Nameless Series Boxed Set (20 page)

So, prompted by
a strange impulse, she murmured, “That’s true. You need to bond with her more.”
She arched her back to stick out her belly. “She’s changing positions now. Do
you want to feel her move?”

Seth gave a
faint shrug. “Thanks for the offer.”

He made no move
to come over and touch her belly.

It bothered Erin
a little. Despite her fears at the beginning of the pregnancy, she now wanted Seth
to really care for the pumpkin. To love her as much as she did. She tried to
suppress this desire—since she realized that he was by necessity distancing
himself, partly because of the ground rules she'd established—but still...

“You know,” she
began lightly. “All the books say that the father is supposed to be bonding
with the baby, even before she’s born.”

He arched an
eyebrow. “Is that right?”

Erin nodded,
her voice taking on a teasing note. “Yes. You’re supposed to be touching her. Talking
to her. Singing to her.”

“
Singing
to her?”

Erin felt the
irresistible urge to giggle. “Yes. Father-daughter bonding, you know.”

“I think I’ll
leave the singing to you.”

 “I don’t sing
to her either. I’d hate to scare her before she’s even born.” She pushed up her
shirt some to expose her bare belly, in order to emphasize her point. “But
don’t you want to talk to her? Introduce yourself. Say hi.”

“No, thank
you.”

“Why won’t you
say hi to the pumpkin? You’ll hurt her feelings.”

Seth chuckled. “Are
you actually trying to guilt me into it?’

About to
respond, Erin suddenly felt a sharp jab in her abdomen.

Then heard Seth
gasp. “Fuck! Did you see that?”

“Hey, watch
your language,” she chided automatically. Then she glanced down at her stomach.
“Did I see what? Oh, did you see my stomach move when she moved around? Yeah,
you can. That was her foot, I think. I can usually tell.”

Seth’s eyes
were shocked and focused unblinkingly at her belly.

Erin waited for
a minute. When the baby didn’t change positions again, she said, “I think that
was all the action for a while. Pretty cool, huh?”

In fact, Erin
wasn’t sure Seth actually thought it was cool. He was looking a little freaked
out.

But she
supposed seeing the baby moving inside her might be a little unnerving. At
least, she hoped that was all it was.

She pulled her
shirt down and glanced down at his feet. “What’s in the bag?” she asked,
deciding she wouldn’t torture him anymore with talk of baby-bonding when he
clearly wasn’t interested.

“Oh,” he said,
reaching down. “Just something I picked up in California. I saw it in a shop
window and thought I’d...”

He handed her
the bag, looking slightly self-conscious.

Curious, Erin
pulled open the bag. Then her mouth dropped as she pulled out the most
beautiful stuffed rabbit she’d ever seen. It must have been handmade, and the
delicate stitching and precise detail of the soft white body, long, floppy
ears, and adorable eyes, mouth, nose, and whiskers weren’t like anything you
could buy at any toy store she'd ever been in.

“Oh, God. It’s
beautiful.”

Seth actually
looked slightly sheepish, as if he were regretting the gesture already. “You’d
mentioned that you were using rabbits in the nursery, so I saw it and thought...”
He finished with another shrug.

“I can’t
believe...” Erin was almost awed by the soft, lovely toy and by whatever had
prompted him to buy it. “It’s perfect.”

He shifted, his
face stiff and uncomfortable. “I’m glad you like it. It wasn’t a big deal.”

It felt like a
big deal to Erin. She sort of hugged it against her. “Thank you. I’m sure the
pumpkin will love it.”

“You really
need to decide on a real name soon. I still can't get over the fact that my
daughter is presently known as the pumpkin.”

Erin scowled,
but without much heat. “I’m working on it. Right now, she feels like the
pumpkin to me. You know, a friend of mine called her son Tater—as in
the
Potato
—until two months after he was born.”

“Well, I
suppose the pumpkin is better than Tater.”

They drifted
into silence, and soon Erin could feel Seth watching her. She had no idea what
he was thinking—he was so often completely unreadable—and thus his careful
scrutiny was unnerving.

