Nameless Series Boxed Set (73 page)

“Of course you
are,” Anna muttered, “but—”

“It’s not the
same. I know that.” Erin sighed. To her own surprise, she was inexplicably
pleased that Anna thought she was attractive. “But, assuming I’m somewhat
attractive and I was even better looking when I wasn't so ancient, why do you
suppose I didn’t have a real boyfriend all through high school?”

Anna didn’t
have an answer to that. “I don’t know.”

“I didn’t know
either. And it drove me crazy that I wasn’t the girl who all the guys were
always drooling over.  But things only got better after high school.”

“So you’re
saying I have to wait until after high school until someone will be interested
in me?” Anna was scowling, as if the thought annoyed her.

Erin chuckled.
“Sweetie, I have no idea. For all know, all the guys you’re friends with are
secretly in love with you.  I’m just saying that not getting asked out is not
proof that you’re not beautiful and worthy of attention.”

Anna sat up and
peered into the mirror across the room. After a minute of studying her rosy,
rumpled appearance, she made a face. “I’m not as thin and pretty as Mac.”

“You’re
different than Mackenzie,” Erin insisted, inwardly cringing at Anna’s referring
to not being thin. She was the same size Erin had been in high school—shaped
very differently from Mackenzie. “There’s no way to compare the two of you.
Some guys are going to find her prettier. And some guys are going to find you
prettier.”

“Right,” Anna
muttered, flopping back onto the bed again.

“They will. You
don’t believe me? Your father was one of the most eligible men in the whole
city when I got together with him. He chose me. Not all of the gorgeous models
he could have had.”

Anna was
clearly listening, but she just said, “But he didn't choose you just for your
looks.”

“Not just for
my looks, no. But I assure you he appreciated—and still appreciates—how I
look.”

At this, Anna
gave an exaggerated groan. “Oh, please, stop there! If you start talking about
your overactive sex life, I’ll never recover.”

Erin actually
blushed a little. “What? What do you mean overactive? You have no idea—”

“We’re not
stupid, you know. We know why you lock your door, since you never lock it otherwise.
And, let me tell you, you all have way more sex than is good for old people.”

Erin’s cheeks
reddened even more, although she was genuinely amused by Anna’s blunt
irrepressibility. “I’ll ignore the implications of that remark,” Erin said with
teasing hauteur, “and just say that it proves my point.”

“Not really.
Dad's in love with you. He’d want to have sex with you whether you were pretty
or not.”

Erin’s initial
reaction was to be offended, but then she thought through the nuances of what
Anna had just said.

It was almost a
miracle. That two people with so many issues with relationships had managed to
raise children who understood so deeply, so instinctively, what true love
really was.

How the hell
had they accomplished such a miracle?

“That’s true,”
Erin said at last. “And you shouldn’t want to have sex with anyone who doesn’t
feel exactly that way about you.”

“I know, I
know.” Anna rubbed her face with her hands. “But I still want guys to think I’m
pretty.”

She sounded so
small and wounded that Erin couldn’t resist leaning down to give her a hug.
“They will, sweetie. I promise. A lot of men like our kind of looks more than
model-type prettiness. But high school guys aren’t always mature enough to
recognize it.”

Anna rolled her
eyes. “Yeah. I suppose.” She returned Erin's hug though and didn't try to pull
away.

When she let
go, Erin got up, not knowing what else to say. One more thing to worry
about--that Anna’s insecurity about her ability to attract men would lead her
into seeking approval in ways that weren’t safe or healthy.

"Dad
thinks Mac is prettier."

Erin gasped and
whirled around. "No! No, Anna, he doesn't."

Anna just stuck
her chin out mulishly. An expression exactly like Mackenzie's. And Erin's.

"You can't
really think he does." Erin took a few steps back toward the bed.
"He's just been talking about Mackenzie lately because she has the date.
He thinks you're every bit as beautiful."

Anna's face
twisted into a half-smile, as if she hadn't been serious. "I know. Don't
worry about it."

That was
manifestly impossible. Erin's gut was already churning with concern. She’d have
to talk to Seth about this. She could only imagine how pained Seth would be
that, in trying to affirm one of his daughter's self-esteem, he'd
unintentionally damaged the other's.

As Erin was
leaving the room, Anna said, “Mom.” When Erin turned back, Anna smiled. Her
emotions had always been as variable as the weather. “Thanks. I do think you’re
pretty, you know.”

