Nameless Series Boxed Set (23 page)

Seth froze,
halfway in. “All right?”

“Yeah.” She
breathed deeply to relax again.

He sank in a
little deeper. Then held himself still inside her.

The position
didn’t allow for very deep penetration, so when she straightened up again,
pressing backward against Seth’s chest, her body adjusted until she felt both
aroused and mostly comfortable.

Seth was still
breathing rapidly. He spoke against the skin just beside her ear. “Erin, how is
it?”

“It’s good.” She
squirmed a little, making him grunt. “It’s good. You can get going.”

He pulled back
slightly and then pushed forward, sliding easily inside her.

She focused on
breathing deeply, so she wouldn’t tense up or get nervous. Tried to concentrate
only on the feel of him moving.

He wasn’t
thrusting quickly or roughly. Just tight little pumps that generated lush
shivers, spiraling out from the friction.

Then his hand
slid forward, fumbling below her belly until he could reach her clit. He rubbed
it gently, and Erin gasped in response.

She rocked back
into him, meeting the press of his next thrust.

He huffed out a
strange sound, his fingers losing the location of her clit.

She slid her
own hand down past her belly. Found Seth’s hand. Covered it with her own. Pressed
into his fingers, guiding the pressure and speed of his massage.

“Erin, how is
it?”

“Good.” Her
body felt strangely tight and full and tense and sensitive, from so many things
happening to it at once. The weight of her belly rested on the mattress, and
she tucked her knees up even closer to it, instinctively giving Seth better
access. “God, it’s so good.”

He grunted in
response, his fingers trapped between her clit and her hand, his pelvis rocking
into hers.

Her eyes were
still closed, but she could feel his face very close to hers. Suddenly she got
a little worried.

“Seth,” she
gasped, pumping her hips as much as she could to match his thrusts. “Seth, is
it good for you too?”

“Yes,” he
hissed, ducking his head to mouth her shoulder. “It’s good.”

“Good. Good.” She
pressed down on his hand a little harder, feeling the pressure of an orgasm
coalesce.

“Erin, baby,
can you come?” Seth’s voice was thick and guttural, and he’d started to pant
more loudly as he thrust forward in rhythm.

“Uh huh,” she
mumbled, the rocking of her hips beginning to accelerate, intensify, as the
deep, familiar pleasure built up between her legs. “Uh huh.”

He hissed
again—wordlessly this time, and he was so tense behind her that he seemed to be
shaking with it. He bit down gently on her shoulder. Murmured over her skin,
“Yes, baby, come. Come for me.”

She was
definitely going to come. The muscles of her thighs and pelvis had clenched,
and she almost writhed with anticipation it approached.

The tension
became so deep that her free hand flew out to clutch at whatever of the bedding
she could reach. Her other hand pressed into Seth’s, not so much to guide his caress
as to feel him even more completely in the connection of their hands.

He was grunting
now, just behind her line of sight. The noises he made were soft, helpless,
primal. Suddenly she wanted to see him too. Wanted to look into his eyes. Wanted
to feel that this wasn’t just an obligation for him.

Wanted to know
they were truly together in this.

Her body was
tensing up in preparation for climax, but she turned her head as far back as
she could. “Seth. Seth...” She tried to put into words what she wanted. Couldn’t.
Couldn’t possibly.

She was feeling
too much. Too deep, too tight, too full, too stretched. Too much.

“Erin.” Seth
pulled up his shoulders until his weight rested on his bent elbow. From this
position, he leaned over to where she was trying to look over her shoulder at
him.

He was able to
capture her lips in a kiss.

It wasn’t a
skillful or a controlled kiss. Erin was far beyond concentrating, and she
couldn’t do more than press her lips against his and gasp into his mouth.

His lips clung
to hers hungrily, though, when her pleasure finally peaked. And he was still
kissing her when she shook through her orgasm.

She shuddered
so much with pleasure that their lips broke apart, and her head fell back to
the pillow.