She should have
realized that he was simply working on solving what he saw as a problem with
his typical, professional efficiency.

After a minute
or two, he revealed his train of thought by saying abruptly, “You've been
hanging out here by yourself too much. You should go out. Have fun. So you’re
not always just thinking about being pregnant.”

“Yeah. What
would I do? Go clubbing?” She shifted her clunky body in the rocker.

He gave her an
impatient look. “You could go to a movie or something. There’s no reason for
you to sit around and feel like you’re not still yourself. In fact, we could go
to a movie this evening, if you’d like.”

To her
surprise, the idea sounded really appealing to her. Seth was right. Why should
she sit around whenever she wasn't working and obsess about being pregnant? Worry
about the kind of mother she'd be. She used to go out and do things. Why
shouldn't she do so now—occasionally, at least?

She was about
to agree when she noticed Seth rub the bridge of his nose again.

Then she shook her
head. “No. I’d love to, really. But you’re tired and just got back in town. You
should go home and get settled instead of lugging me around to a movie
theater.”

“I’m not that
tired. It would be no trouble.”

Erin smiled,
feeling absurdly touched by the offer. But she knew he really was tired. Even
if she hadn't been able to see it in his eyes, she would still know. There was
no way he would have been so undiplomatic about the nursery—even if he'd hated
it—if he hadn't been exhausted. “No. Maybe some other time.”

Seth stood up. “All
right. What about tomorrow?”

“Okay. If
you’re not busy. Tomorrow would be fine.”

“I’ll call you
tomorrow then. We can go to dinner first.”

Erin didn’t
object. She wasn’t about to say no to free food.

She started to
get up out of the rocker and had some trouble with it at first. Was a little
annoyed with herself as she tried to push herself up, and even more so when Seth
stepped over to help.

Erin couldn’t
wait until she could once more get up out of a chair without thinking about it.

“Thanks again
for the bunny,” she told him. “It’s really beautiful.”

“No problem. I’ll
be going out of town again in a few weeks, so if I see another stuffed rabbit,
I’ll pick up that one too.”

Suddenly, Erin
realized what was going to happen. Seth was going to buy the pumpkin a stuffed
bunny on every trip he made.

Her daughter
was going to end up with the largest stuffed bunny collection in the history of
the world.

***

The next evening, Erin had to
leave the movie before it was over.

She’d had a great
time at dinner. Seth had done his duty and diligently steered the conversation
away from any talk of babies or pregnancy. They talked about Erin’s work, about
books, about Seth’s trip, and about current events.

They hadn’t
said a word about the pumpkin, although Erin had to get up to pee twice during
the meal.

Erin had
dressed up a little. Nothing fancy—just her nicest pair of maternity pants and
the top that made her look least like a tent. It was wine red, with a scooped
neckline, and at least it flattered her abundant cleavage and glowing
complexion. She’d actually put on a little makeup, hoping that would help her
feel more human.

Before the movie
was over, however, her lower back had cramped up painfully, and she couldn’t
sit in the seat any longer.

So she got up
as unobtrusively as she could—which, at her size and awkwardness, wasn’t very
unobtrusive—and then limped to the lobby.

She frowned
when she saw that Seth had followed her immediately. He had his mouth open, no
doubt to ask if she was all right. “Go back,” she said. “I’m fine. My back is
hurting a little, and I had to stand up. No reason for you to miss the end.”

“It doesn’t
matter to me. Do you want to go home?”

Erin considered
for a minute, stretching out her back and trying not to cringe from the tight
pain of it.  “I don’t know. I might be able to go back and see the rest.”

“We can move
around some and then go back if you’d like.”

That was what
she wanted to do. She took a few steps, but when she tried to turn, the spot in
her back cramped up again. “I better not. I think I’d better just go home and put
some ice on it.”

She slumped slightly
as Seth opened the door for her. “Sorry.”

 “Don’t be. It’s
not your fault.”