Erin broke into
a warm grin, wishing Anna was still young enough to hold in her arms. “Thanks.
I think you’re pretty too.”

***

It was almost time for Justin to
arrive, and Erin felt like she was ready to fall over.

Two trials
tackled already this evening. One major trial yet to come.

Seth still had
to meet Mackenzie’s date.

Erin paused in the hallway, torn
in several different directions. Shaking her head roughly, she finally made up
her mind and hurried down the hall to Seth’s office.

He was probably
pacing the floor, waiting for Justin’s arrival.

She nearly collided
with him as she pushed in through his office door. He was on his way out,
obviously intent on laying wait so he could ambush poor Justin as soon as he
arrived. Seth was wearing one of his more intimidating suits and his favorite
blue power tie. In a different context, Erin might have giggled at how
seriously Seth was approaching the subject of his daughter’s date.

But this was
Erin’s family, and she wasn’t giggling at the moment.

“Seth,” she
began softly, pushing him back into his office and shutting the door behind
her. “We should talk.”

Seth ran a hand
through his hair in obvious impatience. “Can it wait? It’s nearly six o’clock.
Assuming the boy can manage to get here on time.

Erin put a hand
on his arm to stop him from brushing past her. “He’s not here yet. And I wanted
to talk to you—”

“I’m going to
behave.” Seth’s eyes narrowed with annoyance. “You've already given me your
complete set of rules. I don't need yet another lecture. I assure you I have
plenty of experience with diplomacy. Not to mention experience in
cross-examining hostile—”

“It’s not about
that.” Erin knew her husband had impenetrable focus, that once he started on
something he never let up until it was complete. But sometimes she wanted to
shake him for his difficulty breaking free of his own single-minded vision.
“It’s something else. I’m worried—I don’t know—it’s probably not a big deal
but—”

Seth’s arm
immediately grew tense under her hand, as if he recognized the shift in her
voice. “What is it? Is Mackenzie all right?”

For some
reason, Erin snapped. She jerked her hand away from her husband and glared as
she bit out, “Mackenzie’s just fine. She’s not your only daughter, you know.”

Seth froze,
staring at her blankly.

Erin felt an
immediate rush of guilt. She knew better than anyone else the way Seth’s mind
worked. And right now he was thinking about Mackenzie. She couldn’t expect him
to read her thoughts. It didn’t mean he loved Anna any less.

“I’m sorry,”
she said, putting her hands on his shoulders and giving him a gentle squeeze.
“I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”

Seth’s features
were so still they looked like marble, but something panicked had flared up in
his eyes. “What’s wrong with Anna?”

Erin took a
deep breath and massaged the tense muscles of Seth’s neck with her fingers. She
was suddenly terrified to tell him, terrified of how he was going to react.
“She’s all right. I mean, it isn’t an emergency or anything. But I think we
need to pay her some more attention now. She’s having a hard time comparing
herself to Mackenzie.”

Four lines
appeared between Seth’s brows. “What do you mean? She’s nothing like
Mackenzie.”

“That’s the
problem. She sees how pretty and stylish and popular Mackenzie is. And now
Mackenzie is starting to date.” Erin studied Seth’s face carefully, looking for
any signs of reaction.

Seth just
frowned. “But Anna is more popular than Mackenzie is. She’s always surrounded
by friends.”

“But they’re
just friends. She wants attention of the male variety and right now she’s not
getting it.”

“She better not
be getting it,” Seth gritted out through a clenched jaw.

Erin had to
smother an involuntary laugh by pretending to clear her throat, but the flash
of humor disappeared almost immediately. “That’s not the point. Girls her age
tend to be insecure about their ability to attract guys. And I guess we just
didn’t realize before that Anna had developed some of those insecurities. She
feels like plenty of people like her. But that she’s not pretty enough for
anyone to
like
her.” Her voice cracked on the last sentence. Erin could
feel so deeply for what Anna was going through that it was like she was going
through it herself.

Seth’s lips
parted slightly as he shook his head in bewilderment. “I don’t understand. Anna
is even prettier than Mackenzie. She looks like…” He broke off his words, as if
he’d changed his mind about saying them.

But Erin knew
with a swell of tenderness exactly what he’d been going to say.

