was no way I'd go anywhere near him again.
I'm sorry, Your Majesty. You'll have to find someone else
.

But
Jenny
, said the prince,
right
before
Klarr
took
away
your
mouth, there was a moment when he showed weakness. Didn't you see it?

I thought back to those terrible minutes before Klarr cast the Silence spell on me. The sorcerer had had me paralyzed by his energy beam, and then Anthony had appeared. As I thought about it again, I remembered how Klarr had suddenly grabbed his head as if he'd been in pain. I'd been in so much pain myself that I'd barely noticed it.

He
did
flinch
, I said.
But
I
don't know what caused it
.

Don't you see? That means there's hope. There might be a way to defeat him. You can't give up now
.

I shook my head. I couldn't face Klarr again, not when I hadn't even recovered from his attack. Who knew when I'd be able to get my mouth back? But I had to admit it was more than that. I was scared, plain and simple. Klarr was more terrifying than any other bad guy I'd gone up against. I knew running away made me a bad adventurer, not to mention a total wimp, but I didn't care. I'd rather be a living coward than a dead hero.

I'm sorry
, I said again.
You'll have to ask the Committee to send someone else
.

Queen Ewe's eyes got even wider. Images of stampeding unicorns flashed through my mind. I didn't want to make any more enemies, but I wasn't about to get myself killed to avoid it.

Before I could say anything else, there was a sudden, loud
Pop!

Things around me shifted, and I felt something pulling me off the ground.

What
the
—
?

I was snatched out of the world, thrown around in a colorless void, and dumped on a cold tile floor.

When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Dr. Bradley's smiling face above me. But any relief I might have felt disappeared when I caught sight of the Committee a few feet away.

“Let's get you up,” said Dr. Bradley, helping me to my feet. He was holding the clunky cell phone he'd given me earlier. “When you didn't return, I knew something must have happened. I kept calling the phone until one of the lovely Committee members answered.”

I was barely listening. Instead, I was frantically looking around for any sign of Klarr. If he'd found me in the Committee's waiting room before, what was to stop him from tracking me down again?

“What's the matter, Jenny?” said Dr. Bradley.

Klarr
could
be
here
any
second!
I mind-spoke—or rather, mind-screamed—at the doctor before remembering that he couldn't hear me. I did my best to mime Klarr's painted eyes and menacing smile.

“Not to worry,” Dr. Bradley said, finally understanding. “Regrettably, Klarr must have been monitoring the portal I sent you through before. But the Committee members have since changed their location, and you were brought here with their magic. There is no chance Klarr could have followed you.”

I wasn't convinced.

“I assure you, you're perfectly secure now,” Dr. Bradley added. “I promise.”

Was I really safe? The panic slowly faded, and I started thinking clearly again.

“I have good news!” said Dr. Bradley. “Your paperwork has gone through. The Committee can give you your mouth back.”

Finally! I practically jumped up and clicked my heels together with joy.

“Come along.” Dr. Bradley led me toward the long table and stood me in the center of the green circle.

“You have returned, Jennifer,” the Committee said. “And we have received word that you were successful in your mission to retrieve Prince Lamb.”

I nodded.

“You were?” said Dr. Bradley. “Why, that's wonderful news!”

“Unacceptable!” the Committee yelled at him.

Dr. Bradley blushed. “My sincerest apologies, dear members of the Committee. I won't speak out of turn again.”

The women nodded in unison and turned back to me. “We are now authorized to return your mouth.”

The Committee members picked up four identical pens with four identical hands and leaned forward to sign four identical pieces of paper. The moment they put down their pens, my face began to burn.

“Ah!”

I looked around before I realized that the sound had come from me. From my mouth. I had a mouth!

“It's back!” I ran my fingers over my mouth and bit my lips because I could. I'd never felt so happy to have a mouth before.

“Your mouth has been reinstated,” the Committee said.

“Thank you!” I said, not even caring how unfair they'd been to me the last time I'd seen them. I turned to Dr. Bradley. “And thank you too! Oh, and before I forget, your mother called.”

“My dear mum?” he said, his face brightening. “I haven't talked to her in ages!”

The Committee members loudly cleared their throats. “Jennifer. Now that we have the matter of your mouth settled, we must discuss your mission.”

My excitement fizzled. “My mission? My mission is over. You said so yourselves. I rescued the prince.”

“That was only part of your assignment,” said the Committee. “Your main mission was to stop Klarr. You have not completed that task.”

“Why can't you just use your magic to do it?” I said. “If you can give me my mouth back, why can't you give everyone in Speak theirs back too?”

“It is not about mouths,” said the Committee. “If we reinstated everyone's mouths, Klarr would merely find another way to attack. He must be taken care of.”

“Then take care of him!”

“Silence!” said the Committee. “We will not be given orders by a young adventurer. This mission was given to you, and you must complete it.”

I glared at each of the women. “Says who?”

“It is in your contract.”

“What contract?”

The Committee members waved their hands. A piece of paper floated toward me and unrolled itself. It was blank except for my name, written in green crayon. I stared, trying to figure out when I could have possibly signed it. And then I remembered. On that first day, more than three years earlier, when Anthony had appeared in my bedroom and offered to make me an adventurer, he'd had me write my name. “It's just a formality,” he'd told me, smacking away on a piece of gum. And I'd trusted him.

“That's not a contract,” I said. “It only has my name on it.”

“The fine print is invisible,” said the Committee, “but it is still binding. According to the contract, you agree to complete every adventure you are sent on. You cannot be released from it until you fulfill your obligation.”

“But that's not fair. What about the last mission you sent me on? I didn't complete that one either. I was supposed to teach those unicorns about sharing, but they just chased me away.”

“We are here to discuss your current mission,” said the Committee. “According to our rules, you are contractually obligated to defeat Klarr.”

“I didn't know what I was signing,” I said. “You can't hold me to that.”

“We can and we will.”

“No!” I cried. “That crazy sorcerer's already tortured me and taken my mouth away. I'm not going anywhere near him again!”

The Committee members looked at each other in silence. I had the feeling no one had ever yelled at them before. But I didn't care. They couldn't make me go on a suicide mission.

“We are disappointed,” they said finally. “We expected a lot from you, Jennifer. Your parents were the best adventurers we'd ever seen. We hoped you would be the greatest of all.”