“I really
wanted to have a normal evening for once.” Erin felt glum and heavy as she
trudged back to the car, and her back was hurting like hell now.

“We did,” Seth
replied, opening the door of his blue car and helping her get in.

When he’d
gotten behind the wheel and turned on the ignition, Erin sighed, rubbing her
belly. “I think I’m ready to be done with being pregnant.”

He smiled as he
pulled out into the street. “Just two more weeks.”

“Yeah,” Erin
agreed, feeling a little excited at the thought. She wasn’t excited about the
thought of going into labor—in fact, it terrified her—but she really wanted to
have her baby.

Then she
remembered something. “Oh, you said you had to go out of town again sometime
soon?”

Seth evidently
knew exactly what she was asking. “I do. Our branch in Seattle has an important
trial scheduled, so the firm is sending me to help. They say they want me to
consult, but I think they just want me to be intimidating. I can’t cancel it, but
it’s not for four more weeks. Your due date is in two. So even if she decides
to come a little late, I’ll still be here for the birth.”

“Oh,” Erin
mumbled, feeling ridiculously relieved. “That’s good.”

She had to stop
this. She had to be careful. She couldn’t get too dependent on Seth. He was an
autonomous being who wasn’t tied to her at all—so she had to remain as
independent as possible and keep her strongholds in place.

But she was
still absurdly glad that he would be here for the birth.

“Thanks for
taking me tonight,” she said, feeling another sensation in her belly—one that
wasn’t relief or fear or even her pumpkin moving around.

“You’re welcome.”

“I really
enjoyed dinner.”

“You certainly
appeared to enjoy it,” he said, his voice mildly teasing.

 “I was hungry.
And dinner was excellent. And so was dessert. But...”

“But what?” This
time, Seth turned to peer at her, as if he were preparing himself for some new
emergency.

“But I think
you need to stop at the grocery store on the way home. I’m hungry again.” She
wasn’t even embarrassed by it. Some things were simply unavoidable.

And at the
moment she needed some food.

“Don’t you have
food at home?”

Erin huffed. “Of
course, I do. But it’s all basic, nutritional food. I need something else at
the moment.”

Chuckling, Seth
didn’t object, and he obediently pulled up in front of the next grocery store
they passed. “I’ll go in,” he offered, as Erin was fumbling around with her
seatbelt. “What do you want? Ice cream?”

“Of course. Chocolate.
No, Rocky Road.”

“Right. Rocky
Road ice cream. I’ll be right back.”

He was about to
get out of the car, when Erin stopped him with an outraged sound. “Wait! That’s
not all.”

He fell back
into his seat and stared at her, an adorable amusement kindling in his eyes. His
face, though, was perfectly serious. “My mistake. What else?”

Erin thought
about this for a minute. “Something salty.”

“Pickles?” he
suggested, cocking an ironic eyebrow at her.

Gasping
indignantly, she glared at him. “Not unless you want me to puke up all the ice
cream.”

“No, thank you.
I think we both had enough of that. No pickles.”

“Dill Pickle
potato chips.”

Seth’s
expression twisted into something both bemused and questioning. “You just said
that pickles—”

“Not the potato
chips,” she said, shaking her head at him impatiently. “Try to keep up.”

He was now
having trouble suppressing his amusement. “Rocky Road ice cream and Dill Pickle
potato chips,” he rehearsed. “Anything else?”

“Maybe some
fruit.” Erin figured she should take advantage of the fact that it was Seth
doing the grocery shopping this evening. “Watermelon, I think.”

Seth’s mouth
was quivering uncontrollably. “Watermelon too. I’ve got it. Anything else?”

She felt like
giggling but didn’t. Just gave him an aggrieved look. “I think that should do
it.”

Before he got
out of the car, he turned back to look at her. “Are you doing this on purpose? Just
to have a little fun at my expense?”

She inhaled
with exaggerated outrage. “Of course not. Food is serious business. Now hurry
up.”

He got out and
went into the store, moving at a brisk, determined pace.

Food
was
serious business to her now. No question about that.