“Fuck,” Seth
rasped, his hips suddenly starting to jerk against her ass. “Fuck.”

Then she heard
him hiss out, “Yes.” And then she felt his cock pulsing inside her.

He froze as he
came, his hot gasping on her neck the only audible sign of his release.

She was still rocking
slightly against him, and after a moment, he rocked with her again. They moved
together rhythmically, almost imperceptibly.

Erin’s body was
relaxing, and she could feel that Seth’s was too. He felt warm and pliant
against her, and their gentle, sustained rocking gave Erin an entirely
different kind of pleasure.

He didn’t pull
away, even as his cock started to soften inside her. His hand had moved away
from her clit, and was once more stroking up and down, from her breasts to the
curve of her belly.

Looking down, Erin
realized that her nipples had leaked a little more. But not very much. She
couldn’t bring herself to care as much as she had before.

They both
waited silently, and Erin focused on the sensations in her pelvis, searching
for any sign of contraction, other than the contractions from her orgasm.

Finally, she
asked, “Is it supposed to happen right away?”

Her question
had been vague, but Seth knew exactly what she meant. “I don’t know. I think
so. But maybe it takes a little while.”

She exhaled
deeply. “And maybe it won’t work at all.”

“But maybe it
will.”

Erin didn’t
respond. Just lay with him, tucked into his body. Their skin was hot and damp
where it was pressed together, but Erin kind of liked how it felt. Her back was
hurting a little, but for the most part she was comfortable.

Seth’s hand had
stopped caressing and had ended up on the crest of her stomach. He kept it
there, cupping the highest part of the curve. And, even when their daughter
shifted inside her again, he didn’t pull his hand away.

She tried to
catch her breath and snuggled back against him, enjoying the feel of his
embrace.

It felt almost
like he was treasuring her.

She knew he’d
connected emotionally with his daughter. Knew he would want to treasure
her
.
But this didn’t feel like it was only about their baby.

Seth must care
about Erin too. He must. She didn’t know how to understand his behavior, his
touch, his presence, in any other way.

She’d known
that he liked her—just as she liked him. They enjoyed each other’s company and
complimented each other in a lot of ways.

But Erin had
been feeling even more than that lately, and Seth must be too. She could sense
it in the way he pressed into her from behind, the way his hand curved over her
belly, the way his lips occasionally brushed against her skin.

It wasn’t
anything romantic. Erin knew they weren’t in love. That wasn't what they'd ever
been about, and they weren’t going to live happily ever after in some cozy
little love story.

He had his
strongholds too, and she knew she wasn’t the most important thing in his life. She’d
never thought she would be. But he cared about his daughter, and he must care
about Erin too.

She felt the
same way. Couldn’t really define the feeling between them but recognized its
nameless presence.

For the first
time, Erin didn’t try to fight it. Didn’t try to convince herself it didn’t
matter or didn’t exist.

She was allowed
to care for Seth because he cared for her too. He cared for both her and their
daughter. And maybe she didn’t always have to fear that at any moment he would
snatch that care away.

“Was there
something you wanted to say?” Seth asked softly, obviously recognizing that
she’d come to some sort of revelation.

She released a
sigh. Felt almost happy. “No. Not really. But I don’t think it worked.”

 “It’s still
early in the evening. Let’s just wait and see. I’ll stay here tonight, if you
don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind. Wait.
What time is it?”

Seth lifted his
head to look at the bedside clock. “Going on seven-thirty.”

“Liz will be
here in a half-hour.” Liz had been coming over to spend most nights so that Erin
would have someone with her if she went into labor. “I better call her and tell
her she doesn’t have to come.”

With a little
groan, Seth rolled off the bed. “I’ll go clean up some.”

Erin reached
for the phone without having to shift positions. Dialed up Liz.

Only then
realized she’d have to try to explain to Liz how and why Seth was going to
spend the night with her.

***

Seth had to leave at 4:30 the
following morning.

Erin still
hadn’t gone into labor, so evidently the surefire, traditional method hadn’t
worked for them.