Anna looked
like her—like
Erin
.

And Seth
genuinely believed she was as beautiful as a woman could be.

“Oh God, Seth,”
she said hoarsely, pulling him down into a hug. “I love you.”

Seth returned
her hug for a minute but then pulled away looking confused. “Thank you. But
what about Anna?”

Pulling herself
together, Erin focused once more on priorities. “She doesn’t think she’s as
pretty as Mackenzie. And this is affirmed by the fact that no guys seem to be
interested in her. It was just like that for me in high school.”

Seth stared at
her for a long time, his quick, precise mind processing all of these pieces of
information. “So what needs to be done?”

“We can’t
change some of it,” Erin said, her heart starting to hammer as she finally got
to the worst part of this conversation. “Some girls just aren’t appreciated in
high school. That might be the case for Anna, like it was for me. But…but some
of this might be our fault.”

Her hands were
on Seth’s sides, at his ribs, and she could feel his body grow still again.
“What do you mean?”

Erin swallowed
hard. “Mackenzie has been getting a lot of attention lately—for obvious reasons.
But, when I think about it, in some ways Mackenzie has gotten more attention
than Anna all along. At least, a certain kind of attention.”

Seth seemed to
have stopped breathing. “Explain that.”

She didn’t want
to explain. It felt like she was taking a knife and carving into her husband’s
chest. She phrased her words as carefully as she could. “Mackenzie gets more
direct praise than Anna does. Her hair can’t be cut because it’s so beautiful.
And she’s too good for anyone to date.” She paused, needing to swallow over the
ache in her throat.

“That’s me,”
Seth said thickly. “All of that is what
I
do.”

Erin slid her
hands higher up on Seth’s sides as if she were trying to hold him together. She
whispered, “She thinks you think Mackenzie is prettier than she is.”

Seth’s body was
so tight she was afraid it might shatter. His eyes were focused on a spot just
over her shoulder and she had to look away from what she saw in them.

“I know that
it's not true. But, when you think about it, maybe you can see why she thinks
that. You go out of your way to make sure Mackenzie is validated.”

His voice was
raspy and aching. “But that’s because—”

“I know why,”
Erin assure him. She wrapped her arms around him and lowered her embrace to the
slightly softer flesh of his waist. “I do. But Anna doesn’t. She’s convinced
she’s second-place.”

There was a
long moment where the room seemed to freeze, where Seth seemed to freeze in her
arms. Then Erin started to feel him withdraw from her. Not so much
physically—although he leaned back slightly, away from her hands—but
psychologically. She could see him retreat, hiding behind the emotional
defenses he’d erected so many years ago.

He used to do
it a lot, protect himself by pulling away.

“Seth, don’t!”
she said in a hoarse whisper, grabbing on to him and not letting go. “Don’t do
it. I need you. Stay with me.”

Seth snapped
back before he’d sunk into one of the bleak moods that still overtook him
occasionally. He blinked and focused on her face. His eyes were still raw and
wounded but he hadn't withdrawn into himself. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Erin reached up
to take his face in her hands. “Listen to me, Seth. This isn’t a crisis. Anna
knows you love her. I promise you. She’s a happy, healthy girl. We’ve done a
good job with her so far.”

“But you said—”

“She’s a little
insecure and it’s gotten worse because Mackenzie’s starting to date. We just
need to make sure she knows she’s equal in every way to her sister. And I can’t
do that alone. You have to help me.”

She saw Seth’s
face change. It was his thoughtful, driven expression—the one he always wore
when he was concocting a plan.

Erin let out a
harsh sigh of relief. If Seth was planning something to address this, then he
was all right.

They’d all be
all right.

“She won’t
believe us if we just tell her,” Erin mused, thinking aloud. “She’ll assume
we’re just saying it to make her feel better.”

“You don’t have
to keep including yourself in the blame to salvage my feelings. I know I’m the
one who—”

Erin gave an
annoyed huff. “I’m part of this too. You’re not parenting her alone.”

“But—”

They didn’t
have time to finish the argument. The echoing doorbell sounded through the
apartment.

Justin had
arrived.

***

Erin was relieved to see that
Justin had dressed well for the date—in a green dress shirt and a nice pair of
brown trousers. He even had a belt and pair of leather shoes on. There was
nothing about his appearance Seth could complain about.