But she was
also having a little fun with Seth at the same time.

“But she’s a week late already,”
Erin said, trying not to let her fatigue sound in her voice.

She was still
waiting for the baby to be born, and at the moment it felt like it was never
going to happen.

Occasionally,
in her impatience during the last two weeks, Erin would get the random, irrational
urge to just push her daughter out with her hands, since she didn’t want to
come out on her own.

Dr. Warren
smiled at her sympathetically. She was a quiet, efficient woman in her late
thirties, and Erin liked her very much—but at present was really tired of
seeing the woman so often. “I know it’s frustrating, but only a small
percentage of babies are born on their due dates. And first-time mothers are
nearly always several days late.”

“But everything
is fine?” Seth asked coolly. He’d been leaning against a wall in the
examination room, but now he moved over to stand beside Erin.

“Yes. Erin and
the baby are perfectly healthy. So far, everything is going exactly as it should.
She just hasn’t gone into labor yet.”

“But I will
soon?” She pushed her hair back from her damp face. She was overly warm—but
that was normal for her now. She felt tired and bloated and annoyed with
everything and like she was about to pop.

But thus far no
popping had occurred.

“Up to two
weeks after the due date is considered normal,” the doctor responded, glancing
down at the file she held. “So next Monday would be the earliest I would
consider taking any further steps.”

Seth rubbed a
hand over his hair. He was dressed in his normal business suit—since he’d left
work in order to pick her up from her apartment and drive her to the doctor’s
office—and his face was calm. Most people would think he was perfectly composed
and disinterested.

But Erin knew him
by now, and she could feel the tight frustration simmering below his polished
façade.

He continued,
explaining to the doctor what he and Erin had been worrying about for the last
week, “I’m going out of town on Thursday. We’d counted on my being present for
the birth. What if Thursday arrives and she still hasn’t had the baby?”

The doctor’s
face twisted, in reflection and reluctance. “That does make it difficult. I
know there’s been a trend of convenience inductions, but there are potential
complications with medically inducing labor unnecessarily that I believe it’s
better to avoid. So, unless there are health concerns that would warrant it, I
don’t consider it until two weeks after the due date.” When she registered
their frustrated expressions, she added, “If Erin’s not in labor by Wednesday,
my best advice would be for you to reschedule your trip.”

Seth didn’t
answer. He simply looked away.

Watching him,
she wondered again how he was really dealing with all of this. She knew the
mild, agreeable behavior he’d shown her for the last few months couldn’t really
reflect all of his true feelings.

He was a
complex man, and he’d been alone all his life. Plus, he had lived a certain
lifestyle for the last fifteen years that might not easily intersect with having
a child.

This couldn’t
be easy for him. No matter what he was trying to pretend.

Turning back to
the doctor, Erin released a shuddering sigh. “So that’s it? We just wait?”

 “I’m afraid
so. There’s nothing for you to be worried about, but I understand it’s
frustrating, since you’d hoped to have your baby by now.”

That was for
sure. Erin had counted on it. She’d known, of course, that first pregnancies—
all
pregnancies—were often late. She’d just never considered it happening to her.

With Seth going
out of town in three days, Erin had rarely wanted anything as desperately as
she wanted to get the labor over with.

She wanted to have
her daughter and try to settle into her new life.

With this in
mind, she asked, “What are your thoughts on natural ways of inducing labor?”

 “Ah yes. That
question tends to come up at this stage. None of the methods have concrete
scientific evidence to support them, but many of them wouldn’t hurt if you’d
like to actively do something. At the very least, it would make you feel like you’re
not just sitting around doing nothing. I’m sure you’ve heard of many of the
most common methods.”

“Some aren’t
recommended, I understand?” Seth said.

Dr. Warren
nodded. “Castor oil, for instance. Please don’t try that.”

“Eating spicy
food?” Erin suggested. That seemed one of the more harmless of the methods
she’d read about, and she liked spicy food.