Which meant Seth
would leave town today, before Erin had the baby.

She woke up
when he slid out of bed just after 4:00, and she felt a heavy sinking in her
gut as she heard him moving around in the bathroom.

He came back
over to the bed, fully dressed, before he left. Knelt down beside her. Saw that
she was awake in the light shining into the dark bedroom from the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, Erin,”
he murmured, one hand on the mattress beside her. “I have to go.”

“I know.” She
smiled at him determinedly. It was kind of a fake smile, but she thought it
might possibly be convincing.

 “There’s no
way I can reschedule this. It’s the court’s schedule—not mine.”

“It’s fine.” Her
head was still on the pillow, and she didn’t bother to pull herself up. “We’ll
be fine. Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll be back
sometime after midnight tomorrow night. As soon as I possibly can.”

“I know.” Her
throat, and chest, and belly ached, but she kept smiling at him relentlessly. “Stop
stressing about it, Seth. I’ll be sorry if you have to miss out on the birth,
but don’t worry about it on my account. You better go. You’ll be late.”

His face
twisted briefly. “Try to hold out until Saturday now.”

She snorted. “Poor
pumpkin. We’ve been pressuring her to get moving for two weeks, and now we’re telling
her to wait.” She patted her belly. “She doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, so you
probably won’t miss out on anything.”

She said that,
but she didn’t believe it.

Seth reached
out and put a hand on her stomach. Then leaned forward a little—as if he were
going to hug or kiss her.

Erin even
raised herself up a little, responding instinctively to him.

But he just
removed his hand and stood up. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He stood there
for a minute without moving.

“Seth,” Erin
chided at last. “You can’t come back if you never leave.” Her words were
supposed to be teasing, but something about them suddenly struck her as
poignant.

So poignant her
voice broke on the last word.

She cleared her
throat. “I’ll let you know if anything happens, and I’ll see you when you get
back.”

He hesitated
only a moment longer. Gave her one last look that she couldn’t really
understand. “Okay. Take care of yourself. And of her.”

“Of course.” She
swallowed hard. Stretched her mouth into one more smile. “Bye, Seth.”

“Goodbye. I’ll
see you early on Saturday morning.”

She stared at
him, feeling dazed and achy and like her face might break in two.

And she saw him
turn around and walk out of her bedroom. Heard him moving through her
apartment. Heard the front door close behind him.

He’d left.

He’d actually
left.

She’d known, of
course, that he was going to leave, but she’d never been able to convince
herself that it would really happen.

She felt like
she should cry, but she didn’t have it in her. She just slumped down under the
covers and hugged herself gently.

It wasn’t that
big of a deal. Yes, she’d wanted Seth to be at the birth. Yes, his support, his
presence, would have meant a lot to her.

But she’d be
perfectly fine on her own.

“Well, it looks
like it’s just you and me, pumpkin,” Erin said out loud in the dim light of the
room. “But we’ll have your Grandpa and Aunt Liz with us. We’ll be fine, won’t
we?”

She released a
sigh. Resigned herself to having this baby without Seth.

It wasn’t certain,
of course. It was possible she wouldn’t go into labor for the next two days.

But Erin knew
she would.
Knew
it. That was the way the world worked. She could have
gone into labor at any time during the last three weeks, but she hadn’t. Would
instead give birth on one of the two days Seth couldn’t be present.

The world was
shaped by ironies, and there was no sense in whining or complaining about them.
You accepted them. Made do.

The world was
what it was.

Erin almost
laughed—only slightly bitter—as she thought about how her life had changed in
nine months.

How it would
change in the next two days.

It was only a
question of whether her daughter would come today or Friday. Probably today, so
there would be absolutely no chance of Seth’s making it to even the tail end of
the labor experience.

It would be
purest of ironies, and so naturally she assumed it would happen.

Erin was right,
of course.

She went into
labor seventeen hours later.

Erin had been lying on her bed
with her laptop when she felt the first contraction.