He really was a
nice-looking young man—brown hair, brown eyes, and classic features. And he had
an open, easy smile that Erin immediately responded to. She was pretty sure she
liked him, and his friendly, social manner would be a good match for composed,
reserved Mackenzie.

Erin’s ironic
side couldn’t help but giggle privately at the scene in the living room.

Erin and Seth
were seated side by side on one sofa and Mackenzie and Justin seated on the
sofa across from them. Anna was peeking in from the hall with a malicious grin
on her face.

Mackenzie
looked stiff and wary, her suspicious gaze focused on her father. Justin was
smiling and putting on an impressively confident front, but he appeared
slightly uncomfortable.

Seth looked
like he was about to give opening arguments in court. “Mackenzie tells me you
play basketball.”

“Yes, sir. I’m
on the varsity team.”

Seth appeared
eminently unimpressed. “I suppose you expect sports to get you somewhere in
your future.”

Justin’s eyes
darted over to Mackenzie, who was frowning at her father. “I expect basketball
to help pay my way through a good college. Sir.”

Erin’s mouth
twitched slightly. It was a good answer.

Seth’s eyes
narrowed. “So you are planning to go to college?”

“Of course,
sir.”

“Where do you
see yourself twenty years from now?”

“Dad!”
Mackenzie objected.

“He’s just
seventeen,” Erin said softly, putting on hand on Seth’s knee. “It might not be
a fair question.”

“No,” Justin
countered, “I’ll answer it.” He met Seth’s eyes squarely. “I’m planning to do
pre-med in college, then go to medical school. I was part of a service project
in Africa last summer and saw all the disease there. It was terrible. I’d like
to be able to do my part to help. Sir.”

Mackenzie’s
face was glowing as she gazed up at Justin. With a pang, Erin wondered what
adolescent male could possibly resist her daughter when she looked at him that
way.

Justin himself
appeared torn between sheepishness and pride at having so well tackled Seth’s
interrogation.

Anna cackled
audibly from the hall.

Seth looked
mildly annoyed. He cleared this throat. “So you’re one of those do-gooders
who’ll always live without comforts because you’ve given all your money away?”

“No, sir. I
like money too much to give all of it away.”

The set of
Seth’s shoulders relaxed slightly, so minor a change that Erin doubted anyone
would notice it but her. “So what are your plans for my daughter tonight?”

Mackenzie
sucked in a sharp breath and Justin adjusted in his seat. “I, uh, plan to take
her to dinner at Antonio’s.”

“Oh, that’s my
favorite place,” Mackenzie said, her smile broadening.

“I know. Then
we’re going to a movie.” At Seth’s hard stare, Justin added, “PG-13 rated.”

Erin couldn’t
hold back a throaty chuckle, and she could hear Anna’s giggle echoing back from
the hall.

“And what time
does the movie start?”

“Eight-thirty.”

“And what are
your plans for after the movie?”

“I thought we
might go for dessert.” When Seth’s back stiffened, Justin added in a rush, “At
an ice-cream shop. There’s one near the theater. But only if Mackenzie wants
to.”

“And where are
you taking her after that?”

Erin was
pleased to see that Justin was no fool. He recognized the stony look in Seth’s
eyes for what it was.

Justin said,
“I’m taking her right back home, sir.”

“Dad,”
Mackenzie tried again. Her cheeks were a lovely shade of pink. “You’re
embarrassing me.”

Seth’s face
softened a little when he turned his eyes back to his daughter—who was clearly
trying to appease him but at the same time have a semblance of a normal social
life.

“No, it’s all
right,” Justin said. He looked Seth straight in the eye. “You can ask me any
question you want, sir.”

Erin smiled,
feeling inexplicably proud of the boy and proud of her daughter for having
chosen him. If only for her first date.

There was a
thick moment of silence while Seth hesitated. She knew it was entirely possible
for Seth to demand to know if Justin had any plans for inappropriately touching
his daughter. Or worse.

Then Seth’s
expression relaxed. His lips almost—almost—softened into a smile. “No. You've
answered my questions.” He nodded and shifted his eyes to Mackenzie. “He’ll
do.”

Justin unwound
visibly, his head sinking back against the couch with relief. And Mackenzie
broke into a brilliant grin that caused an ache of emotion in Erin’s chest. The
girl loved her father so much, and it meant so much to her that he approved.