“It won’t hurt,
but I highly doubt it would do any good. And, if you happen to go into labor
afterwards, you’d have a stomach full of spicy food to contend with, which
might reappear in a less appetizing way.”

“Sex?”

The question
had been Seth’s, but it had been on Erin’s mind as well. In fact, it was the
method she’d thought of first.

“That’s always
the most popular,” Dr. Warren answered calmly. “Since Erin’s perfectly healthy,
it wouldn’t hurt, as long as you’re careful and as long as her water hasn’t
broken.”

“How is sex
supposed to induce labor?” Seth pursued, not looking remotely self-conscious by
the nature of the conversation. “Is it the contractions from the woman’s
orgasm?”

“In part. The
orgasm releases oxytocin. Plus ejaculate contains small amounts of
prostaglandins, which are hormones which help to ripen the cervix. We use a
prostaglandin gel when we medically induce labor. There is no clinical evidence
that sex actually causes labor contractions, but women for generations have
sworn that it does.” She looked intently at Erin. “If you’re comfortable having
sex, it wouldn’t hurt to try, but don’t put too much faith in it, since there’s
no guarantee of it working.”

Seth seemed to
be avoiding looking at Erin. His eyes shifted from the wall across the room to
the doctor’s face, but refused to focus on Erin beside him.

Maybe his
avoidance was just in her imagination, though.

He asked, his
voice slightly gravelly, “So semen is the key element?”

“One of them, yes.
But there’s such an insignificant amount of prostaglandins in human semen that
it has no verifiable effect.” She moved her eyes between the two of them, and Erin
briefly wondered what the doctor thought of them. She and Seth certainly
weren’t the standard-issue couple.

Without
betraying any reaction or giving any hint of her assessment of them, Dr. Warren
continued, “If you’d like to try, make sure Erin is comfortable. Don’t move too
quickly or do anything too rough. Take it easy and don’t stress out about it.”

Erin just
stared at the doctor blankly. The last thing she felt like doing right now was
have sex—with Seth or anyone else.

“Walking is
often something that’s suggested,” the doctor continued, when she saw they had
no more questions about the previous topic. “Again, as long as you don’t wear
yourself out or try anything too strenuous, it can’t hurt. And some people say
that it will help the baby settle better into position, although that's
debatable too.”

“I take walks
every day,” Erin mumbled, sighing in frustration. “I have throughout my whole
pregnancy. It sure hasn’t helped so far.”

“It’s a good
thing you’ve stayed in such good shape. You’ll be glad you did later. Some
people say walking up stairs does the trick. Some say driving on a bumpy road
can get things going, although I’d be careful about that too.”

Erin groaned,
“So, in other words, it’s all just speculation.”

“I’m afraid so.
Do your best to relax and rest up. And then wait until she’s ready to be born. We’ll
keep a close eye on things, but—if everything stays the same—we can talk about
induction after Monday.”

Erin wanted to
scream, but she just smiled at Dr. Warren as sincerely as she could. It wasn’t
her doctor’s fault that her pumpkin didn’t want to come out.

She was
constantly uncomfortable and very impatient and really tired of being pregnant,
but she wouldn’t have been in such a hurry if Seth hadn’t been going out of
town in three days.

They’d known
about his trip all along, of course, but neither had thought it would conflict
with the baby’s being born.  Erin should have known better. Things never went
exactly as she hoped.

Last week,
she’d asked Seth if his trip could possibly be postponed.

The answer had
been no.

Erin hadn’t asked
again.

Seth hadn’t
said anything for a while, but Erin could feel his presence beside her in the
doctor’s office. Wondered what he was thinking. He still seemed rather restless
beneath his cool demeanor, but the specifics of what was going through his mind
were beyond her comprehension.

She wondered if
he was expecting them to have sex when they got home.

She felt hot
and huge and sweaty and not sexy at all. The thought of having sex with him in
this condition was almost embarrassing. In fact, she had horrified visions of
his not even being able to get aroused by her ungainly body. The more she
imagined it, the worse the visions became, until Erin almost shuddered at the
thought.