At first, she
wasn’t sure if it was the real thing. She’d been having Braxton Hicks
contractions on and off for the last few weeks, but something about this one
felt different. Made her sit up and take notice.

It wasn’t very
painful, however, and it didn’t last long, so she simply kept writing an email
and waited to see what would happen.

An hour later,
she got off the bed and padded into the living room to tell her father that she
was pretty sure she was in labor. The contractions were coming regularly, and she
could tell they were gradually progressing.

Liz had been
working on a story for her paper outside of Atlanta and hadn’t been sure she’d
get back tonight, so her father had volunteered to stay the night. He was
currently sitting on the couch, watching a cable sports channel, and leisurely
sipping a beer.

Erin stood at
the entrance to the living area, watching her father take another swallow. She
gulped, feeling kind of emotional and really glad he was there.

Finally, he
glanced up and noticed her standing in the hallway. He immediately straightened
up and put down his can. “Baby?”

She wasn’t sure
if that had been an endearment posed as a question or a concise inquiry about
the impending arrival of his granddaughter.

It didn’t
really matter. “Yep. I think things have finally started.”

He jumped to
his feet. “Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Erin smiled. She
wasn’t in too much pain at the moment, and she had enough time between
contractions to adjust to them fairly easily. “No need to panic. It’s only just
started. We’ve got a long time before we need to leave.”

“Right. How
often are the contractions?”

“Every eight or
nine minutes, I think. And they're not bad. We need to wait until—”

“They come
every five minutes for an hour,” her father interrupted. “I know. You’re doing
okay? Can I get you anything?”

Erin shrugged
and let him guide her over to the couch. “I’m fine.”

She
was
fine. It was happening the way she’d learned in childbirth class. She felt fairly
relaxed, not very anxious—just a slight acceleration of her breathing and
heartbeat. In fact, it seemed a little anti-climactic.

She sucked in a
breath as she felt another contraction, an ache in her pelvis that felt a
little like a bad menstrual cramp, although it was mostly indescribable. It
wasn’t very severe, though, and she managed to meet her father’s eyes and smile
during the discomfort.

“I’ll go get
the stopwatch,” he said, looking pleased to have something to do. “We should
start timing them on and off so we’ll know when to get moving.”

Erin smiled
again and leaned back on her couch. She knew this would last for hours, so
there was no sense in getting worked up about it yet. She'd been told that
average labor for first time mothers lasted fifteen hours—often even longer
than that. And she wasn’t even positive that she was technically in labor yet.

She couldn’t
believe she was finally having this baby.

Her dad
returned with the stopwatch and perched on the edge of an easy chair with his
thumb poised over the start button.

Erin couldn’t
help but chuckle. “It’ll be a few more minutes before the next one comes.”

“I know,” he
replied, his expression responding to her amusement. He was full of coiled
energy, and his eagerness helped Erin feel a little more excited herself. It
wasn’t just that she had hours of excruciating pain to look forward to now.

She also had
her pumpkin to look forward to.

“Do you want to
walk some?” her father asked, obviously trying to rehearse all of what he’d
learned as his daughter was preparing for childbirth. “Or take a shower? Or—”

“Dad,” Erin
interrupted. “It’s only just beginning. I actually feel pretty good right now. No
need to drag out all the emergency measures yet.”

“Right. Well,
what do you want to do?”

Erin swallowed
again, feeling a tight ache in her chest that she tried to ignore. “Um, I guess
I want to call Seth.”

His face
softened.  “Of course. Why don’t I take your bags to the car?” Before she could
object, he added, “I know we won’t be going anywhere for a long time, but it
won’t hurt to be prepared.”

She knew he
didn’t really need to take her stuff to the car at the moment. He just wanted
to give her some privacy. “Thanks, Dad.”

He just smiled
at her cheerfully and went puttering off to get the bag she'd had packed for a
month.