They concluded
with the doctor and slowly made their way back out to Seth’s car. Erin felt so
tired and enormous that she was even clumsier than usual. She stumbled on the
step leading out from the building, and Seth had to steady her.

It was all
stupid and embarrassing.

When they got
in the car and Seth started the ignition, Erin turned to him and asked bluntly,
before she lost her nerve, “Did you want to have sex?”

He jerked his
head in her direction. “Only if it’s something you’d like to try. It’s up to
you.”

“I don’t know. I
really enjoyed our previous times together. But now...I don’t know. I think I’d
feel weird.”

Seth nodded
slowly, his eyes on the road. “Of course. From what the doctor said, it wasn’t
likely to work anyway.”

“We still have
a few days.” Erin tried to think optimistically and was relieved that Seth wasn’t
pushing the sex thing. “The pumpkin will probably make an appearance before you
leave town.”

“Very likely.”

She wasn’t sure
he believed his own words. In spite of his mild voice and behavior, he still
looked kind of tense.

“I know you’ve
been planning to be there,” she continued, feeling increasingly strange,
emotional, and antsy, although she couldn’t quite figure out why. “But you
don’t have to worry about us while you’re gone. We'll both be fine.” She patted
her stomach idly as she spoke.

He made a left
turn and didn’t reply until the car had straightened out again. “We’ve been
planning on my being there.”

“I know. But
maybe it’s just as well—if you have to be out of town. You’d probably not have
a very good time suffering through the delivery anyway.”

This caused Seth
to shoot her a look. “What does that mean?”

Erin shrugged. She
shouldn’t have brought this up at all, but—now that she had—she couldn’t seem
to let it go.

She heard
herself rambling, “I don’t mean you couldn’t handle it, but are you sure you
even
want
to? It’s not going to be pretty.”

He almost
rolled his eyes. “You think I’m expecting it to be a pleasant, peaceful experience?”

“Uh, no. I’m
sure you know better than that. But, really, it’s going to be pretty bad. And
not just all the pain I’ll be in, although I’m sure I won’t be a fun person to
be around. But all kinds of gross things happen in the delivery room.” She was
babbling now, mostly because she was suddenly nervous about everything—about
going into labor, about having a baby, about Seth, about how her life was
irrevocably altered. “The baby part is wonderful and miraculous, I’m sure, but
the other stuff...” She made a face, thinking about everything she’d learned
about labor over the last months.

Things she’d
never even imagined before.

“Other stuff?” Seth
prompted dryly.

“Yeah. Other
stuff that's
not
so wonderful. Like I might...I might poop during
delivery. Right there, on the bed. In front of everyone." Erin rubbed her
face with her hands. Shuddered a little.

Seth had
stopped the car at a red light, and at her words he turned to stare at her
speechlessly.

Responding to
his expression, she nodded her head. “Yep. A lot of women do. Apparently, it’s
perfectly normal, although I've never heard anyone talk about it. And, if you
were there, you’d have to...experience it.”

She was trying
to speak lightly, casually, but she didn’t feel that way. Of all the things she
feared about labor, this was one of the worst. As trivial as the worry might
be, she couldn’t seem to shake it.

And the worst
was the idea that Seth might be there to witness it.

But she tried
to hide her anxiety as she continued, “It happens all the time. You’re pushing
in the same way, you know. So, if anything’s there to come out—”

“I’ve done my
research as well,” Seth said, his voice unusually cold. “I know what to expect
in the delivery room.”

Erin talked
herself back into relative calm by rehearsing all of what she’d learned over
the last months. Even if it happened, she’d likely be thinking about far
different things at the time. It was silly to be worried about something so
insignificant.

All that really
mattered was her daughter's being born.

She’d almost
convinced herself when Seth changed the direction of her thoughts entirely. He
said thickly, “Unless this is a way to discourage me from being there. Have you
decided you’d rather I not be present?”

“No. Of course
not. I’m just saying, you might be just as happy to
not
be there.”

“Erin? Why are
you bringing this up at all? Have you changed your mind?”