Erin picked up
her phone and stared at it for a minute. It would be a few hours earlier in Seattle,
so he may still be working. Probably was. Or else he was having dinner. Maybe
she shouldn’t interrupt him.

Then she
shrugged. He would want to be interrupted for this. In fact, he’d probably be
furious if she didn’t.

So she dialed
his number and listened to it ring.

On the fourth
ring, she realized that he probably wouldn’t answer, so she began to compose a
voice mail message in her head—trying to work out the calmest and most
reasonable way to break the news.

She hadn’t yet
finished mentally composing her message when Seth picked up.

“Erin?” His
voice was brusque, urgent.

She was
startled and befuddled by his abrupt answer. She’d been expecting the voice
mail, and so she wasn’t prepared to actually talk to him. “Um, hi,” she said
awkwardly, trying to switch gears again. “It’s me. Erin.”

“Erin, what is
it? Is everything all right?”

She felt
another little tightening in her chest at his words—the same question he asked
at the beginning of every conversation with her. “Yeah. Everything's fine. Sorry
to startle you. Did I interrupt anything important?”

“What’s going
on?”

Erin just blurted
it out. “I’m going into labor.”

There was a
brief pause. “Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you on
your way to the hospital?”

His terse
inquiry actually made her relax a little. “You’re just like my dad. No. I’m not
going yet. It’s not anywhere close to time. The contractions aren’t—” She
paused as she felt another contraction develop but managed to talk through it. “They
aren’t that frequent yet.”

“Did you just
have one?” His voice sounded odd now. Thick and a little unnatural.

“Yeah,” she
replied, breathing easier once the contraction had passed. “They're not bad at
the moment. Thank God. Apparently, some women’s early contractions are really
painful. If I didn’t want to jinx things, I’d say that things are starting off
pretty well for me, other than being two weeks late. Hopefully, it will
continue that way.”

“I’m sure everything
will be fine. Is Liz there with you?”

“No. She was
getting in late tonight, so my dad came over. He’s here now.”

“Good. He knows
what to do?”

 “Yes. Of
course. Both he and Liz are as educated about this as I am. We’ve got it all
together. Liz really got into the childbirth class. She’s been like a drill
sergeant with those stupid breathing exercises. Every time she sees me, she
makes me practice.”

Erin paused for
a moment. She’d asked Liz to take the childbirth class with her instead of Seth—because,
at the time, she hadn’t been certain whether Seth would even want to
participate in the delivery. It had turned out to be a good choice, given that he
wasn’t here now, but she occasionally wondered if Seth had been hurt or
offended by her not asking him.

Pushing past
that uncertainty, she added, “Not to mention the other exercises.”

“Other
exercises?” Seth’s voice sounded dry. Normal again.

“Pelvic floor
exercises. She’s been making me squeeze the muscles of my, er, privates at
every opportunity, since that’s supposed to help in childbirth and afterwards. She’s
even been doing them with me. Says she hopes it will improve her love life.”

Seth laughed
softly. “I think that’s more than I wanted to know.”

Erin found
herself smiling at the sound of his laugh and feeling kind of sad at the same
time. Then she ruthlessly told herself that she had no reason to feel sorry for
herself.

It was
perfectly all right that Seth wasn’t here.

“So how long do
you think it will be before you go to the hospital?” he asked.

 “Who knows? But
I don’t want to go any sooner than I have to. My dad’s all excited about timing
the contractions, so we’ll go when they come every five minutes for an hour,
just like Dr. Warren said.” Erin sighed. “Apparently, it might take eight hours
or so before that happens. It's going to be a long night.”

“Right.” There
was an awkward pause, and Erin wasn’t entirely sure why conversation had
suddenly died. Then he continued, “When you get to the hospital, make sure you
don’t let them push you around.”

“I won’t.”

“And make sure
they don’t try to hook you up to monitors all the time or an IV, unless it’s
absolutely necessary. You need to be able to move around.”

“I know,” she
replied patiently, feeling both annoyed and fond at his concern. “That’s all in
the birth plan.”

“And make sure
they don’t try to do anything outdated.”

“I know. We’ve
already worked that out.”

“And make sure
you get an appropriate room in the hospital. It should be all arranged. You’re
supposed to get a suite in the maternity center. If you don’t, or if you don’t
like it for some reason, make sure you call me. I’ll take care of it.”

Erin had no
doubt that he would. “I’m sure the room will be wonderful.”

“And make sure—”

“Seth,” she
interrupted. “Everything is fine.”

“Right.” He
sounded calm and matter-of-fact, but with just an edge of
something
underlying it.

Erin wasn’t
sure what to say next. “How are things going there?”

“Fine.”

That was all he
said.

She paused
again, feeling both uncomfortable and emotional. She knew why. She needed to
say something. Something that had been building inside her for the last eight
months—and that finally needed to come out. So she might as well say it now.

“Seth?”

“Yes?” His
voice had changed, had gotten a little more breathy.

“I wanted to...I
mean, I needed to say...” She trailed off, trying to find both the words and
the courage. Wished opening up like this to him didn't always feel like such a
risk.

“Erin?” he
asked softly, urgently. “What is it?”

She cleared her
throat again. “It’s just that... You know what I said when I first told you I
was pregnant? About how, if I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as the
father?”

There was a
long pause on the other end of the call, until he finally murmured, “I
remember.”

She couldn’t
read anything in his voice, but she tried not to let the uncertainty about his
reaction distract her. “I just wanted to… Even though you’re bossy and arrogant
and occasionally overbearing, and even though you’re so closed-mouthed it makes
me want to scream sometimes, and even though things might always be weird and
complicated in this, and even though you had that stupid trip to Seattle at
exactly the wrong time...” She had to pause to inhale. Recognized a strangely
tense silence from Seth’s end of the call.

She concluded
in a rush, “I don’t think the same thing now that I did then. I mean, I’m
really glad her father is you.”

Her cheeks burned,
and she felt too vulnerable, too earnest for her own peace of mind. Cynical,
no-nonsense people shouldn't have to admit such things. It made them too
uncomfortable.

“Thanks.”

Just the one
gruff word. Nothing more.

Erin hadn’t
really expected anything else. “Well, I think I’ll hang up. I feel another
contraction coming on.”

“All right. Take
care of yourself, and let me know how things are going.”

“We will. Hope your
work stuff goes well.”

Erin
disconnected the call with a sigh. She felt a little glum but forced that
feeling away.

She was having
her baby at last, and she was going to be excited about it.

It was
perfectly fine that Seth couldn’t be here when it happened.

Her dad returned
then. “Did you reach him?”

“Yeah,” she
said, forcing herself to grin. Then she sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly
as she felt another contraction begin.

He ran for the
stopwatch.

When the
contraction passed, Erin smiled fondly at her dad. He was happily watching the
seconds run, waiting to time the contractions. “We’ve still got a long way to
go, you know.”

“I know. What
do you want to do to pass the time until we go to the hospital?”

 “I don’t know.
They say I should try to relax and rest up, but I’m not sure how I'm supposed
to sleep. I’m starting to feel all jittery.”

“You’re not
nearly as jittery as I am. How’s Seth?”

The abrupt
change of subject caught her off guard. “He’s fine.”

Her father came
over to sit beside her on the couch. Patted her knee. “I’m sorry he’s not
here.”

“Don’t be
silly. I’ve got you, don’t I?”

He gave her a
sympathetic smile that made her throat knot up again. “Yeah. Of course you do,
but I don’t think being with your old dad is exactly the same.”

His understanding
made her feel ridiculously emotional again, but she clamped down over the
feeling. “It’s better. I’m so glad you’re here, Dad.”

“I know,” he
said, putting his arm around her. “But it’s still not the same.”

***

Nine hours later, Erin could
barely register Seth’s existence in the world. At least, in this particular
moment.

She could
barely register the existence of anything, except the cresting pain of the
contraction she was presently trying to breathe her way through.